Disagreements with your SO over political beliefs?
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temsabi
Posts: 45 Member
Hey all! New to the group but hoping you all will just weigh-in/let me vent. My boyfriend is a very sweet, caring, loving guy, but he comes from a pretty conservative background. I do not.
If it wasn't for our political differences, our relationship would be practically perfect. But as it is, we get into arguments over politics all the time. The latest thing is he and my mom were part of the same labor union. The city is suffering and wanted the union not to take the contracted pay raises. My mom voted for pay raises, my boyfriend voted against pay raises. Both of them felt very strongly about how they voted. My mom has since retired, but my boyfriend has stayed with the union.
Well, the votes were counted and the decision was made to take the pay raise, but instead lay three people off. My boyfriend felt that the union was being selfish. He sent out a letter to everyone in the union telling him he wasn't taking his pay raise and asking for people to join him. My mom felt very strongly that the city didn't have to lay people off, that it was a scare tactic and that the union should fight hard to keep what they were promised or else the city is going to continue to take more and more until the union is powerless.
Truth be told, I can see both sides to the story. I feel for the people who lost their jobs, but I also see my mom's side. I am a very strong supporter of labor unions and the protection of contracts signed by both the city and unions. But this whole situation has caused a lot of tension for me. My boyfriend has been filled with a lot of bitterness towards this whole situation, calls his union a "thug union" (hard to hear especially considering my mom was an active member in this union), that unions were for protection in the past but now are there just there for litigation, and that people in "the real world" don't make as much money as his union does so that means they should be willing to make more concessions. I find all of this very offensive (my mom and everyone else in her union IS part of the real world!!), but I am a very sensitive, opinionated person so I realize I could be overreacting. It's been a year and a half since the vote and he still can't say ANYTHING positive about his union, though he swears up and down he things unions in general "do good things". He also seems very non-committal over how he feels about pensions. I get the impression he doesn't think they're deserved (!), though he won't come right out and say it. Keep in mind he is only 28, and has never had to pay a mortgage and only been working for his current employer for 4 years. I feel he is being incredibly naive about what the "real world" is at times.
I would love anyone else's insight into this situation! What do you think? How would you react? What would you do? Am I just overreacting to be bothered by this? I love my boyfriend but his reaction to this whole situation bothers me.
If it wasn't for our political differences, our relationship would be practically perfect. But as it is, we get into arguments over politics all the time. The latest thing is he and my mom were part of the same labor union. The city is suffering and wanted the union not to take the contracted pay raises. My mom voted for pay raises, my boyfriend voted against pay raises. Both of them felt very strongly about how they voted. My mom has since retired, but my boyfriend has stayed with the union.
Well, the votes were counted and the decision was made to take the pay raise, but instead lay three people off. My boyfriend felt that the union was being selfish. He sent out a letter to everyone in the union telling him he wasn't taking his pay raise and asking for people to join him. My mom felt very strongly that the city didn't have to lay people off, that it was a scare tactic and that the union should fight hard to keep what they were promised or else the city is going to continue to take more and more until the union is powerless.
Truth be told, I can see both sides to the story. I feel for the people who lost their jobs, but I also see my mom's side. I am a very strong supporter of labor unions and the protection of contracts signed by both the city and unions. But this whole situation has caused a lot of tension for me. My boyfriend has been filled with a lot of bitterness towards this whole situation, calls his union a "thug union" (hard to hear especially considering my mom was an active member in this union), that unions were for protection in the past but now are there just there for litigation, and that people in "the real world" don't make as much money as his union does so that means they should be willing to make more concessions. I find all of this very offensive (my mom and everyone else in her union IS part of the real world!!), but I am a very sensitive, opinionated person so I realize I could be overreacting. It's been a year and a half since the vote and he still can't say ANYTHING positive about his union, though he swears up and down he things unions in general "do good things". He also seems very non-committal over how he feels about pensions. I get the impression he doesn't think they're deserved (!), though he won't come right out and say it. Keep in mind he is only 28, and has never had to pay a mortgage and only been working for his current employer for 4 years. I feel he is being incredibly naive about what the "real world" is at times.
I would love anyone else's insight into this situation! What do you think? How would you react? What would you do? Am I just overreacting to be bothered by this? I love my boyfriend but his reaction to this whole situation bothers me.
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I totally hear what you're saying. I don't think you're over-reacting. As I was reading, I got the sense that there are two basic things going on here: A) you disagree with your boyfriend's political opinions about unions and 
you're having some hurt feelings by the fact that he generalizes his negative opinions of the union, thereby including your mom and her active role in the union. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and married for 7....I speak from some experience that the likelihood of changing your partner's political ideas is slim, so that makes part A kindof an ongoing work in patience. However, Part B, the part of this that involves his insensitivity toward the fact that your mother is involved is something that can be worked with. How have you tried talking with him about this? My first thought is to wonder if he is even aware that his quick, angry comments like calling the union a "thug union" might actually hurt you on a level deeper than just political disagreement, because in a way he is including your mom in that statement. What makes perfect sense to him on a logical level (even though we may disagree with his political ideas), cuts even deeper for you because of your mom's involvement. It seems from your post that your opinion of your mom and her involvement in the union is high and you consider her work and her efforts to have been worthwhile, so it makes sense to me, as an outsider to the whole thing, that his remarks would feel extra caustic to you.
One thing's for sure; people change, especially people operating in relationship to others. His opinion on unions today may change over time as he gains more life experience. His ability to understand the ways in which his reactions to the union situation affect you will also change, and hopefully for the better.
I felt your post mirrored many of my reactions to some issues my husband and I disagree on. He sometimes operates in a World Where Logic Rules Everything, whereas I have more emotional, personal connections to my stance on the issue. His arguments often feel cold, calculating, and somewhat aggressive, whereas my opposition usually comes from a place of personal experience (i.e. "real world"), connection, and emotion. Neither is necessarily better than the other; what matters (in my opinion) is if we can come out of ourselves enough to truly see where the other person is coming from. It sounds like you are trying to do that, by looking at both sides. Maybe for him, those steps might first include becoming aware of the reality that his words take on a life of their own as soon as he utters them: what he may mean as a short, concise opinion about the general concept of unions may come across to you as a vitriolic slur against your mom's efforts.
The last thing I'll say is that I love my hubs. He is my best friend, no matter what. It is possible to be very happily connected to someone in a fulfilling relationship, even if you disagree on some big issues. Not sure if any of this was helpful....I may just be babbling. Hang in there! 0
