Coming face to face with the truth of what you are doing to yourself can be very disturbing.
I remember when I first went to therapy about this 3 years ago. I had not really named what I had been doing to myself for years. I called it overeating to others, and to myself I used the word binge, but it never occurred to me that this was an actual disorder that actual people suffer with all over. I felt fat, out of control, and had a lot of self-hatred about what I was doing. But it also scared me quite a bit because I'm the type of person that can analyze a problem and correct it. I solve stuff. But I couldn't fix this. And the shame I felt stopped me from getting help for a long time.
When my therapist asked if I just ate too much chocolate sometimes or ate a little too much at dinner, I laughed at her. She had no idea what I was doing if that's what she thought. I let her know that at night I become DESPERATE to eat large amounts of food. If there was nothing "snacky" I would cook entire meals and eat what was meant to be 5 or 6 servings. Sometimes I would order Chinese or a pizza and eat the entire contents (in addition to dinner that I had just had.) I was doing this 3-5 times a week. If my husband threw out food after dinner, after he went to work I would fish it out from the garbage. Keeping my trigger foods out of the house didn't work. I would resort to getting a spoon and eating bread crumbs. The taste of food was important, but the pain of over-stuffing is what mattered. I sought that out.
I got a hold of this disorder after joining weight watchers and lost 45 pounds. I was thin. I felt good. But all it took was a few emotional setbacks. I had a molar pregnancy (similar to a miscarriage.) I had some employment disappointments. I stopped logging my food and following the program. Soon I was compulsively overeating again. 1 year later I had gained it almost all back. I found this site, and I've struggled to stay focused for a few months, but right now I feel like I am rolling along nicely. I'm starting to fight the binges successfully. I'm looking at those "battle-wins" as the true accomplishments, and am not caring as much about the scale. The number is just a number. What's important is that I feel good about my food choices. The little voice in my head is happy that I am treating myself well and giving myself a reason to be proud instead of ashamed.
I also found that a regular exercise program has helped give me additional motivation and another source of pride. The couch potato to 5k program brought me from running 30 seconds to running 30 minutes in 8 weeks. I'm running a 5k this Saturday.
Also, I cannot stress how helpful and important the people I've met on this site have been. In real life, our friends and family want to be helpful, but I'm not sure they know how. On here, there are many people who get exactly where you are coming from and intuitively know what to say. The people here are a true blessing to me.

That's a little of my story as it relates to my binge eating disorder. To tell you the truth, I don't think it ever goes away. I think its similar to being an alcoholic. The addictive qualities in food are debatable for sure, but for me, that first compulsive bite is a recipe for disaster. I must always be aware of what I am doing with food. But with a lot of self reflection, some patience with yourself, and hard work (because it is absolutely hard work) I believe you can fight this and come out on the winning side every day.

Thank you for your messages...I can relate to you all in ways.

I've been struggling with various eating disorders since for about 25 years. I've had reprieves at times but it's always come back at one point or another. It takes a lot of work to overcome and for me it has never completely gone away...maybe in remission but never completely, unfortunately. I've heard a few people say they have "recovered" from an eating disorder and I'd like to know how because I've done everything from diets to therapy to 12 step meetings, etc and all have proven to work but they take continuous HARD work and effort. Every day.

For me, it's like any other addiction - one day at a time and I have to be very vigilant or I get into trouble. I hate to sound negative, but that's my truth.

Thank you all for replying. Your honest thoughts and experiences help me to understand that this will take time. I did not get here overnight so I will not fix this overnight. Some of you I think will understand when I talk about ED as a person. I found out ED has a voice.....most refer to him as a man. However, mine is a women and her name is Edna. My eating disorder developed in my teens to help me deal with grandparents who are alcoholics and sexual abuse from a family member.

For years I knew I overate but I thought it was just because I hated myself.....really it was Edna hating me. I am being very aggressive with Edna and letting her know where her place is. I have labeled foods in the home that are trigger foods......the label says Something Edna eats but not Carol.

I hope that I can help each of you and inspire you to continue the fight. Whether it is Ed or Edna....neither one is stronger than you. Bullies are always weak.............that is what Ed is a bully!

I like how you named it Edna and refer to it as a person - that sounds like a great way to beat this - beating up Edna!