Is finding someone attractive...too much to ask for?
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sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
You should also read the part in the book about how there's a week each month where our hormones decide in override mode what we are attracted to- which nulls out any conscious decisions we've made from experience about what we are actually looking for in a man. and it aint our fault
Yea, but the probability of landing on that one week is very low. Sometimes people want to be in relationships with nice people, yet they act totally different when a nice person comes around. There is no "perfect" person, its just who you get along with the best.0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
I so agree with this. Some women can agree that they like bad boys but most wont admit it. They had this ex who treated them like crap so after the relationship ended, they keep looking for the same guy over and over. To every woman who said they cant find a good guy, its BS, I bet if I looked at their phone, facebook, or POF, I would see they have like 50 nice guys who adore them and would do anything in the world for them. My female friends have so many good guys chasing them to the point they are so annoyed by it because they just like bad boys.
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
I so agree with this. Some women can agree that they like bad boys but most wont admit it. They had this ex who treated them like crap so after the relationship ended, they keep looking for the same guy over and over. To every woman who said they cant find a good guy, its BS, I bet if I looked at their phone, facebook, or POF, I would see they have like 50 nice guys who adore them and would do anything in the world for them. My female friends have so many good guys chasing them to the point they are so annoyed by it because they just like bad boys.
A lot of problems come down to selection. Both men and women do a poor job of selecting who they are attracted to. Men put too much stock in looks, and the type of men that women are most attracted to initially are the type of men that don't have a long shelf life for a relationship.0 -
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
The issue is maybe the "good guy" that are friends aren't being assertive enough and most girls are oblivious to them actually "chasing" them.0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
You should also read the part in the book about how there's a week each month where our hormones decide in override mode what we are attracted to- which nulls out any conscious decisions we've made from experience about what we are actually looking for in a man. and it aint our fault
Yea, but the probability of landing on that one week is very low. Sometimes people want to be in relationships with nice people, yet they act totally different when a nice person comes around. There is no "perfect" person, its just who you get along with the best.
lol youre kidding right? thats the week we all hit the bars in our slutty clothes and go hunting for alpha males.0 -
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
The issue is maybe the "good guy" that are friends aren't being assertive enough and most girls are oblivious to them actually "chasing" them.
If you have a good guy as a friend, that wants you, and you dont know he wants you, and he's just biding his time waiting for your heart to get broken enough times that you are willing to give him the last shot, and hand over the remnants of your shattered romantic history, just to be with someone safe that will be nice to you, not beat you, participate financially and never cheat- thats good enough, i guess, even though you dont actually FEEL anything toward him.... that's called a SECRET AGENDA and he is no longer a good guy. just sayin.0 -
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
The issue is maybe the "good guy" that are friends aren't being assertive enough and most girls are oblivious to them actually "chasing" them.
If you have a good guy as a friend, that wants you, and you dont know he wants you, and he's just biding his time waiting for your heart to get broken enough times that you are willing to give him the last shot, and hand over the remnants of your shattered romantic history, just to be with someone safe that will be nice to you, not beat you, participate financially and never cheat- thats good enough, i guess, even though you dont actually FEEL anything toward him.... that's called a SECRET AGENDA and he is no longer a good guy. just sayin.0 -
True. These so called "nice guys" to me look more like whiny, boring and demanding men than anything else.Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
I don't want a woman like that either, I need some breathing space.0 -
I really really trusted my dear guy friend - we had been through so many years together and I never even in a million years thought he was interested in me in anyother way. He had moved out of town about 10 years ago and we spoke over the phone frequently, sent emails, kept in touch. Then a few months ago he came to the city where I live & I found out he was in town by accident. He never even told me he was visiting. Next he suddenly unfriended me on FB - we hadn't had any fight - it was clear out of the blue! When I called him out on it, he said "he couldn't stand it anymore & he would have chewed one of his arms off to 'have a woman' like me." Let me tell you, MFP friends - I felt SO INCREDIBLY betrayed! Here I had thought that we had been so close, I thought we knew EVERYTHING about each other, and all along, he was hiding this from me. I cried for days over this. I have lost someone really important to me, but I guess I never knew him in the first place. The relationship has never recovered and I don't expect that it ever will. Thanks for listening....0
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If you have a good guy as a friend, that wants you, and you dont know he wants you, and he's just biding his time waiting for your heart to get broken enough times that you are willing to give him the last shot, and hand over the remnants of your shattered romantic history, just to be with someone safe that will be nice to you, not beat you, participate financially and never cheat- thats good enough, i guess, even though you dont actually FEEL anything toward him.... that's called a SECRET AGENDA and he is no longer a good guy. just sayin.
Aha! The Good Guy Conundrum! If he's being too good, he must be working on an elaborate plot to win you over in the end! That sneaky *kitten*!
--P0 -
When I first came into this group I was on POF and had a few dates with this one guy. I had actually posted about the fluttery feeling one gets when they see someone. Is it necessary or not? I enjoyed the mans company and he was not typically what I was attracted to and I did not have the butterfly feeling when I saw him. I was told give it time, because sometimes a caterpillar can turn into that butterfly.
Well I can say through ups and downs, I am still with this person, working out the kinks, but the butterfly feeling has appeared. Now I know him more as a person, I realize that what I was not typically attracted to was a good thing for me to step outside of my own self imposed box.
I am thankful I did. Moral of the story - try stepping outside of your comfort zone, it very well could pay off, because you just never know.0 -
Next he suddenly unfriended me on FB - we hadn't had any fight - it was clear out of the blue! When I called him out on it, he said "he couldn't stand it anymore & he would have chewed one of his arms off to 'have a woman' like me." Let me tell you, MFP friends - I felt SO INCREDIBLY betrayed! Here I had thought that we had been so close, I thought we knew EVERYTHING about each other, and all along, he was hiding this from me. I cried for days over this.
Wow. Just wow.
People are so incredibly complex. We'll never truly understand human behavior.
--P0 -
Next he suddenly unfriended me on FB - we hadn't had any fight - it was clear out of the blue! When I called him out on it, he said "he couldn't stand it anymore & he would have chewed one of his arms off to 'have a woman' like me." Let me tell you, MFP friends - I felt SO INCREDIBLY betrayed! Here I had thought that we had been so close, I thought we knew EVERYTHING about each other, and all along, he was hiding this from me. I cried for days over this.
Wow. Just wow.
People are so incredibly complex. We'll never truly understand human behavior.
--P
Well, I guess if he was in love with Jeneba then he just felt he couldnt keep up the pretense any more. I can understand that. You can't help who you fall in love with. And if its nonreciprocating then it becomes painful just talking to them.
I feel for you Jeneba, because I know you've lost a good friend. But please be gentle with him that he didnt have the strength to divulge this to you before. He probably just saw it as an impossible dream but would prefer to remain friends than have nothing of you. Now, he can't bear that any more either.
Awwww :flowerforyou:0 -
Awwwwww, indeed. Complex and mysterious, too. I really miss him - or - should I say, I really miss the person I thought he was.0
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sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
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I like this. I've never understood the bad boy thing, have never been attracted to them. But a lot of the "nice guys" i've run into have been door mats. There has to be a nice happy medium between bad boy and doormat doesn't there?0 -
sometimes women that look very good will say they're looking for a nice guy to treat them well, but when one popps by they usually end up rejecting him, without giving him a chance.
My thing is that you can't judge a book by its cover unless you have read the whole book lol.
I so agree with this. Some women can agree that they like bad boys but most wont admit it. They had this ex who treated them like crap so after the relationship ended, they keep looking for the same guy over and over. To every woman who said they cant find a good guy, its BS, I bet if I looked at their phone, facebook, or POF, I would see they have like 50 nice guys who adore them and would do anything in the world for them. My female friends have so many good guys chasing them to the point they are so annoyed by it because they just like bad boys.
They find the good guys to be boring. They know they can ever change the bad boy, truely win him over, and be happy but they sure do love how they feel, the excitement, and the challenge. I think many women dont have hobbies too and they men are their hobby. Directed to the really nice guys who try to hard, stop trying so hard, saying stupid things like i love you on the first date, pressuring them to be your woman on the first date, and texting or calling every 5 minutes. You think you can win her over by being overly sweet, you are a dime a dozen. Let her chase you a little, make it a challenge, and have fun and not stress over it. Being easy and over bearing, they dont like it.
I already know I like the bad boys, that comes of liking the alphas. There are only a few places in society for alpha personalities. High powered corporate and government jobs (as a raging leftist, I can''t stand most of those people) and prison are two of those places. However, I've figured out there are lots of brainy alphas in academia and fields like engineering. Having no desire to be with a different political species and no desire to bail anyone out of jail on the weekends, I'm going to go for the brainy alphas when I start dating again.
Yes, you can still be an alpha with a pocket protector in your shirt. Do those things still exist?
Oh yeah, a lot of law enforcement types are alphas, too, but again, much as I like many of the ones I've met as individuals, they're a different political species.0 -
Mara - don't forget the Bad Boy Musicians & Artists & Writers..... :brokenheart:0
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Mara - don't forget the Bad Boy Musicians & Artists & Writers..... :brokenheart:
Good point, although at my age I'm pretty sure most have either made it by now or starved to death. As a writer who never made it (someday, maybe) there is definitely room in my heart for the starving artists of the world. Just happens I can't afford to feed one right now!0
