I didn't really have to come out or tell my parents. it all happened so fluidly. But I have heard the stories for people in the situation. You never know how someone could react. I'm not one to tell anyone to "stand down" in fact I'd really love to tell you to just tell her and see what happens because she can't tell you who to be or anything like that. But, if you do get 'cut off' you need to be taken care of still. Think of your situation. Is there anywhere you could live, eat, do you go to school. everything will get affected if the situation takes a turn for the worst. But try not to wait too long. Look for a job, house, apartment, room mates, dorm, anything you need. Maybe go ahead and take the steps of moving out completely. Then tell her. or you could get everything ready and tell her then if she doesn't freak out, you can stay living there. Idk your situation. But I've seen hard times for others...

I was made homeless for a brief time after I came out to my mum and dad in late 2001, and some truly horrifying events took place in that time. I was 15 when I came out, and at that time I thought it was kind of important to tell them. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and if I could go back in time and only change one decision I would change that one. However, sometimes it does go well when one comes out to their parents.

My advice is to be careful. You really can't know how your mum will react. You can hope, but you can't be sure, and that's exactly why it is a good idea to make sure you have a plan in place for if it goes badly.

Good luck to you, love. :flowerforyou:

i didn't come out to my mom until i was 28 and independent, though i'd been bringing girls around for years before that so it shouldn't have been much of a surprise. it took her about 2 weeks to come around, in which time i agonized over whether i'd have her in my life or not, but she just needed her own space to work through it. if your mom is forward thinking, progressive (whatever you want to call it) and knows you well, you'll probably be ok. if your mom is more conservative, traditional, and would be utterly shocked by your coming out, you might want to hold off until you have a safe place to lay low until she comes around. it's awful to have to live in secret, but it does sound like the other members of your family are supportive and care about you. keep us informed and good luck!

Have you tried maybe mentioning the lifestyle to her?!
Not in a way that makes it as though its apart of you life but the lifestyle in general?
It might be easier to know how she feels about it first, yet again it could make it harder to come out to here.
You gotta figure out if its worth it or not.

I didnt have to come out to my mom, she asked me one day on her own.
Having a lesbian aunt in my family I guess made it kind of easier for my family to accept me for who I am.

I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

I thought my dad was going to disown me, but he didn't. I don't recommend coming out like I did, but it made an impact. I almost want to parade him around now. Extreme right-wing conservative who firmly believed that gays could not get married and that anything that was "different" was "bad." I'm genderqueer. Female-bodied but with an extremely masculine leaning. I always dressed in guys' clothes and such, but my dad didn't think much of it. However, he was hating on trans* individuals and in a raging, crying fit I told him and I asked him how he could hate people when he's been living with one for 21 years.

Within moments, he was explaining to me that things change when it's your kid. It affects him now, and he can understand the challenges. He knows me well enough that I didn't "choose" this. He still doesn't totally understand (I came out in March) but he has been reading a lot of PFLAG resources and such to try to learn.

That is one thing I would recommend. Be sure you have resources, and don't come out like I did. It worked for me but that could have ended very badly. If you have resources to explain what you are feeling from a "scientific" standpoint, and from a way that can empathize with the shock a parent will feel, it can be very helpful and beneficial for the parent.

I told my parents as they were dropping me back off at college. And I had an email in the waiting when they returned home to go into deeper discussion.

A) The distance time and space provided protection for myself, my feelings, as well as allowed them to think about the situation in a removed sense

Do what your head space makes you comfortable. Only you know yourself and your family

Best of luck.

When I came out my mother disowned me and kicked me out of home. I ended couch-surfing for two months before being given a crappy run-down room in a woman's house by the council. I was seventeen and haven't spoken to her since (I'm nineteen, now).

Most parents are good parents who will love their children unconditionally, even if it takes them a while.

But sadly, this is not always the case.

i think a mother love for her daughter is unconditional so i think yes it will hurt or there mayb be shock horror but given time i think she will think nothing off it as u are her flesh and blood so why should u be any diff gay straight or anything ur her daughter..

I really wish I could believe this. Unfortunately though this isn't true in my life.

I wish my family would have supported me, but this isn't true in my life either.