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  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
    its better to take your dignity and walk!

    Dignity can be highly overrated when looking for a suitable partner... :-)

    --P
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book :tongue:

    I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.

    So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*

    I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.

    I didn't see this post before. You are right to cut off communication. I've had a guy give me that noncommittal "I don't really know what I want from you" BS. "I don't really know what I am looking for" + "I told you I like you, so don't walk away" does not compute. He doesn't have to jump into a relationship, but if he had any respect for you, he'd at least be able to tell you what his intentions are. A simple "I like spending time with you and want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" is not difficult.

    Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.

    You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).

    Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).

    Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.

    It's not about the texts. It's about the fact that he couldn't grow a pair and be honest about what he was looking for. She asked him straight up if he wanted to date her or use her as a sex friend, and he said "I don't know." Come on.
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,268 Member
    Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book :tongue:

    I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.

    So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*

    I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.

    I didn't see this post before. You are right to cut off communication. I've had a guy give me that noncommittal "I don't really know what I want from you" BS. "I don't really know what I am looking for" + "I told you I like you, so don't walk away" does not compute. He doesn't have to jump into a relationship, but if he had any respect for you, he'd at least be able to tell you what his intentions are. A simple "I like spending time with you and want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" is not difficult.

    Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.

    You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).

    Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).

    Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.

    Um, wow.
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,268 Member
    Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book :tongue:

    I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.

    So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*

    I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.

    I didn't see this post before. You are right to cut off communication. I've had a guy give me that noncommittal "I don't really know what I want from you" BS. "I don't really know what I am looking for" + "I told you I like you, so don't walk away" does not compute. He doesn't have to jump into a relationship, but if he had any respect for you, he'd at least be able to tell you what his intentions are. A simple "I like spending time with you and want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" is not difficult.

    Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.

    You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).

    Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).

    Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.

    It's not about the texts. It's about the fact that he couldn't grow a pair and be honest about what he was looking for. She asked him straight up if he wanted to date her or use her as a sex friend, and he said "I don't know." Come on.

    Thank you. And whenever I was delayed in responding to his texts, I would get the same, did I say something wrong message. That was the first time I ever wrote something like that to him.

    I think it is fair to try to get clarification about what someone wants from you. I didn't want any misconceptions on my part.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book :tongue:

    I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.

    So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*

    I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.

    I didn't see this post before. You are right to cut off communication. I've had a guy give me that noncommittal "I don't really know what I want from you" BS. "I don't really know what I am looking for" + "I told you I like you, so don't walk away" does not compute. He doesn't have to jump into a relationship, but if he had any respect for you, he'd at least be able to tell you what his intentions are. A simple "I like spending time with you and want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" is not difficult.

    Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.

    You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).

    Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).

    Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.

    It's not about the texts. It's about the fact that he couldn't grow a pair and be honest about what he was looking for. She asked him straight up if he wanted to date her or use her as a sex friend, and he said "I don't know." Come on.

    I'll agree that she paraphrased it as asking him straight up what he was looking for. My guess from the rest of this post is that the tone wasn't inquisitive and just asking for information. I suspect it was a rather emotional conversation.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    Actually Florian, I'm ever so impressed with the time you take, the detail you go to and the effort you make in replying to a lot of posts. And I just love your injection of humour, even if half the time you're not even being funny!!! Shellee is right, you should write a book :tongue:

    I completely agree! I always look forward to your responses.

    So yeah, totally in the dark about this guy. I straight out asked him what he is looking for from me, a fwb or to date. Because there is no way I could just be his fwb. I like him too much. His response...... I don't really know. That is what he said. Awesome! I told him that I like him but essentially won't sit around waiting and it would be good for me to know. His response was, I like you too, I told you that. *sigh*

    I am just going to cut off communication. This would obviously not be a healthy relationship either way.

    I didn't see this post before. You are right to cut off communication. I've had a guy give me that noncommittal "I don't really know what I want from you" BS. "I don't really know what I am looking for" + "I told you I like you, so don't walk away" does not compute. He doesn't have to jump into a relationship, but if he had any respect for you, he'd at least be able to tell you what his intentions are. A simple "I like spending time with you and want to keep seeing you, but I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" is not difficult.

    Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.

    You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).

    Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).

    Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.

    Um, wow.
    While I don't normally agree with him, he's on the right track.

    However, I also don't think "what do you want from me" should be done via text.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member

    Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.

    You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).

    Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).

    Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.

    Um, wow.
    While I don't normally agree with him, he's on the right track.

    However, I also don't think "what do you want from me" should be done via text.

    Got tied up with a psycho like that once,everything was progressing fine via phone calls/IM when all of a sudden one day I didn`t hear from her.
    Had learned this lesson about asking whats wrong so just shrugged.
    I woke up the next morning to an IM from in the middle of the night reading me the riot act for not talking to her.
    Kind of smoothed it over then but within a week the same thing again so just ended it outright telling her to no longer contact me or talk to me.
    It was a bit unsettling but dodged a bullet.

    Not sure the what do you want question was via text,am not clear on that but if it was out of the blue in a conversation I can see where a person would fumble it.
    Would need to know the overall context before I had an exact opinion on this.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    Try picturing this from the guys perspective and see if you still think he isn't being respectful.

    You are texting a girl back and forth during work. You get busy and go an hour without sending a text. Out of the blue the girl sends you a text saying "what's wrong? Did I upset you? Why did you quit responding to me?" Her tone probably sounds desperate and clingy (as evidenced by the fact that she is so concerned that she is asking about it on the internet).

    Soon after, said girl decides that you aren't giving her enough of the attention she wants/needs and decides to have a talk about your dedication to a relationship with her? (Again probably sounding clingy, insecure and usually when I have been in this situation the girl is rather hostile too).

    Most guys aren't going to be thinking about how to be respectful of her and giving her the information she is wanting. Most guys are thinking, let's get out of this without any crying, temper tantrums or throwing ****.
    This sounds crude but it's spot on. Been there, done that, nothing more annoying.

    It's really suffocating for me when people try to get way too serious way too fast or need to know exactly where things are going all the time. It's like, geezus, we just met, I barely know you, I don't know where things are going, I obviously like you enough to continue seeing you and get to know you better, if that's not enough for you the door is over there.
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,268 Member
    Well alrighty.

    He and I had been talking for months. One day he would be mushy and romantic and then next just sexual. He was very unclear about what he was looking for.

    The comments make me sound clingy and desperate. I guess I can see how I could come off that way, but that isn't the case at all. I didn't want a commitment as in, yes I want you to be my girl friend, just clarification on what he was looking for. If it was a fwb I wouldn't continue with him because I had feelings for him. I think that is fair for me to know before I get in over my head.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Well alrighty.

    He and I had been talking for months. One day he would be mushy and romantic and then next just sexual. He was very unclear about what he was looking for.

    The comments make me sound clingy and desperate. I guess I can see how I could come off that way, but that isn't the case at all. I didn't want a commitment as in, yes I want you to be my girl friend, just clarification on what he was looking for. If it was a fwb I wouldn't continue with him because I had feelings for him. I think that is fair for me to know before I get in over my head.

    It's completely fair. Most men want to have their cake and eat it, too, if they can get away with it. You knew what you wanted and were clear about it. He knew what he wanted but didn't have the testicular fortitude to tell you. That's not your fault.
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,268 Member
    Well alrighty.

    He and I had been talking for months. One day he would be mushy and romantic and then next just sexual. He was very unclear about what he was looking for.

    The comments make me sound clingy and desperate. I guess I can see how I could come off that way, but that isn't the case at all. I didn't want a commitment as in, yes I want you to be my girl friend, just clarification on what he was looking for. If it was a fwb I wouldn't continue with him because I had feelings for him. I think that is fair for me to know before I get in over my head.

    It's completely fair. Most men want to have their cake and eat it, too, if they can get away with it. You knew what you wanted and were clear about it. He knew what he wanted but didn't have the testicular fortitude to tell you. That's not your fault.

    That is where my thinking was.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    Well alrighty.

    He and I had been talking for months. One day he would be mushy and romantic and then next just sexual. He was very unclear about what he was looking for.

    The comments make me sound clingy and desperate. I guess I can see how I could come off that way, but that isn't the case at all. I didn't want a commitment as in, yes I want you to be my girl friend, just clarification on what he was looking for. If it was a fwb I wouldn't continue with him because I had feelings for him. I think that is fair for me to know before I get in over my head.
    Fair enough, you first post made me think this was relatively new. After a couple months it's not out of the question to have the 'where is this going' talk, depending on how many times you've actually gone out. But still, if you want something more and he still treats you like a FWB than it might be time to walk away.
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    Well alrighty.
    He and I had been talking for months. One day he would be mushy and romantic and then next just sexual. He was very unclear about what he was looking for.
    The comments make me sound clingy and desperate. I guess I can see how I could come off that way, but that isn't the case at all. I didn't want a commitment as in, yes I want you to be my girl friend, just clarification on what he was looking for. If it was a fwb I wouldn't continue with him because I had feelings for him. I think that is fair for me to know before I get in over my head.
    It's completely fair. Most men want to have their cake and eat it, too, if they can get away with it. You knew what you wanted and were clear about it. He knew what he wanted but didn't have the testicular fortitude to tell you. That's not your fault.
    That is where my thinking was.
    My default assumption would be that a girl wouldn't want a FWB (apparently you don't either)... So in this case, I might have to continue lying about "us" to keep eating my slice of the cake!
    Why should I care to tell you anyway?

    On a side note, it's not as if men's feeling cannot change with time... So he might not be as involved emotionally right now, but this might change with time. So he might not be totally lying.
  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,268 Member
    Well alrighty.
    He and I had been talking for months. One day he would be mushy and romantic and then next just sexual. He was very unclear about what he was looking for.
    The comments make me sound clingy and desperate. I guess I can see how I could come off that way, but that isn't the case at all. I didn't want a commitment as in, yes I want you to be my girl friend, just clarification on what he was looking for. If it was a fwb I wouldn't continue with him because I had feelings for him. I think that is fair for me to know before I get in over my head.
    It's completely fair. Most men want to have their cake and eat it, too, if they can get away with it. You knew what you wanted and were clear about it. He knew what he wanted but didn't have the testicular fortitude to tell you. That's not your fault.
    That is where my thinking was.
    My default assumption would be that a girl wouldn't want a FWB (apparently you don't either)... So in this case, I might have to continue lying about "us" to keep eating my slice of the cake!
    Why should I care to tell you anyway?

    On a side note, it's not as if men's feeling cannot change with time... So he might not be as involved emotionally right now, but this might change with time. So he might not be totally lying.

    That makes a lot of sense. You are right, I don't want him as a fwb. And for the sake of disclosure, I already have one. lol I definitely do not want two.
  • lq022
    lq022 Posts: 232 Member
    Bottom line I think is this: you have a good head on your shoulders .. if you didnt care about how you come off, you wouldnt ask MFPeeps about it ... You know what you want and what you dont want ... if all he is doing is being wishy-washy and giving you mixed messages, than he probably doesnt want anything serious .. hate to say it, but it could be the truth ... Or if you say that he can be really romantic and nice, its probably because he may have been feeling particulary romantic that day .. maybe he just got through watching Bridget Jones' diary and decided Hugh grant is a fox and wanted to be like him for a little ... but then his testosterone sets in again, and he decides to be a DB

    sorry i got off on a tanget ... back to my point. Men will go after what they want, if they want it bad enough. Period. I dont care what his situation is .. once he wants you, he wont stop trying to get you. If hes giving you mixed messages, then its up to YOU to lay down YOUR bottom line . Mixed messages COULD mean he doesnt know what he wants ... thats when you gotta play hardball .. I hate playing games and I dont condone it onces your in a relationship .,.. but when it comes to stuff like this .. you gotta dangle the bait (ie: you!) and then pull it away for a little just to see if he'll bite .. if he doesnt .. then go dangle that bait to some other fish that will eat you up for breakfast =)
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