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Although much has been made of the different ways that men and women respond to stress ("fight or flight" vs. "tend and befriend"), there are also substantial discrepancies in how stress impacts women's health as compared to men's.
Studies have found that women differ from men not only in their emotional responses to stress, but also that acute and chronic stress may take a greater toll on womens' physical and mental health.
When reacting to stressors, the body releases hormones such as cortisol, which is known to impact the immune system, digestive system, skin and more -- and cortisol responses to psychological stress have also been shown to differ between men and women. Stress can affect nearly every system in the body, and it may be undermining your health in more ways than you realize.
When reacting to stressors, the body releases hormones such as cortisol, which causes a temporary increase in energy production, sometimes at the cost of other bodily process not required for immediate survival, such as digestion and immune system function. In women, these hormone changes impact bodily processes in unique ways, which can lead to short- and long-term health problems.
Men and women react to stress very differently, so when it comes time to decompress, each gender turns to their own bag of tricks.
When men get stressed, their natural response leans toward flight or fight. Do they turn tail and run or stick around and gut it out?
When women get stressed, the theory is they either tend or befriend -- that is, nurture those around them or reach out to others.
Men and women clearly react to stress differently. So when it comes time to decompress, their ways of unwinding differ as well.
"Managing stress is often different by sex," "Women often seek support to talk out the emotional experience, to process what is happening and what might be done. Men often seek a companionship activity to get relief from stress, to create a relaxing diversion or escape."
Stress Tips for Women
It was only a few years ago that the "tend or befriend" theory was developed by a leading psychologist in the field, Shelly E. Taylor, PhD, a distinguished professor in the department of psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. The study reported that women were more likely to deal with stress by taking care of their loved ones, or by leaning on a friend or family member for support.
With this new theory tailored just for women serving as a guideline for how they can deal with stress, experts offer these tips:
Develop a first aid kit for stress. "Since women are so relationship dependent, it's important for them to have a strong support system in place," "It's just like having a first aid kit for when you cut your finger --having this support system in place is a first aid kit for stress that you can count on in an emergency."
Make sure that your support system is effective. "Whether its relatives or friends, seek out people who are good for you in a stressful situation,""You need people who don't panic under pressure, who aren't depressed, and who aren't worst-case-scenario thinkers. Make sure the people you have around you when you're stressed handle it well."
Find a friend who can keep a secret. "It's important that the people you have around you can respect your privacy when you're stressed," says Goldberg.
Tell your story. "When it helps, tell your story," Goldberg tells WebMD. "If you are among the women who feel better talking about stress, don't keep it bottled up. Instead, get out with a trusted friend who will lend a compassionate ear. And avoid obsessing, which can depress you both."
Say "no" when you're stressed. Women tend to put on a superwoman cape when they're stressed, doing too much for too many people and forgetting about themselves in the meantime. This, clearly, is something to avoid. "Women can selflessly help too much at their own costs," says Pickhardt, who is a spokesman for the American Psychological Association. So remember to put yourself first when you're feeling stressed.
Say "yes" to the simple things in life. "Say 'yes' to investing in yourself for replenishment of energy, personal renewal, and regular relaxation," says Pickhardt. Take a long, hot bath when you're feeling stressed, or go for a walk, spend a day with a friend, or read a book -- anything that is all about you.
Whether you're a man or a woman, here are stress-reduction tips that apply to everyone:
Understand what you can and can't control. "Identify those things in your life that are stressful and put them in one of two categories: Is this something I can't avoid or do anything about, or something in which I can make a difference?" says Rosch, who is also a clinical professor of medicine and psychiatry at the New York Medical College. "Use your time and talents effectively on those things that you can control so you're not constantly frustrated."
Man's best friend. "For both men and women, when you talk about companionship, that can mean your pet as well," says Goldberg. Take your dog jogging, or spend some time on your couch relaxing with your cat.
Listen to the music. "Music is good for both men and women when they're stressed," says Goldberg. "Just pick something you really like and listen to a bunch of music." It's a simple way to unwind.
Find a new hobby. "Some people really get involved with their hobbies," says Goldberg. "Any kind of hobby they can just go and do is great -- it gets their mind off their stress."
Take care of yourself. Most importantly, "Make self-care a priority," says Pickhardt. "Someone who won't invest in his or her own self-care is destined to run down into stress."0 -
Great reading and such good advice. The walking thing, I love to walk fast so I kind of get it a mile is a mile but when done faster our heart rate increases so it is better for us. Thanks OWR and Snoozie.0
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I totally agree Milove; I joined a group of walkers on Saturday but alas, even tho it was listed as NOT a nature walk, but a moderate to fast pace, it was way too slow for me so I'm back to walking on my own lol. BUT found a new set of trails because of it so bonus!0
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Read all your gems this morning Snooozie...Thank You mucho!! What a great start to this week. Finding it beyond frustrating trying to lose more weight and stay active when all I want to do is eat chips/dip and sit on my deck with ice cold mojitos.... You are so right in the get a different relationship with food. It does seem that our lives are centered around food. What do we do when people visit - cook and eat! What do we do when we go anywhere - stop and eat. What takes most of the planning and figuring in holiday times or birthdays - food! I read about, plan it, shop for it, prepare it -- a lot of time; too much time is spent on food.
Now, I will have to say, I am spending more time planning and preparing and working toward a healthy way of eating. Before, I fell into the trap of no time -make a big thing of pasta and salad -- eat the pasta
I do spend a certain amount of time every weekend prepping our celery, carrots, hummus, and quinoa, and such for the work week. Planning on healthy meals is a better way to approach and I feel more in control. I May be (just may) be a control freak. Teenagers pretty much knocked it out of me that I can control anyone else - so, now I must concentrate on me. I'm in control of my food - well, most of the time. That little devil takes over sometimes and I blindly eat.
This week - No Maybe About It -- I am in control.0 -
OWR.. love the "no MAYbe about it".. I am so gonna steal that LOL!!
and yes... totally agree that all our social worlds revolve around food, funerals, weddings, celebrations, commiseration... but like you I am working this month on actually cooking more...which I hate, but I have to suck it up and just do it. I got in some healthy stuff on the weekend and have been planning more; and picked up some of the nitrate free slices of roast beef and turkey; I like to wrap em around sticks of yellow and orange peppers with a little mayo or mustard for snackage; helps up my protein as well. But I have an evening shift coming up with is the easiest one for me to deal with as I have the mornings free to prep... and it helps keep me from the evening boredom munchies.. but I do wish you hadn't mentioned mojitos and chips LOLOL... dang.. dang... dang.... !!!0 -
OWR- I love the no maybe about it , too, so gonna adopt that line and attitude, too
Snooozie- interesting read about the differences between how men and women react to stress . I have noticed these differences before and interesting to see that it is researched and documented now. I enjoyed reading the suggested tips and was pleased to see that I instinctively have been using many of these strategies. For me, being outside and music are two of the most helpful Thanks so much for caring and taking the time to find and post that article and all the others. You are the best !!!! 
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Susan - I read your post above just before I headed back to the doc's; had some blood work done last week and the results were apparently quite weird.. so she wants me to have them redone in case the lab messed up; so I have to drive all the way up to get the req and all the way to the lab again, and traffic is crazy and I'm getting road rage... and I thought chill Chiquita.. chill.... and I remembered your post about music so I cranked up an old Eagles CD, so loud the car windows were vibrating and performed an outstanding rendition of Take It to the Limit, complete with drum accompaniments on the steering wheel, head bopping moves and my lungs at full volume LOL... then I did it again HA!! totally worked... !! and I do believe I even heard the Eagles applauding me at the end...
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I can soooo envision you rocking out to that song !!!!!! LOL!!!!! Glad it worked
So even the Eagles experience stress lol and that particular song had to do with Randy Meisner being kicked out of the band. Randy was the guy who sang the really high soprano part in that song and once , during a concert, he had an anxiety attack that he wouldn't be able to hit the high notes for that song so he wouldn't do it for an encore. Don Henley said do it or you are out of the band, and the rest is history.
On another note ( bad pun - sorry lol) I'm sorry to hear about the weird blood test results and hope that it is just a lab mess up indeed. Keep me posted , OK?0 -
Music is great for diversions! Yes labs do make mistakes. Please keep us posted.0
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I HAD NO idea of the history of that song Susan.... lol Suspect on the way home today i'll have to find some other concert to perform to keep me sane; and I'll prolly need a script for valium from my doc for the summer with all the events and road closures going on here this year LOL..
ps - the re do on the lab tests is just because while both the inflammation and arthritis tests came back negative (yay), something called an arthritis" indicator" test came back super high.. which apparently is kinda weird considering the other 2 were negative.... she was going to send me to a rheumatoid doc because of the indicator (even tho there is nothing there now) but wants the tests redone first in case its wrong; that's all!
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Five negative Thoughts that impede your weight loss:
(From the Hello Healthy Blog on MFP - Carley Hauck)
I was recently teaching a workshop on the interaction of mindfulness, compassion and self-nurturing. This is a topic I love exploring, and what I have found to be true is what we feed our minds is directly linked to how we take care of ourselves. We can feed our minds with sweet and loving phrases or sour and critical thoughts. How we relate to our minds is directly linked to how we comfort ourselves—sometimes with food.
This is an exercise I invite my students and clients to practice. Identify five non-self-nurturing thoughts and five self-nurturing or loving thoughts. Here are some examples:
Non-Self-Nurturing:
1.I have no one in my life who truly loves me.
2.I will never lose the weight, so why try.
3.I am not smart.
4.My belly is too big and it will never change.
5.Nothing in my life ever goes right.
In a previous post, I spoke about how we have an average of 82,000 thoughts a day. That is a lot of thoughts, so how can those all be true? They can’t be. Are any of the thoughts above really true? NO. We are not our thoughts, and we can start talking back to the negative thoughts. Simply start by pulling out the negative weeds, and plant seeds of love and nurturance. It is spring after all.
Self-Nurturing Thoughts:
1.I am loved.
2.I love and accept myself as I am right now.
3.I am smart and have multiple intelligences.
4.My belly holds my power and intuitive center and I am grateful for it.
5.My life has ups and downs just like everyone, and I have enough right now.
When you read through the non-self-nurturing thoughts, how do you feel? Sad, angry, hopeless? Does that make you want to reach out for some comfort, like a big bowl of chocolate ice cream? That is a pretty normal reaction. We all want comfort when we are blasted with critical words.
How do you feel when you read through the self-nurturing thoughts? Empowered, happy, confident? YES!
The more we feed ourselves with loving and nurturing thoughts, the more we will believe them. Our thoughts affect our feelings, and thus impact our behaviors, so be mindful of inserting loving thoughts and you will, in turn, have loving behaviors.
For the next month, I am going to invite you to take a self-love challenge. Here are some tips below to get your started. Just pick one of these practices to try on once a day for the next four weeks. If you like what you are feeling, then keep going and make it a habit.
Be Your Own Best Friend
What does this look like? Love hanging out with yourself. I like to call these my loving-kindness days. I pick a day or even a night (if you can’t give yourself a whole day) and I just slow down. I don’t schedule anything and I just let myself see what I want to do. Sometimes I read a book, do home yoga practice, and maybe for dinner all I eat is yogurt and fruit. After a day like this, I always feel like my love bucket is full.
See Your Magnificence and Beauty
Embrace the amazing and unique person you are every day. Shine your light and show who you are. You can only be who you are; everyone else is already taken.
Love All of Yourself
This means saying phrases such as, “I love and accept myself as I am.” You are loving and accepting of your strengths and weaknesses, your pretty parts and not-so-attractive parts. Accept yourself as you are. Forgive yourself for actions that you took when you didn’t know any better. Compassion is the greatest motivator for real change.
Make Decisions Guided By Self-Love
Mantra: “I am taking really good care of myself.” If this is the thought that you feed throughout the day, then how do your actions support this? If I were taking really good care of myself, then I might still choose to eat French fries after a harder day at work, but I’d only eat a small portion and I’d also take a walk.
Surround Yourself with Loving People
When you start to show yourself more love, you may decide that you want and deserve more love from those around you, too.
A few years ago, I had this experience where I needed to shift out some friends from my inner circle to make room for new ones. I had some friends who were only capable of being there for the “good times,” but as we know, life is always changing and has many ups and downs. I wanted friends who could be loving, supportive and dependable, and wanted that from me, too. You may need to weed out some people in your life or put them in the outer circle so you can surround yourself with the most loving people.0 -
Keeping fingers, toes and eyes crossed that your blood work turns out okay for you Snooozie! Do NOT need anything else thrown in the way of getting on with this thing we call life. Glad you had a great walk today by the lake - gnats and all!
Super enjoyed learning about the Eagles -- love their music. Don't know much about it - but, love listening to it. I think one of the best parts of getting older is we have so many different genres of music to listen to. Choose from yesteryear or current - depending on the mood and the amount of road rage involved.....
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This is my favorite read that has been posted so far...Definitely printing it out to keep close at hand. I need to read it every day. Thanks, Snoozie... Keeping my fingers crossed everything is going to come out great on the new tests. XXXXX0
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Great going a lot of information for thought thank you!0
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I ran aross this blog in another menopausal group on MFP... I read the article itself twice.. (it follows the author's own blog below) and found it quite interesting...
Since we're all in the same boat, I'm curious as to the Hatter's thoughts on the article?
Menopausal Weight Gain War Zone
Posted on 9/10/2013 by Momma_Grizz
Disclaimer: I did not write the following - it is an excerpt from www.metaboliceffect.com. I am in no way an expert, only a woman who is fighting her way back to health. I finally found an article that I can understand on what causes menopausal weight gain - they have some good tips in there so I thought I would share. Plus, I need this close at hand. Yes, the site is selling a diet plan but what they have said below is also what my Personal Trainer has been telling me all along. After years of low cal dieting and with menopause, my cortisol is way too high causing an increase in belly fat. Now I can see it in writing and hopefully this will help teach this old dog (or grizz) some new tricks.......
And by reading this, I think I finally figured out what "Stop getting in the way of your dreams and change your self image perception" meant - My body is changing, I need to accept it, most importantly listen to it and change my plan of attack.... yup, I think after licking my wounds all day yesterday I'm back in this game!
Executive Summary: What I took away from this article and what I shall work into my lifestyle change:
Realize I am far more carbohydrate reactive and stress sensitive
Lower cortisol through relaxed walking every day
Weight train 3 times a week
Increase non-starchy vegetables intake
Cut back on starchy foods, grains and dairy
Cut back on sugary fruit
Increase lean protein
Build in restorative and relaxing activity into my life
And now the article (I've bolded and colored the text that I think are important for me) - it's long but I didn't want to mess with it and take out some words that may be important:
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What causes weight gain at menopause? Why are the low calorie diets that worked in your younger years no longer effective? What changes can you make to your diet, exercise, and lifestyle regime to combat menopausal weight gain? This article explains the impact female hormones have on weight gain and fat loss and why menopause is such a difficult time for many women.
Estrogen & Progesterone
Estrogen and progesterone, while lower down on the fat burning totem poll compared to insulin and cortisol or thyroid and adrenaline, nevertheless do impact a woman’s fat burning metabolism. Estrogen is an insulin sensitizing hormone and a hormone that controls the negative impact of cortisol. Progesterone opposes the action of estrogen on insulin, but works together with estrogen in controlling the negative impact of cortisol.
Why is this important? Because insulin and cortisol are a bad hormonal combination for fat loss. These two hormones, when combined together in high amounts over long periods, push the female physiology towards storing fat when calories are high (as opposed to building muscle), and reduce the amount of fat burned when calories are low (burning muscle instead). This is a bad combination for any woman, but a menopausal woman is affected to a much greater extent.
Since insulin and cortisol may be the primary culprits in female belly fat storage, the transition into menopause often results in fat gain especially around the middle. <----this explains my Buddha belly!
The Fix?
Realize you are far more carbohydrate reactive and stress sensitive after menopause. Which means the carbohydrates you used to be able to eat that did not affect your waistline may now be too many and do just that. The stressful exercise and lack of sleep you could tolerate in your younger years, while still remaining lean, will now start to show itself on your waist.
To deal with these hormonal impacts, requires a far more insulin centric approach versus a caloric one. In other words, whereas a lower calorie diet may have been enough in your younger days, you now need a hormonal approach to body change.
What to eat?
Now you need to know that it is not just refined sugars that are the issue. You will need to start controlling all the foods that have potential insulin promoting action. This includes many foods that are regarded as “healthy”. Whole grain breads, sweet fruits, dairy foods, and starchy vegetables, which may have once been a central part of your lean diet, may now be working against you. Reducing these foods while simultaneously increasing low starch vegetables, low sweet fruits (berries, apples, and pears), and protein foods has to become your new solution to burning fat.
How to exercise?
Exercise too must be approached differently. Cortisol is produced during intense exercise and long duration exercise. This includes long duration jogging or running and high intensity interval training (HIIT), metabolic conditioning, or weight training. However, intense exercise that is short also raises growth promoting hormones like HGH and testosterone, and these hormones work with cortisol to burn fat and build, or at least maintain, muscle.
Long duration exercise works differently. It has a different hormonal impact, and it may exacerbate the negative effects of cortisol because it raises cortisol without the balancing action of the growth hormones. And raising cortisol this way during menopause, a time where the female physiology is far more susceptible to the negative impact of cortisol, can frequently cause more issues than it solves for weight gain. For this reason, shorter intense exercise is probably more beneficial compared to long duration moderate intensity exercise.
Cortisol can also be controlled and lowered nicely by relaxing activities. These include leisure walking (to be distinguished from power walking), restorative yoga (to be distinguished from intense yoga), Tai Chi, as well as massage, sauna, and other restorative non-exercise practices.
Why is this important?
All of this is important because the dominant message sent to menopausal women, from their nutritionists and doctors, as well as the mainstream press, runs completely counter to all we just covered. The message is to do more jogging and power walking, not less. They are instructed to eat more grains and dairy and less protein. And they are rarely told to lift weights or educated on the benefits of rest and recovery centered activities
Together, a lower insulin promoting diet and a smarter stress inducing exercising regime can make a huge difference. Remember, the menopausal physiology is more carbohydrate reactive (estrogen is no longer there to help offset insulin) and more stress sensitive (estrogen and progesterone are not there to dampen cortisol’s negative effect).
The changes to diet, exercise, and lifestyle can help combat menopause weight gain. Here are the changes we recommend:
Leisure walk daily 1 hour per day (it lowers cortisol). Preferably do it in a nature setting (it lowers cortisol even more).
Weight train intensely at least one time per week, preferably three. These sessions should be short. Shoot for less than 60 minutes or even better, less than 30. They work great along with walking too.
Drastically increase your non-starchy vegetable intake while cutting back on starchy foods, grains, and dairy (this does not mean not to eat these foods, just eat less). This blog helps you understand the best carbohydrates to eat.
Raise your protein intake with foods that are mostly protein (fish, chicken, etc) versus mostly starch or fat (beans and nuts have some protein but WAY more starch and fat). To help, consider a protein powder replacement shake 1 or two times per day.
Oh, vegetables and protein are more slowly digested, so if you notice increased gas, that is because your stomach HCL and pancreatic enzyme secretion can also fall with age (and stress). A shot of vinegar, or a nice green salad before meals will almost always solve this. When they don’t, an OTC enzyme preparation is great.
Build in restorative and relaxing activity into your life. A concept we call rest-based living. Sleep, nap, physical affection, laughter, massage (even self-massage like foam rolling), sauna, restorative yoga, and Tai Chi are all great.
Are you thinking supplements? Sure they can work, but not like the above recommendations. If you plan on taking supplements or hormones just realize that is a lot like trying to clean up a spill on your kitchen floor with a Dixie cup instead of a mop. It won’t do near the job you want it to.
Edited to add: here's the link to the actual blog by momma Grizz, in case anyone is interested in seeing other women's thoughts on it as well..
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Momma_Grizz/view/menopausal-weight-gain-war-zone-5760210 -
More great going reading so that's why weight sits around my stomach.
What do you guys think about a estrogen supplement. I heard that it causes cancer. And how about in taking Soy. My son said soy pills maybe but the food won't really help. I know in the past eating soy helped my hot flashes and even brought my period down.0 -
Definitely do not want my period. Just saying.0
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I can't help with the estrogen supplement as I don't know a thing about em.... and I don't know anything about soy either so i'm actually pretty useless to ya on this one Milove LOL... sowwy!! I have heard lots of women actually have a sensitivity to soy.. but honestly dunno if that's just rumour or based on any kind of fact...
I'm incorporating two of the suggestions above at this point - the lesisurely walk in a nature setting and the restorative activity.. guilt free bouts of reading a few chapters every day and a lot of laughter are welcome ones.. I'm also going to try to switch out some of the more starchy vegs for the list of non starchies... won't cut out my taties or corn but perhaps switching them out more often for others will make a diff.. I found the info on exercising differently at this stage interesting..0 -
What a great read for this Thursday morning -- Thank you!! I am absolutely going to rethink my "wogging" Some days I feel okay after 5 miles - usually when I go on a cool morning. And then times, like last night, I feel like I will pass out and have a horrible headache for the rest of the night. Rethink - Recharge - Redo! I will also have to agree wholeheartedly with the eating less starchy. My menopot is still there, of course, but not nearly how large and fluffy as it was for a long time. This menopause thing sure has changed life up! Embrace it! I now feel like I am sliding down the other side of that giant climb up the mountain. Young folks (I was included in that) always thought that being "over-the-hill" was a bad thing -- Um NO! We are on cruise control! Just figure out how to work this new fangled body.0
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OWR... I totally get what you're saying about the WOG ... and Im doing the same... if I feel great and wanna power walk, I will.. if I don't, I will COMPLETELY enjoy strolling at a leisurely pace enjoying the beauty and sounds of nature! LOVE the cruise control thought - perfect!! I emailed myself the list of non starchy veg so I could keep it in mind for meal prep; so today am going to bake up a squash; will still use the sweet potatos I bought as a topping for a shepherds pie cause I won't cut out all starchy ones, but it's good to have in the back of my mind that there are many of the NS veg I love so shouldn't be hard to pick them more often! btw.. howling at "fluffy"...such a way better term then muffin top....... you slay me!!
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