A cry for support

turnipZbeets

I wrote this late last night in a not so recently viewed area in this group:

I'm out of control. I'm stuck. So many empty promises to myself that I don't even pretend to make them anymore. I'm a shell of a normal person. I go out of my way to plan a binge, to hide the evidence, to figure out when my next binge will be. I'm an addict, through and through. I'm in it for the high. I'll shove anything down my throat to satiate the outside world and enter into that foggy brained, cloudiness that comes with the binge. The sloth-like fullness is the only thing that finally lulls me into a literal gut wrenching night of sleep. All to arouse the next day feeling groggy and disgusted and I begin the cycle over again. I obviously need help. It may even be time to find a professional....

I wrote it for myself...to journal instead of binging last night.
It worked! Yesterday, January 10, 2015 was the first day in months that I didn't fall back to my favorite form of escapism and coping.

So, I decided to start a discussion for ultimately myself. Is it selfish to want someone, anyone to be my sounding board? I know, I could start a personal blog or a written journal. But, I think I need to know that there is an audience out there, that I'm not alone in this struggle.
I need the support. Why is it so hard to admit I need that right now, that I need help?

I'll probably write here again tonight; I'm trying to make it through a second night without binging.

Trying to stay focused and present.

Dennis4766

Two books that really helped me...
Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen
Ditching Diets by Gillian Riley

And also getting with a counselor.

DeWoSa

I could have written that exact journal entry.

I was involved in a romantic relationship with my binge foods. Thinking about my binge foods filled me with excitement and anticipation, and our meetings -- most of them in secret -- were thrilling.

Unfortunately, every encounter ended the same way -- my binge foods did not love me and in fact hurt me.

After every encounter, I swore I would never never go back.

I had to break up with my binge foods. It's like an old boyfriend -- I used to love him but I don't any more.

I stopped eating my binge foods for 10 years. It was wonderful, never having to even think about them. Total freedom.

Recently, I've started adding them back in, mostly because I have a completely different mindset about food. I am no longer romantically attached to food.

I found Overeaters Anonymous to be very helpful, as well as books by Kay Sheppard.

Good luck to you on your journey!

crepes_

It's not selfish! At least not in the negative sense of the word. I'm a firm supporter of selfishness. You need to take care of yourself, and if what you need is a sounding board, we will be it for you! Or like Deirdre said above, Overeaters Anonymous is a great sounding board as well.

Sometimes you just need to be heard and understood. I'm sure many others in the group will value your journal-like entries, as well. I've added many people from this group and they provide incredible support through PMs, texts, and on my newsfeed. Maybe you should do the same! Everyone here is quite nice, and we've all experienced some of the same things.

turnipZbeets

Thanks, for the support and helpful responses. I went to a small library branch near me yesterday to try to find some binge eating books. I found one but put others on hold at the main branch to pick up this weekend.
From the 10- today I was binge free... Then, a lack of planning, poor sleep, and poor choice making, I binge. It was a mid-day binge. So, I am going to get through my day as normal as possible.
- My goal is to get to bed by 1am to get back on a normal schedule for the rest of the week. The constant changing work schedule really messes with my ability to plan.
Tomorrow is a new day and it will be a great day.