crawfzilla Member

Likes to *kitten* on his own lawn, then phones the police and blames local dog owners.

I accidentally sent a picture of my dick to all of our contacts, and spent our life savings on the stamps.

Do you think deaf schizophrenics hear voices in their heads?

All these jokes about sex and pornography. I remember when I was young if I wanted to jerk it I had to steal my mothers sears catalog and take into into the woods so I could look at the swimsuit and lingerie portions, but now with the use of the internet... I can just go to sears.com

Pucker up ;)

Off: a bad TGR or tooth to gum ratio. On: bad *kitten* attitude, I like a girl who wouldn't be afraid to knock.you one

Honestly I'm looking for a substitute from trail mix or trail mix bars... Not a complete substitute but something to switch things up

Eatplain rice cakes with your own toppings on them - peanut butter, Caramal or chocolate sauce. They're almost no calories

A displeasing fortune cookie.

That place where Alice went.

She became an astronaut and just needed space.

I wish I had the money to buy the world's largest model train set so I could dress up as Godzilla and destroy it on a really bad day.

Yes maam

Because I'm a plumber, and your pipes are bursting.

You see, so organized.

-756

You look like you would make a wonderful serial-killer, much more elegant than the rest.

No I would not.

He thought predator 2 was better than the original.

I wish I had chameleon eyes so I could look at multiple things at once. The only downside is that people could tell when your not paying attention to them

Does bicep curls in socially unacceptable places; libraries, daycare, public bathrooms, church etc...

Streetlight manifesto

I think that's nice of him. Seeing you all "sweaty and gross" and finding it appealing, obviously he saw the hard work you put in and admires it. You should of given him a shot. As for flirting I'm not shy, but flirting on the internet I find ridiculous. Unfortunately liking someones photo or sending them a message while…

wound

When people get upset at people making minimum wage because they inconvenienced them by messing up an order that was worth half the persons hourly earnings.

His old muffin man uniform... he often wears it to remember the good old days.

Is constantly constipated and takes his frustrations out on the world.

Sure, if things don't work out we can play connect four to decide on who eats who.

Nope, my ex girlfriend became an XL girlfriend after we broke up

Get that coffee out of his hands, you are far too young to be having caffeine