Another one for the men... pre-existing female friendships
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
What do you think when a guy you've started dating insists his pre-existing female friendships are important to him and he will not break any plans/commitments/etc with them just because he met you?
I, personally, don't take offense to this because I value loyalty and commitment and even if I met the perfect man tomorrow I would still keep my pre-existing non-romantic commitments with guy friends (but would begin to limit future plans as this relationship develops).
However, if he continues to make plans with these women after awhile, I take it as that he's not really into me. I've dated two guys like this and both immediately cut ALL of us women off once they met "the one"
Your thoughts?
I, personally, don't take offense to this because I value loyalty and commitment and even if I met the perfect man tomorrow I would still keep my pre-existing non-romantic commitments with guy friends (but would begin to limit future plans as this relationship develops).
However, if he continues to make plans with these women after awhile, I take it as that he's not really into me. I've dated two guys like this and both immediately cut ALL of us women off once they met "the one"
Your thoughts?
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A romantic relationship takes priority over pre-existing female friendships.0
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Expecting to be the only female companionship for a man for the REST OF HIS LIFE is setting the relationship up for failure. Sure, you want to be the only romantic stimulation but it just isn't realistic to expect you to have to provide all of the friendship duties. I, personally, like to have some female friends that I can talk to about things I just can't with either my dude friends or someone I am in a relationship with.
Also, you do realize that you are talking about having someone ditch their friends for the relationship, right? Take gender out of the situation and think about what you are saying.
I would be happy that my gf had other outlets for friendship as long as they were pursued in a healthy, non-romantic sort of way.
Jealousy is not awesome, in my humble opinion. And the above is also just that - my opinion. I'm sure there are people with a healthy relationship who disagree. I see that you put you are completely ok with this and just wondering if it is a sign he is not interested in you. I don't think so, good luck!0 -
Ditching any friends, regardless of gender, is not cool when you enter a relationship. Of course there should be boundaries and all parties should meet and be comfortable with one another though. Plus naturally, there may be less time spent with friends due to the relationship. That said, couples who become too co-dependent because those involved exclude friends often fail after a while because they have no support system outside of one another. Then what happens if/when the relationship fails and you no longer have any friends because you ditched them?0
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Obviously I'm not a man, but I don't think there is anything wrong in maintaining friendships with individuals of the opposite gender just because of a relationship. The longer two people are in a relationship with each other, the more each other's lives end up merging, which includes the other's friend circles -- at least, in a healthy relationship. As far as I'm concerned, if your significant other has had a friendship with a girl for a long time with no romantic attachment, it's probably not something to be worried about anyway.0
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However, if he continues to make plans with these women after awhile, I take it as that he's not really into me. I've dated two guys like this and both immediately cut ALL of us women off once they met "the one"
Your thoughts?
I've been friends with my best mate for 25 years. His girlfriends come and go (as do my boyfriends). Even his wife came and went!!! I would be particularly upset (distraught perhaps?) if he dropped me out of his life !!
I have difficulty with all his women in the initial stages. He's with a new one now and she hates me :laugh: But usually they get to realise that our situation is nothing but a deep and strong friendship that has endured the test of time, so they chill the hell out about it!
I can't imagine dropping a friend because I find 'the one'. Sure. your time together is less and you can't ring them at 2am if you're in trouble (OMG his g/f went nuts at this....!!!) But my life is enhanced friends. They add a different dynamic to the one you have with a partner.
But I agree that your partner becomes priority :flowerforyou:0 -
I would never expect anyone to cut friendships over a relationship, but I would expect to be introduced and included in the vast majority of plans. I have guy friends and when they have been in relationships, I have become at least acquaintances with the SOs.0
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Also, you do realize that you are talking about having someone ditch their friends for the relationship, right? Take gender out of the situation and think about what you are saying.
Actually, if you read what I wrote, you'd see that I do NOT like the idea of someone ditching their friends for a relationship. What I am saying, however, is the two guys I've dated who felt they had to make a big deal about keeping their female friendships then turned around and cut most of those women (including me) off when they felt like they met "the one." IN those cases, I suspect that they weren't female friends but romantic interests being kept on the line.
I've had other guy friends who maintained their female friendships but never made a big deal about it because all parties involved know where to draw the line between relationship and friendship. I value loyalty and commitment. I was there before she was, and if we were just friends there's no reason to kick me to the curb. However, when my guy friends get in relationships, I know how to take a back seat but still be a friend.
For example, my bgf got in a relationship two years ago. We had dated when I first became single but extenuating circumstances meant we wouldn't work out. We have intense chemistry, and once he started dating her I minimized the time we physically hung out, but we continued to call, swap dating stories, and ask how men/women think questions. It was me he turned to when he wanted to make their relationship permanent but couldn't resolve some inter-family concerns. And I helped him through that. That’s the value of having opposite-sex friends. Totally different situation than the one described in my question.0 -
As someone on the oppisite end of this ,having a group of almost all male friends. I would not expect a man to cut out his female friends anymore than I would cut out my male friends. Infact my male friends will have a big part in vetting the guy0
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There's nothing wrong with it. But if I'm in a relationship I'll be spending a lot of time with that person and I probably won't have as much time with everyone else. So the friendships that I've made that aren't as long lasting or could potentially cause problems will probably suffer.0
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And also, having come from a situation where my ex eventually isolated me from friends and family, I am HIGHLY resistant to any man who insists on me losing my friends. That said, when I’m in a romantic relationships my platonic friendships, especially those with men, just naturally take a backseat over time.
Edit: that doesn't mean they disappear... just that they're not the daily priority0 -
FWIW, I really like the way one of my friends handled it. I was getting close to a particular guy whose best friend was female (but living in another state). He introduced us, at her insistence, and we really hit it off (very similar in personality). Her take was that if he and I became a couple that I would become *her* new best friend. I never had a problem with their friendship and I did not feel threatened in any way.0
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If a new girlfriend even *implied* I would need to give up my existing female friends, that would be the end of that. If she implied I shouldn't be making new female friends, adios.
Nor would I expect her to stop seeing any of her male friends, etc., etc. I mean, we're all mature adults, right? I'm not a jealous person at all, and expect the same from my gf.
And btw, "pre-existing female friendships" makes them sound like a highly contagious disease.
--P0 -
If a new girlfriend even *implied* I would need to give up my existing female friends, that would be the end of that. If she implied I shouldn't be making new female friends, adios.
Nor would I expect her to stop seeing any of her male friends, etc., etc. I mean, we're all mature adults, right? I'm not a jealous person at all, and expect the same from my gf.
And btw, "pre-existing female friendships" makes them sound like a highly contagious disease.
--P
This ^
Now - I had a guy I was dating where I knew (and he knew) one of his female friends really liked him. I don't really have a problem with her liking him, we can't help who we like. I did end up having a problem with how they both acted. He would hide hanging out with her, I saw them holding hands, and someone else told me they were cuddling at the library when they were 'studying' together. (Actually I was asked if we weren't dating anymore before they said what they saw.) I ended up breaking up with him because of it, and they, a year and a half later, ended up getting married.
So if it's friendships, I'm fine, but if it's 'we like each other, but for some reason aren't actually dating', I'm not game.0 -
Friendships are really, really important. But it's also important to figure out which ones are fleeting, and which ones are going to remain.
I've never asked a guy to give up his female friends for me, and generally try to encourage him to still spend them with them. If there were romantic feelings, they would have/should have been explored by now. Jealousy is an emotion I cannot understand. If someone wants to be with me, then they will be. If they don't, then they can leave.
On the other hand, I've had guy friends of years that have just DROPPED me because their girlfriends disliked me. This happened recently, after 6 years of friendship.0 -
Ive alway had this problem. Every woman ive ever dated or knows likes to keep guy friends which I dont mind but it seems alot of women like to keep only single guy friends who want more than friendship and it usually ends up the guys disrespect the guy she is dating and never stops sending dirty texts and trying putting the moves on her so yeah it becomes a serious problem. Most of these guys, they met on pof or dont know very well.
Women just like to keep them around because they get attention. Guys do it for another reason, they are doing it just for sex or they are still in love with her. What guy or girl wants to date someone who is doign this crap and in your case him isolating you from them. Screw that, cheating has happened or is around the corner. Its worse in your situation, women love a taken man. You need to make him fix it.
I know most wont agree with me. Im old school and when im with someone, I dont believe in things like flirting with other women, giving out my number, or hanging out with other chicks that isnt friends with my woman. There just isnt any reason to be hanging otu with other people when you are in a serious relationship or married. It seems most people want their cake and eat it too. If you cant get everything you need from one partner then stay single0 -
I represent your example
The only way I've found a balance is making sure the new girl meets those "legacy" friends and is part of events where appropriate.
And I also find they are distracted by the shorts in my pic so I usually dont get asked.0 -
Thanks, calvert6183, for that though this isn't my current situation. What made me post it was that I was talking about the last guy I was into who did this. He had all these women fawning over him, but wanted me to think it was all platonic. I was a bit uncomfortable about that (same thing happened once before) but since I was relatively new to dating, I was open to trying new things and giving him a chance. And he was handsome, lots of fun, and quite an impressive man. Well, when he got a gf he kicked all of us to the curb.
I'm surprised that's considered "old fashioned" though. I just think it's smart to stay away from members of the opposite sex that you obviously have romantic/sexual chemistry with when you're in a relationship. Granted, most of my guy friends are NOT in this category (eww) so there would be nothing to worry about. But I have a few yummmmmmy guy friends who I only hang out with when we're both single.
I believe in firm boundaries and won't go out to dinner (or anything else that could be perceived as romantic) one-on-one with someone else's man. The funny thing is, I thought my opinions on "avoiding the appearance of evil" would be a selling point with potential dates, but not always. One guy said "If you can't trust your man then you shouldn't be with him." I countered that part of being able to trust a man is knowing that he will take precautions to avoid falling into a compromising position.0 -
Thanks, calvert6183, for that though this isn't my current situation. What made me post it was that I was talking about the last guy I was into who did this. He had all these women fawning over him, but wanted me to think it was all platonic. I was a bit uncomfortable about that (same thing happened once before) but since I was relatively new to dating, I was open to trying new things and giving him a chance. And he was handsome, lots of fun, and quite an impressive man. Well, when he got a gf he kicked all of us to the curb.
I'm surprised that's considered "old fashioned" though. I just think it's smart to stay away from members of the opposite sex that you obviously have romantic/sexual chemistry with when you're in a relationship. Granted, most of my guy friends are NOT in this category (eww) so there would be nothing to worry about. But I have a few yummmmmmy guy friends who I only hang out with when we're both single.
I believe in firm boundaries and won't go out to dinner (or anything else that could be perceived as romantic) one-on-one with someone else's man. The funny thing is, I thought my opinions on "avoiding the appearance of evil" would be a selling point with potential dates, but not always. One guy said "If you can't trust your man then you shouldn't be with him." I countered that part of being able to trust a man is knowing that he will take precautions to avoid falling into a compromising position.
I agree. I'm pretty sure more than half of cheating situations aren't PLANNED. What happened was they put themselves into a bad position and made poor decisions.0 -
I just dont believe in the whole being in a relationship and letting the other go out to dinner with a single person. There just isnt any real need for it. How many times do you hear of some woman slept with her boyfriends best friend? Even having a mutual friend cant guarantee there wont be cheating.
WHen you are with someone, you should be able to get everything you need from that person. me time, girls/guys night out are good and healthy but I dont care what anyone says, two people of the opposite sex hanging out and drinking isnt good. Men cheat for sex, women cheat for attention or it just happened.
Whatever the reason, they should not have put themselves in that situation. You dont see middle age or old married couples doing this crap. People say you should trust them, hell, with the cheating and divorce rate stats, yeah sorry but ill stick believing the facts. Look on here, my goodness, I cant believe how many married women are cheating on their husbands. Im sure the married men are doing it too. Its so jacked.
I know many couples that are completely happy and in love and they have couples friends and it works out just fine.0 -
I don't understand this. Whenever someone is in a "compromising situation", things escalate and they cheat?
I agree. I'm pretty sure more than half of cheating situations aren't PLANNED. What happened was they put themselves into a bad position and made poor decisions.One guy said "If you can't trust your man then you shouldn't be with him." I countered that part of being able to trust a man is knowing that he will take precautions to avoid falling into a compromising position.
Then you ARE precisely a cheater, since the only thing you're doing is avoiding the compromising situation. A serial killer who is in jail IS still a killer even though he doesn't kill at the moment (because he is in jail). He would if he could. You would cheat if you could.
If you think (like me) that people don't always let things escalate beyond repair when in a compromising situation (and they won't cheat), then well done you've learnt "trust".
You "trust" that your partner, if exposed to such a situation, will not end up kissing/sleeping with someone else (or doing whatever you call "cheating"... Heck! I'm sure some people are OK with their partner having a BJ by someone else as long as there is no emotional involvement).
I'm not saying jump in every women/men bed and see if you will want to have sex or not, but ultimately trust is your only real safeguard against cheating (without imprisoning your partner, that is).
To me, Calvert's solutions look very much like "imprisonment".
It shouldn't be too hard not to cheat. Otherwise, my guess would be that the relationship doesn't provide as much benefit as it used to.0 -
I'm not saying jump in every women/men bed and see if you will want to have sex or not, but ultimately trust is your only real safeguard against cheating (without imprisoning your partner, that is).
To me, Calvert's solutions look very much like "imprisonment".
Yeah, I agree with Florian. If you can't trust your partner then you haven't got a relationship worth hanging on to!
I went out with a guy who had Calvert's attitude once. He didnt think I should have a male best friend and wouldn't let me talk to other men. He wanted to be by my side 24/7. This is just someone that has serious trust issues (probably cos he had been cheated on in the past? I dont know). To me, he was jealous and possessive and he stifled me to death. Sorry, I can't live like that. I need my friends, both male and female. I'm not the co-dependent type.
Having access to friends of the opposite sex doesnt *make* you a cheat. You're either a cheat or you are not! I never heard a cheat say "well, it's all that guys fault I cheated cos he looked at me......and....and......he touched me......"............ermm....... :huh:I agree. I'm pretty sure more than half of cheating situations aren't PLANNED. What happened was they put themselves into a bad position and made poor decisions.
Sorry niece, but that's just a poor excuse for a cheat!!! You could put me in a room full of Brad Pitts and Gerald Butlers, but if I'm in love with my b/f then I wouldn't even look at them. I've never cheated in my life. And I never will.
Whatever the reason, they should not have put themselves in that situation. You dont see middle age or old married couples doing this crap. People say you should trust them, hell, with the cheating and divorce rate stats, yeah sorry but ill stick believing the facts. Look on here, my goodness, I cant believe how many married women are cheating on their husbands. Im sure the married men are doing it too. Its so jacked.
Firstly, we're talking about long standing friends here. Like I said, my best friend is male and he's been in my life for 25 years. I've never slept with him!!
Secondly, my LTex was a singer. And a very good looking singer too! He was approached by women all the time!! We were together 12 years, he never cheated on me once. (Well, unless you want to call cocaine his bit on the side!! :laugh: )
If you can't trust your partner then you have nothing. Divorce rates are high because people dont treat each other right!! Not because they happen to be in the same room as someone of the opposite sex!0 -
I would limit hanging out solo with single girlfriends of mine, cept for 2 of them. One of which is married and I went to high school with. We work out together too and I see her a couple of times a week usually. The other is a detective and we never have much time, so when we can catch up I make time too, both of these girls would welcome any girl I was dating with open arms so I don't think it will ever be an issue.
On the other hand though my ex and broke up froma fight that stemmed from her getting sexualish texts from a male friend she had slept with, she didn't like that I thought it was in issue. Didn't end well lol.0 -
I just dont believe in the whole being in a relationship and letting the other go out to dinner with a single person. There just isnt any real need for it. How many times do you hear of some woman slept with her boyfriends best friend? Even having a mutual friend cant guarantee there wont be cheating.
WHen you are with someone, you should be able to get everything you need from that person. me time, girls/guys night out are good and healthy but I dont care what anyone says, two people of the opposite sex hanging out and drinking isnt good. Men cheat for sex, women cheat for attention or it just happened.
Whatever the reason, they should not have put themselves in that situation. You dont see middle age or old married couples doing this crap. People say you should trust them, hell, with the cheating and divorce rate stats, yeah sorry but ill stick believing the facts. Look on here, my goodness, I cant believe how many married women are cheating on their husbands. Im sure the married men are doing it too. Its so jacked.
I know many couples that are completely happy and in love and they have couples friends and it works out just fine.
I can see where you are coming from but don't agree. I've hung out a lot with my friend's husband when I lived in South Dakota because there really was nobody else. We golfed a lot, watched Badger games etc. I was friends with him first and I know she was ok with it. I hung out with her as well and we even all took a trip to Vegas together.
I do go out to dinner with guy friends that are in relationships and have even invited their gf or wife along. If they don't come then they don't go but they had the chance too. When I go out and do things I like good company whether my friends are married or not.
As much as people in relationships may provide us will our needs being met most most relationships do not work out but hopefully your friends are still there even if you made the mistake of throwing them to the curb and blowing them off because you were so in love after a week. I hate it when I'm abandoned by my female or male friends because their significant other is insecure.
I'm sure a lot of people don't agree with this and I do understand certain type of single friends keeping in close contact with married/relationship people can be damaging but I'm talking about true friends and nothing sexual.0 -
They key is that these people are friends with him too and are true friends. Also I dont think people want to admit how much cheating goes on. Its easy to prove how prevalent it is. Also keep in mind, you might be a real true good girl but keep in mind, not every woman is like you. Even others on here have admitted, its just best to avoid compromising situations. Just cause something works for you doesnt mean it does for everyone else.
Im going to stick with studies, stats, and books about cheating, people today do alot more than you think, trust me. Im glad you are different and that it works for you, there are always exceptions to the rules. it all comes down to the people involved wether they are trust worthy or not. There are some great people out there but it seems everyday the numbers are dropping.0 -
Ive alway had this problem. Every woman ive ever dated or knows likes to keep guy friends which I dont mind but it seems alot of women like to keep only single guy friends who want more than friendship and it usually ends up the guys disrespect the guy she is dating and never stops sending dirty texts and trying putting the moves on her so yeah it becomes a serious problem. Most of these guys, they met on pof or dont know very well.
Women just like to keep them around because they get attention. Guys do it for another reason, they are doing it just for sex or they are still in love with her. What guy or girl wants to date someone who is doign this crap and in your case him isolating you from them. Screw that, cheating has happened or is around the corner. Its worse in your situation, women love a taken man. You need to make him fix it.
I know most wont agree with me. Im old school and when im with someone, I dont believe in things like flirting with other women, giving out my number, or hanging out with other chicks that isnt friends with my woman. There just isnt any reason to be hanging otu with other people when you are in a serious relationship or married. It seems most people want their cake and eat it too. If you cant get everything you need from one partner then stay single
I do so wish you were closer.
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Ive alway had this problem. Every woman ive ever dated or knows likes to keep guy friends which I dont mind but it seems alot of women like to keep only single guy friends who want more than friendship and it usually ends up the guys disrespect the guy she is dating and never stops sending dirty texts and trying putting the moves on her so yeah it becomes a serious problem. Most of these guys, they met on pof or dont know very well.
Women just like to keep them around because they get attention. Guys do it for another reason, they are doing it just for sex or they are still in love with her. What guy or girl wants to date someone who is doign this crap and in your case him isolating you from them. Screw that, cheating has happened or is around the corner. Its worse in your situation, women love a taken man. You need to make him fix it.
I know most wont agree with me. Im old school and when im with someone, I dont believe in things like flirting with other women, giving out my number, or hanging out with other chicks that isnt friends with my woman. There just isnt any reason to be hanging otu with other people when you are in a serious relationship or married. It seems most people want their cake and eat it too. If you cant get everything you need from one partner then stay single
I do so wish you were closer. 0 -
I can see where you are coming from but don't agree. I've hung out a lot with my friend's husband when I lived in South Dakota because there really was nobody else. We golfed a lot, watched Badger games etc. I was friends with him first and I know she was ok with it. I hung out with her as well and we even all took a trip to Vegas together.
I do go out to dinner with guy friends that are in relationships and have even invited their gf or wife along. If they don't come then they don't go but they had the chance too. When I go out and do things I like good company whether my friends are married or not.
As much as people in relationships may provide us will our needs being met most most relationships do not work out but hopefully your friends are still there even if you made the mistake of throwing them to the curb and blowing them off because you were so in love after a week. I hate it when I'm abandoned by my female or male friends because their significant other is insecure.
I'm sure a lot of people don't agree with this and I do understand certain type of single friends keeping in close contact with married/relationship people can be damaging but I'm talking about true friends and nothing sexual.
I can really relate to this topic.
I have had a female friend since high school, so 10 years of so. We have been through almost everything together and know pretty much everything about one another. I consider her and even on occasion refer to her as my sister. We have never been anything other than just platonic friends. She is married and has 2 young kids, who refer to me as Uncle Jeremy. As she and her husband live out of state, we talk quite a bit through email/text, but don't get to see each other much anymore.
Needless to say, when she is town, I do adjust my schedule to hang out with her. We ran a 2k race with her kids just yesterday for the 4th of July.
Now, she has caused issues of jealousy with a couple of girlfriends. Some think we are having an affair (or just sleeping together before she was married - NOT TRUE), others don't like that we have done so much together or know so much about each other's lives, etc etc... Either way, I will always have a special place for her and her family in my heart, and I couldn't even imagine them not being part of my life. Hopefully I will be able to find a girl that can also recognize our relationship for just what it is, and hopefully take the time to embrace it and become friends with her. I would love to do couple stuff too with her and her husband.0 -
Ive alway had this problem. Every woman ive ever dated or knows likes to keep guy friends which I dont mind but it seems alot of women like to keep only single guy friends who want more than friendship and it usually ends up the guys disrespect the guy she is dating and never stops sending dirty texts and trying putting the moves on her so yeah it becomes a serious problem. Most of these guys, they met on pof or dont know very well.
Women just like to keep them around because they get attention. Guys do it for another reason, they are doing it just for sex or they are still in love with her. What guy or girl wants to date someone who is doign this crap and in your case him isolating you from them. Screw that, cheating has happened or is around the corner. Its worse in your situation, women love a taken man. You need to make him fix it.
I know most wont agree with me. Im old school and when im with someone, I dont believe in things like flirting with other women, giving out my number, or hanging out with other chicks that isnt friends with my woman. There just isnt any reason to be hanging otu with other people when you are in a serious relationship or married. It seems most people want their cake and eat it too. If you cant get everything you need from one partner then stay single
Old school means good manners and a true gentlman...........the world needs more guys like you! 0 -
Ive alway had this problem. Every woman ive ever dated or knows likes to keep guy friends which I dont mind but it seems alot of women like to keep only single guy friends who want more than friendship and it usually ends up the guys disrespect the guy she is dating and never stops sending dirty texts and trying putting the moves on her so yeah it becomes a serious problem. Most of these guys, they met on pof or dont know very well.
Women just like to keep them around because they get attention. Guys do it for another reason, they are doing it just for sex or they are still in love with her. What guy or girl wants to date someone who is doign this crap and in your case him isolating you from them. Screw that, cheating has happened or is around the corner. Its worse in your situation, women love a taken man. You need to make him fix it.
I know most wont agree with me. Im old school and when im with someone, I dont believe in things like flirting with other women, giving out my number, or hanging out with other chicks that isnt friends with my woman. There just isnt any reason to be hanging otu with other people when you are in a serious relationship or married. It seems most people want their cake and eat it too. If you cant get everything you need from one partner then stay single
Old school means good manners and a true gentlman...........the world needs more guys like you!
I treat people how they treat me. I will say, If i see one of those prissy rude chicks (who tries to act like those girls from the hills, has the big glasses, never can walk, talk, or do anything without the iPhone in hand, and never smile and ughs all the time) walking behind me, I will not hold the door for her and a few times they run into the door. They always expect guys to open it and take it for granted. Most guys follow them with their tongue sticking out begging for them to talk to them, not me, I dont even look at them. I dont get impressed by looks only. Other than that, im a gentleman, just not to people who dont deserve it.0 -
I have a friend like this, but she isn't married yet. We grew up 2 houses down from each other and out mothers were friends while they were pregnant with us. So we've literally known each other since before we were born. We've never even came close to hooking up or had anything close to romantic feelings for each other. We are too much like brother and sister.I can really relate to this topic.
I have had a female friend since high school, so 10 years of so. We have been through almost everything together and know pretty much everything about one another. I consider her and even on occasion refer to her as my sister. We have never been anything other than just platonic friends. She is married and has 2 young kids, who refer to me as Uncle Jeremy. As she and her husband live out of state, we talk quite a bit through email/text, but don't get to see each other much anymore.
Needless to say, when she is town, I do adjust my schedule to hang out with her. We ran a 2k race with her kids just yesterday for the 4th of July.
Now, she has caused issues of jealousy with a couple of girlfriends. Some think we are having an affair (or just sleeping together before she was married - NOT TRUE), others don't like that we have done so much together or know so much about each other's lives, etc etc... Either way, I will always have a special place for her and her family in my heart, and I couldn't even imagine them not being part of my life. Hopefully I will be able to find a girl that can also recognize our relationship for just what it is, and hopefully take the time to embrace it and become friends with her. I would love to do couple stuff too with her and her husband.
It's never once been a problem though. I'm friends with her BF and the three of us hang out once in a while. I could never date anybody who had a problem with us being friends. If they did, they must have some serious jealousy issues. We've known each other for 35 years, I think if something was going to happen it would have happened by now.0
