found my husband on an onlne dating site

anonymousidiot

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

bb_lose_weight

I caught my ex wife on a dating site and she convinced me that she was just "chatting" with the guys. We worked on our marriage and then low an behold she did it again and I found out that she wasn't really just "chatting". We have been divorced for 5 years now but should have been divorced for 8. If he took the step to go online and find dates he will do it again and believe me you may think you are checking all his "access" methods but it is very easy. My ex bought a "go phone" took the sim card our threw the phone away and would then simply swap the sim in her phone. I figured this out when I called her once being silly when I was sitting next to her and her phone didn't get the call.........cause she had the "other" sim card in the phone.

I hope it works for you I really do but if you are doing the "super" check up on him all the time you will never learn to trust again.

makes note ..

Would you like to know more of her secrets... LOL

PRMinx

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

You're not putting it off because you don't want to hurt her. If you were really worried about not hurting her, you would take care of business before engaging other women. You're putting it off because you are avoiding the inevitable confrontation. Man up.

Hoop4la

You must love him very much - I admire you for your positive attitude. Good luck to you in life x i hope it all works out for you

Unknown

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IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

Man, I'm kind of hoping my husband does something horrible in the near future so I can post it on MFP and read all the excellent advice. Keep doing the Lord's (or FSM) work, people!

I'm kinda hoping I can find someone else's husband on a dating site, so I can marry him and he can do that to me, so I can write a thread about it on here...... :noway:

jenny24012014

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

You're not putting it off because you don't want to hurt her. If you were really worried about not hurting her, you would take care of business before engaging other women. You're putting it off because you are avoiding the inevitable confrontation. Man up.

Exactly. However hurt your wife will be at the separation it will be a lot worse for her to find out that you were out shagging other women when she thought that you and her were fine. You are humiliating your wife so you can reassure yourself you can still get laid without her. Pretty scummy behaviour.

I guess though it'll have the benefit of letting her realise she's not missing out on anything when you do break the bad news to her because you're obviously a massive ****.

awak3ned

You know, there is a very strong possibility that your husband's infidelity has nothing to do with your fitness level, and everything to do with his inability to stay in a monogamous relationship and uphold the vows you both took. Trust is a fragile bird, once broken it is almost never fully able to be repaired. Trust me, I know.
[/quote]

^ this right here. Take a long hard look at your situation. Once trust is lost its so hard to gain back and may never be able to gain it back. DO whats right for you, not him. No amount of "self help" can change him, so he'll do what he wants regardless.

ew_david

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

And I thought the rest of the day would drag.

lloydrt

so anonymous, the one who just made up an account so he could answer " anonymously'?

Hows the pickings and did you post a " recent" photo of yourself , and were totally honest with your profile?

Seems some member didn't agree with my advice to OP, and shes not too happy with my advice.


Are you going to be as honest in your next relationship as you are now, and did you post that you are married but you are fixing to drop the ball and divorce your present wife , and then you wil be ready to start dating?

I wanted to ask..........Is your present wife overweight , and are you in top shape yourself? Seems to me, being overweight is the blame on a few of these divorces........?

Glad Im happily married, I guess thats why Im not the best in offering advice to OP, just wanted to help.............

breefoshee

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

Selfish.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

against TOS.

Unknown

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odusgolp

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

No, you're putting it off b/c you're a p*ssy. Man up.

You might be surprised when she's relieved to see you go.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

so anonymous, the one who just made up an account so he could answer " anonymously'?

Hows the pickings and did you post a " recent" photo of yourself , and were totally honest with your profile?

Seems some member didn't agree with my advice to OP, and shes not too happy with my advice.


Are you going to be as honest in your next relationship as you are now, and did you post that you are married but you are fixing to drop the ball and divorce your present wife , and then you wil be ready to start dating?

I wanted to ask..........Is your present wife overweight , and are you in top shape yourself? Seems to me, being overweight is the blame on a few of these divorces........?

Glad Im happily married, I guess thats why Im not the best in offering advice to OP, just wanted to help.............

my guess, as someone who met a seemingly great guy on POF who I later found out was married is a big fat no. He told me that they had recently divorced. Not separated, but divorced. So, yea, I'm going to go with no, I'm sure he's not being honest about his current situation. He will probably say something like "separated..." if not divorced and wait to see how green the grass is before making any drastic moves... chicken *kitten*.

Unknown

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Strange_magic

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

Ooh with this we might go from 14 pages to rolling the thread entirely!!


And bro, you're not using Tinder to boost your confidence enough to ask for a divorce. You're using Tinder to get laid. Here's how you ask for a divorce, "I want a divorce."

We're not your wife, save the lies for her.

Did you ever know that your my hero? And everything I would like to be?

JeriAnne84

Perhaps you should read the other 613 commandments in your Bible (Old Testament) and then the 2 additional laws in the New Testament.

Once again, I was just saying the 10 Commandments say adultry is bad, and only talking about adultry since this is what the topic was about. And where in any of my posts have I said it was my bible or that I believe in it? Once AGAIN don't put words in my mouth. I know there is stuff about slavery in the bible. Look at the time period it was written, they had slaves then so that was the way of life.

Maybe actually read the person's post before you comment.

Sweetvirgo63

Nikki - you and your husband are the only ones who know if what you have is worth fighting for. Yes, you can lose weight, yes, you can end up slimmer and wear tight-fitting clothes etc but that cannot be the foundation of your relationship nor can it be the only reason your husband stays. It has to be deeper and more meaningful than that.

If there was one thing I was taught when I was preparing to get married 21 years ago is that we all change as we get older. What we wanted out of life at 21 isn't what we want at 31, 41, 51, etc. A lot of changes take place inside of us but most people don't recognize that's what taking place and figure that someone else will make them happier - only to find themselves going through the same cycle a years later.

I wish you the best and whatever health journey you're on, do it for yourself and for no one else.

crsawinton

created a new account for this.

OP - get out asap. If he's posting on dating sites then he's already mentally checked out of the relationship and, sooner or later, he'll find his balls and pluck up the courage to ask for a divorce - and from what you've said, he'll probably find a way to blame it on you.

How do I know? Because I'm doing the same as OPs husband.

Married 16 years, no longer in love with my wife and using tindr as a way to get a confidence boost to find my own balls and ask my wife for a divorce. No kids or debt thankfully, so it should be as simple as it can possibly be, but I'm putting it off because i dont want to hurt her. I honestly think it'll be better for us afterwards, but it's going to be a horrible year.

Edited to add - pressed save too soon - good luck OP, it's going to be horrible but you'll be better for it.

Ooh with this we might go from 14 pages to rolling the thread entirely!!


And bro, you're not using Tinder to boost your confidence enough to ask for a divorce. You're using Tinder to get laid. Here's how you ask for a divorce, "I want a divorce."

We're not your wife, save the lies for her.

Did you ever know that your my hero? And everything I would like to be?

^this

bb_lose_weight

I caught my ex wife on a dating site and she convinced me that she was just "chatting" with the guys. We worked on our marriage and then low an behold she did it again and I found out that she wasn't really just "chatting". We have been divorced for 5 years now but should have been divorced for 8. If he took the step to go online and find dates he will do it again and believe me you may think you are checking all his "access" methods but it is very easy. My ex bought a "go phone" took the sim card our threw the phone away and would then simply swap the sim in her phone. I figured this out when I called her once being silly when I was sitting next to her and her phone didn't get the call.........cause she had the "other" sim card in the phone.

I hope it works for you I really do but if you are doing the "super" check up on him all the time you will never learn to trust again.

makes note ..

Would you like to know more of her secrets... LOL

Not for me to use dear.. for ways to catch then next fooker who plays dat way

I can help out there too...but honestly if you don't trust someone enough to where you have to use things like keyloggers, cell phone spys, GPS trackers or other things then you should just dump them. Even if they aren't doing anything wrong the fact that you suspect they are doing something is enough. Just my 2 cents after going through it all myself.

laur357

I met my ex(as of last week)-boyfriend of 5 months on a dating site. We agreed to only see each other, be exclusive, what have you. It was a really pleasant 5 months. Last week I discovered his other girlfriend of 18 months, who lives about an hour away. He is now out 2 girlfriends. I don't know, maybe he has a few spares we haven't found out about.' He definitely presented himself as completely single and available for a long-term relationship.

I found that this unexpected event has been very beneficial to my weight loss efforts. Stress-puking everything I ate for a number of days (less cool), exercising a bunch to keep myself distracted (more cool). This is wildly surprising to me, since I'm usually an emotional eater. Weirdly motivating.

Anyway, the lying was intense,and he was good at it. It took a very long, step-by-step conversation, to get him to admit to everything. There were maybe signs, but I certainly didn't pick up on them. After 5 months, the right thing was simply to walk away. There would be no way for me to ever trust him. After years of marriage, I don't know. But, you probably already know what you should do even if you don't realize it. You're probably feeling a crap ton of weird emotions - love, fury, hurt, confusion. I suggest counseling for you both, together and separately, to work through the emotions and decide on the appropriate course of action.


(Also, SO MUCH THIS: You're not putting it off because you don't want to hurt her. If you were really worried about not hurting her, you would take care of business before engaging other women. You're putting it off because you are avoiding the inevitable confrontation. Man up. -Paige682)

JoyeII

Perhaps you should read the other 613 commandments in your Bible (Old Testament) and then the 2 additional laws in the New Testament.

Once again, I was just saying the 10 Commandments say adultry is bad, where in any of my posts have I said it was my bible or that I believe in it? Once AGAIN don't put words in my mouth. I know there is stuff about slavery in the bible. Look at the time period it was written, they had slaves then so that was the way of life.

Maybe actually read the person's post before you comment.

First, since you're naming commandments it's pretty logical to assume that it's "your Bible."

Second, where exactly did I put words into your mouth?

Third, and most importantly -- Sorry but, "it was OK at the time," doesn't give slavery a pass. It's wrong to own another person as property, period, no matter what point in history it's occurring.

One might think that an all-knowing, all-loving god would know that and might include it in his "top ten." Rape and child molestation didn't make the "top ten" either. So, you'll excuse some of us if we don't really give a **** about the "top ten."

jstewa40

Trust me when I say this, the cheating had NOTHING to do with your weight... As someone once said, "Find me a beautiful woman, and I will show you a man who will cheat on her". His cheating is HIS issue, not yours. But congrats on your weightloss so far! That is awesome! Just make sure you are doing it for YOU and not him... P.S. You can lose a whole lot of weight real fast by losing him... If you want to give him another chance, then that is your business though... And I would definitely be secretly checking everything too. But just the fact that you have to do that, speaks volumes... I hate that you are doing this to yourself... You deserve so much better... You seem to feel that it is partly your fault and oh no it is NOT... His cheating was HIS doing, not yours. Having issues in a relationship does not give someone a free cheating pass. If you aren't happy in a relationship you don't cheat, you leave it. Anyhow, as I said, that is your business so do as you wish... I just couldn't help but respond to it is all. Add me as a friend if you like. I promise I won't bring up the cheating ever again now that I said what I needed to say. Again, congrats on the weightloss. You seem to be doing FANTASTIC!

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yopeeps025

Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


Some guys have all the moves.

DAMON!!

seriously though I don't think I could stay with him after that.

All we have is one side. There is always two sides to every story.

There are 3 sides-- his, hers and the truth and all vary ever so slightly, or sometimes, a lot.

agree.

jennifurballs

Ooh with this we might go from 14 pages to rolling the thread entirely!!


And bro, you're not using Tinder to boost your confidence enough to ask for a divorce. You're using Tinder to get laid. Here's how you ask for a divorce, "I want a divorce."

We're not your wife, save the lies for her.

Love! Love! Love!