at a crossroads

MACnificence

hi

hoping ye guys can help I'm at a place where i am uncomfortable at this weight (pants starting to get way too tight) ive been non restrictive for quiet some weeks now at this stage having several untracked days because life got in the way. I want to cut now but am afraid that ill be taking a massive step backwards and I haven't gave my body time to heal , (dieted down from 196-100) was 102 last june/july but now I'm sitting at 112-115Ibs
i don't want to get down to 102 again , but remember being happy around 107Ibs i don't think my belly hung over my pants then

advice would be appreciated

MACnificence

Any help ? I really want to get on the right track I feel kind of lost at the moment I don't know what to do

MandaLeigh123

What kind of help are you looking for? What is your body healing from?

mymodernbabylon

Can you remind us now long you've been on a reset?

Jennbecca33

So I know you posted a lot of this before in your previous posts... did you take any of the advice given then? It sounds like you've been increasing your calories, but not really tracking. Did you ever make it up to your TDEE level? I know mentally you are wanting to be back at a lower weight, but again even at 113- 115 pounds, you are on the lower end of healthy BMI. You do not need to lose any weight. If you could get your head around eating at maintenance and weight training, you could reshape your belly and parts of your body that you do not like and could accomplish what you are wanting to do without restricting calories. Please, eat at maintenance every day. Focus on strength training. I don't think you will find anyone in this group who will encourage you to diet back down to 107lbs. It's just not a healthy weight.

MACnificence

My body is healing from restriction periods , I have restricted a lot in the past and basically have lost my period ( still hasn't returned) I also suffered basically depression brought on by lack of food my doctor said my body was basically shutting down what wasn't vital
I would think I have been on a reset since Christmas
During this time I have very loosely logged and probably ate over a lot even over maintainance on many occasions
I am very uncomfortable the way I feel now I have been lifting weights but still feel pudgy more than anything
All my clothes are getting too tight I am a very small girl and even though 115Ibs isn't alot it does show on my small frame

heybales

Are these older clothes that are intended for what you perhaps now realize is an unrealistic body image?

Maybe they should be tight, and replaced.

MACnificence

I understand what you are trying to say and I am trying my best to be body confident in my new weight but I just think that I'm currently holding a little bit excess weight than what I'm comfortable with , I have several rolls on my belly now when I sit down and my face is puffy

This time I don't want to be ok I'm restricting calories to lose weight I want to do it safely and I can handle doing it slowly aswell once I know im on the right track
I just don't know where to take my calories because my set macros are not that high but again i have had several untracked days recently so that would throw them
My current macros as set by my most recent coach was 40F 220C 100P

I have gained weight very rapidly and yes I know some is water weight I just feel so bloated and horribly right now

Shouldn't my body have adjusted by now ?

mymodernbabylon

Without tracking you have no idea how many calories you have actually eaten, so you can't say you've actually been doing the reset. My guess is this is more in your head than in your body - I don't know a single person unless they are unhealthy that don't have a roll in their tummy when sitting down (even models do unless they stretch their body upward) - it's not fat, it's just a stomach and what a stomach does. There is a reason why people who have done this in an unhealthy way do a reset for TWELVE weeks - it's to allow their body time to adjust. You have not been doing a true reset for 12 weeks. Give it time, buy some clothing that fits, and perhaps, make time to see a therapist because you have as much an unhealthy mindset as a body. Losing your period and your body shutting down due to your weight loss is a sign of anorexia. This needs more than just food.

MACnificence

I am seeing a therapist and dietician and working on it
I'm not trying to dismiss I have struggled and that's why I want to cut this extra little fluff the safest way possible because if I was to do it on my own I know I'll probably end up eating too little
I have gained weight (fat) whether that was by doing a reset or not but I have obviously ate over my maintainance to do so
I'm just wondering how long more I should wait before cutting or what way I should go about it
I have talked to my doctor about cutting the extra fat and she said it's also important I am happy in myself she obviously doesn't think I NEED to lose the weight but going down to 110 will still make me in a healthy BMI so she's ok with that

aylajane

If you still do not have your period back, you should not be dieting at all. Period. You may be "ok" with your body at a lower weight, but your body is telling you it is NOT ok. Buy bigger clothes that are not tight (wearing clothes too tight will make even the skinniest person feel they are fat - wear clothes that fit no matter what size you are). Keep working on the weight training and reshape your body with muscle.

mymodernbabylon

Yes to the above poster. Yes.

MACnificence

i feel like the fluctuations just keep getting higher and higher .. i was 115 thursday 120 friday (i haven't seen that high weight in well over a year) 117 today.. not that long ago the highest scale weight i was seeing was 108-111Ibs now.
it seems like the scale is trending upwards at a alarmingly high rate and I'm scared

Im 5'2 this extra weight is looking like a lot on me , and its not just myself who sees it some people have said I do look like I've gained weight
my thighs are seriously chunky again

putting scale weight aside ,I am very unhappy with how i look

I'm asking advise because i want to do this a safe way , I don't want to be destined to stay looking like this and if i should give my body more time what kind of time frame should i look at

MandaLeigh123

I think people are all giving you sound input as far as people can do on the internet. Sounds like you should just keep working with your dietitian and therapist to get it all sorted it out. Body image is a hard thing to get a handle on, and we all have to just try to do our best, and it sounds like you are doing the best you can do with body image at the moment. I don't know if internet voices will be able to help you much more than they already have. Good luck and don't give up on getting healthy

mymodernbabylon

A body reset takes a minimum of 8-12 weeks. As you have been under-eating to the point of anorexia, you will take a lot more than that. Since you are working with a therapist and nutritionist, they can really give you better advice than any of us, but I do want you to read this: http://eatmore2weighless.com/eating-disorder-recovery-a-reflection/

MACnificence

Thank you so much for linking that story ! I'm at a place now where I'd love to not log but I'm afraid in doing so because even though overeating may be a fear I really fear undereating aswell because I'm afraid I will again not give my body what it needs.

Thanks for that story! I really want to get better this time just struggling with the bloat at the moment

MACnificence

Would ye recommend I invest in a Fitbit so I can get a better indication of how much I burn daily ?

heybales

It's going to be basing majority of daily calorie burn on average body composition of avg gal your age, weight, height.

Pretty sure from past dieting you aren't average anymore, it'll likely be inflated to some degree for daily burn from reality.
Then again, it underestimates in general, so that may balance out.

You can also adjust height it uses so it is using a better BMR based on your bodyfat % estimate.
My spreadsheet on my profile page helps with that if curious.

So it could be made to be more correct. Simple Zip might indeed help see how active you are daily.

MACnificence

Heybales I was reading a reply you made on someone else's post and found it interesting you
I find I gain so water weight when I eat outside my normal food pattern like in excess of 5Ibs
You said this could be because someone is still depleted ? I'm wondering is this the case with me I find it incredibly annoying the fact I bloat so Easy and can't ever seem to get it under control

heybales

Well, the water weight gain from storing more carbs happens in all the muscles - you'd likely never even notice it spread out like that, only on the scale.

So if bloating in the stomach, that's something else.

Some of the 5 lbs is likely carbs + water, other perhaps just sensitive stomach.

But what happens with carbs and water in the muscles is the way your body works.

Did you know when it becomes summer and your body needs more effort to keep cool, your blood volume goes up?

Would you drain blood thinking that is a weight problem, or recognize that is merely what the body does?

Same as if you do just intense cardio, almost totally carb burning.
The body's response to improve - store more carbs.

It's only a problem in the way it's viewed, it's actually exactly what your exercise is causing.

MACnificence

So I was 105 in November today I'm around 115/116Ibs when I was 105 I was being restrictive , and cycling my food intake quiet some bit but never really went above 110Ibs but now my weight can go as high as 120Ibs , it's scary that I seem to gain so easily

MACnificence

Ok so being real i think i have gained quiet abit of excess fat , so say i have 10Ibs to lose
I was thinking of setting my macros at 30F 180C and 100P and go from there for someone who is 5'2 i think thats a safe ground to start with , I'm in no massive hurry i just want to do it safely

mymodernbabylon

"My body is healing from restriction periods , I have restricted a lot in the past and basically have lost my period ( still hasn't returned) I also suffered basically depression brought on by lack of food my doctor said my body was basically shutting down what wasn't vital"

We cannot give you any suggestions due to the fact that you are trying to diet while still suffering from an ED (or close enough to an ED) - you are not yet over this or dealt with the reality of health. You wrote this only two weeks ago...I really think you need to step away, talk more to your therapist and doctor and work through the mental aspect of this. Losing 10 lbs and going back toward that unhealthy weight is not something that is going to be good for you. It would be so unethical for me to give you any suggestions for losing right now.