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AnnaPixie
Posts: 7,439 Member
10 signs that he's only after one thing
It’s easy to tell whether a bloke is interested. You know the body language: eye contact and all that. What’s harder is knowing whether he’s interested in a relationship with you, or in getting his rocks off in time for breakfast.
1. He’s brilliant at eye contact
Eye-contact is extremely seductive – and no-strings men know this. These players are all about getting sex, and they’ll only stay for breakfast if it involves hand relief and a quick goodbye.
Players are masters of body language. They know to lean in as you speak, to brush your arm with theirs and let your knees touch for a moment longer than necessary. Most of all, they’re very good at eye contact.
A guy who wants you for more than sex will be too nervous for all this stuff. He’ll get goose bumps and mess up his words. He’ll find it especially hard to meet your eye, because it’ll make him blush like a baboon’s bum.
2. He talks about himself more than about you
He wants to impress you, because that’s his way into your knickers. He’ll bang on about his exotic travels, his amazing career and the time he lit a cigarette for Jeremy Clarkson.
But he doesn’t want to know much about you. He may ask about your housemates, but only as research for when he invites himself back for coffee.
3. He avoids serious topics
He won’t discuss personal matters, because he doesn’t want to run the risk of you hugging him or, horrors, opening up your own baggage. If he mentions his ex, it’s only because he’s not over her and wants a rebound fling.
4. Friends aren’t part of the conversation
A no-strings man doesn’t want to involve you in his life. His friends are more important than you are, so he won’t chat to you about them and he certainly won’t introduce you. If your friends were to turn up in the pub, he’d make his excuses and leave.
5. He chooses your date venue
It’s especially easy to spot a player if you go to the cinema. A man who joins you for a chick flick is either gay or really interested in you. A man who insists on seeing Watchmen – when you don’t know what Watchman is – is only taking you to the pictures because he wants sex afterwards.
6. He’s dismayed by a gift
If you’ve been chatting online for a while, you might think it’s nice to bring along a little pressie. Big risk.
If he opens it with blushing pleasure and says “my turn next time,” you’re doing well. If he says “you shouldn’t have,” goes silent and looks uncomfortable, he’s terrified that you’re about to start sending out wedding invitations.
7. He asks you to go Dutch
This is a tricky one. Not all bill-splitting men are just after sex, and not all bill-payers are after a relationship. In fact, lavishing you with drinks and dinner is part of the player’s sex-getting strategy.
However, our quick poll of male daters revealed that most men would want to “treat you” and “be the man” on a first date if they wanted a relationship. “I’d only ask a woman to go Dutch if I didn’t care what she thought of me,” says Simon, 38. “We’d split the bill, have sex and say goodbye in the morning. Casual and independent.”
8. He can’t keep his hands off you
If you’re on a 10th date with a guy who can’t control his public displays of affection, lucky you! Always nice to have a boyfriend who thinks you’re the sexiest thing alive.
But most men will only paw you on a first date if they don’t want a relationship. They know that women want gentlemen, but if they’re only after sex they don’t care about the impression they’re making.
9. He doesn’t chat or cuddle after sex
Once he’s got you back to his place (or yours) it’ll be fast and furious. He won’t spend time worrying about how to please you, because he’s the one who counts. Afterwards, he’ll roll over and sleep!10. He doesn’t call
If a man doesn’t call after you had sex on a first date, it doesn’t mean that he’s shy or playing hard to get. It means he’s got what he wanted. Recommended reading: He’s Just Not That Into You.
A man who really likes you will call, probably within 24 hours of your first date. It won’t be a booty call, either. He’ll want to chat, and to hear the sound of your voice, and he’ll be terrified. Be nice to him – he could be around for a while.
It’s easy to tell whether a bloke is interested. You know the body language: eye contact and all that. What’s harder is knowing whether he’s interested in a relationship with you, or in getting his rocks off in time for breakfast.
1. He’s brilliant at eye contact
Eye-contact is extremely seductive – and no-strings men know this. These players are all about getting sex, and they’ll only stay for breakfast if it involves hand relief and a quick goodbye.
Players are masters of body language. They know to lean in as you speak, to brush your arm with theirs and let your knees touch for a moment longer than necessary. Most of all, they’re very good at eye contact.
A guy who wants you for more than sex will be too nervous for all this stuff. He’ll get goose bumps and mess up his words. He’ll find it especially hard to meet your eye, because it’ll make him blush like a baboon’s bum.
2. He talks about himself more than about you
He wants to impress you, because that’s his way into your knickers. He’ll bang on about his exotic travels, his amazing career and the time he lit a cigarette for Jeremy Clarkson.
But he doesn’t want to know much about you. He may ask about your housemates, but only as research for when he invites himself back for coffee.
3. He avoids serious topics
He won’t discuss personal matters, because he doesn’t want to run the risk of you hugging him or, horrors, opening up your own baggage. If he mentions his ex, it’s only because he’s not over her and wants a rebound fling.
4. Friends aren’t part of the conversation
A no-strings man doesn’t want to involve you in his life. His friends are more important than you are, so he won’t chat to you about them and he certainly won’t introduce you. If your friends were to turn up in the pub, he’d make his excuses and leave.
5. He chooses your date venue
It’s especially easy to spot a player if you go to the cinema. A man who joins you for a chick flick is either gay or really interested in you. A man who insists on seeing Watchmen – when you don’t know what Watchman is – is only taking you to the pictures because he wants sex afterwards.
6. He’s dismayed by a gift
If you’ve been chatting online for a while, you might think it’s nice to bring along a little pressie. Big risk.
If he opens it with blushing pleasure and says “my turn next time,” you’re doing well. If he says “you shouldn’t have,” goes silent and looks uncomfortable, he’s terrified that you’re about to start sending out wedding invitations.
7. He asks you to go Dutch
This is a tricky one. Not all bill-splitting men are just after sex, and not all bill-payers are after a relationship. In fact, lavishing you with drinks and dinner is part of the player’s sex-getting strategy.
However, our quick poll of male daters revealed that most men would want to “treat you” and “be the man” on a first date if they wanted a relationship. “I’d only ask a woman to go Dutch if I didn’t care what she thought of me,” says Simon, 38. “We’d split the bill, have sex and say goodbye in the morning. Casual and independent.”
8. He can’t keep his hands off you
If you’re on a 10th date with a guy who can’t control his public displays of affection, lucky you! Always nice to have a boyfriend who thinks you’re the sexiest thing alive.
But most men will only paw you on a first date if they don’t want a relationship. They know that women want gentlemen, but if they’re only after sex they don’t care about the impression they’re making.
9. He doesn’t chat or cuddle after sex
Once he’s got you back to his place (or yours) it’ll be fast and furious. He won’t spend time worrying about how to please you, because he’s the one who counts. Afterwards, he’ll roll over and sleep!10. He doesn’t call
If a man doesn’t call after you had sex on a first date, it doesn’t mean that he’s shy or playing hard to get. It means he’s got what he wanted. Recommended reading: He’s Just Not That Into You.
A man who really likes you will call, probably within 24 hours of your first date. It won’t be a booty call, either. He’ll want to chat, and to hear the sound of your voice, and he’ll be terrified. Be nice to him – he could be around for a while.
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Replies
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I got played once. The guy was exactly like No.1 :huh:
What do you peeps think - male and female - any reason to believe that just because a guy is confident and a 'master at body language' that he's a player??
:bigsmile:0 -
No.
On a side note, this pile of crap (the 10 points thing) was probably written by an uninformed (and bitter) woman. :laugh:
(yeah I want to elaborate on each of the 10 points)0 -
Ehhh...
I hate gifts and cuddling...
But I don't really think there is ever a way to really spot 'em. Masters of disguise.0 -
Not at all. It does mean he has experience dating/picking women up. But he might also be genuinely interested in you. I think you'd have to score high on three or more of these to see that he's a player.0
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No.
On a side note, this pile of crap (the 10 points thing) was probably written by an uninformed (and bitter) woman. :laugh:
(yeah I want to elaborate on each of the 10 points)
:laugh: can't wait!! :bigsmile:
And I KNEW you would have something to say about this my little body language expert!!! :laugh:0 -
Oh dear god I did some of those last night.0
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Eye contact is level 0 of seduction. All men (player or not) knows about eye contact.1. He’s brilliant at eye contact
Eye-contact is extremely seductive – and no-strings men know this.
Players are masters of body language. Most of all, they’re very good at eye contact.
The "confidence" to touch you (on the first date) would actually be a better indicator, but then again, you don't go for a kiss if you haven't touched the girl before (cf stories of guys who will just chat for 3 hours and then afterwards try to kiss, and obviously fail miserably).
Yeah, a man who never gets dates and have never met a woman of his life is nervous for all this stuff. All the women on MFP (and everywhere for that matter) tell us they want a "confident" and "manly" man, who makes the first moves. So please don't give me that BS of the nervous kid suddenly scoring with all the women. This is a complete lie.A guy who wants you for more than sex will be too nervous for all this stuff. He’ll get goose bumps and mess up his words. He’ll find it especially hard to meet your eye, because it’ll make him blush like a baboon’s bum.
Wrong, only *boring* d!ckheads talk about themselves. Real players will make the woman talk about personal stuff, involve her emotionally in the conversation so that she ends up saying "I feel like I've known you for ages!". Indeed, a required skill is to create a deep connection quicker than the girl would get with most men in normal conversations. As a player, you want to be remembered, don't you?2. He talks about himself more than about you
He wants to impress you, because that’s his way into your knickers.
But he doesn’t want to know much about you. He may ask about your housemates, but only as research for when he invites himself back for coffee.
Cf 2, but basically, he will be happy to talk about YOUR personal stuff.3. He avoids serious topics
He won’t discuss personal matters, because he doesn’t want to run the risk of you hugging him or, horrors, opening up your own baggage. If he mentions his ex, it’s only because he’s not over her and wants a rebound fling.
He will want you to "hug him" (= big win in closeness), he won't care if you open up your own baggage: he's not here to cure you, just to create closeness. The person who wrote that is wrong on so many levels that it makes me laugh.
If he talks about his ex, it can be to compliment you ("she was really hot and intelligent, I must say it's very rare to meet these kind of girls!"), to show how respectful he is of his ex (wow! Such a mature man!) or to show you he can do LTRs too (So he is not only after quick sex!).
My friends are always more important than a girl I've been talking to for only 30 minutes. What a demanding and arrogant b!tch!4. Friends aren’t part of the conversation
A no-strings man doesn’t want to involve you in his life. His friends are more important than you are, so he won’t chat to you about them and he certainly won’t introduce you.
Also, why should I involve you in my life so early? You might be an unstable psychopath. What? Are you thinking LTR already you weirdo? Chill out, we've only talked for 30 minutes... How cute (and how clingy).
Watchmen is a great movie, I'd recommend it to everyone actually. A super hero movie that deals with some serious topics, instead of just showing special effects and explosions - probably worth 10 chick flicks. I like narrow minded judgemental women who talk without any knowledge of a topic, they are particularly attractive.5. He chooses your date venue
It’s especially easy to spot a player if you go to the cinema. A man who joins you for a chick flick is either gay or really interested in you. A man who insists on seeing Watchmen – when you don’t know what Watchman is – is only taking you to the pictures because he wants sex afterwards.
Anyway... I've got no interest in seeing a chick flick, isn't it what your girl friends are for? What? You don't have any friends... Oh ok. Maybe there is a reason?
I'd be thankful, on the first date, if a girl was offering me a present. But really, she shouldn't have.6. He’s dismayed by a gift
If you’ve been chatting online for a while, you might think it’s nice to bring along a little pressie. Big risk.
If he opens it with blushing pleasure and says “my turn next time,” you’re doing well. If he says “you shouldn’t have,” goes silent and looks uncomfortable, he’s terrified that you’re about to start sending out wedding invitations.
I'd run away with the gift so that she says herself: "Hmm... maybe I shouldn't have."
Wedding invitations? That thought wouldn't even be near the brain of a man. Seriously, you've got to be a woman to think like that.
So basically we don't know. Useful number 7 that doesn't say the person is player, but doesn't say it is not.7. He asks you to go Dutch
This is a tricky one. Not all bill-splitting men are just after sex, and not all bill-payers are after a relationship.
Cf 1, you will want to touch a girl to escalate to a kiss. Not saying he should be touching your *kitten* or grope you with vulgarity (there will be time for this later).8. He can’t keep his hands off you
But most men will only paw you on a first date if they don’t want a relationship. They know that women want gentlemen, but if they’re only after sex they don’t care about the impression they’re making.
Useful... Thanks to this amazing advice, you can now officially tell you've been played AFTER you've been played!9. He doesn’t chat or cuddle after sex
10. He doesn’t call
Or he could be a player who knows this already.A man who really likes you will call, probably within 24 hours of your first date. It won’t be a booty call, either. He’ll want to chat, and to hear the sound of your voice, and he’ll be terrified. Be nice to him – he could be around for a while.
Great advice anyway.0 -
All guys are after one thing, its what a woman has to offer that determines how long he stays around after hooking up. Women are the players today. Not all choose that road but they have so many choices (like 50a) and men might have like 1-3 choices. Most of my friends are female and they play men all the time. Times have changed, men cant screw women over anymore like thye used to. It seems that women that do get screwed over are the ones who like the bad boys and only look for that type, in that case, they will always get screwed over. I know so many guys who are single and would to meet a good woman. I dont know one single jerk or a hole is is single, weiird how that works.0
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I was awaiting's Flam response once I saw his comment about planning a FULL response, ahaa... never disappoints!
You're right, this was a woman writing this with no idea why men have really treated her the way they do. I've only dated one player, and Flam was spot on! He asked a lot about me but never shared much. He avoided talking about his ex like the plague. He did always want to pay, but I think that was to show me he could (he made a lot less than I did). We did always go where he wanted. He definitely freaked out when I gave him a gift even though we had been "seeing" each other 6 months at that point and it was the holidays...it was only $10, haha. Should have realized then...
And honestly, I died laughing reading the last comments about realizing you'd been played AFTER.... both of those were true for me. Dead giveaway yet I SOOOO wanted him. What can I say, he was HOT?! Oh well, lesson learned and I just try not to become one of those single females who becomes bitter and looks for red flags in everything a guy does or says!0 -
Thanks Florian, hilarious :flowerforyou:
9. He doesn’t chat or cuddle after sex
10. He doesn’t call
Useful... Thanks to this amazing advice, you can now officially tell you've been played AFTER you've been played!
I knooooooooooooooow!! :laugh:
PS and what does cf mean?? :huh:0 -
The 10 Signs aren't entirely spot on.
Calvert is right that at least in Western societies, women are the players today. At any given time, a woman can be playing 10+ options, whereas most guys can't play more than a few.0 -
Almost all women say this is good so what the hell do you really want.1. He’s brilliant at eye contact
Agreed and for both persons.2. He talks about himself more than about you
Bullcrap,maybe he is avoiding where are we going with this talk on the third meeting but if this means not having real conversations it is nonsense.3. He avoids serious topics
If anyone guy or gal is trying to get you isolated from friends and family it is a disaster in the making.4. Friends aren’t part of the conversation
Most ladies here have said they don`t want to actively participate in this so this one seems odd.5. He chooses your date venue
Guess it would depend on what it was and when given *shrug*6. He’s dismayed by a gift
The OPs comments say it all,not sure why this was put in here unless to fill out the number.7. He asks you to go Dutch
Another silly filler,no one should be groping anyone early on,a stupid thing to have included as only a douche would so that is evidence enough regardless of the rest.8. He can’t keep his hands off you
What the?,this is idiotic because there is no definition of what is cuddling or what is the right amount,let your guy know what you want...it is not that difficult to do,take responsibility for how you want a relationship to be rather then say nothing and then gripe about shortcomings.9. He doesn’t chat or cuddle after sex0 -
As an addendum...so what if he is only after one thing (sex) how is that inferior to a lady only after one thing (a feeling of euphoria)?
Both should be willing to sacrifice what they want and be happy to work towards what the other does or it is a one way street.0 -
Eye contact is level 0 of seduction. All men (player or not) knows about eye contact.1. He’s brilliant at eye contact
Eye-contact is extremely seductive – and no-strings men know this.
Players are masters of body language. Most of all, they’re very good at eye contact.
The "confidence" to touch you (on the first date) would actually be a better indicator, but then again, you don't go for a kiss if you haven't touched the girl before (cf stories of guys who will just chat for 3 hours and then afterwards try to kiss, and obviously fail miserably).
Yeah, a man who never gets dates and have never met a woman of his life is nervous for all this stuff. All the women on MFP (and everywhere for that matter) tell us they want a "confident" and "manly" man, who makes the first moves. So please don't give me that BS of the nervous kid suddenly scoring with all the women. This is a complete lie.A guy who wants you for more than sex will be too nervous for all this stuff. He’ll get goose bumps and mess up his words. He’ll find it especially hard to meet your eye, because it’ll make him blush like a baboon’s bum.
Wrong, only *boring* d!ckheads talk about themselves. Real players will make the woman talk about personal stuff, involve her emotionally in the conversation so that she ends up saying "I feel like I've known you for ages!". Indeed, a required skill is to create a deep connection quicker than the girl would get with most men in normal conversations. As a player, you want to be remembered, don't you?2. He talks about himself more than about you
He wants to impress you, because that’s his way into your knickers.
But he doesn’t want to know much about you. He may ask about your housemates, but only as research for when he invites himself back for coffee.
Cf 2, but basically, he will be happy to talk about YOUR personal stuff.3. He avoids serious topics
He won’t discuss personal matters, because he doesn’t want to run the risk of you hugging him or, horrors, opening up your own baggage. If he mentions his ex, it’s only because he’s not over her and wants a rebound fling.
He will want you to "hug him" (= big win in closeness), he won't care if you open up your own baggage: he's not here to cure you, just to create closeness. The person who wrote that is wrong on so many levels that it makes me laugh.
If he talks about his ex, it can be to compliment you ("she was really hot and intelligent, I must say it's very rare to meet these kind of girls!"), to show how respectful he is of his ex (wow! Such a mature man!) or to show you he can do LTRs too (So he is not only after quick sex!).
My friends are always more important than a girl I've been talking to for only 30 minutes. What a demanding and arrogant b!tch!4. Friends aren’t part of the conversation
A no-strings man doesn’t want to involve you in his life. His friends are more important than you are, so he won’t chat to you about them and he certainly won’t introduce you.
Also, why should I involve you in my life so early? You might be an unstable psychopath. What? Are you thinking LTR already you weirdo? Chill out, we've only talked for 30 minutes... How cute (and how clingy).
Watchmen is a great movie, I'd recommend it to everyone actually. A super hero movie that deals with some serious topics, instead of just showing special effects and explosions - probably worth 10 chick flicks. I like narrow minded judgemental women who talk without any knowledge of a topic, they are particularly attractive.5. He chooses your date venue
It’s especially easy to spot a player if you go to the cinema. A man who joins you for a chick flick is either gay or really interested in you. A man who insists on seeing Watchmen – when you don’t know what Watchman is – is only taking you to the pictures because he wants sex afterwards.
Anyway... I've got no interest in seeing a chick flick, isn't it what your girl friends are for? What? You don't have any friends... Oh ok. Maybe there is a reason?
I'd be thankful, on the first date, if a girl was offering me a present. But really, she shouldn't have.6. He’s dismayed by a gift
If you’ve been chatting online for a while, you might think it’s nice to bring along a little pressie. Big risk.
If he opens it with blushing pleasure and says “my turn next time,” you’re doing well. If he says “you shouldn’t have,” goes silent and looks uncomfortable, he’s terrified that you’re about to start sending out wedding invitations.
I'd run away with the gift so that she says herself: "Hmm... maybe I shouldn't have."
Wedding invitations? That thought wouldn't even be near the brain of a man. Seriously, you've got to be a woman to think like that.
So basically we don't know. Useful number 7 that doesn't say the person is player, but doesn't say it is not.7. He asks you to go Dutch
This is a tricky one. Not all bill-splitting men are just after sex, and not all bill-payers are after a relationship.
Cf 1, you will want to touch a girl to escalate to a kiss. Not saying he should be touching your *kitten* or grope you with vulgarity (there will be time for this later).8. He can’t keep his hands off you
But most men will only paw you on a first date if they don’t want a relationship. They know that women want gentlemen, but if they’re only after sex they don’t care about the impression they’re making.
Useful... Thanks to this amazing advice, you can now officially tell you've been played AFTER you've been played!9. He doesn’t chat or cuddle after sex
10. He doesn’t call
Or he could be a player who knows this already.A man who really likes you will call, probably within 24 hours of your first date. It won’t be a booty call, either. He’ll want to chat, and to hear the sound of your voice, and he’ll be terrified. Be nice to him – he could be around for a while.
Great advice anyway.
Yes exactly! I was way too lazy to type all this out, so thanks for destroying each of these ridiculous points!0 -
So, remind me, do women dislike sex these days? Do they all just want a husband to support them? If so, then yes, beware of the player. If not, then consider who is playing whom.0
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All guys are after one thing, its what a woman has to offer that determines how long he stays around after hooking up. Women are the players today. Not all choose that road but they have so many choices (like 50a) and men might have like 1-3 choices. Most of my friends are female and they play men all the time. Times have changed, men cant screw women over anymore like thye used to. It seems that women that do get screwed over are the ones who like the bad boys and only look for that type, in that case, they will always get screwed over. I know so many guys who are single and would to meet a good woman. I dont know one single jerk or a hole is is single, weiird how that works.
And I know several great women who are single and would love to meet a good man...
Why is it so hard for the good ones to connect???0 -
As an addendum...so what if he is only after one thing (sex) how is that inferior to a lady only after one thing (a feeling of euphoria)?
Both should be willing to sacrifice what they want and be happy to work towards what the other does or it is a one way street.
Well, there's truth in what you say Carl, but in relevance to players, it's the fact that they lie about it.
I'm all for a guy to say he's only looking for sex. He's doesnt want a relationship. Just wants a FWB. Whatever!!
But when he plays this game to make you think otherwise, it's not nice. Really! It's a sneaky and callous and horrible way of getting sex.
@ Calvert - Do women 'play' just to get sex?? Do they lure a guy into bed against his better judgement?? What exactly are women players??0 -
So, remind me, do women dislike sex these days? Do they all just want a husband to support them? If so, then yes, beware of the player. If not, then consider who is playing whom.
Women love sex. But as far as I know (correct me if I'm wrong) if a woman just wants sex, then she doesnt have to lure a guy into bed under the pretense of wanting a relationship with him. Men are usually quite accomodating when a woman wants sex?0 -
So, remind me, do women dislike sex these days? Do they all just want a husband to support them? If so, then yes, beware of the player. If not, then consider who is playing whom.
Women love sex. But as far as I know (correct me if I'm wrong) if a woman just wants sex, then she doesnt have to lure a guy into bed under the pretense of wanting a relationship with him. Men are usually quite accomodating when a woman wants sex?
That's what I thought too.0 -
So, remind me, do women dislike sex these days? Do they all just want a husband to support them? If so, then yes, beware of the player. If not, then consider who is playing whom.
Women love sex. But as far as I know (correct me if I'm wrong) if a woman just wants sex, then she doesnt have to lure a guy into bed under the pretense of wanting a relationship with him. Men are usually quite accomodating when a woman wants sex?
True BUT I think a lot of women try to use sex thinking they'll be so amazing that he'll want to date them, haha...Poor guy probably thinks he's hit the gold mine with a woman just wanting to use him.... Yeah, right?! Not saying there aren't plenty of women who are just out for sex, but far more that use it as a tool, no pun intended, haha!0
