Family! SMH

greenautumn17

I have a very stubborn daughter (24) who is trying to lose weight and get in shape. She says she is dieting, yet her food choices are very much like the CICO crowd says, "You can eat anything as long as IFYM." (However, she is not tracking her food in any manner). Anyway, I keep finding her with her head in the fridge looking for something to eat, and asking me when (or what) dinner is. She asks, "Why am I so hungry?" I told her it's because she eats too much wheat and other carbs. She scoffs and is determined to prove to me that her diet is better than mine. So, I make the dinner she is Soooo hungry for and she decides to skip it and go out for a walk! I just wish she would give LCHF a good try. She says this is just a fad and I will give it up soon.

When I eliminated wheat from the house two years ago, she would simply buy her own "carbage." Yet, despite seeing my weight loss, and that of her sisters, she refuses to concede that wheat might be a culprit in her own weight gain.

My second daughter (21), after a few months wheat free, decided to go back to eating how she liked and has since gained weight again. She is now trying the more fruits and veggies, less meat way. And she loves rice and bread! I am concerned that she has IR already and will develop diabetes at a young age (she weighs the same as I do).

Both girls live with me and I am very open about what I am doing and why, yet I am watching my girls try to prove my diet wrong, while they struggle to lose any weight at all.

Just needed to get that off my chest, folks.

Kitnthecat

I have two daughters at home with me too, they are 21 and almost 23. Our journey has taken almost 5 years so far, when I first flirted with grain free and sugar free. It was hard at first and I kept falling off the wagon, but each time I fell off, I did not fall as far. And I learned something each time.

Then my oldest daughter joined me in eating a grain free and sugar free paleo diet. My younger daughter watching all the while. My older daughter is a normal weight, but my younger daughter is larger than me, and could definitely benefit from losing weight.

Our diet changed so gradually, that it felt so natural. We sourced organic meat and found a farmer to supply us with healthier protein. I cleaned out the cupboards and stopped buying sugar and processed foods, and starchy stuff. My oldest daughter embraced the changes, but my baby still wanted the treats. We switched to gluten free and stopped eating bread. My baby one day told me that drinking milk gave her diarrhea, so we stopped buying milk. One daughter's athsma went away and the other's excema cleared up. We gradually went grain free.

I have lost 73 pounds so far and my overweight daughter has lost about 60. She still falls off the wagon from time to time, but gradually our health is improving and changes are easier to make. It was my youngest daughter who suggested keto surprisingly. And it has been 2 out of 3 of us practicing it, not usually the little one. My little one is still flirting with it. But I am sure that each time she falls off track and wants me to cook rice with our chicken curry or wants something sweet or starchy, she will reassess if this is what she really wants to do. She knows she feels crappy when she eats regular bread. She also wants to wear cool clothes, so as each step is taken closer to the goal, we get a little firmer in our belief system re: food. And after all, she can see how I am doing. I am setting the example for her. One day she will come around, I am sure.

My suggestion is to keep setting the example for your girls. Some of the changes we have made in my house were suggestions from my kids, so I am lucky perhaps, but if it could happen at my house, the same could happen for you.

greenautumn17

The foods I buy and cook are all in my diet, which they all eat with relish, but they often supplement with fast food or buying their own groceries (which they keep separate- but I am not at all tempted, Thank goodness!) I only started LCHF (again) on April 11th, so I do not have much results to dangle before them, other than that I feel great.

- I had lost 50 pounds on Atkins back in 1999 and then got pregnant with my youngest, and gained it back. I dabbled with it here and there over the years but never stuck with it. I gave up wheat a couple years ago, but even then, I fell off the wagon a few too many times for them to take me seriously. I think it hurts more to have my oldest point out my failures rather then encouraging me to stick with it. Her arrogance is unbelievable at times!

Kitnthecat

That's too bad about the arrogance and lack of support. But maybe give it time and let your results speak for themselves.

totaloblivia

It's really hard but they have to make their own decisions. It's something you have to come to in your own time when you're ready. I'm 41 and if my mum suggests diet and exercise it is the last thing I will want to do: she's cico and fanatical exerciser. We don't have a good relationship tho'. I'm sure you have a better one with your girls! Unfortunately telling someone what's good for them will not often work, I think they would be more likely to resist it. Just go on being a good example as you are. Big hugs! My girls are 11 and 8 and addicted to carbs so I feel like a bad mum making high carb meals for them....but I can sometimes get in a low carb one! Xx

totaloblivia

It's really hard but they have to make their own decisions. It's something you have to come to in your own time when you're ready. I'm 41 and if my mum suggests diet and exercise it is the last thing I will want to do: she's cico and fanatical exerciser. We don't have a good relationship tho'. I'm sure you have a better one with your girls! Unfortunately telling someone what's good for them will not often work, I think they would be more likely to resist it. Just go on being a good example as you are. Big hugs! My girls are 11 and 8 and addicted to carbs so I feel like a bad mum making high carb meals for them....but I can sometimes get in a low carb one! Xx

greenautumn17

My youngest is 14 and mostly eats wheat free. She eats the dinners I make, but I let her eat Chex Rice cereal with Nesquik, and she will make soup (Progresso gluten free varieties) or a tuna sandwich for lunch (Mostly wheat free, I said).
On nights I am super busy or fasting, she will make a serving of pasta, but she is better than we were before in that regard. (we would have ordered pizza, chinese, etc. several nights a week - and way more than we needed, but ate anyway!) Consequently she is eating less than she would have been and probably less than her peers (no corn ships etc in this house)
When we go out, I do not dictate what she can eat, but she usually chooses well enough for a 14yo! Her weight is probably normal for her height and genes, she lost a little chubbiness when I took most of the wheat out of the house. She weighs about what I did at her age when I was active in sports. (I actually did not gain weight until after I moved to the States - the freshman 15 kept going!)
I wonder if I should yank the rest of the bread and pasta - but what would she do then? Those foods are so quick and easy for her to make.

dessiepenn

Hugs....I bet that is hard. My kids are still babies so I haven't had to contend to that yet but my husband is always down on himself about his weight. I try to explain the wheat and carbs put weight on and he agrees but has no control..... He'll eat the no/ low carb dinner I make but put it in a tortilla shell,.....ugh.

Kitnthecat

That's great about your 14 yr old geraldine !

Have you tried swapping out the bread for lettuce wraps ? We use romaine or leaf lettuce for so many meals, not just for sandwich fillings, but for tacos, and other hot entrees like a Asian turkey wrap, basically ground turkey and some veggies with tamari. I like to wash the whole head of romaine, separating the leaves, then drying them on tea towels. I put them in a big plastic bag in the fridge, separated by paper towels. They stay fresh and crisp and are ready when I need them.

When we first went gluten free, I stopped buying regular bread of course, but would buy a few varieties of gluten free bread products. I also used to make my own gluten free bread since I don't like some of the ingredients in lots of the store bought gluten free products. From time to time my youngest daughter will still ask for these, more of a convenience thing or treat nowadays. Mostly we don't eat them anymore. But you can find tons of recipes on the internet for all kinds of wraps, tortillas etc. I sometimes make egg crepes to use as wraps. It just takes a little planning and maybe a bit of compromise in order to find the best nutrition and balance that with convenience and what your kids want to eat. Maybe one week she'll make excellent choices and avoid grains completely and maybe the next week we'll compromise on a gluten free product.

Check out Nom Nom Paleo for her great ideas for packing lunches, many geared towards kids. At first I think we look for substitutions for regular SAD food items, but then make a slow transition towards meal ideas that fit how we want to eat. You can do anything really.

If you yank the bread and pasta, you could have some of the items I mentioned above, and also foods like cauliflower that are so versatile. We could easily go through 2 heads a week between mashed cauli, riced or fried cauli rice, cheesy soup....we love homemade soup in our house. How about spaghetti squash or zucchini noodles instead of pasta, or still keep a package of rice pasta in your cupboard for emergencies. Any extra veggie can be used instead of pasta really.

greenautumn17

I wasn't much of a baker before I went wheat free (if it didn't come in a box - I didn't make it!), and I tried after with almond and coconut flours, but the girls never really cared for them. Now, I don't "bake" anything - not even oopsie rolls. It was too much like saying I needed a bread substitute!
As far as mashed cauliflower or zucchini pasta - Jaci never really liked them, so I know she won't actively substitute it for herself (as these are meals she makes for herself I am referring to). She did like eggplant pizzas, but the other two didn't so they sit there and go to waste.
She has a bit (okay a lot) of OCD and worries how long a food has been in the fridge so she is not much of a leftover person.
If I made all her meals I could control it better, but I have to let her make many of her own meals because I am not home.
I guess one option is to stop buying them and see what she creates without them. But then again, her older sisters will just bring the food back into the house.

Kitnthecat

Too bad she doesn't like leftovers. Maybe don;t cook her something fresh everyday ? We love cauliflower crust pizza here, and that is very good leftover. Leftovers don't have to sit in the fridge for too long. Maybe there's something you could make and have ready to grab or heat up, even the next day. There's always leftover meat and cooked and raw veggies in the fridge here. So any of us can just grab something quick.

HHmmm, I have to think. I can't get past leftovers....I like to make something fresh one day, then something new the next day and alternate the leftovers. Or stock the fridge with ingredients she likes so she could make her own fresh. I remember that when I was that age, I liked to experiment. And my older daughter was the same. My younger one really likes the leftovers and combines them in a way that I don't always think of. She also loves to eat just veggies and dip as a meal and that's easy to have on hand.

Here's another idea besides the veggie dip in the fridge. I'll make a caesar salad dressing with sour cream and mayo and parmesan cheese. The lettuce is always ready in the fridge, bacon could be ready too, along with cooked chicken, add more parmesan and there's a great salad with everything you need.

My daughter also likes hummus with her veggies. For the kids, I don't mind having foods on hand that are higher in carbs. Can's of chickpeas have made lots of great meals for us.

sljohnson1207

Isn't unbearable to watch your youngin's defy your every word, and even disagree in the face of success? It's so difficult to allow them to make their own decisions and mistakes. I'm sorry you are struggling with this, too. My 16 year old daughter is now a vegan, and I'm watching her get flabbier by the day. She's only 5' 1" (at best), and any amount of weight really shows on her.

It's so hard, but what can I do? I've talked with her candidly about these things, but since I have a disordered eating past, and have been obese as well, I tread very, very lightly. She'll figure it out eventually, but probably once she's already done what the pediatrician advised her not to do a year or so ago. She said "do everything you can to stay a healthy weight like you are now. don't overeat and exercise. it's much more difficult to undo damage than to never do it to begin with."

shai74

Lol, well our 16yo screamed abuse at us and slammed all the doors in the kitchen because we were having healthy meals for dinner. She would eat chips and cake and other *kitten* late at night after we went to bed, she even stole all of the protein bars I hid in my bedroom and then called me an effing lying btch and tried to say her 13yo sister did it. She's told her grandma and her friends and her aunties and anyone else who will listen (including the counselor at school) that we starve her and there's no "effing" food in the house. And yet the fridge is full and she's far from skinny.

Dragonwolf

shai74 wrote: »

Lol, well our 16yo screamed abuse at us and slammed all the doors in the kitchen because we were having healthy meals for dinner. She would eat chips and cake and other *kitten* late at night after we went to bed, she even stole all of the protein bars I hid in my bedroom and then called me an effing lying btch and tried to say her 13yo sister did it. She's told her grandma and her friends and her aunties and anyone else who will listen (including the counselor at school) that we starve her and there's no "effing" food in the house. And yet the fridge is full and she's far from skinny.

Have you considered therapy for her? That sounds even beyond a 16 year old...

shai74

She's been to a counselor yes. She lies through her teeth to them about how tough her life is, and gets the attention she's looking for - but when they won't help her get welfare so she can run away from home (and not go to school or get a job) she's no longer interested. She's currently "living" with her grandmother because she hates us (how dare we suggest she clean her room or go to school). She's only living there because she's currently run out of friends to use (never mind, she'll find more). She has a history of years and years of "fighting" with everyone in the family, and all of her friends. One week she loves some friend so much they're sisters and the next week they hate each other. Or rather, the friend of the week is probably sick of being lied to and used and has had enough. We've had this child go to the police to "find out what her rights are" run off for 4 months because we asked her to clean her room (then slammed back into the house with a "I don't even want to be here" when she ran out of friends to sponge off of). We are all worried at the moment because grandma thinks she's a good girl, and it trying to control her like a normal child with rules and expectations and it's only a matter of time before she blows up and abuses her over it (or steals all her things).

I quite frankly don't want her home. The last time she had a friend over and it was just me home, they ransacked the house, going through all of my stuff laughing and yelling like burglars - even though they knew I was home. She was baiting me.

Anyway, I digress. Let's just say that this is one nasty unpleasant bully of a child, and counseling won't fix it. She is exactly like her mother (who she surprisingly doesn't get along with). They both lie and steal and blame everyone else for their troubles.

Dragonwolf

Ouch.

Hopefully someone will give her a swift kick in the butt (and maybe check her in to a psych ward?) sooner rather than later...

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

greenautumn17

I am so sorry to hear you have to deal with that. Isn't that some kind of opposition defiant disorder? My situation seems like mere nuisance in comparison.
My eldest went through a stage where she complained about our parenting skills to the point where she threatened to call DSS on us (we weren't doing anything wrong - she was highly OCD and figured our house was not clean enough, worried that her baby sister sitting on things butt naked was contaminating them). She went from overly concerned to a functional depression. A kitchen towel caught on fire and she could not conceive of what to do. Her younger sister had to come put it out. We had to hospitalize her for about a week while they adjusted her medication. Lots of hard feelings about that towards us, too. However, she eventually outgrew whatever that was and is not on any medications now.
Sadly, I know too many people like your (step?) daughter who think life owes them a living. My daughter worked with one and tried to befriend her (being the kind girl she is) but ended up hurt by her manipulations. I had tried to warn her that she was being used (emotionally) and that she was only her friend when she needed her - if she found someone new, Cathy would be tossed aside - which is exactly what happened.
This type of person jumps into relationships (especially sexual ones) at the drop of a hat. Then they bemoan that they are not respected. They are the laziest person on the job, but complain that they have to do everything. They almost always have bad relationships with one or both parents. I don't know what can fix that kind of personality.
Anyway, I will pray for your situation. That kind of stress is very detrimental to health. Peace be with you.

shai74

geraldinemyoung17 wrote: »

I am so sorry to hear you have to deal with that. Isn't that some kind of opposition defiant disorder? My situation seems like mere nuisance in comparison.
My eldest went through a stage where she complained about our parenting skills to the point where she threatened to call DSS on us (we weren't doing anything wrong - she was highly OCD and figured our house was not clean enough, worried that her baby sister sitting on things butt naked was contaminating them). She went from overly concerned to a functional depression. A kitchen towel caught on fire and she could not conceive of what to do. Her younger sister had to come put it out. We had to hospitalize her for about a week while they adjusted her medication. Lots of hard feelings about that towards us, too. However, she eventually outgrew whatever that was and is not on any medications now.
Sadly, I know too many people like your (step?) daughter who think life owes them a living. My daughter worked with one and tried to befriend her (being the kind girl she is) but ended up hurt by her manipulations. I had tried to warn her that she was being used (emotionally) and that she was only her friend when she needed her - if she found someone new, Cathy would be tossed aside - which is exactly what happened.
This type of person jumps into relationships (especially sexual ones) at the drop of a hat. Then they bemoan that they are not respected. They are the laziest person on the job, but complain that they have to do everything. They almost always have bad relationships with one or both parents. I don't know what can fix that kind of personality.
Anyway, I will pray for your situation. That kind of stress is very detrimental to health. Peace be with you.

You are spot on Geraldine. It is most definitely an antisocial personality and you CAN'T fix it. Some people are born without the ability to feel any empathy or consideration to others. No amount of counseling can teach that. This child's mother is exactly the same. One minute she's going to welfare lying about how often she has the kids to get more money, ringing us and abusing us for not supporting her claim (never worked a day in her life she's just trying to get money out of us) - the next minute she's ringing to chat about her plans for the weekend like the first thing never happened.

We have 4 teenagers between us, and they all have their faults. My daughter was no picnic that's for sure. The difference is she's basically a good person and cares for others. She's come out the other side of it and is studying nursing now.

I know it's not correct to assume a kid is going nowhere in life, but I also think people don't fundamentally change who they are. If you've been a certain person since you were little (the stories I've heard about the things this kid has done even as a child are horrific) and you continue to lie and manipulate and throw tantrums and bully and abuse your friends and family and refuse to do anything for yourself and blame the world because you have it so damned tough - then you have little in the way of a future to look forward to.