How many of you have gone through this? :(
yellowpear
Posts: 137 Member
That your husband doesnot motivate you for weight loss & is not happy about your body just because you are fat!! Is it just me or do you also feel like running away & hiding inside the cupboard when he checks out girls with a good body & jokes about girls with his friends? I know I sound childish. But it hurts me a lot. No use discussing this with him. What kept you motivated in such cases without going back to find comfort in food & without depending on him emotionally?
Thanks.
Thanks.
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My motivation: I may not be looked at right now BUT I am doing something about it now. If I had not started when I did then it would be longer before someone noticed me. ONE of these days there will be that one person to notice and it will have been worth it.
P.S. It sounds like the hubby is not happy with himself. Maybe he could learn from you!! Be happy in where you are because it is better then where you were when you started!!!
Keep up the great work!! You motivate me everyday!!0 -
I want to say first I'm so sorry! Not being supported by a spouse is diffucult. I have been on this weight loss roller coaster for years and what my hubby does is constantly bring home foods that I crave and have no will power over. Or he is always saying lets meet up for lunch where again I have trouble staying away from bad choices. For some reason this time is different for me. I am doing this journey for me. When i want to run to the food, which I have done a few times I stop myself and leave the house to work out. Either a walk or take a class. This way I take back control! Feel free to add me and message if you need a boost anytime. Good luck stay strong and do this for you!0
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I can't say I'd keep a husband like that around long. That said, he is your husband - and must care about you. How about a talk with him about this?
You want to look good for you. Not anyone else.
What's been keeping me off the junk food is the knowledge that my dad, after years of really not too terible eating is borderline diabetic. I won't allow that to happen to me. Choose a health reason for you that is why you're loosing weight - not just so your hubby will think you're more pretty.
It's hard - my SO likes his pastries and soda, and I've had to learn to just say no to that pepsi in the fridge, or that pastry. It's not always easy, but what I do is treat myself every so often with a small quantity of that thing I like - a sip of soda, 1/2 a turnover, whatever it is so I don't feel deprived. Also - if there are sweets that your SO likes but you don't ask him to stick to those. For me, it's blueberries (or really any cooked fruit) - so he can have blueberry pie all day long, and I won't feel deprived.0 -
P.S. It sounds like the hubby is not happy with himself. Maybe he could learn from you!! Be happy in where you are because it is better then where you were when you started!!!
^^ this.
It's okay to feel hurt, just remember you're in this for yourself. Don't let your husband's attitude ruin your progress.0 -
Thank you everyone for your support.. It keeps me going..0
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Maybe he is not aware about how much it hurts you. You probably say to him that you don't like it in the moment (I realize I am speculating) but it is really something you should address not right in the moment. Bring it up some other time and actually express to him that it hurts. You can't control what he does when he is with his friends but you can ask him to be less obvious about it when he is with you. After all, he comes home to bed with you, not the other girls that he looks at. I bet he doesn't realize it hurts you so deeply.0
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My hubs is supportive of my weight loss but he still does all the other things you mentioned and we used to constantly fight about it but we just dont go out anymore to avoid arguments and it SUCKS!0
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Get healthy for yourself and not anyone else!! My boyfriend doesn't help motivate me either. But he is overweight and thinks that he has to be skinny if I'm skinny. So he wants to both be a little fat lol.
I'm getting in shape and eating healthy for myself. If he doesn't want to join in that's his problem.0 -
I know what you mean. My hubby is a little of both. He is supportive, but at times mean. Like this one time, he said to me, "You used to be so skinny!" I was like, "Thanks!" It hurt more than he thought it would. I can tell he is making an effort to be supportive he just doesn't have any clue where to start!
As for motivation: Like the others have said, You gotta do this for you. When I tried to lose weight or stop biting my nails, etc for any other reason than me, I quit really fast. This time, I am using my stubborn nature to help myself. When I go out to eat, I tap into stubborn Amanda that refuses to give in. That has given me a boost. Also, if I was in your circumstance, I would think about how I want to get those looks from hubby. Make every guy jealous that he has me. LOL! But you need to do what is best for you. Good luck and message me if you wanna chat or more encouragement.0 -
*long sigh* …
I can so relate to this, sadly. My bf "R" rubs my belly and calls me Buddha and "big girl" and says things like "I'm just concerned about your health" when I want to order pizza instead of just drink tea with him. R also calls me "big cat" because his nickname for me was always cat or kitty and he was always my lion or lion cub. R also sometimes comments that I "like food" and "like to eat" because I'm "his big girl" or his "big cat." He will even try to offer me leftover bits of his food even when I'm not hungry, as if trying to fatten me up even more. I don't know what I hate more: his insults, or the fact that he may possibly have a fat fetish-which is weird, because when we first met, I weighed 115-120ish, and now I'm 152 (at 4'9'' tall.) The thing is, R and I just celebrated our two year anniversary dating, and he just bought me a sterling silver charm bracelet with a first charm that together cost almost $200. I know gifts and money don't equal love and attraction, but I almost wish he had returned the bracelet and the charm (hate to say it) to spend the one day of our two year anniversary shutting up about my weight, size, eating habits, etc. and jut show a little love to me, even if it were faked…
But I get what you're saying. It's frustrating. It's hard. And heartwrenching sometimes. But you just have to keep your game face on and your eye on th e prize and thing, screw him, he's not me, he doesn't know what I'm going through, he may profess to love me, but if he really did wouldn't he support me?
Then try to distance yourself from him, at least some of the time, at least while you are in the initial stages of major weight loss. You can't afford saboteurs at this stage, believe me I know. You don't have to cut him out of your lime completely, just be firm and don't take crap from him. I should probably practice what I preach more often haha and tell R that his comments are hurtful and not something you say to the woman you love.
So be firm, stand tall, stand proud, and stand your ground, and as long as you keep on pluggin' away at your goals, it won't matter what anyone else thinks, says or does, girl, cuz you will come out on top in the end. Be true to you.
Well I wrote a book haha but I hope this helped.
x sari0 -
Hi ladies,
I know this is an oldish post, but I didn't think ANYONE was going through the same thing I'm going through. Thanks for your posts, it helps a lot to know people can sympathize with my situation, and the advice is nice to read as well. Thanks for the reminder that I need to do this for myself and no one else. This will keep me going, and I'll refer back to it when I need to be reminded on my bad days.0
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