Perspective on succeeding

m_puppy

I don't know if this has been posted already but it's an interesting perspective from someone that has met goal. This is one of few groups I post in. I apologize as I don't know the methods this woman used. But this blog post isn't about the destination, it's about the never ending journey.

https://cannebodyhearme.wordpress.com/2015/04/13/the-after-myth/

glossbones

That's a fantastic insight. Hopefully it gives the rest of us a chance to prepare.

KarlaYP

Great blog message! I've wondered what maintenance will be like. I always knew it wouldn't be the end though. This will always be a work in progress for me! And, loving yourself is so important! We matter!

m_puppy

I like what she had to say about still being the same person.

IamUndrCnstruction

Loved that.

FIT_Goat

I don't feel like I am the same person, now. My whole approach to food and my whole perspective about health and trusting my body has changed. There is other stuff, also.

I am not a tall man. As my weight has decreased, I have become less of a 'presence' in a room. It is easier for me to blend in and get lost in a crowded room. Is that an improvement? I am not sure. At the same time, when I am noticed, I tend to be taken more seriously. I am less of that goofy cuddly fat guy.

People also judge my food less frequently when I am out. They assume what I eat is a rare treat or something. Those who know how I eat worry about my health and when I am going to "go back to normal."

Having been at a weight that I am happy with (well, still losing a little) for 9-10 months now, the food and weight focuses do fall away and grow fainter.

tlmeyn

I totally get that. I haven't been "small" in a long time, but I am so invisible as a big person, and I kind of like that. I noticed myself getting some unwanted attention yesterday and 'blamed' weight loss. The feeling of wanting to hide and up and I realized that was part of what my weight was about. I am doing this for soooo different reason that I have done it before, but those feeling stil come up. I get it.

KnitOrMiss

This whole article sits poorly with me, though I understand the intention of the article. I had to learn to love my 350 pound self. All of me. I learned to appreciate all of me. And now, because of that, I can love myself fully at 245 (or whatever the scale says today, LOL), and still know I want to make more health gains and all of that. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

For me, this article is oddly angled, because FOR ME (and I know we are all so different!!), I could NOT continue losing weight after the first chunk (50-75 pounds or so) UNTIL I got right in my head. Until I learned to love myself fully, as I am, even if that image in the mirror isn't what I want to see, I couldn't continue getting healthier.

I guess, after reading this article, I have to be truly thankful that so much mental healing for me came BEFORE the physical healing, so that I can revel in it, and enjoy it, and flourish within it, and celebrate for myself rather than having to catch up. I'm glad not to be in the mental, physical, emotional, and even spiritual anguish I was in a decade ago (approximately when I woke up and realized I mattered and needed to get healthy for ME)...

I am still me - Carly, but I am thankful that my mentality has changed, that my concepts have changed, that my health on all levels has changed - but I'm still the same person, in a way, I'm just a better "concept" of the myself I always was in my head. The outside is starting to line up with the inside.

But at the same token, I'm glad that I can't mentally get back in sync with the broken me I was ten and more years ago. I can't identify with her, because she is a former shattered and broken version of me, which I've now healed and put back together in a way that suits the mean I am becoming.

I do agree that there is no AFTER, per se... But I think I actually feel sorry for this author. I think that the obese person who has gotten his/her head together and learned to love themselves properly has been so much more successful on this journey than the thin person who doesn't even like themselves, you know???

And please don't take this as a criticism on the author...I hope her emotional healing journey happens in much the manner her physical journey took...

sljohnson1207

I can sort of relate to her post now that I'm transitioning to maintenance. I have been a bit afraid of the "what happens now" but like KnitorMiss, I can't really relate (anymore) to the not loving oneself at any weight or the feeling of needing to continue. I'd like to lower my body fat, but if it doesn't happen, I'm perfectly content right where I am right now. I've been obese, overweight, underweight, and normal weight. I've run the gamut. Did I always love myself completely? Nope. I realized once I healed my eating disorders that I loathed myself or I would have never allowed myself to treat my body that way. Fortunately, I got healed at a young age, and have loved myself throughout all the ups and downs. Could I rock the best confidence every single day when heavy? Not really because a lot of confidence for me comes from what I can do, and when I couldn't do it, it knocked about my self esteem. A lot of what I couldn't do was related to health issues as well, but overall, I'd say being overweight/obese caused a lot more issues. I like the author's honesty and the rawness of her post. I'm sure she's just one step away from healing the psychological part. Closer than she thinks, I am sure.

m_puppy

See, I get some of what she is saying. When I lost a bunch of weight before and people would say things like "you look so much better" or "you look so much happier now" it really frustrated me and quite frankly it hurt. I hadn't changed. I wasn't a whole new person that had been hiding under fat and now that I was thin I was happy. Actually, quite the opposite. I was able to hide my sadness behind the fat and now that the fat was gone there was no hiding it. There was nothing left to focus on except feelings. I ended up putting the weight back on because I didn't like feeling. Personally, I liked who I was at my heaviest and I like who I am now. Do I like struggling with depression? Of course not. But that doesn't mean I don't like me. When people criticize who I "was" at my heaviest, I'm offended. They speak as though that person isn't me. Like I'm detached from that person and we can now say things about her. That's what I'm hearing this girl say. The fat girl in the pictures, the one that's being criticized, it is her that got me to where I am today. It's all part of the journey. I can't criticize my fat self. She wasn't weak. She just needed to grow and learn. The difference between the author and myself though is I am not at all fooled by how I will feel once I am thin. I know how I will feel. I've been there before. I know that I have an overly critical eye and that won't change. I know that I will continue to struggle with depression. Most of all, I know that I'll still be the awesome person I am now and the awesome person I was 30 pounds ago.

I really do think this blog is in reference to some things she may be hearing from other people now that she has hit goal. Hopefully the weight loss helps her find herself and doesn't hinder it.

KnitOrMiss

m_puppy wrote: »

See, I get some of what she is saying. When I lost a bunch of weight before and people would say things like "you look so much better" or "you look so much happier now" it really frustrated me and quite frankly it hurt. I hadn't changed. I wasn't a whole new person that had been hiding under fat and now that I was thin I was happy. Actually, quite the opposite. I was able to hide my sadness behind the fat and now that the fat was gone there was no hiding it. There was nothing left to focus on except feelings. I ended up putting the weight back on because I didn't like feeling. Personally, I liked who I was at my heaviest and I like who I am now. Do I like struggling with depression? Of course not. But that doesn't mean I don't like me. When people criticize who I "was" at my heaviest, I'm offended. They speak as though that person isn't me. Like I'm detached from that person and we can now say things about her. That's what I'm hearing this girl say. The fat girl in the pictures, the one that's being criticized, it is her that got me to where I am today. It's all part of the journey. I can't criticize my fat self. She wasn't weak. She just needed to grow and learn. The difference between the author and myself though is I am not at all fooled by how I will feel once I am thin. I know how I will feel. I've been there before. I know that I have an overly critical eye and that won't change. I know that I will continue to struggle with depression. Most of all, I know that I'll still be the awesome person I am now and the awesome person I was 30 pounds ago.

I really do think this blog is in reference to some things she may be hearing from other people now that she has hit goal. Hopefully the weight loss helps her find herself and doesn't hinder it.

That is so true. People are just a pain in the @$$. They always try to tell you what they think is motivating and what they think you want to hear. You are SOO right that the you that got you where you are is the one people "see" as the "worst" you, which is a ridiculous transference of their own body image issues and fears. Personally, I joke quite often about being an awesome fat b!tch, and I love myself this way. I'm happier now, due to health reasons, not because I went out all of the sudden and got some personality lobotomy or transfer!!!! I'm still me, just a better, stronger, more awesome version of me.

I've often said that fat people are more awesome, because we hit a wall and get to the point where we figure people judge us anyway, so might as well be ourselves without fear or recrimination! I am so glad to know that my witty, funny, loving, sarcastic, friendly personality has only bloomed as I've gained health...though my F-Off Fairy instinct has grown - I guess along with my backbone.

@m_puppy I know sort of what you mean that it easier to hide behind the weight. I was at my most miserable then, but everyone assumed it was weight and not an un-marriage marriage... Free from that, I'm glad at home I'm changing, and I'm always as nice as I can be to others, because you never know what they are fighting.

HUGE HUGS to you for fighting to be the most awesome version of you - regardless of the pounds!

katharineshalia

M_puppy, I do relate to your post, last time I was down to my lowest weight in 15 years (135) I spent so much time obsessing about my loose skin and turkey neck, I probably spent over 800$ on creams and dermatologist. At least I know what to expect this time but I sure used it as an excuse to go off my journey for 3 months and gain 15lbs. This time I'm not stopping or letting my own critism destroy my health. Who cares if I have loose skin? Probably just me and my insecurities. Love yourself, I have to say that every morning in the mirror.