Dealing with anxiety...

Thaeda

So, yesterday I had a good day, food-wise. I went to dinner with my daughter and decided I would have whatever I felt like-- had half a cheeseburger, some fries, a little dessert-- no big. Then came home and started looking into what it will take to process my data for my dissertation. As I was reading, my anxiety started kicking up... what if I do not have enough data? What if I didn't get what I needed to complete my study? What if my committee sends me back to the drawing board and on and on and on. My anxiety just kept growing and I hit that "red line"- the point of no return where I cannot even think and just start eating. I did 800 calories worth of damage (need details? check out my log for yesterday- it's all there).

I am not ashamed to share that I am in therapy. Surgery changed the size of my stomach- it did not change anything between my two ears (where most of my problems with food reside). My therapist and I discussed ways for me to recognize when I am starting to become anxious and get myself settled BEFORE I hit the red line. In the recent past I committed to journaling when I wanted to eat my emotions away. Good idea, but the fact is when I reach a certain point in my anxiety I cannot even think--- the "decision making" part of my brain just shuts off- and I start eating. The only reason I stopped eating when I did last night is because I made myself go to bed--- the damage could have been even worse. I share this not because I am ashamed, but because I want others who may experience something similar to know you are not alone.

So- from here on out, my goal is to notice when anxiety is starting and to use some grounding techniques to keep it from getting to that "red line". "Grounding" is a way of bringing yourself back to the present moment (because anxiety is all about being ahead of myself-- being in the future instead of the present). Here are a few techniques I will be using (and again I am sharing them to offer help to others):

1) Breathe! Focusing on my breath is a way to ground myself. It is important for me to breathe in through my nose (mouth breathing racks up the parasympathetic nervous system-- it automatically puts the body in "fight or flight" mode and exacerbates anxiety).

2) Walk away from the source of anxiety. What I tried to do last night was just keep pushing, keep reading, keep working, even though I was feeling worse and worse. I am giving myself permission to take a break from my project for the day/evening if it is too much for me to deal with. The break can be 5 or 10 minutes, or i can call it quits for the day and try again the next day.

3) Find a cat! I have a house full of adorable kitties. Cuddling with or petting them grounds me and is very soothing.

4) Strike a pose! I practice yoga. There are a few postures I can do without being warmed up and that immediately bring me to the present moment.

Ok-- so that is the plan. I will keep you posted on how it goes. Feel free to share any anxiety-reducing techniques you all might use to bring yourself back to the present and pull yourself back from the brink of comfort eating.

asia1967

First off Thaeda thank you for your post. You are open and honest and that is the most important thing. I applaud you for stopping yourself and going to bed. I on the other hand, when I hit that red line point the only thing that stops me is being over full and vomiting afterwards.
You have done an amazing job and we are all human even you!
You have taught me to stop, think about what is bothering me and to feel the feelings. Well let me tell you that was a huge eye opener. I did that, so instead of eating my problems I addressed them in one form or another. Be it grounding like you suggest. I use the breathing technique a lot and it works quickly for me. I let myself cry if need be ( by the way I didn't know one person could cry so much) and the last one, I yelled when the situation warranted where I would have bottled it up in the past walked away and gorged myself.
So thou you may be a work in progress, progress is exactly what you are making.
Thank you for being you and sharing your experience. xx T.

Thaeda

asia1967 wrote: »

First off Thaeda thank you for your post. You are open and honest and that is the most important thing. I applaud you for stopping yourself and going to bed. I on the other hand, when I hit that red line point the only thing that stops me is being over full and vomiting afterwards.
You have done an amazing job and we are all human even you!
You have taught me to stop, think about what is bothering me and to feel the feelings. Well let me tell you that was a huge eye opener. I did that, so instead of eating my problems I addressed them in one form or another. Be it grounding like you suggest. I use the breathing technique a lot and it works quickly for me. I let myself cry if need be ( by the way I didn't know one person could cry so much) and the last one, I yelled when the situation warranted where I would have bottled it up in the past walked away and gorged myself.
So thou you may be a work in progress, progress is exactly what you are making.
Thank you for being you and sharing your experience. xx T.

Wow. Thanks much for the affirmation and for sharing your experience as well. It takes courage to be vulnerable. Good for you for allowing yourself to feel your feelings-- amazing what can come up when that happens. I am still working on identifying what it is I am feeling and learning to "sit with it". Challenges abound!-- but I am finding this part of my journey is so worthwhile. How much of life am I missing because I am trying to run from the present moment? I am looking forward to continuing to practice being present and to gaining ground in the discovery that feeling my emotions will not leave me broken. I believe the opposite is true- allowing myself to have all kinds of feelings- comfortable and uncomfortable can grant me the experience of overcoming and not having to run anymore.

loriloftness

Thaeda wrote: »

1) Breathe! Focusing on my breath is a way to ground myself. It is important for me to breathe in through my nose (mouth breathing racks up the parasympathetic nervous system-- it automatically puts the body in "fight or flight" mode and exacerbates anxiety).

Wow, I did not know this and I am a mouth breather. That helps (at least in part) explain why my attempts to breath and calm myself down are not working to well for me. I think your plan is something we could all practice at the stressful/anxiety points of our lives. The walking away part is hard for me because I get more anxious as I think about what I think I should be doing or imagining what is going to happen. But, I have found in life that everything looks better and is more resolvable in the morning. Good for you for helping all of us cope.

Thaeda

loriloftness wrote: »

Wow, I did not know this and I am a mouth breather. That helps (at least in part) explain why my attempts to breath and calm myself down are not working to well for me. I think your plan is something we could all practice at the stressful/anxiety points of our lives. The walking away part is hard for me because I get more anxious as I think about what I think I should be doing or imagining what is going to happen. But, I have found in life that everything looks better and is more resolvable in the morning. Good for you for helping all of us cope.

Calming breath usually means breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Anxiety breathing is in and out through the mouth.

As far as thinking about what you "should" be doing or what is going to happen... this is part of what makes grounding helpful for anxiety- because the idea is you only focus on the present moment-- not what is coming, or what should be-- just what is. It takes practice, but can be very helpful in reducing anxiety.

asia1967

Wow. Thanks much for the affirmation and for sharing your experience as well. It takes courage to be vulnerable. Good for you for allowing yourself to feel your feelings-- amazing what can come up when that happens. I am still working on identifying what it is I am feeling and learning to "sit with it". Challenges abound!-- but I am finding this part of my journey is so worthwhile. How much of life am I missing because I am trying to run from the present moment? I am looking forward to continuing to practice being present and to gaining ground in the discovery that feeling my emotions will not leave me broken. I believe the opposite is true- allowing myself to have all kinds of feelings- comfortable and uncomfortable can grant me the experience of overcoming and not having to run anymore. [/quote]

Thaeda>

OMG it was like you were reading my thoughts.

I am finding that this part of the journey is finally starting to show me, the "real" me.
The reasons why I turned to food, to allow myself to feel my feelings and thou it might hurt it will not brake me, because I won't allow it to.

I have also realized that the more I try NOT to control the situation or running from it and let it happen, the freer I feel and that has made a world of difference.

I also learnt that I spend a lot of time in my head because life is more comfortable there, so the grounding is a must for me as well. It brings me to the present which is really only where we can deal with things. Because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never be.

You my friend have all the tools and are implementing them, and I truly believe that you will conquer this disease, and come out the other side a better, stronger and more knowledgeable person for it.

It is not weakness to show our vulnerable side, it takes courage to do that.
xxxT.

asia1967

sorry didn't get it to quote correctly.

ac7nj

Thaeda wrote: »

So, yesterday I had a good day, food-wise. I went to dinner with my daughter and decided I would have whatever I felt like-- had half a cheeseburger, some fries, a little dessert-- no big. Then came home and started looking into what it will take to process my data for my dissertation. As I was reading, my anxiety started kicking up... what if I do not have enough data? What if I didn't get what I needed to complete my study? What if my committee sends me back to the drawing board and on and on and on. My anxiety just kept growing and I hit that "red line"- the point of no return where I cannot even think and just start eating. I did 800 calories worth of damage (need details? check out my log for yesterday- it's all there).

I am not ashamed to share that I am in therapy. Surgery changed the size of my stomach- it did not change anything between my two ears (where most of my problems with food reside). My therapist and I discussed ways for me to recognize when I am starting to become anxious and get myself settled BEFORE I hit the red line. In the recent past I committed to journaling when I wanted to eat my emotions away. Good idea, but the fact is when I reach a certain point in my anxiety I cannot even think--- the "decision making" part of my brain just shuts off- and I start eating. The only reason I stopped eating when I did last night is because I made myself go to bed--- the damage could have been even worse. I share this not because I am ashamed, but because I want others who may experience something similar to know you are not alone.

So- from here on out, my goal is to notice when anxiety is starting and to use some grounding techniques to keep it from getting to that "red line". "Grounding" is a way of bringing yourself back to the present moment (because anxiety is all about being ahead of myself-- being in the future instead of the present). Here are a few techniques I will be using (and again I am sharing them to offer help to others):

1) Breathe! Focusing on my breath is a way to ground myself. It is important for me to breathe in through my nose (mouth breathing racks up the parasympathetic nervous system-- it automatically puts the body in "fight or flight" mode and exacerbates anxiety).

2) Walk away from the source of anxiety. What I tried to do last night was just keep pushing, keep reading, keep working, even though I was feeling worse and worse. I am giving myself permission to take a break from my project for the day/evening if it is too much for me to deal with. The break can be 5 or 10 minutes, or i can call it quits for the day and try again the next day.

3) Find a cat! I have a house full of adorable kitties. Cuddling with or petting them grounds me and is very soothing.

4) Strike a pose! I practice yoga. There are a few postures I can do without being warmed up and that immediately bring me to the present moment.

Ok-- so that is the plan. I will keep you posted on how it goes. Feel free to share any anxiety-reducing techniques you all might use to bring yourself back to the present and pull yourself back from the brink of comfort eating.

Thaeda,
I use self hypnosis it only takes 10 to 15 minutes. I close my eyes take 10 deep breaths letting it out as slowly as I can. Mentality I go to a place I like. Then I feel the warmth of the sun on my face. The mist of the water fall and the smells of the flowers. The whole time focused on breathing slowly and deep.

Randy

PaulaKro

Thaeda,

Congratulations on your self awareness. The road to improvement starts with admitting the need for it. So you are off and running! Plus, you are obviously wise and brave.

I am blessed not to stress eat. However, I am well aware of the spiral to no-return. I've learned to just let go. A part of my brain wants to figure out what to do. But if I feel it happening, the best thing is to just stop thinking about it. "Finding a cat" is one of my favorite options. Sitting in the sun is another.

Good luck with your journey. STRENGTH

Paula

joysie1970

Wow! As someone just heading into this surgery thanks so very much for such a great post and such great responses! It's nice to read I know there will days that are going to be hard, but these tips and the community I see here is very comforting

mycatsnameisbug

Kudos to you for having the courage to share. I admire this place and the people on here to show the reality of weight loss surgery- the wonderful, the good and the challenges.

I think that you have a great plan, attitude and support on here. You got this!

lorilbuckner1

Thanks so much for sharing. I have a daughter who also struggles with anxiety and stress eating. Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand what she is feeling as we are so different emotionally. I tend to look at things from a more logical perspective and can often detach my emotions from my circumstances. I'm not sure how I raised such a wonderfully sensitive and emotional girl! I tell her if I could just gain a touch of her sensitivity and if she could take a touch of my detachment we would both be emotionally healthier! One thing that has helped her is that she has trained her dog to be her therapy dog and he is becoming a wonderful source of peace for her. Unfortunately one thing we do share in common is weight issues. As a mom with a very active 3 1/2 year old she is truly struggling. Her very first appointment with the Bariatric Center is this coming Monday. Her stress eating is a big concern for her and she is worried it will get in the way of being approved for surgery. Your post has given me some great insights to share with her and a little better understanding of what she may be feeling. I am encouraging her to join this group as she is already on MFP. I know that thanks to people like you who are willing to share their ups and downs openly and honestly she will find much encouragement, inspiration and comfort here.

relentless2121

Thanks so much Thaeda, Asia and to all who have shared on this thread. I found it very helpful to read the posts and think about how I can apply them when I am feeling a lot of stress and anxiety.

Thaeda

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and suggestions. I LOVE this group and being able to share all of the aspects of this journey-- the good and the challenging.

thin2be2013

What a great Post!!! The "red-line" concept really hits home with me....thank you Thaeda for sharing this, I am going to copy and paste your original post info , to refer back to during my "red-line" moments. Great Advice!! Thank You!!

readallday

Thanks for always being a strong voice of honesty. I recognize myself and my behaviors in your post and it is reassuring to read that I am not alone in feeling that way. I think you have come up with great coping mechanisms. I think the biggest part of this journey is figuring out how to replace old habits with new ones. You're doing great.

kcorsino14

Dealing with anxiety is something I do every day. I think the key in my life is trying to learn to stop "dealing" with it and learning how to beat it / overcome it. There are many things I just deal with but in the long run it catches up with me and I end up having a meltdown. I am also seeing a therapist to work on ways to manage my anxiety and other aspects of my life. I have always prided myself on being a strong person, taking on the world and living to tell about it. Oftentimes, I have been applauded for how much stress I could handle in one period, how well I always seemed to cope with whatever life through at me, etc.
The scary part for me now is that approaching my 2-year surgiversary I find that I can't cope the way I used to... OK let me rephrase that a bit... I am slipping back into some old habits of coping.

I understand your struggle and relate to your "red-line"... I am trying to learn to recognize the choices I make in my red-line moments. Good luck to you and keep up the good efforts.

Mangopickle

Prayer really helps me. I am not alone. if I can get to a quiet place I can hear that still, small voice. I am not dying, this is important and needs my calm focused attention. Getting on the hamster wheel of worry is the worst possible response to a challenge. Lets start eating this elephant bite by bite with clarity to optimize the outcome. I can do this. This is my mantra. A cool head will prevail, that ba$tard panic never did anything good for me so why should I feed it?

pcoppock

Thaeda, you are such an amazing person. You put yourself out there and keep on going. I, too, am in therapy, and continue to work through triggers and responses. I love that when you have bad days you are able to learn and come with a plan for next time.

I get such strength from your posts.

-Phill

loriloftness

[quote Thaeda: because the idea is you only focus on the present moment-- not what is coming, or what should be-- just what is. It takes practice, but can be very helpful in reducing anxiety. [/quote]

Boy, this could not have been more timely. This past weekend my Dad fainted, hit his head and had to go to the ER to get checked. From there, they discovered dehydration and some heart issues. Today, he had a pacemaker implanted. The last few days my mind has wanted to do lots of "what if" scenarios. I practiced breathing and staying in the present and not let myself imagine things that could happen but hadn't. He is doing fine now and will be out of the hospital tomorrow. I didn't flip out and I didn't go on an eating bender. I can't tell you how thankful I am that you posted this and that I read it before all this happened with my Dad.

Thaeda

loriloftness wrote: »

Boy, this could not have been more timely. This past weekend my Dad fainted, hit his head and had to go to the ER to get checked. From there, they discovered dehydration and some heart issues. Today, he had a pacemaker implanted. The last few days my mind has wanted to do lots of "what if" scenarios. I practiced breathing and staying in the present and not let myself imagine things that could happen but hadn't. He is doing fine now and will be out of the hospital tomorrow. I didn't flip out and I didn't go on an eating bender. I can't tell you how thankful I am that you posted this and that I read it before all this happened with my Dad.

So glad you found it helpful-- I had a very similar incident with my dad this past summer. He is doing great with the pacemaker-- hope your dad does, too!

Thaeda

pcoppock wrote: »

Thaeda, you are such an amazing person. You put yourself out there and keep on going. I, too, am in therapy, and continue to work through triggers and responses. I love that when you have bad days you are able to learn and come with a plan for next time.

I get such strength from your posts.

-Phill

I am so happy you find the posts helpful. Therapy is good stuff!

PaulaKro

Mangopickle wrote: »

Prayer really helps me. I am not alone. if I can get to a quiet place I can hear that still, small voice. I am not dying, this is important and needs my calm focused attention. Getting on the hamster wheel of worry is the worst possible response to a challenge. Lets start eating this elephant bite by bite with clarity to optimize the outcome. I can do this. This is my mantra. A cool head will prevail, that ba$tard panic never did anything good for me so why should I feed it?

I like this, Mangopickle. I call it meditation, but it's the same still, small voice. It's so hard to hear but so important to listen for it! Not the panic voice that roars and blinds and rips at our existence. But the quiet companion that loves and trusts and knows we are trying as hard as we can. And we learn, like pcoppock and others mentioned, to grow and plan.