found my husband on an onlne dating site

PRMinx

I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..

do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.

No, to have a profile you have to intentionally register and then set it up. There is no "by accident" here.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..

do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.

No, to have a profile you have to intentionally register and then set it up. There is no "by accident" here.

that's what I thought, but was asking, based on the way it was presented above....


ETA: I have used dating sites, but not by way of porn sites. I went directly to the dating site with intent to find dates, only, I am single.

odusgolp

I... I...

VegnStrong

Sorry you're going through this heartache, Just make sure that losing weight and getting fit is something you are doing for yourself or it will not work.
If you feel you can make your marriage work then more power to you. Its not true what they say about "once a cheater always a cheater". Not all men are the same some actually can change, but he has to give 100% in making it work as well.
I say that because i too had some trouble in my marriage years ago and yes my hubby did change for the better and i've never been happier. Good luck to you both and God bless.

missiontofitness

Ok, there's a lot of Jesus talk in this thread. But why has no one considered the strength and compassion offered by the Flying Spaghetti Monster?



(I think this thread is going to roll as well...garlic roll)

PRMinx

I... I...

Cheating and Jesus.

dlyeates

I think it's great that you are working on your marriage together. I personally believe that if both people want a marriage to work and are willing to put the effort in that it can survive anything.....including infidelity.

Congrats on you both working on it as well as working on yourself....it sounds like you are doing it more for you then to fix your marriage which is good. Also consider a good marriage therapist to help when the trying gets hard!!

Feel free to friend me....I'm getting back on track after losing a bunch and then gaining it back after my dad was diagnosed with cancer.

lizzybathory

If she divorced him she could tell him that she had just lost (fill in what he weighs here).

Hows that for starters

LOL, this.

As someone who was everything he wanted in a woman except "pretty enough" for him to be faithful after the second baby was born..... it is much, much, much, much more satisfying to get out of the relationship, become the best version of yourself and have hot, sweaty sex with someone who never, ever, ever, ever goes about trying to cheat on you....

and it doesn't hurt when your ex sees you around .. not even a little bit. esp if he has put on the 30lbs of baby weight you gained.

Yep. This, too. When someone has wronged you in a very bad way, there are very few things more empowering than taking your life back and making it AMAZING.

I don't think this is as black and white as you say. You found him on a dating site, you can't view 99% of dating site members without having a membership yourself.

So many people here are worried about how she found out about it; I think this is silly. First, let's assume the best. Why would she be complaining about his behavior if she was doing the same thing?

When I found my ex's dating profile (while we were still together), she had just left her own profile open on her computer and then left it sitting out. I used it to look something up quick, and saw the page. It was as simple as that. You don't NEED to be snooping to come across it. You don't NEED to have your own profile, if they leave theirs up. Who knows? Maybe a friend found his profile. Or maybe she just kind of knew something was up, and snooped a little bit... which I couldn't really condemn her for, if this is what it turned up. Sometimes snooping is a paranoid, fruitless pursuit; but sometimes, you have to follow your gut.

I don't care how she found out; it's got to be so hard for her.

Choobey

Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


Some guys have all the moves.

Almost choked laughing at this!

I know hysterical!!!!!!! However her situation is not. No one can tell you what to do, that is up to you. Try marriage counseling if you want to stay in the marriage.

BootCampC

I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..

do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.

no sorry they don't .. they just open behind what you are looking to view.. they do however say look at single people in your area.. and shows the closest area

JeriAnne84

I was on an online dating site when I was about 19 years old and single. My brother in law found me on there and told my sister. She got upset with me that I was on there looking for a guy to date. (btw this was back when online dating was still newish and looked down upon). She thought I was too young to be on there and could meet guys in person. Well I'm too awkward to meet guys in person so that didn't work, that's why I was online.

But she wasn't mad at HIM for searching dating websites! HE WAS MARRIED TO HER. I brought up why was he on a dating website. She said he was looking for friends.

Guess who is in the process of a divorce because he was caught cheating on her?

He's not on there for just friends. Don't lose weight thinking that it will keep him off of there. You know what will keep him off of there? You guys fixing your relationship and focusing on each other. But if you can't trust him and have to go through his stuff, good luck fixing that. Trust is a very hard thing to fix. If you believe you can trust him again and that he won't pull B.S. like this in the future, then by all means do whatever it takes for both of you to fix your problem (because it's not your weight). He has to help fix your marriage because he is in it too. If he doesn't make the effort to work on it, boot his butt to the curb.

Kimdbro

my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.

Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.

JeriAnne84

my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.

Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.

Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.

emwalton621

I had the exact same thing happen a year ago. We were both unhappy and I had stopped working out and being active as a result. It was a real wake up call. I left him, moved out, and began working on myself. In the first three months that we were apart I lost 25 lbs. It just fell off once I started focusing on me and my own happiness. Try to stay strong, it's not easy, but you are not alone!

TwinkieDong

Watch the movie "Don Jon" this will explain ALLOT!

odusgolp

my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.

Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.

Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.

I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters

Hence all the cages in my basement...

JeriAnne84

my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.

Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.

Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.

I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters

It doesn't say anything about slaves and masters in the 10 Commandments. It does specifically say thou shall not commit adultry.

CupcakeCrusoe

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/

^ Go there. There are people who can help you through the roller coaster of what you're feeling. Forgiveness is possible, but weight loss is definitely not part of the equation. At all.

Also, as everyone else has said- do things for you, not for him. THE ONUS IS ON HIM TO MAKE IT RIGHT. You did not do wrong. If he is unhappy with the way things are, you can discuss changing things IF YOU WANT TO. If you don't, he needs to get off the fence and either commit to you or you need to leave him.

Life is too short to allow someone to make you miserable. Visit the website. Feel free to friend me if you'd like.

yopeeps025

We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.

Just.

Wow.

Yeah. Um. Wow.

Drake~Trust issues.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.

Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.

Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.

I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters

It doesn't say anything about slaves and masters in the 10 Commandments. It does specifically say thou shall not commit adultry.