found my husband on an onlne dating site
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We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.
Just.
Wow.
Lol
Do not do this, why not just ask him to see his phone if he hesitates or gets angry what more do you need? Do not secretly start stalking the cellphone accounts it will only make the entire bad situation much worse.0 -
This is my second marriage, best thing I have ever done... With my first husband he was having an affair even when I was pregnant with our son. When our son was 4 months old, he told me he was sorry but had to move on because all his friends were single and just had to leave. I was beyond devastated. Building trust again which you are trying to do his paramount in this relationship. DONT KEEP CHECKING HIS PHONE ... You are already convincing yourself that you can't trust him. I only hope you can mend this, but trust him...0
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It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !0
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Hi Nikki, so sorry for what you are going through, been there. If you would like to chat anytime I'm here
. I need to lose some weight also, so don't ever think your alone. Take care. 0 -
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It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
Holy balls. Are you kidding me?!? Please tell me this is a joke. If she is going to better herself, it needs to be for her, NOT for him.0 -
I'm just curious, how did you find him on a dating site? Did a friend stumble across him and call you up or did you have a profile and find his? I am genuinely curious, because I don't recall seeing how you found it.
I was thinking the same thing.
It would have been interesting if an "automated" dating site matched them together.0 -
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I'm just curious, how did you find him on a dating site? Did a friend stumble across him and call you up or did you have a profile and find his? I am genuinely curious, because I don't recall seeing how you found it.
I was thinking the same thing.
It would have been interesting if an "automated" dating site matched them together.
yes, interesting or awkward, lol.0 -
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I'm not saying this is the case, and you didn't tell us about the confrontation, or if he denied it, but is it at all possible that someone stole his online identity (Catfishing) I know it's a super remote possibility but it has happened.
I'm gonna tuck this one in my back pocket in case I ever need it.
"No baby, that ain't me! I'm being catfished!"
Gold.
Ha! Stupid excuse is stupid.0 -
Okay.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. My first question, though, is how you discovered him on an online dating site? My second question is when will you be starting marriage counseling? Because this doesn't sound like something that will just go away on it's own. I mean, you thought things were great, then you found out that they weren't so you have to be proactive, not reactive. Spying on him and going through his phone is not going to help fix this. If anything, it could be far more damaging to your marriage. Act like an adult and get thee to marriage counseling! Quick!0 -
It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
Is this still 2014?0 -
I am 33 years old and truly in love with my husband. We have had a marriage of 10 years and I plan to make it 75 years but I found out 3 weeks ago that he was on an online dating site and it almost broke my heart to no repair. I have been unhappy with myself for a long time and instead of getting motivated and doing something about it I just sit on my butt. Well that is over now but I need supporting friends and a check and balance system. My husband and I both want to have the marriage we seem to have lost and so we are both working on the issues together but I need friends who are working on losing weight as well.
Nikki
He can't be trusted. I would leave him0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.0
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Good luck with losing the weight and think long and hard about whether you want to continue your marriage. I can understand the temptation to stalk his internet and cellphone useage (and would probably do the same) but it won't help - what if he has another phone or enables private browsing? All you'll do is send yourself crazy pondering what he could be hiding from you.0
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Oh and btw.. You wont ever trust him again.
I caught my husband having an emotional affair in January of 2012. I forgave and we moved on. Only for me to find out in May 2013 that he was spending his lunch hours at her house. Needless to say, I don't trust him anymore. We're still together, but it's more because of financial reasons than anything. I'd leave if I could. Once a cheater...always a cheater.
Please get healthy for YOU. Not for him.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
^^ This. Your husband's taken his own liberties in your marriage. How about he says, "I'm not happy in our marriage, and I am leaving." Then feel free to do as you wish. He clearly has no respect for you or your marriage. It has nothing to do with whether or not you need to lose weight. Better yourself so you feel better about yourself, but don't do it in an effort to make him stay.
And, if you are secretly checking his anything -- it's over, Honey. That's not how a healthy marriage works.It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
^^ NOT This. Not at all. I have nothing to say regarding this. But, NO.0 -
unfortunately, there are children involved............I think sometimes, when family is there, it makes quite a difference to the person who is being cheated on.....Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
if she didnt have children, she may have a different attitude ,but its hard on the children.0 -
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It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
No.
Take care of him by kicking him to the curb, and not changing yourself to pander to his stupid needs.0 -
Oh wow! I thought you meant you met him on an online site! I'm so sorry! I don't know what I'd do in your situation but I get sick to my stomach even imagining it!0
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but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.
I think it is over then....
Just sayin0 -
Nikki,
If you want to be fitter and healthier, do it for YOU. No one else. Not to try to "save" your marriage, not because of what he did. Do it for you and you only.
Best of luck to you. Feel free to friend me if you'd like some more support!!
I'm so sorry you're going through this.0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
So...if it takes Jesus, what happens to anyone who doesn't believe in Jesus?0 -
unfortunately, there are children involved............I think sometimes, when family is there, it makes quite a difference to the person who is being cheated on.....Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
if she didnt have children, she may have a different attitude ,but its hard on the children.
Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.0 -
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I'm not saying this is the case, and you didn't tell us about the confrontation, or if he denied it, but is it at all possible that someone stole his online identity (Catfishing) I know it's a super remote possibility but it has happened.
His woman saw him come out, knew that the woman lived there and didn't say *kitten*.
Wait till they got home and said: "What the hell was you doing in that b*tch's house?"
You know what the man said? "Wasn't me."
"I looked right in your face!"
"Wasn't me."
"Well, I'm supposed to be a fool, right?"
"Hey. Wasn't me."
You know what the woman said?
"Maybe it wasn't you."0
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