Honey, you should lose some weight.
wabmester
Posts: 2,748 Member
No, I would never say that. I may be stupid, but I'm not suicidal. 
I was secretly hoping that my wife would take an interest in diet and health when she saw me losing weight, running a 5K, doing a zillion push ups, etc.
No such luck. And I have no clue how to get her interested. Her interest sometimes perks up when she reads an article or one of her friends mentions a wonderful diet, but she thinks I'm crazy for eating the way I do, and she has zero interest in my evidence-based approach.
Maybe she doesn't need it. She's younger than me, and her blood tests look pretty good, but there are signs -- blood pressure creeping up, perhaps some auto-immune inflammation. Obviously nothing she feels compelled to address immediately.
Her doctor's only advice is to "shop at the edges of the grocery store." Which is pretty good advice, but she ignores it because it's not very forceful or specific advice.
So.... Has anybody had any success with instilling healthy habits in spouses, kids, friends? How'd you do it?
I was secretly hoping that my wife would take an interest in diet and health when she saw me losing weight, running a 5K, doing a zillion push ups, etc.
No such luck. And I have no clue how to get her interested. Her interest sometimes perks up when she reads an article or one of her friends mentions a wonderful diet, but she thinks I'm crazy for eating the way I do, and she has zero interest in my evidence-based approach.
Maybe she doesn't need it. She's younger than me, and her blood tests look pretty good, but there are signs -- blood pressure creeping up, perhaps some auto-immune inflammation. Obviously nothing she feels compelled to address immediately.
Her doctor's only advice is to "shop at the edges of the grocery store." Which is pretty good advice, but she ignores it because it's not very forceful or specific advice.
So.... Has anybody had any success with instilling healthy habits in spouses, kids, friends? How'd you do it?
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Oh, if only there were some magic answer to this question....
I've been trying to get my husband to join me, too, or to do something, anything. He keeps complaining about his weight and all the problems that come with it, but he won't do anything about it. *Rrrrrgh!*0 -
I strongly believe that you can't convince anyone on doing anything they don't want to do, unless it's a life threatening. Keep doing what you're doing, she might realize one day that's they way you eat is very beneficial to your health. She might not think so, she might have fears or uncertainty about this, it will take time to turn her around. If she's willing she will do it if not, there is not much you can really do.0
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I strongly believe that you can't convince anyone on doing anything they don't want to do, unless it's a life threatening. Keep doing what you're doing, she might realize one day that's they way you eat is very beneficial to your health. She might not think so, she might have fears or uncertainty about this, it will take time to turn her around. If she's willing she will do it if not, there is not much you can really do.
Precisely. To all of that.
My husband spent 14 years trying to nudge me to eat better and lose weight. All he succeeded in doing was getting me to resent him and tune him out. Calorie counting alone was all I knew and I failed miserably every time I would muster my guilt and body-hate to try. It took my mom nearly dying of diabetic complications for me to realize the path I was taking everyone in my family down. In the end, it wasn't him at all. And it wasn't him who was ever going to get the weight off me. It was all me. So, your wife has a leg-up, because she has the example of a great WOE in her own house, but she needs to have her own epiphany. So set a good example and encourage her interest gently. And praise her when she finally sees the light. It's up to her to take off the blinders, though, and make it happen. She has to want it. And you can't give that drive to her. She has to find her own way.0 -
I agree. They won't do it until they're ready. It may take a crisis.
I do have a few suggestions. My hubby has high blood pressure despite walking everyday and being built like a bean pole. 6'3" and lanky. He has developed a small middle aged pot belly though. So I stopped buying and cooking most carbs.
I keep cooked bacon and boiled eggs in the fridge so he can have those instead of the cereal I keep "forgetting" to replace. He takes his lunch to work most days so I keep cans of salmon/tuna in the pantry, deli meats in the fridge, sliced cheese (for convenience) or may cook a crustless quiche so that it's easy to throw some good foods into a lunch box.
We have bolognaise sauce with avocado, sour cream and cheese instead of pasta. Oh Dear, we ran out of bread. Again!
Oh no! I forgot to cook rice to go with the stir-fry/curry. We'll just have to eat out of the bowl.
Then make many comments on how delicious the food was. Many carbs are just habits we've formed. Positively reinforce non-carbs so that the brain associates those meals with pleasure. After all, that's how sugar works on a chemical level. Fight fire with fire!
Invite her to dinner somewhere with a whole lot of meat on the menu. Afterward, go for a stroll along the beach. Make it a stroll, not a full-on workout. Talk with her, have a pleasant time and then next time go for a stroll along a river/through the woods. Again, it's pleasant, it's time together and who doesn't like a stroll after a big steak?
My kids are built like their father so there are no weight issues. They also love bacon, chicken and eggs. But my son hit his teens and thought that being able to buy his own coca-cola was very cool. Until I told him that every 600 ml bottle he buys has over 3 tblsp of sugar in it. He limits it now and even came home with a school with a bottle of water the other day.
Small changes can go a long way to making difference. She may not necessarily go full low carb but lower carb is great too.
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I agree with others, there's no specific way to get anyone to do anything they don't want to. You could offer to cook more, maybe treat her to a few breakfast in bed type things, or if you have kids get them involved int he cooking for mom idea.0
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Due to a new initiative at work, I had to unload all the candy I give out. It's a long story that you don't want me to rant about. Anyway, all my full-size candy bars had to go. I was giving them out left and right during the day. Last night my wife asked me to save a Snickers bar and bring it home for her.
"Honey, you don't need a Snickers bar."
Yes, I said that. Out loud. With my own mouth. At an audible volume. To her.
I am not a smart man. I am also very much in the dog-house.0 -
When I was about 15 approaching puberty, my father who was a doctor , came to my bedroom and gently asked, " just wondering how your weigh is doing." I was so overweight and so in denial.
I responded by saying, "fine, just fine."
He asked how much I weighed.
I said, "oh about 130."
He said, "why don't you step on the scale, let's just take a look."
I resisted and finally agreed.
I knew what was coming next. The truth.
I did step on that scale and weighed about 160 pounds.
I didn't know what to say.
I felt so ashamed but not because he made me feel that way.
He told me that he thought it was a good idea for the whole family to lose a little weight that he certainly could stand to lose some pounds and would I join him?
It was one of the most moving and loving memories I have of him. His kindness and concern did not go un noticed and it was a lesson well taught.
We did all diet . Me more than most. I remember telling him early on that it wasn't working and I was trying so hard.
Patience, he explained. It will happen.
It did. I got down to 125lbs and wore a bikini like no one's business.
Maybe, a tiny come to Jesus meeting might be in order;
Sit down quietly and tell her how you feel. Be honest, be vulnerable. Right now she may see you as competition and isn't willing to try.
Tell her you want this for her because you love her. That you will support and help and engage time in the effort. That is is something you both can share,
Then SEND HER THE HELL TO THIS SITE.0 -
I'm with everyone else, you have to be ready for the change. @FIT_Goat that cracked me up. Big mistake! That will be remembered for far longer than a man could possibly imagine haha.
I'm commenting for my own selfish reasons. I'm very interested in how to get a teenage girl to eat better. When we lived alone it was easy easy. We have since moved in with my father and I'm finding it nearly impossible to keep the sweets and breads out of the house. I do all of the cooking. I have no intention of bringing her carb level low but I do think the stinking sweets need to go. Needless to say, I'll be excited when there's no longer another shopper in the home! But I am worried about this even in the short term. So anyone that has suggestions for teaching angsty teens how to eat, let me know too!0 -
I'm hoping Goat's couch is comfy.
Excuse my Australian, total lack of religious education upbringing: I have no idea what a "come to Jesus meeting" is. Could someone please explain this to me. Is it like facing the truth?
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Sajyana, it's basically like being confronted with your sin and failure and directly told you need to repent (stop doing wrong and turn yourself around). So, yeah. It's like facing the truth. Usually, it is inspired by an outside force who sits you down and tell you the facts like they actually are, not as you like to imagine they are.0
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I'm hoping Goat's couch is comfy.
Excuse my Australian, total lack of religious education upbringing: I have no idea what a "come to Jesus meeting" is. Could someone please explain this to me. Is it like facing the truth?
Have you ever watched the TV show Intervention? That would be the most forceful example.0 -
I do 99% of the cooking and the grocery shopping for our household.
My husband steps on the Aria scale every so often so I can guesstimate how much protein he needs. I make sure he eats plenty and I figure out the portions and put leftovers away before the meal is served.
I make sure he gets stuff he likes (rice, pasta, potatos) every so often, but not every week.
When I found McDonalds bags in the car, I went on strike. I was not going to cook yummy healthy meals if he was going to supplement with crap. And he also removed ALL rights to complain about his weight.
Eating breakfast at home and then McDonalds 30 minutes later ...
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When I found McDonalds bags in the car, I went on strike. I was not going to cook yummy healthy meals if he was going to supplement with crap. And he also removed ALL rights to complain about his weight.
Eating breakfast at home and then McDonalds 30 minutes later ...
WE have a similar rule here, as daughter, and sometimes hubby, will eat the carbage AND the good more expensive stuff. So if you are going to have a carbage day, you dont get the good thing for lunch/snack. Dinner is always good stuff. But if you are trying to eat healthy, then by all means eat the more expensive and good tasting stuff.0 -
I'm hoping Goat's couch is comfy.
Excuse my Australian, total lack of religious education upbringing: I have no idea what a "come to Jesus meeting" is. Could someone please explain this to me. Is it like facing the truth?
Have you ever watched the TV show Intervention? That would be the most forceful example.
I've not ever heard of the tv show Intervention but I'm aware of what an intervention is. I'm not a fan of reality tv anyways.Sajyana, it's basically like being confronted with your sin and failure and directly told you need to repent (stop doing wrong and turn yourself around). So, yeah. It's like facing the truth. Usually, it is inspired by an outside force who sits you down and tell you the facts like they actually are, not as you like to imagine they are.
This I understand.
Thank you both. (*)0 -
annieboomboom wrote: »,
Then SEND HER THE HELL TO THIS SITE.
She needs to see the progress pics thread. A Keto/Paleo progress pic is what led me to r/keto and started my whole transformation. And that I could eat cheese and bacon. 0 -
I'm similar to Kuranda10. I do pretty much ALL of the cooking and food prep. When I decided to start keto I told my boyfriend that either he can grocery shop and cook his own food or eat what I get and make. He chose the latter and talks about how much better he feels now since breaking up with carbs. I didn't force him to change, but I definitely made it hard for him not to.0
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Due to a new initiative at work, I had to unload all the candy I give out. It's a long story that you don't want me to rant about. Anyway, all my full-size candy bars had to go. I was giving them out left and right during the day. Last night my wife asked me to save a Snickers bar and bring it home for her.
"Honey, you don't need a Snickers bar."
Yes, I said that. Out loud. With my own mouth. At an audible volume. To her.
I am not a smart man. I am also very much in the dog-house.
Heres your sign....
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baconslave wrote: »annieboomboom wrote: »,
Then SEND HER THE HELL TO THIS SITE.
She needs to see the progress pics thread. A Keto/Paleo progress pic is what led me to r/keto and started my whole transformation. And that I could eat cheese and bacon.
That's why I simultaneously love and dread when a r/keto success story makes it to the front page. They bring in a few trolls and a few dozen over-hormoned 14 year olds who think woman lost weight = free pass to talk to her like a prostitute. But, there's usually an influx people who end up joining the sub and asking good questions, too.0 -
Thanks for all of the great input so far. I especially like the sneakier ideas.
I'm going to try to cook a meal or two and see how they like it. The kid (12 yo) may help out.
I also subtly asked her if she had heard about Whole30. I sent her a link to it, and mentioned that it seemed like the current "hot" diet. I think she may have taken the bait!
(I like the way they've structured it as a "program." She loves rules-based stuff.)0 -
A lady I used to do aerobics with (yeah, 20 years ago - I don't think they do 'aerobics' any more!) was really slim and *really* fit. One day I asked her how she began her fitness journey and she told me she'd just had her second baby a month prior and her husband came in one morning (having never said a single word on the topic), placed a brand new pair of running shoes on the table in front of her and said lovingly "Here Honey, you may want these now".
I loved that!
And I can't add anything that hasn't so beautifully been said by everyone above already.0 -
I'm with everyone else, you have to be ready for the change. @FIT_Goat that cracked me up. Big mistake! That will be remembered for far longer than a man could possibly imagine haha.
I'm commenting for my own selfish reasons. I'm very interested in how to get a teenage girl to eat better. When we lived alone it was easy easy. We have since moved in with my father and I'm finding it nearly impossible to keep the sweets and breads out of the house. I do all of the cooking. I have no intention of bringing her carb level low but I do think the stinking sweets need to go. Needless to say, I'll be excited when there's no longer another shopper in the home! But I am worried about this even in the short term. So anyone that has suggestions for teaching angsty teens how to eat, let me know too!
Two words:
Bikini Shopping
Seriously, the skimpier the better (don't necessarily buy that one though..) and make sure your'e in the dressing room with the three way mirror. I could be described as an angsty teen I suppose. She needs to see that her body is changing and maybe doesn't look as good. If you've got a bit of cash to spare buy her a bikini or swimsuit, have her try it on once a week. It helps keep ones brain in check.
Also, tell your dad that if he really cares about his granddaughter he needs to stop buying it, or keep it in his room.
My mom boycotted all the junk food, told my grandparents that if they gave me any she'd refuse to let me stay the night. She also made my dad stop buying that crap.
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My dearest husband knows that all he needs to do to motivate me is to start dropping the lbs. It's fine to be fat and happy together, but I refuse to be the dumpy one in our relationship! He's pretty good about dieting with me when I want to lose a few pounds. Bless his heart.
Our daughter turns 1 next month and I'm 20 pounds below my prepregnancy weight and 5 to go to wedding weight! I just had to cut him out of diet mode because he was getting too skinny.0 -
Here's another thing: watch My 600 lb. Life. It is jaw dropping and what you see over and over is how enabled these people are. Mothers, husbands, wives.
How does someone get to be 600lbs?
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annieboomboom wrote: »Here's another thing: watch My 600 lb. Life. It is jaw dropping and what you see over and over is how enabled these people are. Mothers, husbands, wives.
How does someone get to be 600lbs?
You know what always strikes me? It's when the doctor on the show asks what they think their main problem is that caused them to gain weight. 90% of the time it's carb-based foods (sweets, chips, breads, etc.) and snacking. You know what I've never seen? Someone who said, "doctor I only eat bacon, I just eat 8 pounds of it a day and drink the fat. The bacon made me fat."
Or go and watch for specifically what they are eating. And, think of the amounts they are eating. They're generally over-eating everything, but the amount of carbs is staggering.0 -
What was most startling to me on those shows (I think it was the I eat 35,000 calories a day one), a 300 lb person doesn't have to eat all that much more to get to be and maintain that kind of weight.
Say you eat 2000 calories a day to maintain 150 lbs. A super-sized BigMac Meal is over 2500 calories. Right there, in one meal, they have consumed the calories needed to go from 150 lbs to 300 lbs.0 -
I wonder if anyone else has my variation of this problem. My husband does not cook or focus on food much. He is a meat and potatos kind of guy. He has never been more than slightly overweight and is now 70. Indifferent to sweets, loves salty snack food, chips, and sandwiches for between meal snacks. He is mostly sedentary with bursts of activity when highly motivated. The problem is that he is borderline DII and has significant family history for that and CVD. There is a slew of diabetic information and testing equipment in the cupboard that he ignores. It seems like without the pressure of needing to lose weight he can't take it seriously. I am having a very hard time
1. explaining to him what I am trying to do for myself and seeing how to help him.
2. I would really like him to be healthy and be around longer. Both of our fathers died very young of Heart attacks and that reality is scary for me.0 -
What I cook at home is generally low carb.
Where I run into problems is my husband's sweet tooth (ice cream? Where? Can I have some?) that the kids have inherited, compounded by the fact that the kids live with their mom part of the time and I have no idea what they're eating over there (I'm stepmom, guilty by association).
During the summer, my husband's parents keep them while we're at work, and that's a whoooooole 'nother mess.
I think the carbage is going to be banned from the house this summer. Junk food can be eaten elsewhere.0 -
My husband's family dies young from heart and colon cancers.
My method of getting my husband to take his health seriously is unorthodox, but it works.
When he starts to slack off to much I just tell him to keep enjoying himself because the more he enjoys himself now, the sooner I'll get to enjoy his house and life insurance and find someone who does care.0 -
You might try asking her to eat that way with you for a month or so, as an experiment. If she likes rules, pick up Dr. Atkins or something that gives specific rules, or something like Keto Clarity that has a 21-day meal plan.
Couch it in, "I'm having a bit of a problem sticking to this, would you please do this with me so I'm not doing it on my own?" That way, the focus isn't on HER, but on you.
If you're really evil, make the first meal after the time is up something full of carbs, sugar, and gluten. Just for her, because you know she's been missing _____.0 -
Due to a new initiative at work, I had to unload all the candy I give out. It's a long story that you don't want me to rant about. Anyway, all my full-size candy bars had to go. I was giving them out left and right during the day. Last night my wife asked me to save a Snickers bar and bring it home for her.
"Honey, you don't need a Snickers bar."
Yes, I said that. Out loud. With my own mouth. At an audible volume. To her.
I am not a smart man. I am also very much in the dog-house.
LOL 0
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