AlSalzman Member

I was noderately disturbed once. I got bnetter. It was nonly tnemporany. BTW, the internets answer all questions:

We get tired of stuck-up pretty chicks that can't work the d!ck. Trailer broads keep it busy 'CUZ THEY HAVE TO.

Two thoughts: 1) Anyone using "chillax" seriously should set themselves on fire and dive down a flight of stairs. 2) Sasha Baron Cohen has a unit like WHOA. Original question: answered.

I'm trolling your profile and *kitten* to your spring break pics. Friend me.

They still air this show? Huh.

"Stretch marks mean one of two things: either you was small, and you got big; or you ws big, and you got small. Either way, we f@ckin'!" -Katt Williams ///dudes don't care 'bout stretch marks.

I am the bartender. I control the alcohol. You are worthless without me, so you will pay. You will pay and you will be happy about it and you will say nice things to me or I will make your frozen drinks luke-warm and slushy and your cocktails weak and your beers half foam. And you will stop complaining that your three…

That's it right there. I used to tip everyone really, really well... I spent a long time tending bar and I felt some sort of bond with other service-industry types. Then I had really awful service at a restaurant, and that woke me up. Now you've got to earn it... be timely, be attentive, do a good job, etc... There are…

What makes a person physically attractive/sexy/hot? Alcohol.

Beerrunner needs to credit Smoove B. Best Onion columnist ever, hands down.

Wanna go a mile four inches at a time?

Kroger has that *kitten*. It's in my coffee right now. It's g@dd@mn delicious.

If only it was that simple... good luck evicting anyone these days.

My tenants. Their month-to-month lease explicitly states I can market the property and show it WHENEVER. No approval or confirmation necessary. So what does my tennant do? Chases out the realtor and my new potential tennants because he didn't want anyone to come by after 6pm. ARRRRRGH!

Krav is the self-defense art the Israelis teach their fighting forces. It borrows heavily from Muay Thai/Muay Boran, Kali / Escrima, Kempo, and some traditional kung-fu systems. If you're learning Krav in a real self-defense setting, you're learning a lot of really cool dirty tricks... incapacitating opponents with throat…

Soundtrack to highschool, right here.

If I'm gonna be running or kickboxing, I go with about 8" of silver duct tape and just strap The Major to my left leg. The rest of the time? Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Yeah!

Ah, crap... I actually do some work for a change and I miss "Put 'em On The Glass Friday?" //sniffles, kicks rocks....

I took that sh$t... Heck yeah I crave fatty, salty food and have facial hair. I'm 100% thyroid. And, also, 100% "Love Machine." Ladies, PM me. Boosh!

My grandma be steady twerkin', yo. Y'all just don't know 'bout grandma gettin' it clappin'. She'd run this piece.

Bla-dow! PM sent!

Skokie basically a wart on Evanston's butt, so it counts as North Shore. Lincolnwood may be a stretch. Anyone from the 60203 zip code knows about "Skevanston." You got to choose your school system, so half your neighbors went to Niles North and the other half went to ETHS. It was all f'd up. And man, did I ever lay a lot…

Skulch Taint Chunch All referring to the same area, or slightly different? Explain if different. Thanks bro.

Is anyone one here a HellYeah fan? They are playing with Clutch this summer and I'm seeing them in a couple weeks... which of their records do I start with?

SpeedyF: ...Soooo, you like a lotta power between ya legs?

DO WANT.

This. When I was training like crazy, undereating carbs to cut weight, and fighting allergies I wound up with similar symptoms.

What is this "immoral" that you speak of?

I ain't creep'd ya yet. But I'll get to ya. Oh yes. I'll get to ya.