Online dating... When they're online frequently
La_Amazona
Posts: 4,855 Member
What do you think of a guy (or gal) who's always online?
Backstory... So Hulk and I went out 3 times already over 1.5 weeks. He's on a boat 4 days, then home for 4. He called me 2 days ago to make sure we were okay after he invited me to stay over on 3rd date and I declined. I thought it was nice of him to make sure I was okay and not freaked out. It was a short call and we talked about seeing each other again once he's home.
I texted him hello type of message the next day- yesterday (1st time I have initiated contact) and he responded. I haven't heard from him since but I see that he's online frequently. Not that he's on there 24/7 but he's on a lot.
I get on and check messages, etc but I never chat or stay on too long. So I'm not saying he shouldn't be on but I've mentioned this before, he doesn't call or text me very much. Should I be concerned?
I guess I'm getting the vibe that he's just not THAT into me. I like him but it can go either way for me.
As you know, my last relationship went very fast, very soon. I certainly don't want to make that mistake again. I actually want to get know the guys for a bit and not rush. I'm also dating several guys (have a date tonight) so I'm not focused on Hulk just yet. But Im not sure whether to keep seeing him if he's not acting interested. Or is he, since he wants to see me?
Blah.
Backstory... So Hulk and I went out 3 times already over 1.5 weeks. He's on a boat 4 days, then home for 4. He called me 2 days ago to make sure we were okay after he invited me to stay over on 3rd date and I declined. I thought it was nice of him to make sure I was okay and not freaked out. It was a short call and we talked about seeing each other again once he's home.
I texted him hello type of message the next day- yesterday (1st time I have initiated contact) and he responded. I haven't heard from him since but I see that he's online frequently. Not that he's on there 24/7 but he's on a lot.
I get on and check messages, etc but I never chat or stay on too long. So I'm not saying he shouldn't be on but I've mentioned this before, he doesn't call or text me very much. Should I be concerned?
I guess I'm getting the vibe that he's just not THAT into me. I like him but it can go either way for me.
As you know, my last relationship went very fast, very soon. I certainly don't want to make that mistake again. I actually want to get know the guys for a bit and not rush. I'm also dating several guys (have a date tonight) so I'm not focused on Hulk just yet. But Im not sure whether to keep seeing him if he's not acting interested. Or is he, since he wants to see me?
Blah.
0
Replies
-
I would be getting the same vibe as you, and usually I would follow that instinct, cause more often than not it may be right. Just enjoy the company of the others and let this one roll out as it happens. That is about all I can recommend.0
-
Yeah... if someone wants to talk to you they find time. I think if he has time to be online but not time or drive to text you that might be a sign... but we could all be over thinking this. Some men just don't want to seem over-eager especially if you declined his invite. He might be giving you the space he thinks you want.
Talk to him about it if it is bothering you.0 -
I wouldn't say it's bothering me, I guess I just don't want to invest in someone if they're not investing in me. On our dates, we talk a lot, he's attentive, affectionate and he seems very attracted to me. Since I don't know his ways yet, it's hard to read him.
I also think if he has time to be chatting online, then he definitely has the time to reach out to me to get to know me more (If he wanted to).
Our pace so far has been good, besides that. I don't know... I kept thinking maybe he was just interested in me physically and I did talk to him about it which he said he's very attracted to me but respects me. He also said he liked me very much. Hmm.
We will see. I think I'll see him 1 more time once he get back and make my decision. I want things to naturally progress but that's a new concept to me. Usually I get guys who are ready to freaking move in or guys who aren't sure.0 -
It goes both ways, you log onto to those sites to notice he's online.
Actions matter more than words.0 -
DM, yup. I log on so I can't say anything and I also don't reach out to him first (except for yesterday) so what's a girl to do?
I don't have a problem with anybody dating others right now, it's more that I'm not sure if he's into me. I agree, actions speak louder. So if he's choosing to go out with me, asks me out, etc.. Are those actions good enough at this point?0 -
DM, yup. I log on so I can't say anything and I also don't reach out to him first (except for yesterday) so what's a girl to do?
I don't have a problem with anybody dating others right now, it's more that I'm not sure if he's into me. I agree, actions speak louder. So if he's choosing to go out with me, asks me out, etc.. Are those actions good enough at this point?
I think those are some good actions. Keep it simple! If there's a good flow to your interactions, the physical attraction is there, you both like each other and keep wanting to see each other, that's really all you can ask for at this point.0 -
Our pace so far has been good, besides that. I don't know... I kept thinking maybe he was just interested in me physically and I did talk to him about it which he said he's very attracted to me but respects me. He also said he liked me very much. Hmm.
I think this would be said if it is true or not. What's the alternative? "You caught me. All I want to do is bang the hell out of you until something better comes along."0 -
I'm pro-online dating but see, that's one of my personal dislikes about online dating with certain people. I feel there are some folks on there always shopping for better. I'm not saying he is, for all I know he knows in his head he doesn't see himself long term with me, and that's fine or like DM said, we are on a good pace.
But I was reading on baggage reclaim about this very thing yesterday- always looking for something better so you never fully invest in one thing and give it a chance. Anyway, I'm rambling.
Well off to my 1st date with The Talker!0 -
I'm pro-online dating but see, that's one of my personal dislikes about online dating with certain people. I feel there are some folks on there always shopping for better. I'm not saying he is, for all I know he knows in his head he doesn't see himself long term with me, and that's fine or like DM said, we are on a good pace.
But I was reading on baggage reclaim about this very thing yesterday- always looking for something better so you never fully invest in one thing and give it a chance. Anyway, I'm rambling.
Well off to my 1st date with The Talker!
No offense but isn`t it a bit odd to be discussing this and then conclude with an announcement you are heading out to a date with a different person? :laugh:0 -
I'm pro-online dating but see, that's one of my personal dislikes about online dating with certain people. I feel there are some folks on there always shopping for better. I'm not saying he is, for all I know he knows in his head he doesn't see himself long term with me, and that's fine or like DM said, we are on a good pace.
But I was reading on baggage reclaim about this very thing yesterday- always looking for something better so you never fully invest in one thing and give it a chance. Anyway, I'm rambling.
Well off to my 1st date with The Talker!
It is a matter of efficiency vs. effectiveness in my mind. Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is about doing the right things. You can be efficient without being effectiveness.
In terms of efficiency, online dating has a certain efficiency to it. In a pure numbers sense, I can make contact with more women. I can send messages to 20 woman faster than I can approach 20 women IRL. Out of every 20 women I message on a dating site, I may get 2-3 responses, and I think one date out of that.
When I go to a typical Meetup event, there are maybe 1-2 women per event that are what I am looking for, but I'm pretty effective in my approaches with them and setting up dates.
The ultimate test is putting together a sustainable relationship though.
With online dating, it is a virtual storefront of potential dating prospects, so there's a bit of unease in the early going and both sides can see if the other is logging in and that can cause undue pressure.
Best wishes for your date with the Talker!0 -
Thanks DM!
Carl, I know I know... But again, the problem isn't other people.. It's the fact that I see him online frequently, chatting when he's not contacting me. In my head, I make sense. Lol0 -
Thanks DM!
Carl, I know I know... But again, the problem isn't other people.. It's the fact that I see him online frequently, chatting when he's not contacting me. In my head, I make sense. Lol
All I am saying is that you are upset he is doing something that you are also doing.
That is a no win situation for either of you,it is self defeating as you have already over thunk it without realizing it is a bit hypocritical.
Just keep letting thing progress Diana without worrying over it,you are doing yourself no good.0 -
here's my experience.
i had the phone app for OKC. it shows you logged in pretty much all the time. people would try and chat with me and i wasn't actually at home on my computer. i would explain that and be told "we'll you appear to always be online."
so, is it possible he's not actually logged in on a computer, but has the app that makes it look like you're always online?0 -
One can always find a better partner than the one they are currently with... But the more time you spend with the person and get to know them, the more it becomes a pain in the *kitten* and an effort to find a new partner.0
-
I mean, I'm the best girl any guy can have! I don't understand.... Hehe
I'm not going to worry about it. Ill let fate do its thing.0 -
Are you sure when he appears online that he is really at the computer? Reason I bring this up is that I leave my PC on pretty much 24/7. I'll appear online but not actually be at the keyboard infront of the screen. Does that make sense? lol.0
-
Who in the world knows. I will just see how he's online now with the chat feature, or since I have old messages from him.. It will say he was online 23 minutes ago or whatever.
Date with Talker was no bueno. Not my type at all. Poor guy could probably tell. Every time he moved in closer, I'd move further. Ah well.0 -
I dont think you have a right to question what he's doing when you're online and dating other people too! You say he's looking for someone better, but isnt that what you're doing too?
Sounds like double standards to me :flowerforyou:
And no, he's not into you, and you're not into him. Just like you just said you dont care if it goes either way. Well, neither does he! Otherwise why would you both be looking for/dating other people? :huh:0 -
Date with Talker was no bueno. Not my type at all. Poor guy could probably tell. Every time he moved in closer, I'd move further. Ah well.
Why not your type? Also curious about the closer, further line.0 -
I dont think you have a right to question what he's doing when you're online and dating other people too! You say he's looking for someone better, but isnt that what you're doing too?
Sounds like double standards to me :flowerforyou:
And no, he's not into you, and you're not into him. Just like you just said you dont care if it goes either way. Well, neither does he! Otherwise why would you both be looking for/dating other people? :huh:
ding ding ding0 -
just my two cents.....I feel that even if he is online, what matters more is how much he's trying to talk to u and reassure u that he's interested. Sure everyone can be onilne but is he making time to talk to u, send u lil msgs/txts to reassure u that he's thinking about u, excited to see u, etc?
also like someone else said, they may appear online but not actually be online.
but in general if u're not sure if he's feeling u or u can't read him, just leave the ball in his court and don't worry about it.
more on the date with the talker? lol0 -
Yeah well... While it's true, is it really the norm to be "into someone" after only a few online conversations and maybe a date, you bunch of stalker/creepos?
ding ding dingI dont think you have a right to question what he's doing when you're online and dating other people too! You say he's looking for someone better, but isnt that what you're doing too?
Sounds like double standards to me :flowerforyou:
And no, he's not into you, and you're not into him. Just like you just said you dont care if it goes either way. Well, neither does he! Otherwise why would you both be looking for/dating other people? :huh:
(answer is no)
Although it is nice to have a minimum of attraction for the other person.
My theory is that only lonely people are into you that early. Not necessarily a positive thing.
(and think about the state of your life when you "fell in love at first sight" before contradicting my theory and then proceed)0 -
I dont think you have a right to question what he's doing when you're online and dating other people too! You say he's looking for someone better, but isnt that what you're doing too?
Sounds like double standards to me :flowerforyou:
And no, he's not into you, and you're not into him. Just like you just said you dont care if it goes either way. Well, neither does he! Otherwise why would you both be looking for/dating other people? :huh:
^^This! If you're keeping your options open then he has the right to do that too. Besides, we all know that both genders have lots of people who poof in dating. What's to say you might not do that to him, so he's just seeing what's going on still.0 -
Yeah well... While it's true, is it really the norm to be "into someone" after only a few online conversations and maybe a date, you bunch of stalker/creepos?
ding ding dingI dont think you have a right to question what he's doing when you're online and dating other people too! You say he's looking for someone better, but isnt that what you're doing too?
Sounds like double standards to me :flowerforyou:
And no, he's not into you, and you're not into him. Just like you just said you dont care if it goes either way. Well, neither does he! Otherwise why would you both be looking for/dating other people? :huh:
(answer is no)
Although it is nice to have a minimum of attraction for the other person.
My theory is that only lonely people are into you that early. Not necessarily a positive thing.
(and think about the state of your life when you "fell in love at first sight" before contradicting my theory and then proceed)
The issue is that he doesn't seem to being trying to contact her instead he is online and she isn't trying to contact him but she is online and going on other dates. So this to me means that neither of them are really persuing each other and it is a double standard to try and blame it on him.0 -
Yeah well... While it's true, is it really the norm to be "into someone" after only a few online conversations and maybe a date, you bunch of stalker/creepos?
ding ding dingI dont think you have a right to question what he's doing when you're online and dating other people too! You say he's looking for someone better, but isnt that what you're doing too?
Sounds like double standards to me :flowerforyou:
And no, he's not into you, and you're not into him. Just like you just said you dont care if it goes either way. Well, neither does he! Otherwise why would you both be looking for/dating other people? :huh:
(answer is no)
Although it is nice to have a minimum of attraction for the other person.
My theory is that only lonely people are into you that early. Not necessarily a positive thing.
(and think about the state of your life when you "fell in love at first sight" before contradicting my theory and then proceed)
uh oh this is making me rethink some things. lol. i had a date saturday night and we really hit it off. we basically are looking for the same things and we have the same views on relationships and what not and same interests and all. this is the 4th person i've met online but usually i know by the end of the date if i wanna keep seeing them or not and the answer is usually no lol cuz i am at a point in my life where i want something serious. Anyhoo by the end of this date i was pretty sure he had the potential of a bf that i wanted to keep seeing and not keep seeing anyone else and he told me the same thing yesterday....umm is that bad?
now i'm doubting this whole situation lol.0 -
Honestly, I pay ZERO attention to this. ZERO. First of all, sometimes I'll check my messages and then walk away from the computer so it probably looks like I'm online, so it doesn't really say anything. Second, if someone doesn't write me back, it doesn't matter if they have been online or not, I'll likely just forget about them and move on to the next one.0
-
Yeah well... While it's true, is it really the norm to be "into someone" after only a few online conversations and maybe a date, you bunch of stalker/creepos?
ding ding dingI dont think you have a right to question what he's doing when you're online and dating other people too! You say he's looking for someone better, but isnt that what you're doing too?
Sounds like double standards to me :flowerforyou:
And no, he's not into you, and you're not into him. Just like you just said you dont care if it goes either way. Well, neither does he! Otherwise why would you both be looking for/dating other people? :huh:
(answer is no)
Although it is nice to have a minimum of attraction for the other person.
My theory is that only lonely people are into you that early. Not necessarily a positive thing.
(and think about the state of your life when you "fell in love at first sight" before contradicting my theory and then proceed)
uh oh this is making me rethink some things. lol. i had a date saturday night and we really hit it off. we basically are looking for the same things and we have the same views on relationships and what not and same interests and all. this is the 4th person i've met online but usually i know by the end of the date if i wanna keep seeing them or not and the answer is usually no lol cuz i am at a point in my life where i want something serious. Anyhoo by the end of this date i was pretty sure he had the potential of a bf that i wanted to keep seeing and not keep seeing anyone else and he told me the same thing yesterday....umm is that bad?
now i'm doubting this whole situation lol.
Not bad at all. Trust your instincts and what you've observed. Not a bunch of generalized advise that may or may not apply to you and your situation.0 -
At this stage, I'd rather talk about "hooks" that you throw (loosely) at the other person, more than "pursuing" or "being into someone".The issue is that he doesn't seem to being trying to contact her instead he is online and she isn't trying to contact him but she is online and going on other dates. So this to me means that neither of them are really persuing each other and it is a double standard to try and blame it on him.
You just throw your hook in the general direction of the other person, and see if they bite or not. Probably worth doing it a few times (even though they don't bite the first time), if you are moderately interested in the person - just in case. Best way to keep your sanity.
"interested" => "hook"
"into someone" => "pursuing"
I agree that if none of them even have the will to send a hook at the other one, that's pretty dire.0 -
I guess you’ll really know when he gets back, but since you declined his overnight invitation I would not at all be surprised that his contact dropped off. No blame, no “he’s wrong” or any such thing. And I can understand not wanting to invest all your emotion into someone who isn’t invested into you. I play the same game. Some folks on this board are a really good read of people. I’m not, so I’m not gonna declare a new guy “the one” after 2 or 3 dates.
At the same time, there’s a difference between your app keeping you logged in and someone actually logging in and out of a system. If I see a guy posting stuff on facebook and twitter, and changing his match pictures, or logging in and out of match, I observe it and adjust my feelings accordingly.
I travel a lot for work and seems like the guys I click with most with also travel a lot. Don’t tell me you were too busy to drop me a quick “how are you” text when you’re posting all over social media, updating your Match account, and frequently logging in to the chat.0 -
Okay, so now I'm confused. For the record, I do like him. I don't know him yet but we seem to be of similar personalities. I enjoy his company. My attraction for him grew once his personality came out.
Now, if he would be pursuing me more by means of communication, Id probably focus more on him. But because he's not, I'm not putting all my eggs into this 1 basket! It not that it's up to him, but I need to be wise here.
So was I supposed to meet him, go out and like him then stop dating others (exclusive) because I liked it so far? Isn't that what I did with ex bf?!?! In retrospect, I don't think it was very healthy! I don't know the dude and by the time I got to know the real him, I was severely attached. I'm getting to know the hulk, to see if we are truly compatible.
I'm not looking for something "better". But what a fool I'd be if I were here upset and hurt that this guy was just all over me, tried to bang me by inviting me to stay yet he's online still. No thank you.
Again, I'm not bothered if he is dating or looking. My concern was him not being into ME. Which I believe, even of he is dating others, talking to others, he could still show me he's interested.
We will see what he does when he gets back.0
This discussion has been closed.