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Pretty much this. Get healthy for yourself, not because someone is using your weight as a scapegoat for their bad behavior. If he truly wants to rebuild the marriage, he needs to rebuild trust. That means you shouldn't be secretly checking his accounts. If he wants your trust back he should be voluntarily making his life…
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At one point in my life I was 5'8" and 120lbs. During this period my mother made many nasty remarks to me about my weight (still does really), but the one the stands out to me was "I don't care what the number on the scale says, you've got a gut and you look fat." That was really my "I'm done trying to please you" moment.
