Amazing! My EM2WL Journey...
AprilRenewed
Posts: 691 Member
This is just the beginning, I know. I have a long way to go, both emotionally and physically, but I'm getting there by gathering information like an informational hoarder! LOL
I'm going to keep up with this thread and make this my journey, for those who'd like to follow. I hope it helps others like me as so reading so many of the stories here in this group are helping me!
My story started here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/641615-i-m-looking-for-a-personal-coach-someone-to-hold-my-hand
Basically, I'm a recovering anorexic/bulimic who's been eating way too little while working out way too much. I'm in phase II of my P90X/Insanity hybrid, and I love the way my body is transforming and gaining strength and shape. I've never felt better in my life.
But I'm eating way too little.
It's hard to wrap my head around the idea of eating MORE. Especially with my history of EDs.
I haven't officially updated my goals to be my TDEE-%15. Not yet. Right now, I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry (healthfully, of course), log everything, and see what I average after a couple weeks.
It's only been a few days, but so far, it seems that I'm averaging about 1600-1700. My TDEE-%15 is 1700-1900 depending on whether I say I'm strenuous activity or not. I think I am, though, because I am going pretty hardcore.
I do feel at the end of the day like I have to sort of force myself to eat to get the last couple hundred calories. And it's still not easy to make myself say, "April, go ahead and eat 4 oz of fish. That extra ounce won't kill you. In fact, your body NEEDS it. Especially if you're going to throw in that extra Insanity workout today!"
How do I feel?
Well, actually, I feel pretty good! I've been able to eat a few light snacks I previously deprived myself of. I eat when I'm hungry. I've only been bloated one day so far, and that could have been from the wine the night before. I think I have more energy, although today it's hard to tell because I didn't sleep all that well last night (weird dreams).
The guilt is still hard to overcome, but I'm getting there. I'm even getting better at watching my carb/protein/fat ratio...and fulfilling it! Although I've found that even though I don't eat rice, pasta, or bread, it's really easy to go over in carbs through the veggies, an occasional sweet potato, and the snacks I allow myself.
That's it! I'm just really proud of myself for doing this. Not only will my body thank me, but this is a HUGE accomplishment for someone that has deprived herself of the fuel she needs because she's afraid if she gives in...she'll binge...(and purge and start that whole ugly cycle again)
I just wanted to share that with all of you. I hope I didn't bore you! I'll definitely keep ya'll updated as I venture deeper into the EM2WL journey.
I'm going to keep up with this thread and make this my journey, for those who'd like to follow. I hope it helps others like me as so reading so many of the stories here in this group are helping me!
My story started here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/641615-i-m-looking-for-a-personal-coach-someone-to-hold-my-hand
Basically, I'm a recovering anorexic/bulimic who's been eating way too little while working out way too much. I'm in phase II of my P90X/Insanity hybrid, and I love the way my body is transforming and gaining strength and shape. I've never felt better in my life.
But I'm eating way too little.
It's hard to wrap my head around the idea of eating MORE. Especially with my history of EDs.
I haven't officially updated my goals to be my TDEE-%15. Not yet. Right now, I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry (healthfully, of course), log everything, and see what I average after a couple weeks.
It's only been a few days, but so far, it seems that I'm averaging about 1600-1700. My TDEE-%15 is 1700-1900 depending on whether I say I'm strenuous activity or not. I think I am, though, because I am going pretty hardcore.
I do feel at the end of the day like I have to sort of force myself to eat to get the last couple hundred calories. And it's still not easy to make myself say, "April, go ahead and eat 4 oz of fish. That extra ounce won't kill you. In fact, your body NEEDS it. Especially if you're going to throw in that extra Insanity workout today!"
How do I feel?
Well, actually, I feel pretty good! I've been able to eat a few light snacks I previously deprived myself of. I eat when I'm hungry. I've only been bloated one day so far, and that could have been from the wine the night before. I think I have more energy, although today it's hard to tell because I didn't sleep all that well last night (weird dreams).
The guilt is still hard to overcome, but I'm getting there. I'm even getting better at watching my carb/protein/fat ratio...and fulfilling it! Although I've found that even though I don't eat rice, pasta, or bread, it's really easy to go over in carbs through the veggies, an occasional sweet potato, and the snacks I allow myself.
That's it! I'm just really proud of myself for doing this. Not only will my body thank me, but this is a HUGE accomplishment for someone that has deprived herself of the fuel she needs because she's afraid if she gives in...she'll binge...(and purge and start that whole ugly cycle again)
I just wanted to share that with all of you. I hope I didn't bore you! I'll definitely keep ya'll updated as I venture deeper into the EM2WL journey.
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Replies
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Good for you.
I know it is hard to start eating what you need. When I start exercising I end up massively undereating and overexercising. Eventually, I get tired of it and I start laying around just eating. Learning how to properly fuel yourself is not easy at all. So congrats to you! And a double congrats for being able to do P90X AND Insanity at the same time. You rock!0 -
Thanks so much! And yeah, I'm going a little nuts. Thankfully, today's just some yoga and a little elliptical before I start week 2 of phase II.
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ahhhh i'm so happy for you!! made my day to read this!!
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GREAT NEWS!!!:flowerforyou:
I'm so happy for you and how far you have obviously come. Just remember there is no pressure or time limits to do anything here~ we are about finally coming to RESPECT our bodies and realizing that feeding it does NOT make us BAD in any way!!
Nice and easy and stop by and let us know how it's going, OK??
Wishing you the VERY BEST of LUCK!! 0 -
Awesome! Love to hear the positive! 0
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Thanks, all of you!
But I have a question. How do you keep within your carb max and still reach your protein goals?0 -
That's so great to hear.
I am in the same boat as you. I was anorexic for many years and was under-eating many more years when I was already "healed".
This group was such an eye opener for me and I feel so great since I am eating properly. The body needs fuel and we owe it to our bodies in order to stay healthy.
Keep up the good work.
I LOVE Insanity and I am doing ChaLena Extreme with it as a hybrid 0 -
That is so awesome that you are on a path of healing and health! I just wanted to ask, with your history, are you planning to do a full reset eventually?0
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That is so awesome that you are on a path of healing and health! I just wanted to ask, with your history, are you planning to do a full reset eventually?
I want to see what happens, first. Right now, I'm not "planning" anything other than making sure I eat when my body needs it instead of depriving it just because I think I should be under 1200 calories. I'm not even "planning" to eat at TDEE-%15. I just want to concentrate on getting my body used to actually eating again. Period.
Then, we'll go from there.0 -
That is so awesome that you are on a path of healing and health! I just wanted to ask, with your history, are you planning to do a full reset eventually?
I want to see what happens, first. Right now, I'm not "planning" anything other than making sure I eat when my body needs it instead of depriving it just because I think I should be under 1200 calories. I'm not even "planning" to eat at TDEE-%15. I just want to concentrate on getting my body used to actually eating again. Period.
Then, we'll go from there.
I understand. A lot of people take things one step at a time - Some jump right in. I think you'll find yourself doing reset eventually, but going slow is a completely acceptable (and sometimes necessary) way of working your way up to a healthy you!! Keep it up!! I look forward to a post from you someday that has you at the end of this journey!! 0 -
That is so awesome that you are on a path of healing and health! I just wanted to ask, with your history, are you planning to do a full reset eventually?
I want to see what happens, first. Right now, I'm not "planning" anything other than making sure I eat when my body needs it instead of depriving it just because I think I should be under 1200 calories. I'm not even "planning" to eat at TDEE-%15. I just want to concentrate on getting my body used to actually eating again. Period.
Then, we'll go from there.
I understand. A lot of people take things one step at a time - Some jump right in. I think you'll find yourself doing reset eventually, but going slow is a completely acceptable (and sometimes necessary) way of working your way up to a healthy you!! Keep it up!! I look forward to a post from you someday that has you at the end of this journey!!
Thank you so much! My head just isn't there yet. I still lecture myself all day on my rest days, telling myself over and over that it's okay not to workout. That I'm not going to gain 10 pounds. That it's actually the RIGHT thing to do.
I'll get there, but it'll take some time. Thank you so much for your support!0 -
Thank you for sharing your story! The guilt will go away in time once you're used to this way of life. I used to feel super guilty any time I indulged in a treat (even if it fit into my calories).
I love that you're listening to your body and taking baby steps. You can do this!!!0 -
Thanks for sharing ... your certainly on your way!
Great stuff!
:flowerforyou:0 -
sounds like you are doing well. thank you for sharing0
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Great job! Keep up the great work.0
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Thanks to all of you! Yesterday was another successful day. I ate about 1700 calories. Today, I weighed in a pound less than a week ago when I started this. I don't know if that's because of upping my calories or because of regular fluctuations, but I do know that every day since I started, I've seen a steady, tiny decline in my weight each morning.0
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Amazing! I've struggled with ED in the past too, and I totally get everything you are saying. I actually became very overweight but never really healed the emotional issues that got me there in the first place. I, too, am experiencing sooo much freedom thanks to EM2WL. Its always so encouraging to me to see the other stories out there. Thanks so much for sharing your story.0
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Amazing! I've struggled with ED in the past too, and I totally get everything you are saying. I actually became very overweight but never really healed the emotional issues that got me there in the first place. I, too, am experiencing sooo much freedom thanks to EM2WL. Its always so encouraging to me to see the other stories out there. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Oh thank you! It is amazing to talk to others who've been through exactly what I've been through. It's hard but so worth it. I know it will be. I couldn't do it alone. so thank you. 0 -
That is absolutely fantastic! So happy to hear you are negating those thoughts of guilt! It takes a while, but you'll get there!
Thank you for sharing with us! Can't wait to hear how you are doing in the future!0 -
Way to own it and good for you!! You are doing great so far and I hope you keep it up. Another thought is if "eating more" than what you are right now seems too overwhelming, consider reducing some of the exercise (without reducing cals!!!). Being able to let go of the guilt on a rest day is just as important as letting go of the guilt when you eat. It's all related. Thanks for sharing...0
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Way to own it and good for you!! You are doing great so far and I hope you keep it up. Another thought is if "eating more" than what you are right now seems too overwhelming, consider reducing some of the exercise (without reducing cals!!!). Being able to let go of the guilt on a rest day is just as important as letting go of the guilt when you eat. It's all related. Thanks for sharing...
I know you're right, and maybe I will one day...but I'm definitely not there yet. It's hard enough to let go on my rest days. I can't imagine working out less on my non-rest days...yet.0
