found my husband on an onlne dating site

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  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
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    I'm not going to venture any opinions on your personal life, aint my business, but I'd be happy to be your friend on MFP if you want weight loss encouragement. I'm a 35 year old mother of 2 who has lost about 31lbs and has another 45 or so to go. Send me a friend request if you like.
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
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    Nikki,

    If you want to be fitter and healthier, do it for YOU. No one else. Not to try to "save" your marriage, not because of what he did. Do it for you and you only.

    Best of luck to you. Feel free to friend me if you'd like some more support!!
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.

    Just.

    Wow.

    Yeah. Um. Wow.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
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    Will you ever trust him again? I'm not trying to be negative about the situation, it just seems like once you know someone has done something like this it will always be in the back of your mind. What did he say about the dating site? Did he apologize? Are you guys going to counseling or something?
  • mgreenham
    mgreenham Posts: 40 Member
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    I'm not saying this is the case, and you didn't tell us about the confrontation, or if he denied it, but is it at all possible that someone stole his online identity (Catfishing) I know it's a super remote possibility but it has happened.
  • mave34
    mave34 Posts: 109 Member
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    I'm not sure I personally could regain trust and be with someone who doesn't love me and support me 100% That being said everyone is different and everyone's level of tolerance is different. I would have kicked him out without batting an eyelash. You may want to take some time for yourself, re-evaluate what you need and deserve and not only for you but the children as well.

    You need also need to consider if are you looking for support and motivation to get in shape to "keep" your husband and please him? Or are you truly doing it for you and only you. Just my opinion......any man that is willing to put himself out there on the internet portraying himself available is a low life with no morals and that is a form of cheating. Not only is he betraying you he is betraying his children as well.

    Be true to yourself, you're stronger than you think and in my experience here there is tons of support in MFP community for many different things as well as weight loss and fitness goals. Life is too precious to live it for anyone else but yourself, and believe me, your kids will truly benefit from a mom who is not only healthy physically but mentally as well. Good luck!
  • TX_Rhon
    TX_Rhon Posts: 1,549 Member
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    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.

    Yep. My thoughts, too. Sadly, you losing weight will never fix his lack of commitment and character.

    ^^This!
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    wait...how did you find out he was on a dating site?
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I'm just curious, how did you find him on a dating site? Did a friend stumble across him and call you up or did you have a profile and find his? I am genuinely curious, because I don't recall seeing how you found it.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
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    We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.

    Just.

    Wow.

    Lol

    Do not do this, why not just ask him to see his phone if he hesitates or gets angry what more do you need? Do not secretly start stalking the cellphone accounts it will only make the entire bad situation much worse.
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
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    This is my second marriage, best thing I have ever done... With my first husband he was having an affair even when I was pregnant with our son. When our son was 4 months old, he told me he was sorry but had to move on because all his friends were single and just had to leave. I was beyond devastated. Building trust again which you are trying to do his paramount in this relationship. DONT KEEP CHECKING HIS PHONE ... You are already convincing yourself that you can't trust him. I only hope you can mend this, but trust him...
  • aliu00
    aliu00 Posts: 61
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    It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
  • leisa6776
    leisa6776 Posts: 14 Member
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    Hi Nikki, so sorry for what you are going through, been there. If you would like to chat anytime I'm here :). I need to lose some weight also, so don't ever think your alone. Take care.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !

    Holy balls. Are you kidding me?!? Please tell me this is a joke. If she is going to better herself, it needs to be for her, NOT for him.
  • tquill
    tquill Posts: 300 Member
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    I'm just curious, how did you find him on a dating site? Did a friend stumble across him and call you up or did you have a profile and find his? I am genuinely curious, because I don't recall seeing how you found it.

    I was thinking the same thing.

    It would have been interesting if an "automated" dating site matched them together.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I'm just curious, how did you find him on a dating site? Did a friend stumble across him and call you up or did you have a profile and find his? I am genuinely curious, because I don't recall seeing how you found it.

    I was thinking the same thing.

    It would have been interesting if an "automated" dating site matched them together.

    yes, interesting or awkward, lol.
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