Are men really THAT clueless?

Laura_Suzie
Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
edited December 25 in Social Groups
I'm texting the guy I went out with last week right now. I asked him what he was doing this weekend. "Oh just running some errands, nothing much." So I say, "Yeah I don't really have any plans this weekend either." So he says, "I'm sure you'll find something to do." I keep on flirting with him and dropping hints, trying to get a second date and NOTHING. Ugh!
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Replies

  • Daisy_Cutter
    Daisy_Cutter Posts: 774
    No -- most are not that clueless. I'd say he has plans. :ohwell:
  • HellsKells
    HellsKells Posts: 671 Member
    or just doesn't want to go out with you again?

    I know that's harsh, but that would be my guess.
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
    or just doesn't want to go out with you again?

    I know that's harsh, but that would be my guess.

    Ummm, except he's the one that keeps texting me...
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,298 Member
    So apparently according to all the other threads guys are clueless, girls just drop hint and and the guy is supposed to read your mind. Maybe just maybe... You could just tell him you want to see him again...

    But my guess judging by what I would do if a girl said that to me that I liked I would take the opportunity to suggest meeting up.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    or just doesn't want to go out with you again?

    I know that's harsh, but that would be my guess.

    Ummm, except he's the one that keeps texting me...

    doesn't mean anything. He can text all day, but if he doesn't ask you out (especially after finding out you don't have plans) it doesn't mean he's into you. It could mean he's stringing you along in case plans A B and C don't work out for the weekend.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I'm texting the guy I went out with last week right now. I asked him what he was doing this weekend. "Oh just running some errands, nothing much." So I say, "Yeah I don't really have any plans this weekend either." So he says, "I'm sure you'll find something to do." I keep on flirting with him and dropping hints, trying to get a second date and NOTHING. Ugh!

    That is weird he keeps texting you but hasn't asked you out yet. If I was him, after you saying "I don't really have plans" I would have said, "Yeah, we should try and get together this weekend."

    I don't want to be disappointing but it sounds to me like Janie might be right, that you might be an option rather than a first choice.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    that you might be an option rather than a first choice.

    and let me just add on here, there's nothing wrong with being an "option" if you're ok with that. I've done some fun things with guys who I KNEW only asked me out as a back up plan. My son is gone for a few weeks and I'm all about maximizing time spent having fun, lol.

    But if you're looking for relationship, then please keep this in mind. If a guy seems into you but doesn't ask you out another time, it could be that he doesn't want to burn bridges or is saving you for a dry spell. In any case, it's certainly more flattering than poofing :flowerforyou:
  • almostatgoalweight
    almostatgoalweight Posts: 234 Member
    Maybe he's shy? Can you ask him out? I know most women can't do this, but can you try?
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Maybe he's shy? Can you ask him out? I know most women can't do this, but can you try?

    this^^^

    Just say "well if we dont have plans, why dont we make some together?" and then I would probably just say "or are you dating someone else?"

    All this angst for nothing. Just ask the guy so you can be sure of what's going on :flowerforyou:
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
    Maybe he's shy? Can you ask him out? I know most women can't do this, but can you try?

    this^^^

    Just say "well if we dont have plans, why dont we make some together?" and then I would probably just say "or are you dating someone else?"

    All this angst for nothing. Just ask the guy so you can be sure of what's going on :flowerforyou:

    I think having the guts to ask is awesome..also having the strengh to accept the answer lol. But really why not just come right out and ask that way you know.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    I don't think "I'm sure you'll find something to do" is something I would ever say to a girl I was interested in if we were both free all weekend.

    But if you've only been on 1 date he may just be taking his time or he just doesn't know you well enough to know if he's really into or not yet. Just ask him if he wants to hang out, what have you got to lose?

    If someone asked me if I was dating anyone else after one date I would probably delete her number.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    Yes, guys can be. Ask directly for what you want. Say something like "I want to get together either Sunday or Monday night." See what his reaction is. But saying that should help. And maybe even have a specific idea in mind.

    I think he should have asked out again by now since that date was over 7 days ago.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    or just doesn't want to go out with you again?

    I know that's harsh, but that would be my guess.

    Ummm, except he's the one that keeps texting me...

    doesn't mean anything. He can text all day, but if he doesn't ask you out (especially after finding out you don't have plans) it doesn't mean he's into you. It could mean he's stringing you along in case plans A B and C don't work out for the weekend.

    sorry i have to agree, just cuz a guy txts doesnt mean he wnats to hang out. if he wanted to he wud have said so by now. trust me.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    What exactly was the going out a week ago?
    A true date that he asked you on or a happenstance hanging out?
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    Did he ask you out the first time you went out?

    Not sure how I'd feel about the "I'm sure you'll find something to do" line, either. (I don't think I'd interpret it as anything promising.)
  • solman66
    solman66 Posts: 175 Member
    Maybe he thinks you're out of his league? "I'm sure you'll find something to do" kind of sounds like a guy who is shy/not confident that you would want to spend time with him so he's hoping you'll initiate. But I could be wrong as I usually am in these situations.
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    or just doesn't want to go out with you again?

    I know that's harsh, but that would be my guess.

    Ummm, except he's the one that keeps texting me...

    He could just be bored and lonely and you're just a willing replier. How long has it been since your last date with him, if it's been over a week or two.... hate to say it but you might be the clueless one.
  • VTXJOCKEY
    VTXJOCKEY Posts: 362 Member
    I'd say he's not interested.
  • The_Iron
    The_Iron Posts: 288
    It really shouldn't be a problem or even that hard to ask someone out. If you are as interested as you say you are, then ask. Regardless of the answer at least you will know where you stand.
  • NNAhuja
    NNAhuja Posts: 669 Member
    I'm sorry but I'm going to have to side with most of the guys on this. Most guys I know would have made plans for date #2 on date #1.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    Did he ask you out the first time you went out?

    Not sure how I'd feel about the "I'm sure you'll find something to do" line, either. (I don't think I'd interpret it as anything promising.)

    yeah sounds like a jerky way of saying - u shud find something to do without me.

    otherwise he would say something like I'M SURE WE CAN find something to do TOGETHER?
  • oddyogi
    oddyogi Posts: 1,816 Member
    Me, being the pervert, would have responded to "I'm sure you'll find something to do" with "Yeah-- YOU! ;)"

    Haha. If he responds back with one word after that response, then he's not interested.
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
    or just doesn't want to go out with you again?

    I know that's harsh, but that would be my guess.

    Ummm, except he's the one that keeps texting me...

    He's putting you in position to either a) be a side chick hence the texting but no second date plans or b)your the backup potential girl if the girl he wants to really date rejects him. Potentially this guy could be THAT clueless, but this whole notion that men are clueless and women are so bright is a facade. Just read some of the post women post in these forums to sustain that notion.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    Me, being the pervert, would have responded to "I'm sure you'll find something to do" with "Yeah-- YOU! ;)"

    Haha. If he responds back with one word after that response, then he's not interested.

    Nice one Ashley. On another thread, I was talking about liking women who take initiative. That's good initiative right there and I would get the hint.

    If I am into a woman after a first date, within 24-48 hours, there's been some discussion in some fashion about a next date.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    "All men" aren't anything other than human beings. This guy in particular, however, sounds shy. I remember from your other post, you were the one to ask him out on the first date. This could have set a precedent that enabled him being shy. If you don't mind it (which really, you shouldn't) I suggest taking the lead again.

    "Hey, I was wanting to hit up BLANK this weekend, I'd love it if you joined me. Let me know when you want to go?"
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    "All men" aren't anything other than human beings. This guy in particular, however, sounds shy. I remember from your other post, you were the one to ask him out on the first date. This could have set a precedent that enabled him being shy. If you don't mind it (which really, you shouldn't) I suggest taking the lead again.

    "Hey, I was wanting to hit up BLANK this weekend, I'd love it if you joined me. Let me know when you want to go?"

    If Laura asked him out first, and he said yes and he now knows she likes him, I think he should ask her out. She can't take the lead the whole time. By all means she can ask him out, but i think it's his turn to do the asking.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    "All men" aren't anything other than human beings. This guy in particular, however, sounds shy. I remember from your other post, you were the one to ask him out on the first date. This could have set a precedent that enabled him being shy. If you don't mind it (which really, you shouldn't) I suggest taking the lead again.

    "Hey, I was wanting to hit up BLANK this weekend, I'd love it if you joined me. Let me know when you want to go?"

    If Laura asked him out first, and he said yes and he now knows she likes him, I think he should ask her out. She can't take the lead the whole time. By all means she can ask him out, but i think it's his turn to do the asking.

    Getting into games about who should ask who out and when seems so petty though doesn't it? He is who he is and she's either okay with it or she isn't. I don't think asking someone on a second date means taking the lead all the time anyway. I think it's just a matter of asking herself if she likes him enough that she can accept she might be instigating most of the dates, or if she'd rather just pass and find someone that instigates instead. Either way is fine, since it's a personal preference, it just seems like she likes him so why not go for it? Is setting a date really that big of a deal?

    Heck, even if it is at the end of the second date say "This was great, let me know when our next date is!" and bam, ball is officially in his court. At that point if he doesn't move forward then he is either 1) not interested or 2) cripplingly shy both of which would lead to second thoughts and moving forward.
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    Getting into games about who should ask who out and when seems so petty though doesn't it? He is who he is and she's either okay with it or she isn't. I don't think asking someone on a second date means taking the lead all the time anyway. I think it's just a matter of asking herself if she likes him enough that she can accept she might be instigating most of the dates, or if she'd rather just pass and find someone that instigates instead. Either way is fine, since it's a personal preference, it just seems like she likes him so why not go for it? Is setting a date really that big of a deal?

    Heck, even if it is at the end of the second date say "This was great, let me know when our next date is!" and bam, ball is officially in his court. At that point if he doesn't move forward then he is either 1) not interested or 2) cripplingly shy both of which would lead to second thoughts and moving forward.
    I don't think it's really about games, if this dude doesn't have the balls to ask someone out on a date that is clearly interested in him he doesn't deserve to be going on dates. Grow a pair pal. The ball is unofficially already in his court. Yes, if Laura really wants to hang out with him again she can ask, but she's also setting herself up for more wondering if this *kitten* is ever going to ask her out.

    I think Laura did the right thing, she gave him the perfect opportunity and he either blew it off or chickened out. Next.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    Laura, How old is this guy? I noticed your profile says you are 18, so I assume he is around that range also...
    For the guys on here, does this matter? Were you as assertive as you are now when you were 18?
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Getting into games about who should ask who out and when seems so petty though doesn't it? He is who he is and she's either okay with it or she isn't. I don't think asking someone on a second date means taking the lead all the time anyway. I think it's just a matter of asking herself if she likes him enough that she can accept she might be instigating most of the dates, or if she'd rather just pass and find someone that instigates instead. Either way is fine, since it's a personal preference, it just seems like she likes him so why not go for it? Is setting a date really that big of a deal?

    Heck, even if it is at the end of the second date say "This was great, let me know when our next date is!" and bam, ball is officially in his court. At that point if he doesn't move forward then he is either 1) not interested or 2) cripplingly shy both of which would lead to second thoughts and moving forward.
    I don't think it's really about games, if this dude doesn't have the balls to ask someone out on a date that is clearly interested in him he doesn't deserve to be going on dates. Grow a pair pal. The ball is unofficially already in his court. Yes, if Laura really wants to hang out with him again she can ask, but she's also setting herself up for more wondering if this *kitten* is ever going to ask her out.

    I think Laura did the right thing, she gave him the perfect opportunity and he either blew it off or chickened out. Next.

    If she's really interested in him there's nothing wrong with asking him out again and being more upfront about expecting him to take charge of the next date. If she's not interested in working something out with someone shy then yeah, move on.
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