Have you told anyone about your WLS?

IslandSneezerooo

I've been very reluctant to tell anyone IRL that I'm having bariatric surgery... I told my husband and son (of course), and the only other person who knew was my auntie, who I'm very close to. She's offered to drive to all my appointments with me and even stay with me (out of town) when I have the surgery.

My dad was here visiting from out of town for a couple weeks and I decided to take a risk and tell him. I didn't expect him to not be supportive, maybe just uninterested, so I was genuinely pleasantly surprised when he was super supportive, he's not much of a talker, but he was telling me he knows a woman who had the surgery and she's really tiny now, and he thinks it's a great idea.

Today I got up the nerve to tell one of my closest friends and she was super supportive too. She has family members who have had the surgery (I didn't know that prior to telling her) and she thinks it's a great idea for me. She's very familiar with all my pain issues with my back and hips, and so is excited for me.

It's so nice knowing I have some really supportive friends and family I can talk to about this...

I haven't told my brother or SIL, none of my three sisters, and no other friends... I just don't want to hear people's negative opinions or worries...

How about you?

2BeHappy2

I know theres another thread but this is the 1st 1 that came to mind...
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1378967/how-did-you-tell-everyone-about-the-surgery#latest
Hope this helps!

IslandSneezerooo

I can't start my own thread? LOL I want to have a conversation with people who are active now, not read an old thread...

2BeHappy2

As I kindly pointed out and even found the thread for you, these are people that have told their stories so I thought you might want to read up on them.
If you look, a lot of these are very much active people on here!
I also explained in a private msg that there is a current 1 that I took part in that's more recent.
Sorry for trying to make things easier on you

IslandSneezerooo

Sorry, I misunderstood your intention from the way your PM was worded. Thanks.

readallday

I've told most everyone. I feel like I want to be an advocate for surgery and not give people a false sense of expectations. I'm not losing this weight through simple diet and exercise. I have this other, fantastic, tool that is an essential part of my success.

I have found that people are generally very supportive. I don't make a big deal of it, just when someone says something about me losing weight I say thanks, I'm working hard and I had WL surgery. I just own it and I've found that people follow my lead. With that being said, there are a couple of "friends" I have that I won't tell because I know they would have snide remarks. I think you have to gauge every situation as it comes.

garber6th

I like to be open about the fact that I have had surgery. I don't put it on blast, but I if people ask how I lost weight, I tell them. I tell them I had surgery, and before, during, and after I have been committed to the process and I work my butt off. I have told my whole family, all of my friends, and my coworkers. I think being open about WLS can help remove the stigma that is attached to it for some people, because I think some people are negative or doubtful about it because they are uninformed, and all they hear are the horror stories. I think a few people in my life were a bit concerned, I mean who wouldn't be concerned that a loved one is going to get surgery, but now that they see that I am happy and healthy and have a new lease on life, they are very happy for me and very supportive.

IslandSneezerooo

@jm1fullerton I'm definitely gauging as I go for the same reasons.

@garber6th That's great that you are comfortable talking about it. I hope I'm there one day too.

I rarely see obese people where I live, everyone seems very health conscious and outdoorsy/active, which means I'm VERY often the biggest person in the room by far. I've had well intentioned slim friends give me a lot of unsolicited weight loss advice over the years, which makes me VERY reluctant to put myself out there. I feel judged when I'm eating in public, and feel pressured to only eat foods that are perceived as healthy and nutritious, which is probably absurd and all in my head, as nobody has ever said anything to me directly... It's weird for me to not talk about it, because generally I'm a very open person who tends to err on the side of over sharing. Maybe after I've had the surgery and it's "too late to go back" I'll feel more comfortable talking about it.

mae7365

I had VSG in November 2014 and I've lost 49 lbs in the past 14 weeks. I openly tell people I had WLS when asked about my weight loss. I told my immediate family and close neighbors before surgery, but now I'll share my experience with anyone who asked me how I've lost so much weight. I'm not embarrassed that I made this life changing surgery. In fact, I'm quick to tell them of all the improvements in my health since surgery.....no more high blood pressure, high cholesterol and no more sleep apnea. I'm off all prescription medications and I feel GREAT!

Jessicadmx

I have told my close friends and family. But most of them I told the night before surgery... Lol
Got a lot of heat from that one...haha. Especially since I had gall bladder complications and stayed in the hospital for 9 days. I told my co workers I was having my gall bladder out and "other gi stuff done". I just did not think it was there business... If they ask me I will tell them . I won't lie just won't shout it from the roof tops.
I will probably tell a lot more people now but before surgery I did not want judgey comments. Some of my friends were against it. Some even told me about their friends who" gained more wieght back " . Now I am proud of it and when I go back to work there will be no hiding the weight loss... I will be at least 8-10 weeks post surgery.

IslandSneezerooo

@mae7365 Congrats on your weight loss so far! That's amazing... I like your focus on all the health improvements when telling people. I'll keep that in mind.

@jessicadmx I'm fortunate I am self employed and mostly work from home, just at our salon one day a week, so nobody will even notice I'm gone during recovery from surgery... that said, we do own a hair salon (my hubs is a stylist... I run the business admin end of things), and people seem a LOT more comfortable remarking on weight changes in that environment than in any office I've ever worked at. I lost 40 lbs a few years ago and the comments were sort of overwhelming, so not looking forward to that.

KarlaYP

Remember, you can't allow the opinion of others dictate the choices you make for yourself. People will always remark because we do look different. I choose to be proud of it because I deserve it. It is hard work! You have to be sure the space in your pouch is not wasted on empty calories. It is a complete diet change, for life. Learning that we are now eating to live, not living to eat.

bunnyhopper4444

There's lots of great advice here. I had lap-band surgery about five weeks ago. I decided that I would only tell a few people so I chose people that I was confident would be very supportive. As I said to those whom I told - no one gets a vote - it's my decision! I've told a few more people since my surgery and now I am playing it by ear as to how much more sharing I will do. I'm still learning how to eat with the band and while I want support from friends and family, I don't want gobs of attention on me. My point here is that it really helped me to focus on who I wanted to tell to help me get through the surgery, and to realize that I don't have to worry about who I tell next week. I'm just letting it unfold to see what feels right for me.

loriloftness

Prior to surgery, I was pretty open about it. I told my family & closest friends when I started the program. I told my boss and my closest friends at work about mid-way through the program. About 1 week prior to surgery I posted it on my FB page. I knew some would be interested, some could care less. I didn't get any negativity from any corner. Generally, I am all about being open and telling people just so there isn't such a 'stigma" about choosing this route to try to get healthy. I have seen some of the posts where people have gotten some negative feedback or comments and I can understand why that would make you think twice about telling people what you are planning. I just hope that as more people are successful in this journey and open about it, the negativity will go away. Really, it should be about what YOU are comfortable with.

cabennett99

I was very open before and after surgery with family, friends and co-workers. Everyone at work was very supportive. As I approach a loss of 100 lbs, I'm now experiencing friends and co-workers not recognizing me if they haven't seen me since before the weight loss started in October. I try to find a way to introduce myself to make it less awkward (kind of like a 30 year class reunion). I consider this another non-scale victory, reinforces just how much progress I've made.

2BeHappy2

RillaVanilla wrote: »

Sorry, I misunderstood your intention from the way your PM was worded. Thanks.

Umm no, this was my 1 PM to you...
"Just to let you know, the thread you posted....theres 1 that's already up and running!
You just have to look for it "
IDK how that could be misunderstood or even taken in a wrong way.
It takes time for people to post so for you to ask everyone to re-post their replies because you started up a new thread when if all you were looking for was answers, people had already responded.
People work, spend time w/ their families, get online, read up and time permitting they take time out of their schedule to respond.
When threads have already been posted, its thoughtful on your part to read through those 1st because what you got from your thread is nothing different that what you would've gotten from the other already posted threads!
Again, I reached out to help you, even provided a link...others would've appreciated this kindness as I have in the past provided links to others who were needing info.
This is the community that we have here...being helpful to 1 another.
Just food for thought

2BeHappy2

There are several new WLS people that I reached out to from the main forum and gave them links to these groups.
I have yet to have Any of them tell me they didn't appreciate this thoughtful gesture!
When I was new to MFP, I didn't know how to find things or where to find them.
After entering into these groups, I know that I have the support of wonderful people for helpful tips and info.

IslandSneezerooo

Like I said @2BeHappy2 I'm here to have a conversation. I want to make connections with people and it felt like you were telling me not to make a new thread when the topic had already been covered. I apologized already, and thanked you for the gesture, what more do you want me to say or do?

IslandSneezerooo

@cabennett99 That's such a funny thing about people not recognizing you. What do you say when that happens? Coincidentally I had a client come in to our salon this week who just has a holiday home here so I only see a couple times a year, who has obviously lost a LOT of weight and I didn't recognize her at first, but she referenced her husband and I made the connection without having to ask (phew!) and I never commented on the weight loss. On one hand it felt weird to not acknowledge it, but on the other, I felt like if she wanted to talk about it she would bring it up...

rpyle111

For the most part, when someone I haven't see in a while sees me, I get a double take and then a big smile and a comment about how much smaller I have gotten. I tend to respond with "Yeah, it's been a really good year!". If the conversation continues, then I talk about the changes I made starting last April in preparation for the surgery in September. I hope to pre-empt the 'easy way' thoughts by talking about the life changes required. I have gotten very little negativity. A couple of people ask about the losing being 'for good reasons' hoping it is not the result of illness, but nothing about the surgery being a bad choice.

I had one friend at work who was concerned about me going through with the surgery after being so successful pre-surgery, but that was from a surgery risk point of view, and he backed off when I explained about the future benefits to help me prevent regain.

I am and have been pretty open about the process and the impact.

Rob

bikrchk

I was up front with pretty much everyone before I had it done but stopped short of a full blown FB "announcement". I've never regretted having it "out there". I'd rather just tell the truth than have to make something up to "explain" when people notice almost 100 pounds of me has gone missing or have them think I've been sick. If I can educate them in the process, all the better. If they disagree with my decision, I get to have a spirited discussion about the treatments for obesity, a disease that is inarguably KILLING people. I've changed some attitues, others, not so much. I used to be SUPER "conflict-averse" and rather introverted, (not that this is "bad" but I was using it and the weight to "hide"). One of the non-scale benefits I've seen with weight loss is a confidence and fearlessness I've never had before. These days when it comes down to it I don't really care what closed minded folks think if they're not on my side in this battle for my health anyway. For me, it's worth the risk to have the conversation.

pawoodhull

I was very open about what I was doing prior to surgery. Like you, I tend to over share anyway. But the real reason I was so open is because we lose so much weight so quickly in the beginning, the folks I see every day are either going to guess WLS or they are going to think I'm deathly ill, especially with the huge difference in what I'm eating. So I saw no point in trying to be coy about it.

My family was happy that I was finally going to something and be serious about my weight and health. And everyone else was very supportive and positive except one of my very best friends. She was concerned that this, like everything else she's seen me try, would fail because of my lack of followthrough, I was a little hurt, but honestly, she had a valid point. I had failed everything else. She wasn't hurtful or mean, just posed some questions and voiced her concern that this was very extreme. Since she has seen my commitment these last 3.5 years, she has changed her mind. If other's were thinking the same thing or waiting to see me fail, they kept it to themselves.

I do talk about it when appropriate simply because if sharing my story and my journey can help one other person walk away from a life of obesity, it's worth any negative comments.

Really it's a personal decision. Some people get negative reactions. I haven't. But you have to do what's best for you.

garber6th

RillaVanilla wrote: »

That's such a funny thing about people not recognizing you. What do you say when that happens?

I have had this happen. I went to a wedding and someone who I worked with a couple of years back had no idea who I was when I waved to him from a couple of tables away until he realized who I was because of who I was sitting with. I laughed but it was really pretty weird at the same time. Next month I am going to see some family that I haven't seen in over a year, that will be interesting!

tat2cookie

I've told quite a few people. I too want to be more of an advocate, but I don't want to have to explain to every single person that I come across. I'm only 2.5 months post op and I'm learning that because of my PCOS that the surgery isn't making me lose weight, but just finally making it possible for me to lose weight.... If that makes since. I feel like I'm losing g weight like a normal person would who doesn't have pcos. I have to work my butt off everyday and really watch what I eat or I don't lose anything. If someone asks I'm defiantly not going to lie though.

pawoodhull

[quote="RillaVanilla;31417387That's such a funny thing about people not recognizing you. What do you say when that happens? [/quote]

I had that happen last year at work. This person runs our properties department and is based on the other side of the state. She and I had worked together on and off for years, but we didn't see each other often. Since the last time we worked together, I had WLS and changed departments/positions and wasn't working with her at all anymore, so we really hadn't seen each other for a couple of years. At her visit last year, my boss was going to be out and asked me to meet with her. I met her and a couple of other people in the lobby and introduced myself. She had this look on her face like "I know the name but not the face", she really did not recognize me at all. I said "Liz, think really short spiky dark hair and about 100 pounds heavier". It was so funny! You could see when she finally connected me now with the person she remembered. I loved it!!

bonzaburns

I haven't told too many people, and I am currently on the preop diet. Scheduled for surgery on 9th March.

I've decided that I'd prefer to tell people after the surgery, some I have told before and of course my family know and are very supportive. My main reason is that I am not a confident person and any negativity would damage my focus. Or at least might damage, and I am on a good path now. Like I said after surgery, the whole world will know, I have no problem with this.

Some of my work colleagues I haven't told, only because of their personalities, but then it is up to you. We each have to do what our heart and brain tells us. It's great that you have some family and friends and are going well. That is the main thing.

stroynaya

"RillaVanilla wrote: »

I've had well intentioned slim friends give me a lot of unsolicited weight loss advice over the years, which makes me VERY reluctant to put myself out there. I feel judged when I'm eating in public, and feel pressured to only eat foods that are perceived as healthy and nutritious, which is probably absurd and all in my head, as nobody has ever said anything to me directly... It's weird for me to not talk about it, because generally I'm a very open person who tends to err on the side of over sharing. Maybe after I've had the surgery and it's "too late to go back" I'll feel more comfortable talking about it.

Not absurd at all. I often felt judged before, whether I was or not I still don't know. I only told a few close family and friends until a couple weeks before surgery. After that I was pretty open about it. I'm happy to tell people about my WLS, but I didn't want people second guessing my decision either, so for me waiting to tell people until right before surgery worked.

That's such a funny thing about people not recognizing you. What do you say when that happens?

Honestly, it's a little amusing to get the double takes and jaw dropping. What I say depends on the person and situation. Usually along the lines of "yeah I lost a lot of weight. I had WLS. Let's talk more later" Occasionally, it's weird because someone will treat you completely differently than before and you know the only thing that's changed their attitude is your size.

IslandSneezerooo

@stroynaya I will admit I've secretly wondered if a certain group of moms at my son's school exclude me from group things due to my size... They are all ultra healthy slim moms, really into organic foods and eco awareness... Will be interesting to see what happens when I lose all this weight... One on one they really like me and we get along great, but I have never once been invited or included in a group outing... I don't have the nerve to ask them why... Could also be because I don't smoke pot and won't let anyone smoke around my kid. LOL!!!

stroynaya

RillaVanilla wrote: »

@stroynaya I will admit I've secretly wondered if a certain group of moms at my son's school exclude me from group things due to my size... They are all ultra healthy slim moms, really into organic foods and eco awareness... Could also be because I don't smoke pot and won't let anyone smoke around my kid. LOL!!!

Is it possible to be ultra healthy & smoke pot?

IslandSneezerooo

stroynaya wrote: »

RillaVanilla wrote: »

@stroynaya I will admit I've secretly wondered if a certain group of moms at my son's school exclude me from group things due to my size... They are all ultra healthy slim moms, really into organic foods and eco awareness... Could also be because I don't smoke pot and won't let anyone smoke around my kid. LOL!!!

Is it possible to be ultra healthy & smoke pot?

It's organic, don't cha know?!

pawoodhull

RillaVanilla wrote: »

stroynaya wrote: »

RillaVanilla wrote: »

@stroynaya I will admit I've secretly wondered if a certain group of moms at my son's school exclude me from group things due to my size... They are all ultra healthy slim moms, really into organic foods and eco awareness... Could also be because I don't smoke pot and won't let anyone smoke around my kid. LOL!!!

Is it possible to be ultra healthy & smoke pot?

It's organic, don't cha know?!

And you want to be friends with them why?