Unappreciated Comments

MissMissie1987

I just wanted to voice my opinion....I heard a co-worker the other day comment on how great someone looked due to their weight loss. I then hear someone else say that is because she had help with weight loss surgery. That is the obvious fact, and yes, it is a tool and does help lose you lose weight but I hate how she had to make it a big deal and make it sound like this weight loss surgery is so easy. For some, it may be very easy, others very hard. I know it is a very hard transition for me right now to think about how my life is going to change once I get most of my stomach removed. I haven't had my surgery yet but the pre-op program was hard for me as well.
I am just frustrated when people think the "easy way out" is this weight loss surgery.
Rant over, thank you for listening, don't want to start anything just an opinion that I wanted to voice.

wilrhy

I agree---they have no idea how much work goes into planning what to eat--drink etc. everyday for the rest of our lives. plus exercise. It is not easy by far but a tool. These people have no idea unless they have someone close to them go through it. I have heard a lot of comments that people say too. Like Oh they all gain it back. Some do but those that keep it off --change their whole way of thinking. eating etc.

Djrundle13

It's adults way of being bullies. Passive aggressive snide comments. usually caused by the persons own internal issues are struggles.
Maybe someone could come and give a workshop on WLS or who knows, but educating and knowledge can go a long way in getting past those negativities.

garber6th

Djrundle13 wrote: »

It's adults way of being bullies. Passive aggressive snide comments. usually caused by the persons own internal issues are struggles.
Maybe someone could come and give a workshop on WLS or who knows, but educating and knowledge can go a long way in getting past those negativities.

I agree with this a lot, and it's part of why I choose to be open about my surgery and all the hard work I have done and still do on a daily basis. I think the more knowledge and experience we share, the more people will understand how WLS patients live and function.

katematt313

Most of my coworkers didn't know that I had VSG surgery when it happened.

At nearly 60 lbs lost since my June surgery, by this point, people are constantly asking what I did to lose my weight. I chose not to share the surgery information with everyone. That position has evolved. To date, the people in my office who know are those who I trusted to be respectful and those I thought genuinely wanted to know how I did it and would benefit from that information because of their own issues.

To tell you the truth, I haven't told any of my male coworkers, and none of them have asked. I didn't tell my employers what surgery I was having (though they knew I was out because I took sick time for the surgery and recovery), because I feared they would talk about it without my permission, and because I didn't want to have to deal with anyone suggesting that my surgery was anything less than 100% medically necessary. As you suggested, some people think that the surgery is "the easy way" or the lazy way or unnecessary. I don't agree with that position.

Every person and workplace is different, but I know there was an incident at my workplace shortly before I started working here 7+ years ago, where the entire office learned from one of the bosses that a female staff member was out for breast reduction surgery, and certain of the men in the office felt at liberty to discuss her proportions and to lament that they would be changing. The thought of being discussed by my male coworkers over the lunch table made me want to yak, so I decided to keep it mum.

You make your own decision. Give it some thought. Just remember, you can never untell someone your medical information, and once told, you can't restrict their ability to retell your story for you (and G-d only knows what they might add outside of your presence).

sleepingarby

Using a ride on mower is "the easy way out" no one criticizes people for those things because it's common to take the "easy way out" on those things without making others self conscious. Never do you hear, "Well sure Ralph's lawn looks good. He took the easy way out by getting a ride-on mower". Yeah, but Ralph had to pay for that mower and take care of that mower and store that mower plus he still has to do other work to keep the lawn looking good. The point is, these people feel like their failure vs. your success is due to a perceived unfair advantage. It's really a veiled excuse for their failures. You could comfort them by reassuring them that they probably have a nice lawn instead.

RhiannonBecks

I agree fully, While the closest people in my life- family, closest friends are well aware of my surgery and all of the hard work that it has taken to maintain, I have chosen not to openly discuss my medical information with every person I know, as Katematt313 said, once that info is out there...you can stop people from sharing it.
- My thing is this...I know I've worked really hard, and still do...there are days its a big struggle...but for someone to take that away from you/us is not fair...so I don't allow it...comments like that roll right off my shoulder...and i use it for motivation...! Let them hate.

ruqayyahsmum

i was recently asked how i lost weight. when i said i had gastric bypass i was told i had cheated. my response was...
" listen love the only thing i cheated was death"
and then i walked away

Djrundle13

ruqayyahsmum wrote: »

i was recently asked how i lost weight. when i said i had gastric bypass i was told i had cheated. my response was...
" listen love the only thing i cheated was death"
and then i walked away

Fantastic response!!!

DJRonnieLINY

I had posted something like this a while back but it's appropriate to bring it back;

I do not apologize for fixing my health issues and I do not hesitate to say how I accomplished the weight loss. I did what was necessary in order to regain my health, am proud that I found a solution and the wisdom to make the decision. For those with snide remarks;

* I know someone with diabeties, takes insulin - guess he is cheating, pancrease should work better.
* Friend of mine had heart bypass surgery, cheated. Diet and exercise could have fixed it.
* I know a woman taking a Statin Drug, cheating.
* I know a guy taking blood ressure meds, cheating.
* Couple down the street - invitro to have kids. Major Cheaters.
* You wear glasses? Cheater!
* Lady with the hearing Aide (guess what?) Cheater!
* Nice teeth - did you see a comsmetic dentist? CHEATER!

*You get a boob job? That's cool - cheat all you want.

katematt313

sleepingarby wrote: »

Using a ride on mower is "the easy way out" no one criticizes people for those things because it's common to take the "easy way out" on those things without making others self conscious. Never do you hear, "Well sure Ralph's lawn looks good. He took the easy way out by getting a ride-on mower". Yeah, but Ralph had to pay for that mower and take care of that mower and store that mower plus he still has to do other work to keep the lawn looking good. The point is, these people feel like their failure vs. your success is due to a perceived unfair advantage. It's really a veiled excuse for their failures. You could comfort them by reassuring them that they probably have a nice lawn instead.

Love this, and it is spot-on. Comments like that ARE a veiled excuse for the failures of the speaker.

One of the things that gets me is that most of the people I know who've had WLS have lived a life with major impediments to maintaining a healthy weight - they can be physical, emotional, or social impediments. These people start out with a disadvantage that makes it harder to be healthy.

Using your analogy, it is like having a yard the size of a baseball field, or one with very hilly topography - if you're going to mow it and make it look good, it takes more effort and you're more likely to need that ride-on lawnmower than the guy next door, who can maintain his little patch of grass with a weed whacker.

That guy might look at you and think, "what a lazy guy, all he needs to do is _____ and he'd be all set." Little does he know your prior struggles, and all of the effort you've expended, often with little to show for it.

I think that the pre-op struggle to get to and maintain a healthy weight, for many of us, was probably akin to mowing a baseball field with a weed whacker. Backbreaking effort, with little to show for it, despite all of the work that you put in. You never make any real headway. Before long, you think that making any effort at all is an exercise in futility, and you just quit. The grass continues to grow, and things just get worse.

All along, all you needed was the right tool for the job.

The unfortunate difference between the analogy and real life is that your neighbor would see you, ineffectually swiping at your baseball field, and he would shout over the fence, "Hey, Bob! Time to buy that ride-on lawnmower, eh!?"

Not so with obesity. Don't know why it is, but there are a lot of people out there who can look at an obese person, and judge them to be a lazy slob, without knowing anything else about them other what can be seen with the naked eye.

Laurac727

this is wonderful!!! made my night reading them and I will stock them up for use later. Right now I am just getting kick back from certain family member in such as oh I don't believe that at all. so are you really going to have the surgery. just starting to really piss me off and I get to have this one live in my house for the holidays OH FLIPPING JOY to me!! [or maybe it is day 4 caffeine free talking and being witchy!! naaaaaaaaaaaaa couldn't be that ]

rpyle111

Laurac727 wrote: »

this is wonderful!!! made my night reading them and I will stock them up for use later. Right now I am just getting kick back from certain family member in such as oh I don't believe that at all. so are you really going to have the surgery. just starting to really piss me off and I get to have this one live in my house for the holidays OH FLIPPING JOY to me!! [or maybe it is day 4 caffeine free talking and being witchy!! naaaaaaaaaaaaa couldn't be that ]

At some point, you will rise above the pettiness and recognize that it only speaks to the person with the negativity. If you are confident in your decision and the path you have chosen, smile serenely and thank the person for their concern. It will make you feel good, and likely really piss the other person off (which is a slightly petty bonus!).

Rob

JenaOnTrack74

http://theantijared.com/2014/12/weight-loss-surgery-not-diminish-success-story.html

Read this today, which is about the same topic. :0)

Laurac727

very good article thank you

pawoodhull

To me having WLS is like having my knee repaired 35 years ago so I could continue to walk. WLS is enabling me to continue to live, regain my mobility and be healthy. I have been very open about this and if anyone thinks it's easy and has the poor taste to say that within my hearing, they are told just what it entails and I'm sure get much more information than they want. There are people out there who just love to hate and be critical and that's their problem. Don't let the bad attitude get you down. And, I agree, it sounds like someone needs to suggest some diveristy or sensitivity training to HR.

MissMissie1987

I just had 2 co-workers put down weight loss surgery in front of me like I wasn't there. They are very aware that I am getting my surgery. They were saying how many complications one can have and there are many other options. I just smiled and acted like I didn't hear them. I have my reasons as to why I am getting my surgery and I don't need to validate them to anyone but myself. They can judge me all they want but in the long run I will be living longer and better. Yes, there can be many complications but I am an adult to weigh the good and the bad, I am taking my chances. I went through a six month course for a reason, to learn and educate myself about this whole surgery process.
Ok, rant and rave over

garber6th

MissMissie1987 wrote: »

I just had 2 co-workers put down weight loss surgery in front of me like I wasn't there. They are very aware that I am getting my surgery. They were saying how many complications one can have and there are many other options. I just smiled and acted like I didn't hear them. I have my reasons as to why I am getting my surgery and I don't need to validate them to anyone but myself. They can judge me all they want but in the long run I will be living longer and better. Yes, there can be many complications but I am an adult to weigh the good and the bad, I am taking my chances. I went through a six month course for a reason, to learn and educate myself about this whole surgery process.
Ok, rant and rave over

A guy at the gym, after finding out I had surgery, said that he heard it was very dangerous and sometimes people die. I said, personally I have never heard of anyone dying from it, but people die from "routine" surgery every day, and in my case, having surgery probably saved me from dying. People are so opinionated and their opinions are often based on nothing valid. You are absolutely right, you do not need to defend or validate your decision. You made this decision with a medical professional who specializes in WLS, not based on the advice or opinion of clueless coworkers.

jazzine1

To the people who say omg but you can die from the surgery...guess what you have the risk of dying anytime you go under for any procedure. Who would of thought someone would die from getting an endoscopy?? Joan sure didn't.

loriloftness

I get so angry when I read these posts because I can't believe how petty and ugly other people can be. I had the surgery because I proactively decided that I needed to get my health under control so I could have a better quality of life and a (hopefully) longer life. Why should I apologize for how I chose to accomplish that? To those who say it is easy-- it is not. Nor is it some magic pill that takes all your excess weight away. You have to work at it, you have to continue to work at it, and you have to make smart choices. That is no different than the lives of people who have not had surgery. I just can't eat the same volume as them. The surgery has no greater mortality risk than having your appendix out. I am blessed because I have not had one person say something like "you took the easy way out" to me. My family and friends have all been super supportive and proud of me. I wish everyone could have that. Now, going to practice a little mediation because I'm all worked up

RENAEJAE

Great thread. I just reinforces my decision to keep things private. I plan on telling no one at work and have only confided in 2 friends. One who has had WLS and one who is going through pre-op with me. I have a very supportive husband and 2 teenage daughters who are totally on board. As for the rest of my family - they may or may not be told post-surgery. It depends on how difficult it might be to keep it under wraps at family gatherings where all we do is eat! Is that difficult to disguise?