Anybody else have conversations like this with your man?
JessePaige90
Posts: 47 Member
My husband swears that even though I was skinny when we got together he likes me better with some weight on me. Says that male primal instincts like hips and a little bit of a belly. Whenever I complain about my belly gets a little agitated and says things like, "We want kids one day, how are you going to feel when you have a baby bump?" It makes me worried that he doesn't trust me to take care of myself when I finally do get pregnant. I know I can sometimes sound shallow when I talk about what I would like to look like but I never think of pregnant women as fat, I think that weight gain is a totally different thing, you're supposed to gain weight when you're pregnant. I have told Eric this but sometimes when I complain about my belly he will make the pregnancy remark. I really hope I haven't lost his trust as the mother of his future children. I have even promised that when we do have our first baby that if it seemed necessary I would go to counseling and get help from a nutritionist. When I said that he seemed relieved and said that he would do whatever he can to help. I know he means it and that he loves me and wants kids with me but the idea of him not trusting me hurts.:sad:
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From what you have said it seems like you are projecting your fears, because from the conversation you had it sounds like he was just making what he sees to be a rational point. Have you told him that you view pregnancy as different to simply weight gain? I agree with you, pregnancy is moving forward and gaining something enriching whereas mere weight gain has no advantages to it, except perhaps the self-sabotaging subconscious ones (e.g. protection against the world) that many overweight people have (including me). I'm sure you have not lost his trust. He probably just doesn't know what else to say any more because, if you're anything like me, the conversation goes something like this:
Me: "I look huge today, I can't wear this!"
Hubs: "No you don't, you look great."
Me: "You're just saying that, I feel disgusting."
Hubs: "Well you look lovely."
Me: "You have to say that, you're my husband! I know it's not true."
Hubs: "Yes, but I'm with you for a reason."
Me: "I wasn't this big when we met though." *thinks, "is he going to leave me if I get bigger?"
Hubs: "But I'm still with you because I love you."
Me: "I'm going to get changed" *thinks, "it doesn't mean I look good just because you love me"*
I know that he just can't win whatever he says, and it just sounds so ridiculous when I think it back. Whatever he says my own poor self-esteem will turn his rational comments into something irrational. Perhaps it is something similar for you.0 -
Yes! Exactly, I do the same thing. Not so often anymore but when I would do that it would really hurt his feelings. I have even flat out accused him of wanting me to be fat and unhappy.0
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When I was married my ex-husband would NOT let me leave the dinner table unless my plate was clean...at that time I weighed 160 at 5'4 so I was overweight...it's like he wanted me to be overweight, I just figured after awhile he liked chubby girls? I never asked...
My BF now...he has this "Waste not, Want not" rule where he eats basically everything I don't eat (which I serve myself little to nothing bc I get tired of him askn if I'm going to finish whats left)
One day he loves my body the next he is hinting at me working out more...0 -
I have to say when I read what you wrote I didn't see it the same way you took it either. It sounds like he is realistic and just wants to remind you that having a baby you may gain some weight and sometimes that weight doesn't come off right away and without tonnes of work. Take it from me four kids later and a belly to show for it...it will never be as pretty as it was before having children and I'm sure you know this however I think your husband sounds like he cares for you deeply. I don't think he sounds like he is losing faith in your ability to have a baby with him or being a good mommy. It is great that you are both planning a baby! One of the things I was told by the doctor is not to restrict calories while pregnant...don't go overboard either but restricting calories is dangerous for both mom and baby. Maybe your husband is worried about that? As for the comment Ellavated said, WOW THAT CONVERSATION WAS EXACTLY THE ONE MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE!! Do I really sound that ridiculous?? lol0
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You're probably right. Whenever we have a discussion about anything I'm insecure about, even things other than weight or body issues I always end up either reading too much into what he says or taking what he says the opposite way he had intended to get the message across. He always forgiving and understanding when I make those mistakes.0
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I only wish he were that supportive. He's gotten a lot better but he likes to remind me of everything I should and shouldn't be doing to lose weight. He wishes it were coming off much faster than it was. I feel like I have no hope of ever being skinny enough for him, so I just do my best for me.0
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