Crushed by MFP Crush
ShazMc73
Posts: 106 Member
Hi all,
This is my first post here on the single peeps discussion and sadly, I just want to rant :grumble: Please bear with me and if you can offer some thoughts?!
I have been on MFP for almost a year now and have had awesome interactions with my pals - yay! There really are some amazing folks on this site. Recently, about a month ago, I started to chat with someone from my friends list. Single, really cool guy, first man on here that I have messaged back and forth with on just stuff and not fitness or diet. We were hitting it off big time. Anyway after a month of daily multiple messages and Skype and emails I thought things were coming along swimmingly.
There have been some red flags from early, he is petrified of being cheated on, has trust issues, is trying to move and not looking to meet someone now. Having said that, he has articulated that I am great and he is interested if I was not so far away. I travel a ton and am always happy to take a trip so did not see the distance as a big deal. I know I know, he's just not that into me and all that but I remained in hope.
A couple of days ago he sent me a long detailed message explaining why he has his fears when it comes to relationships. I responded with some of my own. Silence from his end, until yesterday - he went out, got drunk and then sent me several messages throughout the night starting with him liking me (yay!) and wishing he was with me (yay yay) to later on freaking out and being mean and saying that he is a mess and can't do relationsips and I am too far away and he can't trust and is being defensive. Well ok then.
This morning I sent a friendy message basically saying , hey you ok. want to talk about what that was about last night? No response. He eventually wrote to say he is worried so does not know what to say. He does not want to get on Skype or call to talk.
Do I just say screw it, forget about talking to this guy - he's the most interesting person I have met in a year and admittedly the first online interest I have ever had.
I suspect he is the dreaded emotionally unavailable man, but he really is interesting and gorgeous and funny and he motivates me in many ways. What makes more sense, waking up and walking away or holding on in hope?
:brokenheart:
This is my first post here on the single peeps discussion and sadly, I just want to rant :grumble: Please bear with me and if you can offer some thoughts?!
I have been on MFP for almost a year now and have had awesome interactions with my pals - yay! There really are some amazing folks on this site. Recently, about a month ago, I started to chat with someone from my friends list. Single, really cool guy, first man on here that I have messaged back and forth with on just stuff and not fitness or diet. We were hitting it off big time. Anyway after a month of daily multiple messages and Skype and emails I thought things were coming along swimmingly.
There have been some red flags from early, he is petrified of being cheated on, has trust issues, is trying to move and not looking to meet someone now. Having said that, he has articulated that I am great and he is interested if I was not so far away. I travel a ton and am always happy to take a trip so did not see the distance as a big deal. I know I know, he's just not that into me and all that but I remained in hope.
A couple of days ago he sent me a long detailed message explaining why he has his fears when it comes to relationships. I responded with some of my own. Silence from his end, until yesterday - he went out, got drunk and then sent me several messages throughout the night starting with him liking me (yay!) and wishing he was with me (yay yay) to later on freaking out and being mean and saying that he is a mess and can't do relationsips and I am too far away and he can't trust and is being defensive. Well ok then.
This morning I sent a friendy message basically saying , hey you ok. want to talk about what that was about last night? No response. He eventually wrote to say he is worried so does not know what to say. He does not want to get on Skype or call to talk.
Do I just say screw it, forget about talking to this guy - he's the most interesting person I have met in a year and admittedly the first online interest I have ever had.
I suspect he is the dreaded emotionally unavailable man, but he really is interesting and gorgeous and funny and he motivates me in many ways. What makes more sense, waking up and walking away or holding on in hope?
:brokenheart:
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Replies
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Honestly, it sounds like a huge mess to me and drama I'd like to avoid.0
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Walk away. It is not like you ever met this guy in person.
The opposite sex always does stuff to aggravate and annoy us, no matter who we are.
There are many guys that will want to date you. Choose the best one.
Best wishes!0 -
I'll admit I've had several MFP crushes and it’s SOOO much fun!
But honestly I'd advise walk away unless you can enjoy the connection without wanting more. One thing I’ve found in my travels is guys love to flirt with you online but it’s only because they have no expectation of actually meeting you in person. When you give them the chance to meet in person they chicken out or poof. And this guy sounds like he doesn’t even know what he wants. Which means he might just use you for emotional support and then leave you hanging later when he meets “the one.”0 -
Thanks everyone, am glad I posted after all, really appreciate the feedback and am feeling a little less crushed already.
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My thoughts while reading your post: He sounds like a hot mess!0
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I'd move on. No need to waste any more energy on a seemingly hopeless cause.0
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Move on, delete him from your MFP friends list, skype etc. then block him so he can't chat you anymore. Forget that you met him, that's it.0
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Definitely sounds like classic back-peddling.
He loved the attention and now that it's getting a little more "real" - more serious.... he's not as committed as he led on.
There are other guys out there. He's going to just break your heart now... or later down the road.
Good luck and stick around here hang with the rest of us!!0 -
^ What they said....0
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Sweetie, it's not a "red flag" when someone openly admits they have trust issues with long distance relationships and aren't looking for one. Just because you were okay with it and were hoping that he'd eventually change his mind doesn't mean he was playing games. He probably genuinely like(d)(s) you but he knows himself and what he's looking for. Neither one of you are a bad person, you just aren't compatible based simply on location. It sucks, but it is what it is. He hasn't done anything horribly wrong (who HASN'T gone out and gotten drunk and had a crazy emotional span). Fact is he doesn't want what you have to offer - even though you're AWESOME. It's just not going to work. He's not a bad person, you aren't any less of a catch. It's unfortunate but there are going to be plenty of other people online and off that you will have a connection with. People that you will actually have more than a months worth of messaging with 0
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There have been some red flags from early, he is petrified of being cheated on, has trust issues, is trying to move and not looking to meet someone now. Having said that, he has articulated that I am great and he is interested if I was not so far away. I travel a ton and am always happy to take a trip so did not see the distance as a big deal. I know I know, he's just not that into me and all that but I remained in hope.
Why? Why remain in hope when the guy has clearly told you he's not interested??
A couple of days ago he sent me a long detailed message explaining why he has his fears when it comes to relationships. I responded with some of my own. Silence from his end, until yesterday - he went out, got drunk and then sent me several messages throughout the night starting with him liking me (yay!) and wishing he was with me (yay yay) to later on freaking out and being mean and saying that he is a mess and can't do relationsips and I am too far away and he can't trust and is being defensive. Well ok then.
When somebody says they can't do relationships and you are too far away - BELIEVE them!!!Do I just say screw it, forget about talking to this guy - he's the most interesting person I have met in a year and admittedly the first online interest I have ever had.
If he's interesting then he's a good friend - nothing more. So why are you turning it into something romantic when it's clearly not what he's looking for? Do you really want to be the one making all the effort?? Speaking as someone that has done this, it really is not fun!
Women always take on the role of carer and nurturer. We think we are good enough to make a guy overcome their hang ups and solve their issues. I bet what's going through your head is "yeah, you may feel like that NOW, but you've not me ME! I will make it all better for you!!"
Sorry hun, but it seems like you're flogging a dead horse!!! Keep him as a friend. Enjoy the banter. But stop hoping. You can waste years or your entire life hoping..........:flowerforyou:0 -
My thoughts while reading your post: He sounds like a hot mess!
This.
Not worth it. Not even a little bit.0 -
Ahhh mfp crushes... The best kind. Le sigh.
Wouldn't worry too muxh a out this guy, if he wanted you like you deserve he would of made it happen. Just move on 0 -
The bottom line is that despite all words and evidence to the contrary you fell for him and moved in your mind to thinking he would reciprocate.
The title you picked indicates that to a degree you feel he hurt you but really you only have yourself to blame. :flowerforyou:0 -
Send him money. Maybe he'll like you more!0
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There have been some red flags from early, he is petrified of being cheated on, has trust issues, is trying to move and not looking to meet someone now. Having said that, he has articulated that I am great and he is interested if I was not so far away. I travel a ton and am always happy to take a trip so did not see the distance as a big deal. I know I know, he's just not that into me and all that but I remained in hope.
I've done the long distance thing with the exact situation described above, I travel all the time, she had awful trust issues and was terrified of being cheated on. It just doesn't work. Even if you guys decided to pursue something, in 2 to 3 months something will make them question themselves and their paranoia will start dominating them. One excuse was she thought I cared more about my dog then her. The excuses become a lot less rational as time progresses.
Damn, I wish I learned that lesson after the first time, but I am a glutton for punishment.0 -
I think you know the right answer already, but you're seeking our confirmation..
With that said: Leave the unnecessary drama. Let it go. Move on. Be happy.
Fin.0 -
The fact that you already see warning signs BEFORE actually getting involved with him is a potential indicator of things yet to come. Acknowledging these issues is a good thing because alot of people would brush it aside. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong don't ignore it. Honestly I think you are setting yourself up for more heart ache and drama if you pursue things. Walk away. If its meant to be ( and yes, I hate that expression too) but if it really is meant to be, you two will find a way back to each other. Right now he needs to find himself!
Good luck.0 -
Walk away, girl!!0
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MFP and online crushes in general can be really fun, but especially with such distance, why let it get more complicated?0
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I have a general rule of thumb - if there is even a hint of drama before tapping that *, I'm out.0
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I agree with most of the above....If he is already hurting you (in your mind) and causing drama then you need to move on b/c it sounds like it is one-sided and you don't need that in your life I am sure....We all have our own life drama to deal with -It's not your job to try to change him b/c you can't and he sounds like he has trust issues obviously but he is an issue - That you don't need in your life (I am assuming)....Best of luck...Move on sweetie. :flowerforyou:
You will find someone when you are least expecting it...And it's definitely not him!!0 -
Sounds like a waste of both your time. Not sure what the distance between you and he is... but I'm starting to wonder why people are afraid to approach someone in person but willing to deal with the bs of a long distance relationship. Sounds like a cop out to actually getting in the game. I say as a rule of thumb if you haven't met the person within the first month of speaking to them, move on. Or at least don't let any emotions get involved.0
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I'd move on. No need to waste any more energy on a seemingly hopeless cause.
^^ this.
he sounds like a mess.
maye he is a nice guy and all but he doesnt sound like he's ready for anything serious so why try to force that?
trust me men RUN AWAY when you try to compromise and work things out so unless he changes and wnats something, don't bother.
i'm not saying ignore him or anything but just dont invest anymore time or effort into it.0 -
I have a general rule of thumb - if there is even a hint of drama before tapping that *, I'm out.
lol. this is what i mean. ah u men.0 -
Thanks again all. He is a wonderful person, lovely guy and yes, I was ranting last night because I am just upset that he's not interested and I am. He was always very honest about himself, and yes I chose to ignore what he was saying in very clear terms. I did send an email saying that thay part of our interaction is over and there has been no response or aknowledgement so everyone was spot on; I suspect he is releived to have me off his back! I
Anyway, did not mean to trash him, he is a good person, I was just nursing my wounded ego - the perspectives shared were exactly what I already knew - you people are good stuff! :flowerforyou:0 -
lol. this is what i mean. ah u men.
Yep, we're bad news.
This guy, though... Different kind of bad news. He sounds like he is either 10 years old or going through man-opause. Being so vocal about emotional issues and yo-yoing back and forth on whether or not he is into the girl is both immature and incredibly selfish. It just screams all sorts of red flags for what would come later down the line if an actual relationship were initiated.
The beginning phase of any relationship is supposed to feel "perfect". Starting off like this is a bad idea.0 -
Well, talk about turn of events. We stayed in the friend zone for the past couple weeks BUT he has been keeping in touch. I admit, so have I. In the past week though, something made my gut kick and I acted on some instinct. Today came to find out that he is in fact in a committed long distance relationship with someone else here on MFP! She told me not him.... oh boy! He is literally on a plane to her now.
I am cool, knew it was not going anywhere and got rid of the emotional baggage I had, I assured her that I do not want him but she is really heartbroken. I feel really terrible and I don't even know why; it was not me that lied. I have completely blocked him from any contact with me and assured her of that.
Am SO GLAD I dodged that drama, but what a mess :frown:0 -
Oh! So there is a "lucky" lady out there... :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:Today came to find out that he is in fact in a committed long distance relationship with someone else here on MFP! She told me not him.... oh boy! He is literally on a plane to her now.
Humans...0 -
Well, talk about turn of events. We stayed in the friend zone for the past couple weeks BUT he has been keeping in touch. I admit, so have I. In the past week though, something made my gut kick and I acted on some instinct. Today came to find out that he is in fact in a committed long distance relationship with someone else here on MFP! She told me not him.... oh boy! He is literally on a plane to her now.
I am cool, knew it was not going anywhere and got rid of the emotional baggage I had, I assured her that I do not want him but she is really heartbroken. I feel really terrible and I don't even know why; it was not me that lied. I have completely blocked him from any contact with me and assured her of that.
Am SO GLAD I dodged that drama, but what a mess :frown:
OMG!!! So when a guy tells you he doenst want a relationship, you can bet he's having one with someone else. Classy!!
I despair! :huh:
At least you didnt meet him and wasn't the one having the relationship eh. Good luck with meeting someone genuine :flowerforyou:0
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