found my husband on an onlne dating site
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Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.
AMEN!!!!
Children know....they ain't stupid.
They pick up on things far more than you think, and are far smarter than you think.
Especially the girls (among my kids anyways)
Girls are intuitive, that's for sure!0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
^ Yup. I'd keep my eye on him if I were.
Lose weight and get healthy for you and not for his cheating *kitten*.
Edited to add more.0 -
This hits it on the mark.0
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wow,,,, you should not have to check up on your husband..... trust me when I say this, if he tries this once it will happen again!!!!0
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It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
I can't even begin to go into how freaking wrong this is. :mad:
Improve yourself if you want but only FOR yourself.0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
^^^THIS, THIS, THIS ^^^^^
I speak from exp. When you think all hope is lost and nothing will be the same....hope is not lost! and believe me, it will not be the same but it can be so much better! as long as you both want the same outcome....it will hurt at first but it is worth it to stick it out...it can make your relationship stronger....keep your head up and follow Jesus...he knows what he is doing!
No not this^^^^
She said:secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.
Sorry that is not how trust works...
And if I were the guy in that relationship and she was doing that
I would see it as a form of control and manipulation, and also for what it is....NO TRUST
Would drive me crazy, push me away and I would leave.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
This!
"Never trust anyone who always blames everyone else for everything wrong in their life" ~Anna Pereira
OP - you are worth more and you deserve better! Peace and love to you
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Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.
AMEN!!!!
Children know....they ain't stupid.
They pick up on things far more than you think, and are far smarter than you think.
Especially the girls (among my kids anyways)
Girls are intuitive, that's for sure!
Agreed.0 -
unfortunately, there are children involved............I think sometimes, when family is there, it makes quite a difference to the person who is being cheated on.....Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
if she didnt have children, she may have a different attitude ,but its hard on the children.
Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.
Agreed. What example is staying setting for your children? That they should stay in a bad marriage? That it's ok to cheat? No.0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
^^^THIS, THIS, THIS ^^^^^
I speak from exp. When you think all hope is lost and nothing will be the same....hope is not lost! and believe me, it will not be the same but it can be so much better! as long as you both want the same outcome....it will hurt at first but it is worth it to stick it out...it can make your relationship stronger....keep your head up and follow Jesus...he knows what he is doing!
I also speak from experience When I thought all hope was lost and nothing would ever be the same - I ended up being right. It was never the same - even after counseling. It did hurt at first - and it hurt a lot, but it was so worth it to gather my self up, get strong, and learn to be happy and secure again. Were things different? Better than I ever thought. Was I able to heal? Yes, and moved on to find a man that respects me, loves me as I am, and that I can trust.
I followed my gut instincts - they have never let me down.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
Is he truly sorry or just sorry he was caught? Just because he didn't "do" anything doesn't mean he wasn't planning to, wouldn't have jumped at an opportunity or hasn't already and is lying about it. IMHO you deserve someone who loves and most importantly respects you - someone who plans on cheating on you does not respect you. You also don't need to win him back, if anything he needs to win you back. I have seen marriages pull through cheating with A LOT of hard work and I have also seen marriages fail. If you have to watch over him like a small child is it really worth the effort? In the back of your mind every time he runs to the store or logs onto a computer when you're not home you're going to fear what he's doing. You might think stalking him gives you the power, but it doesn't. It will just cause more stress for you and if he wants to cheat, he's going to cheat whether you're checking his records or not.....Spying on him and going through his phone is not going to help fix this. If anything, it could be far more damaging to your marriage. Act like an adult and get thee to marriage counseling! Quick!
Agreed.0 -
I don't give a damn about your marriage.
Work out your daily calorie goals and the rate of loss that you want. Make sure you weigh and measure your food. Weighing and measuring is very important. You'd be amazed, but there are studies that indicate almost everyone, including dietitians, underestimate calories by as much as half of what they actually eat if they don't weigh and measure food.
Consider strength training to retain as much lean mass as possible, and try to do some form of cardio. I like riding my bike, but walking, running, swimming, or one of the many exercise machines at the gym will do great.
Give it time. Weight loss isn't overnight. Slow and steady has a better chance in resulting in long term success.0 -
It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
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I don't give a damn about your marriage.
Work out your daily calorie goals and the rate of loss that you want. Make sure you weigh and measure your food. Weighing and measuring is very important. You'd be amazed, but there are studies that indicate almost everyone, including dietitians, underestimate calories by as much as half of what they actually eat if they don't weigh and measure food.
Consider strength training to retain as much lean mass as possible, and try to do some form of cardio. I like riding my bike, but walking, running, swimming, or one of the many exercise machines at the gym will do great.
Give it time. Weight loss isn't overnight. Slow and steady has a better chance in resulting in long term success.
Although, I still am sorry you're going through this0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
So...if it takes Jesus, what happens to anyone who doesn't believe in Jesus?
If they don't believe in Jesus, then they're just going to Hell anyway so nobody cares. :devil:
/snark0 -
Trust is earned . . . when it is lost it is hard to gain back. Don't spin your wheels trying to outsmart him by checking up on him. Then it becomes a game for both of you. I know because I am speaking from experience.
Seek counseling . . . but in the end if BOTH are not in it to win it then it does not matter. I fought for my marriage for years . . . but he did not. It is sad because I really loved my husband.0 -
I am 33 years old and truly in love with my husband. We have had a marriage of 10 years and I plan to make it 75 years but I found out 3 weeks ago that he was on an online dating site and it almost broke my heart to no repair. I have been unhappy with myself for a long time and instead of getting motivated and doing something about it I just sit on my butt. Well that is over now but I need supporting friends and a check and balance system. My husband and I both want to have the marriage we seem to have lost and so we are both working on the issues together but I need friends who are working on losing weight as well.
Nikki
That is horrible.
Your husband's wandering eye is not your fault.
I don't know if he's blaming your weight gain, or if you're blaming your weight gain - but these are HIS bad choices, and that is JUST NOT RIGHT.
Fat people deserve love and fidelity, too. If he was concerned about your weight, or was less attracted to you due to your weight, then he owed it to you to be up front with you. Honesty. It would have hurt.
Now, how can you ever trust him again?0 -
I also found my ex husband on an online dating site. We tried to move on, but I just couldn't trust him after that, and it was over.0
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Good for you getting in shape if its on your terms and for your own benefit. That said, as someone who has cheated in the past it's never really about the other partner. A lot of time it's the chase and the feeling of being desired by other people.
I think if he is flipping this around to something about your weight than he is diverting from the real issues. I would love to see you both work this out because I am an eternal romantic and I do think it can be done. Just realize it will be very hard and the odds are not in your favor. In the end do what makes you happy. If you wanna lose weight do it. if you are content w/ your body now keep it. Only you know what makes you happy.
P.S. I would love to know what HE is doing to work on his issues as well.0
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