found my husband on an onlne dating site
Replies
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If you think your husband DOESN'T have a wandering eye .... :laugh:
If you really think about it, doesn't everyone? We all look...then there are some who put it into action. That's a different story.0 -
Every marriage is worth fighting for! I'm glad you are willing to keep trying... With that said, just because you are overweight does not mean his infidelity is your fault. If this is the catalyst that gets you motivated to lose weight and have a healthier lifestyle, then so be it. But don't look for it to change your marriage or relationship. That will take work and commitment from both of you.
Practice makes perfect, so you both need to practice being head-over-heals in love with each other. " Fake it til you feel it," as the saying goes.
I'm going to disagree with your first statement. My first marriage was filled with physical abuse and was not worth the pain for me or my child. Neither was my late husband's first marriage. His kids didn't see what a normal, loving relationship consisted of until he and I got together.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
Almost choked laughing at this!0 -
Your husband isn't the brightest crayon in the box, is he? A dating profile online is so easy to find. SMH. So sorry that happened to you.0
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I don't think this is as black and white as you say. You found him on a dating site, you can't view 99% of dating site members without having a membership yourself. Furthermore was his membership Standard, or Silver or Gold, because a standard account cant talk to anyone on the site anyway. Also, dating websites retain a userbase of about 70% fake profiles, including people who once registered and quit and stuff as simple as people who registered on craigslist. The job of these bots is to send messages, winks and flirts to people to make them think dating websites work, for the most part, they don't. Period.
I was 18 once and I thought cheating was the worst thing in the entire world. Then I grew up, was married for 8 years and understood the complaceny, disregard, and lack of communication that can happen as a result of a marriage not being maintained ESP after having children. I never cheated, but I didn't think it was the worst thing in the world anymore, perhaps that is lying, but everyone is different. Some people just cheat its in their nature. But to equate an online profile with the same brevity of not coming home at night and physically messing around and then using it as an excuse to track everything they do, that's not wise, and almost certainly signifies your marriage is over.
The most important thing here, is few of the people here seem to understand how happiness in a relationship actually works. You are responsible for your own happiness, if someone makes you unhappy its because you let them, if someone cant make you happy its because you wont let them. You have to better yourself, educate yourself, take care of yourself, and you have to do all those things for you, no one else can make you do it, ultimately your strength of character determines what you are capable of, not your marriage. If you are truly happy personally that light radiates in your marriage and will make any husband or bf feel appreciated, what you do for them is purely a reflection of your own generosity, compassion, and sense of forgiveness because lets face it, everyone screws something up at some point in their relationship, including cheating. People are what you make of them.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
Pretty much this. Get healthy for yourself, not because someone is using your weight as a scapegoat for their bad behavior.We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.
If he truly wants to rebuild the marriage, he needs to rebuild trust. That means you shouldn't be secretly checking his accounts. If he wants your trust back he should be voluntarily making his life an open book.0 -
maybe the OP is in a happy relationship, but secretly, hes seeking some new action.......if he provides a good home life./food/schooling , etc and is supportive of the children, maybe she can work on it
again, I dont know her circumstances , but I agree, if its a failed marriage, it will only get worse...been there too,
but remember the pain and hurt the little children will have to go thru..........I hope she tries counselling and talks to him about the situation.....again, I really feel for her children
When divorce is handled the right way, it reduces the stress on the children.
My parents got divorced. They handled it the right way. They are still amicable and friendly to one another. I have an amazing relationship with both parents, and learned to value the alone time I have separately with each parent. Everyone else I know who has divorced parents are in a similar boat. Staying together for the sake of children is worse, and so is trying to work out something that is unfixable. A failed marriage is not the end of the world for children or the parents.0 -
I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..0
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I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..
do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
^^^THIS, THIS, THIS ^^^^^
I speak from exp. When you think all hope is lost and nothing will be the same....hope is not lost! and believe me, it will not be the same but it can be so much better! as long as you both want the same outcome....it will hurt at first but it is worth it to stick it out...it can make your relationship stronger....keep your head up and follow Jesus...he knows what he is doing!
None of you love Jesus any more than I do. But Her husband wasnt checking in when Jesus when he logged into the DATING SITE. He didnt accidentally tap the join and find locals in your area. So dont even try it
All I am saying is that if she does want to work things out it is possible...whatever situation she is in it is HER choice and if she decides that she loves him and wants to make it work then it is possible! I don't know her life or her relationship or anything else about her...all I know is what she posted...and she said they are working on issues together....just letting her know it is possible to make things work if that's what she wants....I am not telling her what to do or anything...just giving her a little insight on what worked for me....and yes you are right he didn't check in with JESUS when he logged into the dating site....ALL THE MORE REASON TO CHECK IN WITH HIM NOW!
God is dead, and I'm pretty sure Jesus was executed
This wins the internet today!0 -
I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..
do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.
No, to have a profile you have to intentionally register and then set it up. There is no "by accident" here.0 -
I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..
do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.
No, to have a profile you have to intentionally register and then set it up. There is no "by accident" here.
that's what I thought, but was asking, based on the way it was presented above....
ETA: I have used dating sites, but not by way of porn sites. I went directly to the dating site with intent to find dates, only, I am single.0 -
I... I...
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Sorry you're going through this heartache, Just make sure that losing weight and getting fit is something you are doing for yourself or it will not work.
If you feel you can make your marriage work then more power to you. Its not true what they say about "once a cheater always a cheater". Not all men are the same some actually can change, but he has to give 100% in making it work as well.
I say that because i too had some trouble in my marriage years ago and yes my hubby did change for the better and i've never been happier. Good luck to you both and God bless.0 -
Ok, there's a lot of Jesus talk in this thread. But why has no one considered the strength and compassion offered by the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
(I think this thread is going to roll as well...garlic roll)0 -
I... I...
Cheating and Jesus.
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I think it's great that you are working on your marriage together. I personally believe that if both people want a marriage to work and are willing to put the effort in that it can survive anything.....including infidelity.
Congrats on you both working on it as well as working on yourself....it sounds like you are doing it more for you then to fix your marriage which is good. Also consider a good marriage therapist to help when the trying gets hard!!
Feel free to friend me....I'm getting back on track after losing a bunch and then gaining it back after my dad was diagnosed with cancer.0 -
LOL, this.If she divorced him she could tell him that she had just lost (fill in what he weighs here).
Hows that for starters
Yep. This, too. When someone has wronged you in a very bad way, there are very few things more empowering than taking your life back and making it AMAZING.As someone who was everything he wanted in a woman except "pretty enough" for him to be faithful after the second baby was born..... it is much, much, much, much more satisfying to get out of the relationship, become the best version of yourself and have hot, sweaty sex with someone who never, ever, ever, ever goes about trying to cheat on you....
and it doesn't hurt when your ex sees you around .. not even a little bit. esp if he has put on the 30lbs of baby weight you gained.
So many people here are worried about how she found out about it; I think this is silly. First, let's assume the best. Why would she be complaining about his behavior if she was doing the same thing?I don't think this is as black and white as you say. You found him on a dating site, you can't view 99% of dating site members without having a membership yourself.
When I found my ex's dating profile (while we were still together), she had just left her own profile open on her computer and then left it sitting out. I used it to look something up quick, and saw the page. It was as simple as that. You don't NEED to be snooping to come across it. You don't NEED to have your own profile, if they leave theirs up. Who knows? Maybe a friend found his profile. Or maybe she just kind of knew something was up, and snooped a little bit... which I couldn't really condemn her for, if this is what it turned up. Sometimes snooping is a paranoid, fruitless pursuit; but sometimes, you have to follow your gut.
I don't care how she found out; it's got to be so hard for her.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
Almost choked laughing at this!
I know hysterical!!!!!!! However her situation is not. No one can tell you what to do, that is up to you. Try marriage counseling if you want to stay in the marriage.0 -
no sorry they don't .. they just open behind what you are looking to view.. they do however say look at single people in your area.. and shows the closest areaI don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..
do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.0 -
I was on an online dating site when I was about 19 years old and single. My brother in law found me on there and told my sister. She got upset with me that I was on there looking for a guy to date. (btw this was back when online dating was still newish and looked down upon). She thought I was too young to be on there and could meet guys in person. Well I'm too awkward to meet guys in person so that didn't work, that's why I was online.
But she wasn't mad at HIM for searching dating websites! HE WAS MARRIED TO HER. I brought up why was he on a dating website. She said he was looking for friends.
Guess who is in the process of a divorce because he was caught cheating on her?
He's not on there for just friends. Don't lose weight thinking that it will keep him off of there. You know what will keep him off of there? You guys fixing your relationship and focusing on each other. But if you can't trust him and have to go through his stuff, good luck fixing that. Trust is a very hard thing to fix. If you believe you can trust him again and that he won't pull B.S. like this in the future, then by all means do whatever it takes for both of you to fix your problem (because it's not your weight). He has to help fix your marriage because he is in it too. If he doesn't make the effort to work on it, boot his butt to the curb.0 -
my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.0 -
my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.
Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.0 -
I had the exact same thing happen a year ago. We were both unhappy and I had stopped working out and being active as a result. It was a real wake up call. I left him, moved out, and began working on myself. In the first three months that we were apart I lost 25 lbs. It just fell off once I started focusing on me and my own happiness. Try to stay strong, it's not easy, but you are not alone!0
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Watch the movie "Don Jon" this will explain ALLOT!0
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my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.
Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.
I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters
Hence all the cages in my basement...
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my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.
Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.
I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters
It doesn't say anything about slaves and masters in the 10 Commandments. It does specifically say thou shall not commit adultry.0 -
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/
^ Go there. There are people who can help you through the roller coaster of what you're feeling. Forgiveness is possible, but weight loss is definitely not part of the equation. At all.
Also, as everyone else has said- do things for you, not for him. THE ONUS IS ON HIM TO MAKE IT RIGHT. You did not do wrong. If he is unhappy with the way things are, you can discuss changing things IF YOU WANT TO. If you don't, he needs to get off the fence and either commit to you or you need to leave him.
Life is too short to allow someone to make you miserable. Visit the website. Feel free to friend me if you'd like.0 -
We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.
Just.
Wow.
Yeah. Um. Wow.
Drake~Trust issues.0 -
my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.
Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.
I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters
It doesn't say anything about slaves and masters in the 10 Commandments. It does specifically say thou shall not commit adultry.
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