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Hey guys, what would you think if...
MaraDiaz
Posts: 4,604 Member
So we all know internet dating isn't the safest thing in the world and just because we meet a guy in public a few times doesn't mean that when we finally meet in private he isn't going to chop us up in little bits and spread our parts over four counties. But what's a girl to do? How do we make dating strangers safer without scaring off the strangers?
For example, gentlemen, here is a scenario for you: You're on a fourth or fifth date and all your dates have been in safe public places so far. She likes you, you like her, and you two really want some alone time together. You invite her back to your place and she says, "Sure. Just let me photocopy your ID and give it to a friend to hold onto just in case you're a psycho murderer.' How do you react?
A.) Crazy paranoid chick, time to find someone less high maintenance.
Omg, I look like a murdering psycho now? Must be the stubble. Knew I should have used a new razor.
C) Odd, but it's a dangerous world, so okay, why not?
D) I knew she was too good to be true! This is clearly a scam and she's planning on selling my ID on EBAY. I better make sure all my credit cards are still in my wallet.
E) Good thing I brought my fake ID tonight!
I mean really, aside from not dating strangers at all, how does one keep safe? I didn't used to worry about it, but as I get older, I look back and realize I was pretty stupid. And lucky. Not sure I'm ready to starting asking for photocopied ID just yet, but maybe.
For example, gentlemen, here is a scenario for you: You're on a fourth or fifth date and all your dates have been in safe public places so far. She likes you, you like her, and you two really want some alone time together. You invite her back to your place and she says, "Sure. Just let me photocopy your ID and give it to a friend to hold onto just in case you're a psycho murderer.' How do you react?
A.) Crazy paranoid chick, time to find someone less high maintenance.
Omg, I look like a murdering psycho now? Must be the stubble. Knew I should have used a new razor.C) Odd, but it's a dangerous world, so okay, why not?
D) I knew she was too good to be true! This is clearly a scam and she's planning on selling my ID on EBAY. I better make sure all my credit cards are still in my wallet.
E) Good thing I brought my fake ID tonight!
I mean really, aside from not dating strangers at all, how does one keep safe? I didn't used to worry about it, but as I get older, I look back and realize I was pretty stupid. And lucky. Not sure I'm ready to starting asking for photocopied ID just yet, but maybe.
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A to the nth degree. That's VERY scary. I actually had a date like that once. It was the first date, but the girl was like "Here's the note I left with your name, screen name, phone number, and make and model of your car, just in case you killed me". I responded "It was lovely meeting you, have a great life. Nut job."
I get that it's a big scary place out there, but being a genuinely nice, non-stalker, scary guy, it annoys the crap out of me that alot of women act like that. Really, I'm not crazy, and neither am I.0 -
I think I'd take her to a hotel so she didn't know where I lived. That way it would be easier to avoid her crazy paranoid *kitten* after the night's fun was over.0
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A to the nth degree. That's VERY scary. I actually had a date like that once. It was the first date, but the girl was like "Here's the note I left with your name, screen name, phone number, and make and model of your car, just in case you killed me". I responded "It was lovely meeting you, have a great life. Nut job."
I get that it's a big scary place out there, but being a genuinely nice, non-stalker, scary guy, it annoys the crap out of me that alot of women act like that. Really, I'm not crazy, and neither am I.
I'm glad both of your personalities are harmless. :laugh: But this is just the sort of reaction I'd expect, and it does make sense, I know I'd think it most odd if a guy wanted my ID before entrusting himself to my tender mercies. But what doesn't make sense is meeting someone a few times in public as a safety measure unless we assume all crazy violent people are impatient.0 -
At some point you just have to go with your gut feeling on things and trust that it is right.0
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Of course you want to be smart and meet in a public place the first time. Beyond that you have to learn to trust your own intuition though. The vast majority of dates won't end up being your soul mate, just like the vast majority are also not serial killers, so try to keep some perspective and not be quite so paranoid.0
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At some point you just have to go with your gut feeling on things and trust that it is right.
Ok... so I always have a rather large knife in my purse... just makes me feel better. (I just worry I'll forget it and leave it in there when I go to the airport, but so far so good).
Yeah, I'm a little paranoid, but I've had some crazy experiences. And yes, I always tell or text someone where I'm going and who I'm meeting until I'm super comfy with someone.0 -
I guess I should also throw out that I have my concealed weapons permit and I'm just about always carrying a gun or a knife. I'm also ex-military, and pretty damn good with both of them. I do it because I'd rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.0
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I guess I should also throw out that I have my concealed weapons permit and I'm just about always carrying a gun or a knife. I'm also ex-military, and pretty damn good with both of them. I do it because I'd rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
Sweet! My kind of guy!0 -
I guess I should also throw out that I have my concealed weapons permit and I'm just about always carrying a gun or a knife. I'm also ex-military, and pretty damn good with both of them. I do it because I'd rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
Well, that settles it. Concealed carry permit and time to brush up on my shooting and self defense skills, since men won't let me ID them and I sure as heck know better than to trust my instincts when it comes to dating. I have past experience to prove I'm a better shot than a judge of people! :laugh:0 -
I just work out a lot so I can beat anyone up that tries anything funny.0
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What about same scenario, 4th or 5th date, being somewhere alone together and the girl asking for a last name?0
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I figure if someone is out to murder you, which is about a 1 in a 100 million chance, then there isnt a lot you can do to prevent it! Asking for ID is about as secure as them giving you their real name in the first place!
Hold your breath and whisper to Jesus, we all gotta go some day! :flowerforyou:
:bigsmile: 0 -
If she asks this, then, before replying, first, I would ask her what kind of sauce she normally put on her pastas.
Then, before replying to her questions, I'd ask for the exact same information I am supposed give. You give, you take.
And since I'm sure she would freak out ("Why? Are you going to stalk me or something?!"), I would tell her that I had just sharpened my knives and it would be a shame to waste such a beautiful effort, so in case she cancels the date, I need to know her address to cut her in small cubes and put her in my freezer.
However, since I'm not that bad, I will try to accommodate her to the best of my ability with her favourite sauce.
Clearly people who think that everyone is a psycho have got issues anyway.0 -
Really? Then why are women advised to meet in public in the first place? If to even consider ways to keep yourself safe when starting to date a total stranger is indicative of 'issues' I suppose we should all go straight to a movie and dinner at his place.
In your case, we can at least be assured your're serving up a fine wine to go with that pasta! :laugh:0 -
If she asks this, then, before replying, first, I would ask her what kind of sauce she normally put on her pastas.
Then, before replying to her questions, I'd ask for the exact same information I am supposed give. You give, you take.
And since I'm sure she would freak out ("Why? Are you going to stalk me or something?!"), I would tell her that I had just sharpened my knives and it would be a shame to waste such a beautiful effort, so in case she cancels the date, I need to know her address to cut her in small cubes and put her in my freezer.
However, since I'm not that bad, I will try to accommodate her to the best of my ability with her favourite sauce.
Clearly people who think that everyone is a psycho have got issues anyway.
ROFL...
Um, hey -- a guy I went out with ONCE found out where I live and wound up on my front door the Sunday after I met him. He only had HALF of my first name. But... when I went to go home, he was going the same way and saw the street I lived down. He just drove down it and looked for my car! LOL
Some people ARE psycho!0 -
Fat lot of good a copy of an id is if youre dead lol0
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What about same scenario, 4th or 5th date, being somewhere alone together and the girl asking for a last name?
Wtf? You're on the 4th date and you don't even know his/her last name? Am I missing something here?
I'll give you the first "date," over coffee, keep it a bit non-committal and aloof. OK. But after that, cut the paranoia and get on with things. It's a name, what's the issue?0 -
I get that woman can be afraid and what not, there are a lot of weird people I the world. But honestly I guess you have to trust you gut instinct on people and situations.
Personally I couldn't be bothered going through 5 dates just to murder someone :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Personally I couldn't be bothered going through 5 dates just to murder someone :laugh: :laugh:
Well played, sir.0 -
So we all know internet dating isn't the safest thing in the world and just because we meet a guy in public a few times doesn't mean that when we finally meet in private he isn't going to chop us up in little bits and spread our parts over four counties. But what's a girl to do? How do we make dating strangers safer without scaring off the strangers?
For example, gentlemen, here is a scenario for you: You're on a fourth or fifth date and all your dates have been in safe public places so far. She likes you, you like her, and you two really want some alone time together. You invite her back to your place and she says, "Sure. Just let me photocopy your ID and give it to a friend to hold onto just in case you're a psycho murderer.' How do you react?
A.) Crazy paranoid chick, time to find someone less high maintenance. Omg, I look like a murdering psycho now? Must be the stubble. Knew I should have used a new razor.
C) Odd, but it's a dangerous world, so okay, why not?
D) I knew she was too good to be true! This is clearly a scam and she's planning on selling my ID on EBAY. I better make sure all my credit cards are still in my wallet.
E) Good thing I brought my fake ID tonight!
I mean really, aside from not dating strangers at all, how does one keep safe? I didn't used to worry about it, but as I get older, I look back and realize I was pretty stupid. And lucky. Not sure I'm ready to starting asking for photocopied ID just yet, but maybe.
I wouldn't bat an eye. Had that happen a couple of times. It's because of the world we live in. I boxed in the military and the first rule of boxing is "Always protect yourself." Once I went home with a woman who had a .45 beneath her pillow. Yeah, a little unsettling but really, in this day and age, you have to be cautious and prepared for anything.0 -
Once I went home with a woman who had a .45 beneath her pillow.
Wow, that's hardcore... Sounds like the date went well, though.0 -
Being old fashioned, I'd prefer to pick a woman up at her place for a first date, but knowing that a woman might feel safer meeting up at a public venue, it's always an option when setting up a date. I will agree with a lot of the other responses that at some point you're going to have to go with your gut instinct and for me, I think that if you agree to a second date I've made a good impression and you've concluded that I'm safe to date.0
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I'll give you the first "date," over coffee, keep it a bit non-committal and aloof. OK. But after that, cut the paranoia and get on with things. It's a name, what's the issue?
Being safe and aware of your surroundings on a first or second date is smart, no doubt. But the more paranoid you are about anyone (or everyone) the less likely you are to really allow yourself to get to know someone and possibly fall in love when your are always on high alert. Part of the process is trusting your gut and then metaphorically letting go... :flowerforyou:0 -
I wouldn't bat an eye. Had that happen a couple of times. It's because of the world we live in. I boxed in the military and the first rule of boxing is "Always protect yourself." Once I went home with a woman who had a .45 beneath her pillow. Yeah, a little unsettling but really, in this day and age, you have to be cautious and prepared for anything.
LOL I sleep with a switchblade on my night stand.... Hey I'm a single mom with only females in the house (except my 6 yr old)... I also keep all my knives and swords in my room... As for the asking the guy for a copy of his ID . I would be very uncomfrtable with that. I understand not wanting to get killed but if your that worried about the guy maybe don't date him. Though my sister has been known to go outside and copy down the lisence plate and make and model of the car for both me and other female friends0 -
Honestly, the ID thing is a little far. But there is nothing wrong with letting a friend or relative know where you go and with who - even on dates you have met not online. Just a quick "hi, Mom/friend/etc, just letting you know that I'm going on a date with John Doe. We're going to dinner and then to his house. I'll let you know when I'm home."
If I'm home alone and go do something like go for a run, I let someone know either by a text or leaving a note.0 -
If I'm home alone and go do something like go for a run, I let someone know either by a text or leaving a note.
That's really cool. Reminds me of that movie (based on a true story) where the guy got stuck in a canyon and had to cut his arm off!! He was rather annoyed with himself for not telling anyone where he was going :noway:0 -
Well, most guys aren't going for the whole ID thing. Honestly, I don't blame them much. It is odd, and not necessarily risk free for them. IDs can be stolen, if nothing else.
But trusting your instincts after a date or two? Wouldn't count on that. There are women out there who have been married to serial killers for decades and never had a clue. Probably the only reason they weren't killed is the killer knew they'd be caught, since they always look at those close to the victim first.
Seems like it's mostly a numbers game. Your likelihood of running into one of these guys is very low, your likelihood of running into one who doesn't set off alarm bells is maybe even lower, but without someone knowing where you are and exactly who you're with (and it's not like a murdering psycho wouldn't stoop to lie about his name) that's all the protection you get. Unless of course you go well armed and well-trained. Which is starting to sound better and better to me. And I admit, I watch too much of the ID channel. I'll have to quit if I ever start dating again.0 -
Well, most guys aren't going for the whole ID thing. Honestly, I don't blame them much. It is odd, and not necessarily risk free for them. IDs can be stolen, if nothing else.
But trusting your instincts after a date or two? Wouldn't count on that. There are women out there who have been married to serial killers for decades and never had a clue. Probably the only reason they weren't killed is the killer knew they'd be caught, since they always look at those close to the victim first.
Seems like it's mostly a numbers game. Your likelihood of running into one of these guys is very low, your likelihood of running into one who doesn't set off alarm bells is maybe even lower, but without someone knowing where you are and exactly who you're with (and it's not like a murdering psycho wouldn't stoop to lie about his name) that's all the protection you get. Unless of course you go well armed and well-trained. Which is starting to sound better and better to me. And I admit, I watch too much of the ID channel. I'll have to quit if I ever start dating again.
Doesn`t this just kind of tell you that you are worrying about something that ultimately you could never know...it is like refusing to take your car to get fixed because someone "might" rip you off.
Be careful (and that applies to guys too) until you get to know someone a bit but then really you need to choose whether to live life or cower under a box.0 -
Doesn`t this just kind of tell you that you are worrying about something that ultimately you could never know...it is like refusing to take your car to get fixed because someone "might" rip you off.
Be careful (and that applies to guys too) until you get to know someone a bit but then really you need to choose whether to live life or cower under a box.
It does tell me that. But I get recommendations on car stuff from family and friends. Since I'm planning on moving somewhere I don't know anyone before I date again, I guess I'm trying to think ahead. Come to think of it, I'll need a car mechanic, too. Drat.0 -
What about same scenario, 4th or 5th date, being somewhere alone together and the girl asking for a last name?
Wtf? You're on the 4th date and you don't even know his/her last name? Am I missing something here?
I'll give you the first "date," over coffee, keep it a bit non-committal and aloof. OK. But after that, cut the paranoia and get on with things. It's a name, what's the issue?
I had a friend who was going on a 4th date with a guy last month. They met online. He offered to make him dinner and invited him over. She asked his last name and he called her a paranoid b$*%h and cancelled the date.0
This discussion has been closed.