Help moving forward
MACnificence
Posts: 419 Member
Hi ,
so I'm new to this group a little background info, Lost a lot of weight went from 196Ibs to currently as of today 110Ibs lowest being 100Ibs .. usual story low calories lots of cardio
this time last year I was running a minimum of 5k everyday, since then I've transformed my mindset and now do minimal cardio and strength train 3 days a week.
Ive pretty much done no intentional cardio in a few months now because of starting a new job , moving house and barely having time to get to the gym for strength training, (my gym pretty much sucks and opens very strange hours that don't coordinate with working people
)
anyway I went through a great stage where i was gaining strength in my squat and deadlift consistently then bam restrictive mind frame came back into play
by no means do i starve myself when i restrict i just eat really low calorie foods plenty of veg, salad etc , since i started my journey i had what you would refer to as a treat meal once every week i strongly believed it helped me reach my weight loss goals and kept my on track for the week but Im still allowing this meal to give me allowance for undereating during the week
my calories come in at 1200-1400 calories typically during the week some days i get guilty and push myself to eat extra i have my goal at 1650
I am not in denial that i have developed disordered eating thoughts when it comes to food and I have my first appointment to see a therapist on the 12th of this month , what worries me most is that I have not had a menstrual cycle in about 4 months now and after having tests done my GP has confirmed my body had stopped producing estrogen
she explains this is basically because my body is constantly unsure of whether or not I am going to restrict it again and has shut down what is not as an important to survive
of course over christmas I did eat more than i typically would which probably is reason being for me sitting at a higher level weight than what I am used to
Im just unsure where to go from here, Im determined i want to get my body up and running again , part of the low estrogen levels is that I suffer from mood swings, irritability , fatigue and depression. I also haven't been able to be intimate with my partner for months either because lack of libido and painful intercourse
the part that scares me is that I am already at the higher end of my comfortable weight zone i would like to maintain 105-110
the last 2 days i have pushed myself to eat closer to the 1650 calories i have my goal set at , should i take it easier and work my calories back up or will i try and be consistent on eating the 1650 (again keeping in mind my average over the last week would be higher than normal)
I really want to shave that extra 5 Ibs off and get my in a comfortable weight zone again but i know restricting calories is possibly the worse thing i could do right now
any tips/advice welcome
oh also I'm 25 year old female , 5'2 in height so it is doubtful my maintainance will be that high anyway
so I'm new to this group a little background info, Lost a lot of weight went from 196Ibs to currently as of today 110Ibs lowest being 100Ibs .. usual story low calories lots of cardio
this time last year I was running a minimum of 5k everyday, since then I've transformed my mindset and now do minimal cardio and strength train 3 days a week.
Ive pretty much done no intentional cardio in a few months now because of starting a new job , moving house and barely having time to get to the gym for strength training, (my gym pretty much sucks and opens very strange hours that don't coordinate with working people
)anyway I went through a great stage where i was gaining strength in my squat and deadlift consistently then bam restrictive mind frame came back into play
by no means do i starve myself when i restrict i just eat really low calorie foods plenty of veg, salad etc , since i started my journey i had what you would refer to as a treat meal once every week i strongly believed it helped me reach my weight loss goals and kept my on track for the week but Im still allowing this meal to give me allowance for undereating during the week
my calories come in at 1200-1400 calories typically during the week some days i get guilty and push myself to eat extra i have my goal at 1650
I am not in denial that i have developed disordered eating thoughts when it comes to food and I have my first appointment to see a therapist on the 12th of this month , what worries me most is that I have not had a menstrual cycle in about 4 months now and after having tests done my GP has confirmed my body had stopped producing estrogen
she explains this is basically because my body is constantly unsure of whether or not I am going to restrict it again and has shut down what is not as an important to survive
of course over christmas I did eat more than i typically would which probably is reason being for me sitting at a higher level weight than what I am used to
Im just unsure where to go from here, Im determined i want to get my body up and running again , part of the low estrogen levels is that I suffer from mood swings, irritability , fatigue and depression. I also haven't been able to be intimate with my partner for months either because lack of libido and painful intercourse
the part that scares me is that I am already at the higher end of my comfortable weight zone i would like to maintain 105-110
the last 2 days i have pushed myself to eat closer to the 1650 calories i have my goal set at , should i take it easier and work my calories back up or will i try and be consistent on eating the 1650 (again keeping in mind my average over the last week would be higher than normal)
I really want to shave that extra 5 Ibs off and get my in a comfortable weight zone again but i know restricting calories is possibly the worse thing i could do right now
any tips/advice welcome
oh also I'm 25 year old female , 5'2 in height so it is doubtful my maintainance will be that high anyway
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Replies
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It sounds to me that you are not just restrictive but are struggling with an eating disorder (or close to one) - a large loss of weight, losing your period, restrictive eating, etc. I would suggest that along with your therapist that you find a nutritionist who is a specialist in working with people who have eating disorders. I think you need more than we could give you right now as you probably have to eat above your maintenance at this point and will have to gain weight - doing this with a nutritionist who also works with your therapist would be the best option.
5'2" at 105 lb is on the low side of healthy in BMI terms, but clearly your body does not respond well to that weight and the restrictive eating. You might one day be able to be that weight but right now that should NOT be your main concern.
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Hi there! We're very glad you found the group...welcome!!
So I think it's great that you have an appointment with a therapist to help you sort through things. You have a very restrictive history when it comes to eating, and I agree with Mymodern's post above, but you have already acknowledged that you feel that you have disordered thoughts when it comes to eating...so now you just need to do what you know is best for your own body. Sometimes hearing other people chime in can help greatly with that.
At 110 pounds today, even though it's a higher weight than you want, you are still at the very low end of a healthy BMI. There is absolutely no need for you to lose more weight. If you are feeling flabby, eating at maintenance level and lifting heavier weights will help to tone your body and you'll see good body recomposition which will change the way you look and feel, but you do not need to lose more weight.
I feel the best thing you could do for yourself at this point is to work your way up VERY SLOWLY to your maintenance calories, or your TDEE, and stay there for quite awhile while your body heals. Using this Scooby site below, I calculated your TDEE to be around 1860 calories. That is what you should be able to eat and maintain with your activity level (I put you at moderate activity level). The great things is, and something you should be commended on, is that you are not over exercising anymore. It is great that you have moved away from all the cardio and are focusing on the lifting. That is a huge thing that will be very beneficial to you.
http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
The thing with increasing your calories up to your maintenance level is that you may see some initial weight gain (mostly water) that will level out as your body adjusts to your new calorie level. You will need to mentally wrap your head around this and understand that it's just part of the process, although if you increase calories slowly, you will minimize these gains. Increase by 100 calories every week or two...or you can even go slower if you like. You really need to give your body the food it needs to repair and heal itself. I would expect that if you will eat at maintenance for the next 6 months to a year, your period will return and you can get things back in a healthy order. Lifting heavy along with this will tone your body - so you'll still get some visible results while doing this - but you won't see your weight decrease, which again, is not needed at this point.
I really hope this helps you see things from a different perspective. We're here to help, so please post back with questions and let us know how you are doing. Feel free to add me on MFP for support! Again, welcome to the group!!
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Here is a link to the EM2WL website forums you can visit for additional support as well:
http://forums.eatmore2weighless.com/
Also, April's story below might help:
http://eatmore2weighless.com/eating-disorder-recovery-a-reflection/0 -
Yes I know I have disordered thoughts around eating that's why I am being referred to a therapist , I'm not really looking for help from anyone over the Internet more so from people's experience since I have pushed myself to eat more that last few days will I try and stick to eating that calorie amount rather than working my way up
Or should I go back down to 1200-1300 and work my way up adding slowly or is that counter productive to someone with my mind frame
Weight loss is not my priority but I do feel abit fluffier than usual and it does play on my mind
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Ok, well the story I linked above tells April's experience specifically with overcoming disordered eating. You can also check out the rest of the testimonials at www.em2wl.com to read about other's experiences if that is what you are looking for.
There is no point in restricting again, so if you ARE asking for help, I would not go back down to 1200-1300 calories again. Even 1650 is still restricting - that's why I suggested eating at maintenance as it's obvious your body needs to heal from restriction. The EM2WL lifestyle is about nourishing our bodies properly, not restriction of calories, so that's the advice you will find from this group. Wishing you the best!0 -
I agree with Jenn that weight lifting might be the best thing you could do for your body and mind - getting stronger makes one feel stronger within. A great story I read was about Staci on Nerdfitness - you might like seeing how she gained weight but got fitter...http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/
- You might not choose to do as much weight lifting as her, but you can still improve your body with even 3x a week programme (like Stronglifts).0 -
Ya my focus has been on weight lifting for a good while now while I'm not doing stronglifts I have a programme designed for me by a good coach based on strength of course because of the restricting it is challenging for me to gain strength in alot of my movements
Aswell my sleep has been affected so that in turn affects my training aswell
I love weight training and get much more satisfaction from it than I ever did cardio but I'm at a place now where I need to put my mentality first and let me training follow suit
Don't get me wrong I will continue to train because its my "me" time but having my main focus on training leads me to make my physique a top priority and at this stage I need to learn to put my mind first and let my body follow
So if I stay consistent on a higher level of calories will this extra Bloat eventually go away ?
Does this vary from person to person
I know I need patience and perseverance
Keep telling myself It will be worth it in the long run , I'm just not in a place where I am happy or comfortable with gaining weight0 -
Yes, the bloat does go away. I'd suggest you go and read a few of the personal journals or read some of the success stories/journeys on EM2WL website as they will give you insight into the progress and how it works mentally - because honestly, that's the hardest part for most people.0
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Here is a great post from Kiki about what to expect when increasing calories. It really helped me when I first started.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/521728/upping-cals-what-to-expect-why-you-need-patience/p1
Yes, the bloat and puffiness will go away. It does vary from person to person, but increasing very slowly will help minimize this. You're doing great!0 -
It's so much harder than I expected , Doesn't help my boyfriend said he likes my big fat thick legs ... Yes he used them 3 words making me rethink all of this again
trying to keep strong 0 -
Well, at 110 pounds, I am sure you don't have big fat thick legs...and that's not a very supportive thing for him to say. You do what you feel is the most healthiest for your body. Remember, you have restricted so much that you don't have a menstrual cycle and your doctor has confirmed that your body has stopped producing estrogen. In all seriousness, that should be what you are "hearing". Stay strong!0
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Thanks , I know he didn't mean it as an insult but it was definitely triggering .. I know the last think I should do now is restrict if I can just stay consistent with my intake for a few weeks build my metabolism back up.. I've put a lot of work into these thick legs , squats after squats now I'm thinking my body is out of proportion and my legs are a lot more dominant than my upper body0
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I would have serious words with him about all of this. He needs to know that you need him to be VERY supportive and that means saying NOTHING about weight or looks related topics.0
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Well be proud of those strong legs then, and if you feel your top is disproportionate, all the more reason to increase those calories and lift heavy with upper body. Your not going to be able to build muscle eating at a deficit. 0
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Ya I was feeling so positive today about things has a good workout was mentally in a good place with my mind and how I looked .. Then this totally threw me again .. Just going to sleep it off , tomorrow's a new day I can't quit this time I owe it to myself to get better thanks for yer words0
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How was today? Hope you had a better day Mac!0
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it was very tempting to restrict today but I said NO , I rang my doctor and she talked to me and said what I'm feeling is normal and that is mind over body now .. So I pushed myself to get them calories in and I feel a lot better for doing so .. I can't wait till my body is used to this food intake and starts to feel normal again
IM determined to stay on track this time ! 0 -
just weighed in at 112Ibs .. theres no way that can be all water . I'm freaking out completely thats 10Ibs heavier than i was in june ... I seriously think I've overstepped this abit and need to reign it back in0
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It probably isn't all water. You have to understand that you've been restricting at such a level that your body probably does actually need to gain some weight to be healthy again. You are at the low end of a healthy BMI so try not to worry so much about a couple of pounds showing up on the scale. Did you read the link that I posted to you earlier about what to expect when increasing your calories? If not, please take the time to do that. It will explain everything. At 112 pounds, it is okay and probably necessary for you to gain a little weight as you increase your calories. If you are serious about helping your body to be healthy again, the best thing you can do is stay off of the scale so it will not mess with you mentally. I know it's hard, but what are you going to go back to? You have not overstepped anything...it's just a process. You are still eating at a deficit even though you have increased your calories some, you are not even at your full TDEE level. Your body will adjust if you give it some time. Hang in there.0
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Jenn is right - this is a process and it might be healthiest to step off the scale. This is probably the scariest idea ever after losing so much weight, but you should really do it. Yo won't automatically become 196 lb again...it won't happen. And you probably do need those pounds to become healthy.
Please also note that you have gained two pounds since your first post and we all have natural fluctuations. I go between five pounds regularly - sometimes gaining them in one day. It's normal and okay. But...step off the scale and do NOT go back to restricting. As your doctor said - this is a mental thing.0 -
Hey MAC! I am nowhere near your weight but I feel like I am experiencing the feelings that you are having. I weigh 178lbs and am 5'2 (that was before I started EM2WL- I haven't weighed in a month for fear I will go crazy seeing that number go up). I kind of didn't follow the rules and I just went gung ho and upped my calories to 1828 (which is a 15% cut). I am feeling huge. I know I gained weight. I wont get on the scale. I struggle every day on whether or not to continue. It just doesn't feel right. My boyfriend also tells me that I should go back to "what I was doing before to lose weight." I tried to explain the science behind it, but he doesn't agree. I second guess this type of eating daily. (Especially right now as the "girly problems" are on its way.) I try to re-read the entire EM2WL website daily for confirmation that I just need to keep going. I do have a question maybe someone can answer... When I started this I had fallen off of tracking for about 2 months. So I cannot tell you how much I was actually eating. But before those 2 months, I was eating around 1400 calories/day. After a month of starting EM2WL I went directly to the 15% cut calories. Does anyone think that I need to eat at my TDEE for the metabolism reset? I am afraid for my life of eating that many calories. I already feel huge eating 1800.0
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i have read the posts and it makes sense that my body thinks I will starve it again soon so its holding on what I'm giving it . It is completely terrifying to me that I may be gaining weight it almost feels I'm losing control over my weight loss and it's starting to creep back on and I don't know what to do ...
i know I need to stick tough now more than ever but the fear is really taking its toll
I do truly want to be healthy and happy but unfortunately my emotions are tied to d scale and being and feeling slim both of which are causing abit of havoc in my life right now0 -
Hey MAC! I am nowhere near your weight but I feel like I am experiencing the feelings that you are having. I weigh 178lbs and am 5'2 (that was before I started EM2WL- I haven't weighed in a month for fear I will go crazy seeing that number go up). I kind of didn't follow the rules and I just went gung ho and upped my calories to 1828 (which is a 15% cut). I am feeling huge. I know I gained weight. I wont get on the scale. I struggle every day on whether or not to continue. It just doesn't feel right. My boyfriend also tells me that I should go back to "what I was doing before to lose weight." I tried to explain the science behind it, but he doesn't agree. I second guess this type of eating daily. (Especially right now as the "girly problems" are on its way.) I try to re-read the entire EM2WL website daily for confirmation that I just need to keep going. I do have a question maybe someone can answer... When I started this I had fallen off of tracking for about 2 months. So I cannot tell you how much I was actually eating. But before those 2 months, I was eating around 1400 calories/day. After a month of starting EM2WL I went directly to the 15% cut calories. Does anyone think that I need to eat at my TDEE for the metabolism reset? I am afraid for my life of eating that many calories. I already feel huge eating 1800.
I'm sorry you are going through this aswell I wish I had words of wisdom for you!
I know a big mistake I made when I was losing weight was not acknowledging my success and feeling I should and could do better
Of course this down the line lead me to a place where I couldn't live outside of the bubble I had created for myself , anything that interrupted with my new lifestyle got cut off (family, friends included) there was a massive stage where I would try to avoid people at all costs because I was afraid they would distract me from "my goals" i once left a family occasion to go home and eat because I couldn't accurately track calories there
I was miserable , thank god I am in a better place now not rid of all my demons but have grasped some part of my life back again
Congratulate yourself for coming this far , take a deep breath and know that every choice your making is for a better you
And please God don't let yourself get to a weight like I did , because it takes it toll mentally.. I'm still suffering that bad decision I curse the day I ever seen 100Ibs on that scale . I was happy till I dipped below 120Ibs then everything became an obsession so take it from me stay in the healthy weight zone your body and mind will thank you0 -
OMG!! I completely feel your exact feelings. I am going to tough it out, but it is a mental war game! I want to get on the scale just to see where I am at, but I know if I do, I will not want to continue with EM2WL. We can do this!0
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This is so hard I'm trying so much to stay strong I feel so lost
I feel like a failure , I feel like whichever route I take I will feel guilty , guilty for eating too much or guilty for not eating enough0 -
MACnificence wrote: »i have read the posts and it makes sense that my body thinks I will starve it again soon so its holding on what I'm giving it . It is completely terrifying to me that I may be gaining weight it almost feels I'm losing control over my weight loss and it's starting to creep back on and I don't know what to do ...
i know I need to stick tough now more than ever but the fear is really taking its toll
I do truly want to be healthy and happy but unfortunately my emotions are tied to d scale and being and feeling slim both of which are causing abit of havoc in my life right now
I forget whether you have a therapist or not, but it's time to find one if you don't as this is seriously disordered thinking. You are MORE THAN A NUMBER. You deserve more than this.0 -
(p.s. I am a CBT therapist so I come from this viewpoint)0
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I'm seeing a therapist the 20th of this month.. I feel disgusted for letting myself get to this weight again but I don't know where to go from here because if i restrict I'm taking a massive leap back again and my metabolism will never recover
The thought of eating dinner disgusts me , and I feel like I should get back to do cardio that is was bound to catch up on me doing none
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I hit a high of 380 lbs in the summer of 2010 when I finally made a commitment to change. After two years I was down to 270 lbs. Since then I had gall bladder surgery, pulmonary embolism, DVT (blood clots), and a hip replacement. During this time I ate between 1400-1800 calories. I logged in to MFP almost daily except when I was in the hospital. Summer of 2012 I started following mostly from Primal Blueprint(Paleo version). Mainly avoid processed foods and sugar. LCHF. From my low point of 270 I have gained almost 20 lbs while still doing the same things. I also noticed that my strength was not increase though I was working out with weights at least 2x a week. Then I came across this group and concept. After 2 yrs of not losing anymore, and actually gaining, I figured my metabolism must be messed up. Not eating below your BMR makes total sense to me. At 5'-10", 294 lbs,58, male, 42% BF, my BMR is 2044 cal. Clearly my metabolism must be part of the problem. I have been increasing my calories over the past 3-4 weeks. Right now I'm about 2200 which is difficult to do trying to eat clean. I was never hungry, especially when I woke up, when I was eating 1600 cal. Now I am hungry when I get up. I hope that is a sign my furnace is getting lit up! My weight did go up to 299 after Christmas ham but came down once the water weight left from the high sodium. My TDEE calculated is 2811. My Fitbit shows calorie burn range 2800-3200. I'm going to trust the concept and stay the course for a while. After all, after 2 yrs of eating at 1600 +/- and starting to gain weight what do I have to lose other than fat?0
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I honestly just want to get back to a place where I'm confortable with my weight again I felt so self consious in the gym today I feel like my legs are massive , I feel like a lazy blob for gaining weight I just feel like a complete and utter failure0
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