Heavy people think it is easy for us
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starfish235
Posts: 129 Member
Over the years I have come to find out that me as a thinner person can not add to discussion on how to lose weight. Women always ask me what do to stay thin. Then they discount me and say I don't understand. I work hard to keep my weight down and I understand how to do it. They all think it is natural to my body chemistry. I now try hard to not say a word. However starting MFP has made me want to tell everyone about my new discovery.
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I totally understand. I work hard and make sacrifices to stay fit. I'd like to eat everything they're eating, too, but it is all about choices. Yes, it is hard for them, but it is hard for me too!
Years ago I had a very large friend who would complain about being large and how easy I had it staying thin while we filled our plates at potluck party buffets. My plate would hold a moderate amount of food. Hers looked like Mt. Everest. And yet she couldn't see the difference.
Eat less, move more, people. Sometimes you have to do what you SHOULD do rather than what you WANT to do.0 -
I have had a lifelong battle with weight... I was over 190 pounds at one point. I am just a fat person in a thin person's body.
I think that because I've never come to terms with my own struggles it is difficult to understand other's attitudes toward weight. It definitely is a loaded subject.0 -
I've learned that staying healthy and at a healthy weight compares to religion in a lot of ways. (I'm a minister's daughter and noticed the parallels when I was about 19. Thus far, the analogy has held up pretty well.)
I've been dieting and watching my weight and exercising since I was in college, so for me, this is an old steady faith that I practice. Sometimes I don't attend services regularly, but I'm always a good member of the Faith of Staying Healthy, as is my husband. We have our core values, but we're open to new interpretations and discoveries. We like to listen to experts, but we don't follow anyone blindly and we always try to get all the facts that we can from journals and such before we make any moves.
But then you have the recent converts. They are estatic and can get annoying because recent converts to any faith tend to be the annoying ones who are sure they have all the right answers because it's all new to them. And of course, you can't understand, because you were never a true sinner like they were. You try to be nice and helpful and smile and encouraging, hoping they'll develop into good, steady life-long members of Staying Healthy, but you know most will get bored and fall by the wayside eventually.
And then you have the people who say that you're so lucky and it's so easy for you, because you've always been a member of Staying Healthy and they can't take the time etc. Or they disparage Staying Healthy and send you articles about how it's actually okay to be overweight and that Staying Healthy is actually a cult created by the news and people's prejudices against overweight folks.
And then you have people who don't understand how you are so healthy and refuse to believe it's because you're a member of Staying Healthy, and when they ask and you try to gently proselytize, they rebuff your efforts, because they're totally not interested in doing all that work so they decide it must just be something innate in you. All you can do is sigh and smile at these people, they'll either come to their own enlightnment or they won't.
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⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ @snarlingcoyote --hahaha pretty funny, and also fairly accurate!
Sorry folks if I sounded a bit harsh above, but this is one of my pet peeves. And really, I think I am pretty realistic about weight and fitness, barring any health concerns, of course. There certainly are people with conditions that affect weight, whether because of how the sickness affects metabolism, or because of the resulting side effects from meds! And I am ever thankful that I have stayed injury free so I can continue to exercise.
Here is another bit of perspective--I am slim, but I am sure not a fitness/bikini model, and I would love to have a better defined mid section (six pack) etc. but I know that to take it to the next level will mean taking my exercise and diet (and by diet I mean nutrition, not just eating less) to the next level also. I'm seriously not sure whether I want it that bad! But am I going to go around saying to someone who is more fit than I am, something like, " oh, I wish I had your perfect body! Too bad I can't because you have it easy. I can't do it because (of my genetics, schedule, kids, etc)"?
Now, those are certainly contributing and complicating factors, but they also represent challenges that most people can overcome if they want. It comes down to priorities. (Some people might say excuses, but I think they are all valid choices, but every choice has a consequence!). For instance, for me in my life right now, with my family still at home, I am content with being at a healthy weight, fitness, and Bodyfat level. Out of respect for my family I have limits to the time I spend working out, and I am not going to deprive myself of all family food gatherings, etc. I don't have to look like a bikini model, I just need to be healthy. In a few years, when my kids leave for college (coming sooner than I think!), maybe I'll go for that next goal and work for that six pack. Who knows. But in the meantime, I am not going to belittle someone else's accomplishments by saying what they have done is easy! And I'm also not going to just give up and be a couch potato.
Okay stepping off soapbox now.0 -
@tigerblue, I hear you. Sometimes I've been guilty of thinking 'I can't do it because of my kids, job, etc' but then I try to put it in the perspective of what I can truly achieve and aim for that - realistic goals!
@snarlingcoyote, your analogy is perfect. Just because you've always followed a healthy lifestyle, doesn't mean it's always easier than starting that healthy lifestyle today.0 -
Tigerblue...I feel the same as you do....and I have friends like that. They tell me how 'lucky' I am...while I am drooling at the goodies and bad stuff they have on their plate, while I have veggies and fish on mine. It's not difficult to be healthy, but it isn't a piece of cake either.0
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Tigerblue...I feel the same as you do....and I have friends like that. They tell me how 'lucky' I am...while I am drooling at the goodies and bad stuff they have on their plate, while I have veggies and fish on mine. It's not difficult to be healthy, but it isn't a piece of cake either.0
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Thank you all so much for taking time to write something here. When I was young I didn't know how to diet really. However I tried to not go over board on bad things to eat. I tried to eat only when I was hungry. I gained a pound a year. I was 45 when my hubby was told to start weight watchers. Before that time just counting calories was very difficult. I would lose 1 pound a month. I was hungry all the time. I was feeling like I was dieing all the time. Cutting the fat and paying attention to fiber was the key. I lost 4 lb in 5 days. I kept off that weight for the last 15 years. Much of that time I was writing on paper daily eating. People thought it was easy. Like you said here I had the religion already was in. I had the drive to want better. At 20 lb over weight I was told to gain weight. I had to keep the secrect to myself that I wanted to get back into my normal size that was growing tight. I concider all of you my sisters. More power to us. Thank you.0
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I agree with what's been written here! Just wait...it gets even more pronounced as you and your contemporaries age. There is a REAL division that starts to happen at around age 60! The body is a pretty remarkable machine. It can take a lot of abuse but there comes a point at which it just says "enough". The big thing? Knees! I can't tell you how many people I know who are struggling with knee issues and most of the time they are overweight. Then of course it becomes a horrible cycle of being too painful to do the very thing that would be helpful: exercise!
Behavior change is so hard but it kind of blows my mind that some people can be SO unhappy with their physical state and yet lament that they "can't" do anything about it. When I try to explain what I've learned (I feel like I've earned the right to carry "the card" having lost 15 pounds around a decade ago through research and exercise/food behavior changes), it's generally disregarded with a "you couldn't possibly understand" kind of reaction.
Whoever came up with the idea for this MFP group was genius! Our "needs" may be different than those who have a lot of weight to lose, but those of us still striving for a "better me" also benefit from support and ideas no matter what the point along the continuum we occupy. Rock on, Ladies!0 -
People ask me sometimes why I stay thin. I am 58. I tell them I want to be able roll over I my bed when I am very old and make problems for my kids as long as possible. Yes you're right it gets to the point almost all old people pick on you for being thinish. I hate it. However I hate idea of growing old and staying thin makes me seem younger. It saves the joints and exserice keeps my bones strong and I stand up as tall as possible.0
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starfish235 wrote: »People ask me sometimes why I stay thin. I am 58. I tell them I want to be able roll over I my bed when I am very old and make problems for my kids as long as possible. Yes you're right it gets to the point almost all old people pick on you for being thinish. I hate it. However I hate idea of growing old and staying thin makes me seem younger. It saves the joints and exserice keeps my bones strong and I stand up as tall as possible.
Exactly! I don't have kids or grandkids..but I want to stay around as long as possible to enjoy the beautiful Southern Cali coast! I am lucky to live in an area where the majority of folks my age and older are in relatively good shape. When I am driving the coast to work I see many retired people walking along the beach.
My room mate always asks why I eat so healthy, why I don't drink soda and why I 'waste time' at the gym.....well.......I just smile and tighten the belt on my saggy size 6 jeans...LOL..yep. Almost back to my 4's.0 -
You live in a great spot, Speed. I often lust for a better climate. One of the reasons running has never worked well for me is that here in Wisconsin it's really really hard to run outdoors year round. It's not even JUST the cold but also finding safe pavement. I'm not one to enjoy track or treadmill. I should try to get into cross country skiing..bought skis and boots a couple years ago but just haven't broken the seal yet. "Starting" is the hardest part!0
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I got a treadmill years ago. It took me 2 years to finally get on it regularly because I was just too tired all the time. The reason I was tired is because I wasn't moving. Now I have an elliptical. Most of the time go to the gym because I love to be around other people working out. I talk to a lot of old men. Even they say however I need to gain weight, the 80 year olds. They don't understand I show no ribs. I have gotten down with In a half inch of my high school hip size. I wear size 4s the waist tend to be tight in some of them but I have 32.5 inch hip. The size 6 are like ridding britches. I gain first in my belly and saddle bags. I cover my midsection.0
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Yes... people always say I am lucky to be thin. But I tell them it's all about choices. I make the choice to go out and exercise. I make the choice to say no to another cupcake. It's all about choices. I think people don't want to be accountable for their actions so they just deny that they can do anything to help themselves. My mother in law says that she's fat because of genetics. ummm... the mc donald's at lunch didn't help your cause.
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starfish235 wrote: »I got a treadmill years ago. It took me 2 years to finally get on it regularly because I was just too tired all the time. The reason I was tired is because I wasn't moving. Now I have an elliptical. Most of the time go to the gym because I love to be around other people working out. I talk to a lot of old men. Even they say however I need to gain weight, the 80 year olds. They don't understand I show no ribs. I have gotten down with In a half inch of my high school hip size. I wear size 4s the waist tend to be tight in some of them but I have 32.5 inch hip. The size 6 are like ridding britches. I gain first in my belly and saddle bags. I cover my midsection.
Don't you hate trying to find pants that fit both hip and waist??? I always had a small waist compared to my hips until mid thirties. Now it is like all the weight goes right to my mid section! So if your pants fit in the waist, they balloon around your hips. If they fit the hips, they are miserable in the waist. Unless you get low riders (my usual solution). But then you get huge muffin tops, and your pants end up on the ground if you are not careful! Grrrr!
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I've found this as well. People can be quite nasty about it. A very tall friend with a much bigger bone structure than me had got onto the subject of weight and I mentioned I was trying to lose (at the time) a couple of stone she got really funny with me, almost as if I didn't have the right to lose weight because I'm not big as such. And yet when it got onto body fat, mine was the higher one, and I knew I was out of my healthy range. A bit irritating you can be met with negativity when you're just trying to improve your health!
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Have been fit all my life. Have been fat (obese/ or post pregnant with "baby weight") three times. Got out pad, paper and calorie count book and monitored myself back to trim. Am almost 60 so I've had plenty of time to go weight rogue and didn't, like you I don't overeat. Giving up the empty calories in alcohol was key after my 50's.
Have been fit & fat. Fit is way better than fat. Lean and able to fit in my wardrobe just feels better than multiple rolls of back fat squishing everywhere.
Have always exercised, exempt for injury or illness. It happens by the time you hit 60ish. Had 6pack abs for an eye blink. Personally from this end of the age spectrum I find 6 pack abs a waste of time. You have to continue at that extreme level of exercise to obtain that goal ... forever.
Appreciate real women's bodies, with a tad of padding, and legs, arms & core strong enough to accomplish those activities you enjoy.0 -
Notreadytoquit wrote: »Have been fit all my life. Have been fat (obese/ or post pregnant with "baby weight") three times. Got out pad, paper and calorie count book and monitored myself back to trim. Am almost 60 so I've had plenty of time to go weight rogue and didn't, like you I don't overeat. Giving up the empty calories in alcohol was key after my 50's.
Have been fit & fat. Fit is way better than fat. Lean and able to fit in my wardrobe just feels better than multiple rolls of back fat squishing everywhere.
Have always exercised, exempt for injury or illness. It happens by the time you hit 60ish. Had 6pack abs for an eye blink. Personally from this end of the age spectrum I find 6 pack abs a waste of time. You have to continue at that extreme level of exercise to obtain that goal ... forever.
Appreciate real women's bodies, with a tad of padding, and legs, arms & core strong enough to accomplish those activities you enjoy.
Good perspectives from someone with experience!
Thanks for sharing!
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Toadstool_ wrote: »I've found this as well. People can be quite nasty about it. A very tall friend with a much bigger bone structure than me had got onto the subject of weight and I mentioned I was trying to lose (at the time) a couple of stone she got really funny with me, almost as if I didn't have the right to lose weight because I'm not big as such. And yet when it got onto body fat, mine was the higher one, and I knew I was out of my healthy range. A bit irritating you can be met with negativity when you're just trying to improve your health!
That happens at both ends and I totally feel your pain! I have a huge bone structure. I will never be below a size 6. Right now, my hips are bone against skin, so I may lose tummy and rump, but I am as narrow across as I will ever be. I am one of those people who, when they put their fingers around their wrists have over an inch of gap space.
Because I am short, I have had people look at me like "well, if you dieted, you could get into a size 2, right?" Uhm. No. Thank you for playing. Neither could J-Lo! We're just not built that way. In fact, as I lose weight, my boobs don't shrink, so what happens is that they look larger, because they're less in proportion and there's less fat around them, so they stick out more. . .so no. The medium top is as small as I am ever going to wear and the 6 jeans are the tiniest ones I will ever fit. I had mono once and became positively skeletal when the swelling went down and I could tolerate more than snoballs. That was 30 years ago, and I was still not tiny (and I have pictures to prove it).
Toadstool, though, I am going to never ever ever say to anyone who is small-framed that I think they look fine as they are, because now I will think about the people that think I could diet into a small frame and will keep my mouth shut!0 -
I agree with what's been written here! Just wait...it gets even more pronounced as you and your contemporaries age. There is a REAL division that starts to happen at around age 60! The body is a pretty remarkable machine. It can take a lot of abuse but there comes a point at which it just says "enough". The big thing? Knees! I can't tell you how many people I know who are struggling with knee issues and most of the time they are overweight. Then of course it becomes a horrible cycle of being too painful to do the very thing that would be helpful: exercise!
Behavior change is so hard but it kind of blows my mind that some people can be SO unhappy with their physical state and yet lament that they "can't" do anything about it. When I try to explain what I've learned (I feel like I've earned the right to carry "the card" having lost 15 pounds around a decade ago through research and exercise/food behavior changes), it's generally disregarded with a "you couldn't possibly understand" kind of reaction.
Whoever came up with the idea for this MFP group was genius! Our "needs" may be different than those who have a lot of weight to lose, but those of us still striving for a "better me" also benefit from support and ideas no matter what the point along the continuum we occupy. Rock on, Ladies!
I think about this constantly. When we lived in New England, we would go out hiking sometimes. There were ladies and gentlemen in their 80s who could lap most of the people in their 20's. It was always fun during wild blueberry season at one mountain, because there was this big group of ladies in their 60s to 80s who would go up to the summit of a small mountain, over it and to their blueberry picking spot and then back like it was a stroll through town. They would leave teenagers huffing and puffing in their wake, while they chatted merrily along, baskets slung over one shoulder as they hiked. I want to either be or be just like one of those ladies when I'm that age so I work hard for that to be my eventual state one day and not someone who has to sit on the sidelines.0
