Excuse me while I rant...

prairiedana

I know what other people eat is none of my business, everyone has their own free will and are entitled to their opinions, options and choices BUT there is a situation at work that makes me a wee bit crazy and I have nowhere else to rant...

A young gal I work with, early thirties, med-dependent diabetic, very heavy (like I'm no small petunia but I would venture a guess that she's at least 280 lbs, 5'3') and she INSISTS ON EATING LOW FAT, HIGH CARB MEALS!!!

I know she knows it's bad- she's said she really should count carbs and be more cautious of keeping her insulin levels down and take her doctor's advice seriously, but, there are (donuts, cake, cookies, sweets) at the coffee station and I just had to have a couple!

Again- her eating is none of my business but her blatant neglect for her health and consistently low-fat, way-too-high-carb-eating makes me want to rip my hair out and shave off my eye-brows in frustration.

I want to leave a copy of Taubes' "Good Calories, Bad Calories" or "Why We Got Fat" in her drawer with a letter made from cut up magazine bits that says something like, "You are going to lose a toe, a foot or your sight if you don't stop eating like this. Our building doesn't have a ramp but does have a lot of blind corners so you're probably going to want to keep your feet and be able to see in front of you while you're here."

I will never ever say anything to her, I don't talk about her food, her eating, her food choices or her diabetes because that's not cool to say to someone but watching her eat and get heavier and heavier, and no doubt more dependent on meds makes me figuratively insane.

Rant over; thank you in advance for your understanding

IamUndrCnstruction

That does sound frustrating not much else I can say that you haven't already said. Knowing she won't do anything about until SHE wants to is hard. Because you wonder how much damage will have been done by then.

KetoGirl83

Carbs are addictive. I used to eat a lot more than was good for me and even though my choices were more of the "healthy whole grain" variety, the result was the same as for your co-worker. Thing is, as a diabetic eating carbs, it's never enough. You may "know" you should be counting carbs but you can't do it because you're always hungry. She's probably afraid of fat and there's no way to control carb addiction without increasing fat (a lot, as we all know).

I would also bet that the advice given by her doctor is impossible to follow. Yes, she could eat whole grain bread instead of donuts or, like I was told to, an apple and a couple of crackers every 3 hours. It would make no significant difference. What she needs is updated information and the support of people facing the same challenges.

I would find an excuse to give her Gary Taubes's Why We Get Fat and/or another one that I liked a lot
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Diabetes-No-Thanks-Scandinavian-Diet/dp/1908018011
and has the advantage of being about diabetes. I would have been very grateful if someone had given it to me.

You could maybe say you found there's new science about diabetes management and you thought maybe she'd be interested in having a look. A note with the url to this group would also be awesome. I was her. She doesn't want to be fat and she almost certainly feels bad about her food choices. She just doesn't know how to break free.

NasherBasher

I think it's important to be patient with people like that. Weight or fat loss is not just being eating the right diet but being in the right frame of mind to make theses changes. When a person has been so addicted you food it's difficult to break the habit, even when they know the truth and how what they are eating is affecting them.

One of the easiest ways of getting into the right frame of mind seeing the results. I think that if she can see what you are capable of achieving on a keto diet then she will also make the necessary change. That's what I think.

tru2one

NasherBasher wrote: »

I think it's important to be patient with people like that. Weight or fat loss is not just being eating the right diet but being in the right frame of mind to make theses changes. When a person has been so addicted you food it's difficult to break the habit, even when they know the truth and how what they are eating is affecting them.

One of the easiest ways of getting into the right frame of mind seeing the results. I think that if she can see what you are capable of achieving on a keto diet then she will also make the necessary change. That's what I think.

This. If she has asked for guidance or complained about her situation directly to you, that's different, but ESPECIALLY in a work environment unsolicited advice can be dangerous and may possibly involve HR, depending on her sensitivity level.

It is SO hard to watch people hurt themselves when you know how easy the answer can be. I have an acquaintance who is morbidly obese at probably close to 500 pounds. The NICEST guy you would ever want to meet. But he is so closed off to advice, however well meaning, that there is just no way to open the door for discussion. He isn't ready, he may never be, and that makes me incredibly sad but is ultimately out of my control.

"When pain exceeds pleasure, change will occur." They have to determine their threshold for pain, and act accordingly. And then we get to help. :-)

hippygirl325

Hopefully at some point she will realize what she's doing to herself.

sweetteadrinker2

That situation always makes me sad, I know people like that at school and family. Watching those around you kill themselves is tough, hang in there.

radiii

prairiedana wrote: »

she's said she really should count carbs and be more cautious of keeping her insulin levels down and take her doctor's advice seriously, but[\i]

Its hard for me to read that and not think of my own mindset when I was going down that road. Failed diet followed by months or years of not caring/trying. Thinking about it was just depressing, so if you don't think about it, or joke about it, its like it'll go away. Having serious internal debates, "well i'm never going to get healthy so i'll just eat what i want and at least i'll enjoy that and i won't have to worry about getting old or anything like that".

Not that this girl's mindset is necessarily the same but I assume a lot of folks here can relate. The worst part is there is probably absolutely nothing you can do to help her except be ready to be there and be supportive if she does hit a point where she's honestly ready to do something. Again I can think to myself here, any time I got suggestions from people I would just push them away and think to myself, "they don't understand, its DIFFERENT for me than it is for them". Advice tends to be unappreciated.

Again, my personal feelings and maybe I'm completely projecting them onto this person and am completely wrong, but I lived that life for a very, very long time. Hell, I even did Atkins a few times with some success, but never remotely close to the success I've found now.

I hope she snaps out of it and figures it out, whether through keto or something else.

sljohnson1207

Yes, these situations are very tough. It seems obvious from your post that you care about this person, and that is the most difficult part. When we can remain detached from other people and their perceived struggles and pains, it's easier to cope with. When we become close to someone and care about their health and happiness, it is difficult to watch them self harm.

If this person asks you for advice specifically or really, really complains to you specifically, then that may be a way to open up a gentle discussion about the research you've done for your own lifestyle change. You can share what set you on the path, and what the research said, and what kind of success you've had without saying "hey, you should totally do this".

If she wants to make a change, she will do some research of her own. She will ask you where to start reading, and she will follow through IF/WHEN she is ready.

<<cyberhugs>>

Dragonwolf

While I agree about the "don't give unsolicited advice" part (and I can sympathize with having to watch someone destroy themselves, knowing you have a way they can fix it all), I think it might be good to say something along the lines of "hey, I've had success counting carbs. If you're ever interested in giving it a shot, I can help you out, if you want. Maybe we can even do it together."

Basically, don't give advice, but she's mentioned counting carbs, so some part of her is interested in doing it (or at least knows it's "good for her"), so offering to help in some way may help break down a barrier or two for her, since odds are, she probably feels pretty alone on the carb counting front.

KnitOrMiss

So much of this I could have written about my mother and aunt.

My mother's condition had deteriorated so much that she is full on medicine managed diabetes and insane levels of auto-immune. Keeps asking what I'm doing, but won't try it. I just want to go there and cook for her for a damned week (lordy knows most men can buy into this diet before women, the whole lots of meat and fat doesn't scare the men I know much...lol). Just a few days or a week and I know I could convince her... She's getting so close to the line of taking a chance...but she's comfortable with what she knows. And very overwhelmed by feeling like things are impossible. She even tried with a nutritionist for a while who chewed her butt off for eating a tomato, so I know she's ... hurt by the process at the moment... But I just want to stop her misery.

My aunt is more frustrating, because she was just diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a few more things. She cannot get a decent doctor to do proper thyroid tests and get her on medication (because she is "in range, at the lowest end, but still symptomatic, and the doc refuses to discuss it!" UGH). She wants to get "one thing under control at a time." She is willing to try LCHF/Keto "down the road" but her focus is on her cholesterol right now. I tried to explain that embracing this style of eating now would address most of the issues at once, but that was way too overwhelming an idea for her.

She did thank me though for my manner of talking with her about it. She said that I'm very good at saying, here is info, this is what works for me, and leaving it open. She says I don't push, and she appreciates that so much... I just wanna stop their pain, because I know it is so possible, but I can't force it, any more than anyone could have helped me to this path or any path before I was ready...

****HEAVY SIGH**** Patience and faith, Knit, hang on to your patience and faith.

ElMonstroDeCarne

I consider myself lucky, here's my brief story. I've worked for a family business for ten years, and those few of us that are not family are treated as if we were. They have seen my weight creeping up over the years and recently had a friendly "intervention" with all of the support and motivation (but without the reality-tv formula threats). One mentor in particular, already doing keto, has been a literal life-saver! (There is no doubt I was headed for diabetes, heart attack, or stroke. It was just a matter of time.)

I've already lost weight, started exercising, stopped taking antacids, feeling more energy, and my blood pressure is significantly lower. And I love what I'm eating!

In my case, I'm glad someone stepped in.

m_puppy

For those that are having a hard time with other people's size and eating habits, do you think you're focused on their health because you're so focused on your own health and/or your unhappiness with your own body? I don't mean to imply any of you are disingenuous. But I know for myself, the more critical I am of my own body, the more I notice flaws in other people's bodies. The more I focus on what I am eating, the more I focus on what others are eating. Again, I'm not implying that you don't genuinely care for this girl/your family/friends. We all benefit from a little self-evaluating when it comes to our reactions to other people's choices and lifestyles. Perhaps instead of suggesting diets, you could have a conversation with those you truly care for about what they feel caused them to get to where they are. Was it depression? Did she have a mother that fed her emotions as well? Sometimes the hardest part about getting started on a diet is getting over how unhappy we are with our current selves. Particularly if you're an emotional eater. Emotional eaters have to get to a point where they can assess why they're eating and why food is a coping mechanism for them before they can ever lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

If she's talking to you about no diets working and asking for your advice, truly asking not just trying to appease you. Then I think you should still consider the approach I mentioned. Even if you're going to suggest keto, I would avoid referring to it as "low carb." That's scary to people who are carb dependent. Instead mention the things that can be eaten. Uhh... Every chubby person I know likes bacon and cheese. You're tapping into a fear of deprivation when you start these conversations with "you know, those donuts are causing insulin spikes. You should never eat those again in your life but instead adapt a low carb way of eating." Scary thought! That sentence still scares the crap out of me and I bought into this lifestyle a year ago. One way I tell people about this diet is by addressing how it has helped me. I don't tell them how it will help them. I tell them, "I don't really eat carbs anymore because I found that I wasn't feeling very good after all of the carbs at Christmas. This has allowed my body to go into ketosis (explain what this is). I can't believe how much clearer my mind is. I think it's great that some people can eat carbs and still lose weight. For me, this is the only diet I have ever been on where I can lose weight and not feel hungry and obsessed with food. Being in ketosis has allowed me to assess why I was eating the way I did. This allows me to pause before gorging and recognize why I am eating and what I am actually craving. Is it really sugar or am I upset that my boss was mad at me today? It's so freeing."

The bottom line is no one has succeeded at a diet before they were ready for it. I think it's nice that so many of you are concerned about your loved ones. If we all spent more time being concerned about improving ourselves and being our best selves, we wouldn't need to worry about those that are capable of taking care of themselves.

Dragonwolf

m_puppy wrote: »

For those that are having a hard time with other people's size and eating habits, do you think you're focused on their health because you're so focused on your own health and/or your unhappiness with your own body? I don't mean to imply any of you are disingenuous. But I know for myself, the more critical I am of my own body, the more I notice flaws in other people's bodies. The more I focus on what I am eating, the more I focus on what others are eating. Again, I'm not implying that you don't genuinely care for this girl/your family/friends. We all benefit from a little self-evaluating when it comes to our reactions to other people's choices and lifestyles. [...]

The bottom line is no one has succeeded at a diet before they were ready for it. I think it's nice that so many of you are concerned about your loved ones. If we all spent more time being concerned about improving ourselves and being our best selves, we wouldn't need to worry about those that are capable of taking care of themselves.

I can't speak for the others, but those that I'm concerned the most about are objectively, basically, slowly killing themselves, and their doctors aren't giving them information that actually helps.

Here's what I'm dealing with:

My father in law is significantly overweight, most of which located in his abdominal area. He's Insulin Dependent Type 2 Diabetic, and has a failing back for which he's already had one surgery and the surgeon says that if he doesn't lose weight, he'll have to have more (and more, all the way up his back, until his entire spine is made of metal and basically fused together), and takes a handful of pills for various other things, including blood pressure and cholesterol. He lives on white bread, pasta, other refined wheat products, and sugary drinks (namely tea), with the occasional piece of meat thrown in. He's stubbornly the type of person that doesn't eat vegetables.

He also could be the poster boy for success on a nearly all meat diet. It'd basically be a dream come true for him -- all the freakin' steak he could want, bacon and eggs on a regular basis, real butter, and no need for vegetables. Except that he's too damned stubborn to give up bread, even for just a month. Instead, he insists on the status quo that is slowly killing him, and as a result, will be lucky if he sees 55, let alone see his grandson graduate from high school, and he's not even 50 yet.

My mother in law isn't quite as bad off, but is on the verge of starving herself in an effort to lose the 20lbs or so of excess weight she has (which is being done in the standard CICO fashion, and not really working for her), is on the verge of Diabetes and is fighting to keep from becoming Diabetic, and also takes meds for blood pressure and cholesterol. She also deals with depression and anxiety issues. Again, all things that can benefit from at least dropping the grains and adding some more good fats back into her diet.

I have the cholesterol, blood pressure, and glucose numbers (on top of tons of research) to demonstrate that all of the above could be fixed, so they could, you know, live to see their grandson graduate (and maybe even be as fortunate as their parents to see a great-grandchild born and grow). So no, this isn't just about them being overweight, or feeling good in their own bodies (or projection of how I feel about myself). This is about actual health concerns.

I've also seen what advanced stage Diabetes does to a person when it gets terminal. My step-grandmother died of Alzheimer's, which was directly tied to her lack of blood sugar control. That was after she had to have a least one leg amputated. So, sorry if I don't want to see the same thing happen to my in-laws.

Consider this -- if you had the means to cure someone of, say, cancer (maybe you found some pill that did it, or something), and you had a loved one that was suffering from terminal cancer, would you not want to try to share that cure with them? How would you feel, then, if they turned it down for no other reason than because it breaks the status quo? You can't tell me that you wouldn't be frustrated and saddened by that situation.

You are absolutely right that one must be ready for diet change before they'll be successful at it. However, I wholeheartedly disagree that being concerned for the well-being of those close to us is a projection of our own views of ourselves. I'm not trying to change someone else because I hate how I feel or that I feel I'm being overly critical of myself. I try to encourage others to change, because I want them to still be alive and healthy 10, 20 or more years from now.

m_puppy

You're under the impression that I said no one truly cares about the health of other people.

kerrihwilson

I have a few family members that are having health problems - doing the same "recommended by the medical system methods" and getting the same results - more sick.

I am biting my tongue and resisting saying anything to them - however I refuse to dull my sparkle ... I hope one day my example will cause enough interest that maybe one day they ask ... For now - I let them make fun of me - I ignore them when they tell me to slow down and I use my own head and think for myself.


It's so hard when people don't want to change or want to change but refuse to think for themselves.

jwchappel

I see this everyday at work. There is a big group of people trying to loose weight...they always seem to be eating fat free yogurt and fruit. They can't understand how I lost weight by eating some fatty protein and buttery vegetables. I try and help but the dogma is hard to crack.

jwchappel

kerrihwilson wrote: »

I am biting my tongue and resisting saying anything to them - however I refuse to dull my sparkle ... I hope one day my example will cause enough interest that maybe one day they ask ... For now - I let them make fun of me - I ignore them when they tell me to slow down and I use my own head and think for myself.

This. Lead by example.