Urrrgh! Outing trans people
tameko2
Posts: 31,634 Member
My husband is a moron. I have a good friend who is FTM - he's been on T for about 2 years now, top surgery, etc, and in my opinion no one would EVER know. My husband apparently thinks he still looks oddly feminine (he really does NOT but since my husband knew him before the T as well he sort of 'sees' my friend as a lady still - you know, he is LOOKING for it so he sees it).
So we have a guy staying with us who did not know and has never met this person and apparently my husband felt like he needed to OUT my friend to this guy so that the guy wouldn't think "hey this guy is weirdly feminine, I wonder what's up"
RRRRRGGHGHGHIRHTWIEHRWEIRJ%@#IO%$@%(@%(. Blargh. I'm just....super upset about it. We talked about it and he understands why it was SUPER **** OF HIM but you know, the damage is done.
Blergh. I just wanted to vent about it. Needed to tell SOMEONE because it really frustrated me. Can't decide if I'm going to tell my friend although I already texted him and said I was mad at my husband so, I guess I'll have to tell him why. And now I feel like I should go tell the OTHER guy why what my husband did was not cool.
Or maybe I'm making an overly big deal about. But still. AAAUUUUUGHHHH. I feel bad for my friend because he has to deal with so much **** from his mom ("don't people get upset when you go into the men's bathroom?") and I don't like that now he will feel that way about being at my house too.
So we have a guy staying with us who did not know and has never met this person and apparently my husband felt like he needed to OUT my friend to this guy so that the guy wouldn't think "hey this guy is weirdly feminine, I wonder what's up"
RRRRRGGHGHGHIRHTWIEHRWEIRJ%@#IO%$@%(@%(. Blargh. I'm just....super upset about it. We talked about it and he understands why it was SUPER **** OF HIM but you know, the damage is done.
Blergh. I just wanted to vent about it. Needed to tell SOMEONE because it really frustrated me. Can't decide if I'm going to tell my friend although I already texted him and said I was mad at my husband so, I guess I'll have to tell him why. And now I feel like I should go tell the OTHER guy why what my husband did was not cool.
Or maybe I'm making an overly big deal about. But still. AAAUUUUUGHHHH. I feel bad for my friend because he has to deal with so much **** from his mom ("don't people get upset when you go into the men's bathroom?") and I don't like that now he will feel that way about being at my house too.
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That was seriously rude. That's like going, "Hey, Melissa has a yeast infection, just thought you might need to know that." Like, what purpose does it serve? Why would you pry into someone's personal business like that, to what end? Because someone thinks being feminine as a man is somehow threatening or scary? What?!
It's up to your friend to reveal that kind of stuff to people, not your husband. I can understand why you were pissed.
I know some people don't give a fig about it (I probably wouldn't care if I were outed because I'm an open person about that stuff anyway), but I'm sure others would be really hurt. That was really uncalled for.![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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Vent away Tameko. Thanks for being so sensitive towards the 'outing' issue.0
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It always makes me nervous when talking to people about this issue, because I either fall guilty with the subconscious outting, or I get angry at the aggressive blanet outing. It's something I need to work on as a person over all, which is ironic for all the trans*positive things I believe in- gender identity equality and what have you.0
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It always makes me nervous when talking to people about this issue, because I either fall guilty with the subconscious outting, or I get angry at the aggressive blanet outing. It's something I need to work on as a person over all, which is ironic for all the trans*positive things I believe in- gender identity equality and what have you.
Honestly its STILL tough to remember to use the right pronouns and things because language patterns get so ingrained - BUT what tripped up my husband (*shakes him*) is the same thing that seems to trip up a lot of people , which is that because you KNOW, you think its super obvious and when you trip up at all you think you just outed the person. Actually, my friend and I joke all the time about how I am so MANLY and he is such a GIRL (even before he transitioned and also this is still true) and we still make those jokes and no one who doesn't know ever thinks "ERMAGERD I THINK THAT GUY IS ACTUALLY A GIRL" but the first time I did it in front of someone else who actually knew they were kind of embarrassed/horrified by it.
99% of people are not going to immediately jump to the most unlikely conclusion (that the person transitioned) when they meet someone who they think exibits some or even a LOT of traits of the opposite gender. Even if they DO jump to that conclusion they wont' say anything or confront the person because it would be both horrifically rude and embarrassing to find out you are wrong. Even if someone slips and uses the wrong gender pronoun, you can TOTALLY just laugh about it like it was a meaningless slip of the tongue (which it was, right?) and really, hardly anyone will think "A-HA!!!!"0
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