Is finding someone attractive...too much to ask for?
Replies
-
Dating is too much work.
^^^ We have a winner! End of thread.
As much as I love some of the new posts that point out things like, it's not black and white alpha/beta and the guy posting that he's alpha and isn't looking for miss beta, I still think this is the post that I'm gravitating toward after thinking a bit about it.
Hell with dating.0 -
This really resonates with me! It's beyond "who contacts me," though. I look through the profile photos and..... oh my goodness! I am SURE there are many lovely souls on that site, but..... oh dear. oh dear. oh dear. :noway:0
-
I agree! I just need a FWB and move on with my life.
Heh. Winner.
--P0 -
I swear, the best looking ones are the ones who most often have, "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles. Cute little hodogs, ain't they?
The most attractive women have "Not looking for relationship" on their profiles as well.
Its because attractive people have more options than non attractive people. Not trying to be disrespectful to anyone but its true, attractive people dont ever have to rush into anything, they will never run out of people to date. Its easier for them and they dont have to work as hard to keep them either. I also know many people try to go after people that are not in their league.
Even on here, many women only date fit men that is 6 feet tall with a six pack when they themselves are not even in shape at all and are overweight. They wont give a guy a chance if they dont meet their double standard standards. Not naming names but I know a few on here that is like that. It doesnt work in alot of cases because people look for people that have the same interests and pairs up well with them with looks.
You are attractive so im guessing maybe its your profile or what you are messaging them. With the ratio of guys vs women on those sites, your mailbox should be overwhelming filled with messages from attractive guys. What is your type? Are you being too picky or is what you are looking for is so rare? I promise you, there is no reason why you should not be getting attractive guys swooning you. You seem nice as well.
David is right, you need to get yourself out there. Meetup.com is great for that. You dont really want to be online and competing with other people. Online, people are actively seeking to find people and are talking to multiple people. You want to get out there and find that guy who is caught off guard by you and before you know it, your in the middle of it and happy with the perfect guy you have always wanted. I wish you all the luck and I have faith in you and know you will find what you are looking for.
*ouch.
I totally saw myself in that description...0 -
Finally a man that's sorta cute sent me a messsage. Now fingers crossed he is sane
0 -
Finally a man that's sorta cute sent me a messsage. Now fingers crossed he is sane
Or that he actually looks like his picture!!0 -
In my experience it's only the more attractive girls I meet online that break plans at the last minute. It's kind of weird actually, I'm thinking the whole thing is just like an ego boost for them.0
-
I'm thinking the whole thing is just like an ego boost for them.
Mea culpa- I don't break established plans, but I only went online to get an ego boost and have some fun, not really expecting to find lasting love.
To OP: Hope it works out!0 -
life's too long to settle for anything less than amazing chemistry.0
-
yoovie, have you found that chemistry before? I am searching for it!0
-
Im really smart and friggin adorable, but Ive learned my emotional triggers as well as how to fix my special brand of crazy when I see it coming. Perks of being in your thirties!yoovie, have you found that chemistry before? I am searching for it!
Yes. And it came out of nowhere, took me completely by surprise, shook up my entire life and set me off on an insane mission of self-improvement, fearlessness and a hunger for personal evolution.0 -
life's too long to settle for anything less than amazing chemistry.
Yoovie-I like and agree with the vast majority of things that you say.
But I could not disagree more with this.
Amazing chemistry is something we all want. It is a great thing to just have a supreme connection with someone on multiple levels. But it doesn't happen to everyone. I think it is better to have just good enough chemistry than hold out for amazing chemistry, never find it, and spend your life perpetually single. Life's too long to be perpetually single.
Relationships take work as well. It's not all whipped cream and a bowl of cherries.
Day in, day out, it is important to have someone reliable and caring by your side. Physical attraction should be there too, and there could be emotional/mental attraction.
There's a very fine line in being overly choosy. And there are plenty of single people who spend their lives alone because they were too choosy.0 -
life's too long to settle for anything less than amazing chemistry.
Yoovie-I like and agree with the vast majority of things that you say.
But I could not disagree more with this.
Amazing chemistry is something we all want. It is a great thing to just have a supreme connection with someone on multiple levels. But it doesn't happen to everyone. I think it is better to have just good enough chemistry than hold out for amazing chemistry, never find it, and spend your life perpetually single. Life's too long to be perpetually single.
Relationships take work as well. It's not all whipped cream and a bowl of cherries.
Day in, day out, it is important to have someone reliable and caring by your side. Physical attraction should be there too, and there could be emotional/mental attraction.
There's a very fine line in being overly choosy. And there are plenty of single people who spend their lives alone because they were too choosy.
I agree with this - however- I do have to say that if you find chemistry with someone, whom you love dearly, then that in itself is amazing and we are both right-a-roni! (I dont think of chemistry as a sexual thing- but more of an all-platforms-benefit type connection)
Also- there is nothing wrong with being single for life either... not everyone wants to pair up til death 0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.0 -
Im really smart and friggin adorable, but Ive learned my emotional triggers as well as how to fix my special brand of crazy when I see it coming. Perks of being in your thirties!yoovie, have you found that chemistry before? I am searching for it!
Yes. And it came out of nowhere, took me completely by surprise, shook up my entire life and set me off on an insane mission of self-improvement, fearlessness and a hunger for personal evolution.
We're much more alike than I thought.0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
You should also read the part in the book about how there's a week each month where our hormones decide in override mode what we are attracted to- which nulls out any conscious decisions we've made from experience about what we are actually looking for in a man. and it aint our fault
0 -
Im really smart and friggin adorable, but Ive learned my emotional triggers as well as how to fix my special brand of crazy when I see it coming. Perks of being in your thirties!yoovie, have you found that chemistry before? I am searching for it!
Yes. And it came out of nowhere, took me completely by surprise, shook up my entire life and set me off on an insane mission of self-improvement, fearlessness and a hunger for personal evolution.
We're much more alike than I thought.
yo thats a giant compliment.0 -
life's too long to settle for anything less than amazing chemistry.
Yoovie-I like and agree with the vast majority of things that you say.
But I could not disagree more with this.
Amazing chemistry is something we all want. It is a great thing to just have a supreme connection with someone on multiple levels. But it doesn't happen to everyone. I think it is better to have just good enough chemistry than hold out for amazing chemistry, never find it, and spend your life perpetually single. Life's too long to be perpetually single.
Relationships take work as well. It's not all whipped cream and a bowl of cherries.
Day in, day out, it is important to have someone reliable and caring by your side. Physical attraction should be there too, and there could be emotional/mental attraction.
There's a very fine line in being overly choosy. And there are plenty of single people who spend their lives alone because they were too choosy.
I have a friend that I think is too choosy. Picky is how she says it. It just seems like no one is good enough. She's 43 now so while she's still out there dating, it doesn't seem to be working. So I get what you're saying.
I also have another friend who married someone she wasn't sure she had complete chemistry with, but she was comfortable. She said her mother always said that people looked for love like they saw in the movies, but that wasn't lasting so quit trying to find it. She's happy with her choice, but I'm not sure I could go there either....
I think we want it all and that's why many more people are waiting. You find that person you can talk and banter with yet they don't look like you think they should. The chemistry may be there, but the situation in life doesn't quite match up...Are we really willing to WORK for it any more?
I'm going on a date tonight with someone I talked with but felt minimal chemistry. On paper we match up VERY well, but I'm not sure I should just settle for that... but I'm willing to go out once and see! But admittedly, my mind has more typically been running back to the one I can talk and banter with... even though I know it's going no where. No wonder I'm single, haha...0 -
life's too long to settle for anything less than amazing chemistry.
Yoovie-I like and agree with the vast majority of things that you say.
But I could not disagree more with this.
Amazing chemistry is something we all want. It is a great thing to just have a supreme connection with someone on multiple levels. But it doesn't happen to everyone. I think it is better to have just good enough chemistry than hold out for amazing chemistry, never find it, and spend your life perpetually single. Life's too long to be perpetually single.
Relationships take work as well. It's not all whipped cream and a bowl of cherries.
Day in, day out, it is important to have someone reliable and caring by your side. Physical attraction should be there too, and there could be emotional/mental attraction.
There's a very fine line in being overly choosy. And there are plenty of single people who spend their lives alone because they were too choosy.
I agree with this - however- I do have to say that if you find chemistry with someone, whom you love dearly, then that in itself is amazing and we are both right-a-roni! (I dont think of chemistry as a sexual thing- but more of an all-platforms-benefit type connection)
Also- there is nothing wrong with being single for life either... not everyone wants to pair up til death
Good point with saying not everyone wants to pair up til death. One size doesn't fit all.
Chemistry is an all encompassing thing.0 -
OP....I'll date you :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: 0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
You should also read the part in the book about how there's a week each month where our hormones decide in override mode what we are attracted to- which nulls out any conscious decisions we've made from experience about what we are actually looking for in a man. and it aint our fault
Yea, but the probability of landing on that one week is very low. Sometimes people want to be in relationships with nice people, yet they act totally different when a nice person comes around. There is no "perfect" person, its just who you get along with the best.0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
I so agree with this. Some women can agree that they like bad boys but most wont admit it. They had this ex who treated them like crap so after the relationship ended, they keep looking for the same guy over and over. To every woman who said they cant find a good guy, its BS, I bet if I looked at their phone, facebook, or POF, I would see they have like 50 nice guys who adore them and would do anything in the world for them. My female friends have so many good guys chasing them to the point they are so annoyed by it because they just like bad boys.
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
I so agree with this. Some women can agree that they like bad boys but most wont admit it. They had this ex who treated them like crap so after the relationship ended, they keep looking for the same guy over and over. To every woman who said they cant find a good guy, its BS, I bet if I looked at their phone, facebook, or POF, I would see they have like 50 nice guys who adore them and would do anything in the world for them. My female friends have so many good guys chasing them to the point they are so annoyed by it because they just like bad boys.
A lot of problems come down to selection. Both men and women do a poor job of selecting who they are attracted to. Men put too much stock in looks, and the type of men that women are most attracted to initially are the type of men that don't have a long shelf life for a relationship.0 -
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
The issue is maybe the "good guy" that are friends aren't being assertive enough and most girls are oblivious to them actually "chasing" them.0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
You should also read the part in the book about how there's a week each month where our hormones decide in override mode what we are attracted to- which nulls out any conscious decisions we've made from experience about what we are actually looking for in a man. and it aint our fault
Yea, but the probability of landing on that one week is very low. Sometimes people want to be in relationships with nice people, yet they act totally different when a nice person comes around. There is no "perfect" person, its just who you get along with the best.
lol youre kidding right? thats the week we all hit the bars in our slutty clothes and go hunting for alpha males.0 -
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
The issue is maybe the "good guy" that are friends aren't being assertive enough and most girls are oblivious to them actually "chasing" them.
If you have a good guy as a friend, that wants you, and you dont know he wants you, and he's just biding his time waiting for your heart to get broken enough times that you are willing to give him the last shot, and hand over the remnants of your shattered romantic history, just to be with someone safe that will be nice to you, not beat you, participate financially and never cheat- thats good enough, i guess, even though you dont actually FEEL anything toward him.... that's called a SECRET AGENDA and he is no longer a good guy. just sayin.0 -
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
The issue is maybe the "good guy" that are friends aren't being assertive enough and most girls are oblivious to them actually "chasing" them.
If you have a good guy as a friend, that wants you, and you dont know he wants you, and he's just biding his time waiting for your heart to get broken enough times that you are willing to give him the last shot, and hand over the remnants of your shattered romantic history, just to be with someone safe that will be nice to you, not beat you, participate financially and never cheat- thats good enough, i guess, even though you dont actually FEEL anything toward him.... that's called a SECRET AGENDA and he is no longer a good guy. just sayin.0 -
True. These so called "nice guys" to me look more like whiny, boring and demanding men than anything else.Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
I don't want a woman like that either, I need some breathing space.0 -
I really really trusted my dear guy friend - we had been through so many years together and I never even in a million years thought he was interested in me in anyother way. He had moved out of town about 10 years ago and we spoke over the phone frequently, sent emails, kept in touch. Then a few months ago he came to the city where I live & I found out he was in town by accident. He never even told me he was visiting. Next he suddenly unfriended me on FB - we hadn't had any fight - it was clear out of the blue! When I called him out on it, he said "he couldn't stand it anymore & he would have chewed one of his arms off to 'have a woman' like me." Let me tell you, MFP friends - I felt SO INCREDIBLY betrayed! Here I had thought that we had been so close, I thought we knew EVERYTHING about each other, and all along, he was hiding this from me. I cried for days over this. I have lost someone really important to me, but I guess I never knew him in the first place. The relationship has never recovered and I don't expect that it ever will. Thanks for listening....0
-
If you have a good guy as a friend, that wants you, and you dont know he wants you, and he's just biding his time waiting for your heart to get broken enough times that you are willing to give him the last shot, and hand over the remnants of your shattered romantic history, just to be with someone safe that will be nice to you, not beat you, participate financially and never cheat- thats good enough, i guess, even though you dont actually FEEL anything toward him.... that's called a SECRET AGENDA and he is no longer a good guy. just sayin.
Aha! The Good Guy Conundrum! If he's being too good, he must be working on an elaborate plot to win you over in the end! That sneaky *kitten*!
--P0
This discussion has been closed.