found my husband on an onlne dating site
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I don't give a damn about your marriage.
Work out your daily calorie goals and the rate of loss that you want. Make sure you weigh and measure your food. Weighing and measuring is very important. You'd be amazed, but there are studies that indicate almost everyone, including dietitians, underestimate calories by as much as half of what they actually eat if they don't weigh and measure food.
Consider strength training to retain as much lean mass as possible, and try to do some form of cardio. I like riding my bike, but walking, running, swimming, or one of the many exercise machines at the gym will do great.
Give it time. Weight loss isn't overnight. Slow and steady has a better chance in resulting in long term success.
*swoon* :drinker: 0 -
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I don't give a damn about your marriage.
whoa, kinda cold there, dont ya think?
This lady is in dire straits and thats all you have to say? Show some compassion, ...........geez
Should I show her compassion by telling her to dump her husband? Should I tell her to stay with the guy and do this for him? Define compassion. I'd rather tell her how to succeed at weight loss and how to feel better about herself.
She doesn't need me armchair quarterbacking her marriage.0 -
I don't give a damn about your marriage.
Work out your daily calorie goals and the rate of loss that you want. Make sure you weigh and measure your food. Weighing and measuring is very important. You'd be amazed, but there are studies that indicate almost everyone, including dietitians, underestimate calories by as much as half of what they actually eat if they don't weigh and measure food.
Consider strength training to retain as much lean mass as possible, and try to do some form of cardio. I like riding my bike, but walking, running, swimming, or one of the many exercise machines at the gym will do great.
Give it time. Weight loss isn't overnight. Slow and steady has a better chance in resulting in long term success.
No seriously, this.
You'd be amazed at the self esteem and empowerment that come from achieving your goals -- the small ones you set along the way to reaching your big ones.
It will help you get a healthy dose of perspective to deal with whatever is happening with your relationship. Srs.
TRUE THAT!0 -
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I'm soo sorry. I believe deep down in my heart, once he did that...he can do it again.....0
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wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
^^^THIS, THIS, THIS ^^^^^
I speak from exp. When you think all hope is lost and nothing will be the same....hope is not lost! and believe me, it will not be the same but it can be so much better! as long as you both want the same outcome....it will hurt at first but it is worth it to stick it out...it can make your relationship stronger....keep your head up and follow Jesus...he knows what he is doing!
None of you love Jesus any more than I do. But Her husband wasnt checking in when Jesus when he logged into the DATING SITE. He didnt accidentally tap the join and find locals in your area. So dont even try it
All I am saying is that if she does want to work things out it is possible...whatever situation she is in it is HER choice and if she decides that she loves him and wants to make it work then it is possible! I don't know her life or her relationship or anything else about her...all I know is what she posted...and she said they are working on issues together....just letting her know it is possible to make things work if that's what she wants....I am not telling her what to do or anything...just giving her a little insight on what worked for me....and yes you are right he didn't check in with JESUS when he logged into the dating site....ALL THE MORE REASON TO CHECK IN WITH HIM NOW!
Right.. right after he checks the new site.
:laugh: OH MY GOSH!!! you are so funny, please stop! :laugh:0 -
.....and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives).....
Personally I am thankful for this.
The infedility alone would probably only have taken us to page 9. But now that we've thrown Jesus into the mix this is a 14 pager for sure.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.0 -
I would have left
![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
Be strong!0 -
As someone who was everything he wanted in a woman except "pretty enough" for him to be faithful after the second baby was born..... it is much, much, much, much more satisfying to get out of the relationship, become the best version of yourself and have hot, sweaty sex with someone who never, ever, ever, ever goes about trying to cheat on you....
and it doesn't hurt when your ex sees you around .. not even a little bit. esp if he has put on the 30lbs of baby weight you gained.0 -
I'm soo sorry. I believe deep down in my heart, once he did that...he can do it again.....
yup... he'll do it again...
also, like others have asked, how did you find out he was on a dating site? did a friend tell you????0 -
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I'm soo sorry. I believe deep down in my heart, once he did that...he can do it again.....
yup... he'll do it again...
also, like others have asked, how did you find out he was on a dating site? did a friend tell you????
I'm really curious why OP hasn't answered this....0 -
I am sorry for your pain. Yes there is great pain; been there done it and remarried his *kitten* and the worm did it again. When children are involved it is hard because it isn't about just you two.
Right now, chop wood and carry water. Just do, because there is a reason for everything!
Hugs0 -
My friend got busted on a dating site by her man.
He made her delete the profile.
Now she has to come over to my house to log on under my profile.
We look a lot alike anyways.
Honestly,
I'm an event planner in an un-common sub-culture, and I've met members on dating sites and never had any sexual relationship with them. I still see them all the time, and we've traveled together and had long term platonic friendships together.
Some people really are on there looking for friendship.
That being said, my -ex was on there looking for friendship when he met the woman he left me for (who, by the way, weighs about 200+ more pounds than I do.)0 -
As someone who was everything he wanted in a woman except "pretty enough" for him to be faithful after the second baby was born..... it is much, much, much, much more satisfying to get out of the relationship, become the best version of yourself and have hot, sweaty sex with someone who never, ever, ever, ever goes about trying to cheat on you....
and it doesn't hurt when your ex sees you around .. not even a little bit. esp if he has put on the 30lbs of baby weight you gained.
I could volunteer for the rebound :drinker:0 -
My friend got busted on a dating site by her man.
He made her delete the profile.
Now she has to come over to my house to log on under my profile.
We look a lot alike anyways.
Honestly,
I'm an event planner in an un-common sub-culture, and I've met members on dating sites and never had any sexual relationship with them. I still see them all the time, and we've traveled together and had long term platonic friendships together.
Some people really are on there looking for friendship.
That being said, my -ex was on there looking for friendship when he met the woman he left me for (who, by the way, weighs about 200+ more pounds than I do.)
:huh: :huh: :huh: :huh:
Guess he likes his girls big0 -
Use the common sense given you and move on!0
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OP can I ask on the profile he made what did he say he was looking for?
Did he say casual encounters?
Did he say friendship only?
That does make some difference.0 -
This is just stupid. If you love someone and want to spend your life with him/her you don't just change your mind because he/she put on some fat. True love, besides the romantic butterflies in the stomach, is about dedication to your partner. Which means that if he was unhappy with your appearance he would find ways to motivate you and help you improve yourself. Instead of that he chose to get in touch with other women. That's just immature and selfish. And this is not only about you, he couldn't even respect his family and kids. Don't feel bad about yourself, HE didn't meet your expectations and HE is the one at fault. You should love yourself no matter what he thinks, and do what's best for you.0
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[/quote]
:huh: :huh: :huh: :huh:
Guess he likes his girls big
[/quote]
There's a song about that...0 -
My friend got busted on a dating site by her man.
He made her delete the profile.
Now she has to come over to my house to log on under my profile.
We look a lot alike anyways.
Honestly,
I'm an event planner in an un-common sub-culture, and I've met members on dating sites and never had any sexual relationship with them. I still see them all the time, and we've traveled together and had long term platonic friendships together.
Some people really are on there looking for friendship.
That being said, my -ex was on there looking for friendship when he met the woman he left me for (who, by the way, weighs about 200+ more pounds than I do.)
Yes, your friend sounds like a swell person. Great for her. :huh:0 -
Love how the know it alls come outta the woodwork when infidelity is brought up..truth is, you dont KNOW what you would do til its staring you dead on in the face....
Trust can be mended, marriages healed and demons muzzled..but it takes work...and the work part is what gets people..
I will not say ALL can be healed..but alot of folks wont put the work in the heal..you are either ALL in or out..there is no half way point.
Getting healthy and loosing weight can do wonders in restoring your self confidence..and that my friend is step one in a situation like this.0 -
If you think your husband DOESN'T have a wandering eye .... :laugh:0
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Where would some of us be in this life without second chances? Only you and your husband know the whole story. If you both are committed to working on it, then I say, good for you! Trust is a very fragile thing, but it can be built up again over time. There are no blinders on anymore, and you both can see how easily it is to take each other, and your health, for granted. Let this be a fresh start for both of you, but if your heart gets broken again....Fool me twice, shame on me! Good luck, and I wish the best for both of you! :flowerforyou:0
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Every marriage is worth fighting for! I'm glad you are willing to keep trying... With that said, just because you are overweight does not mean his infidelity is your fault. If this is the catalyst that gets you motivated to lose weight and have a healthier lifestyle, then so be it. But don't look for it to change your marriage or relationship. That will take work and commitment from both of you.
Practice makes perfect, so you both need to practice being head-over-heals in love with each other. " Fake it til you feel it," as the saying goes.0 -
OP can I ask on the profile he made what did he say he was looking for?
Did he say casual encounters?
Did he say friendship only?
That does make some difference.
to me, it doesn't. There are other places to meet friends. There is no need for a dating site, UNLESS they had the type of relationship where they created one together and/or had an open marriage.0 -
God is dead, and I'm pretty sure Jesus was executed
This is why we are friends.0 -
My friend got busted on a dating site by her man.
He made her delete the profile.
Now she has to come over to my house to log on under my profile.
We look a lot alike anyways.
Honestly,
I'm an event planner in an un-common sub-culture, and I've met members on dating sites and never had any sexual relationship with them. I still see them all the time, and we've traveled together and had long term platonic friendships together.
Some people really are on there looking for friendship.
That being said, my -ex was on there looking for friendship when he met the woman he left me for (who, by the way, weighs about 200+ more pounds than I do.)
and you have no problem allowing her to do so? Why not have her evaluate her relationship, instead of giving her the tools to continue cheating?0
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