Coping With Feelings

kmleaf

Ace,
Thanks for starting this group. I am only one month into using MFP and this is the first group I have joined. I was reading all the great advice members were giving you and I felt compelled to join your group.

I am a 59 year old female with two adult sons. I started with 150 lbs to lose and just hit my first 20 lbs lost. My oldest son inspired me. He is 30 yrs old and he lost over 200 lbs using MFP. He is now scheduled for skin removal surgery next month.

Enough about me. I wanted to discuss feelings and how to cope with them.

I, like many others, am an emotional eater and use food to stuff my feelings. Heck, to be perfectly honest, I used food for anything and everything! I decided that I needed to dig into those nasty feelings if I was going to have any chance at lasting success. So, I would like to discuss eating our emotions and how to control it.

Love to all.

Storytella100

Wow thank you for sharing that and yes I feel the same way I love to eat when I'm sad and depressed. But lately what I've been doing is drinking lots of water instead of eating at the same time. I'm also trying to quit smoking cigarettes. So it's very hard for me to stop so when I think about smoking one I try to start and work out to take my mine off smoking plus I know I'm helping out my body. Great topic

2009jewellz

I joined! I pray God gives you the strength you need to fight this battle. He made us, so he knows the body:) I have about 25 to 30 to lose. Losing isn't easy, but we can do it. I tried so many fad diets. You can you will. Set some short and long term goals. It's easy to gain hard lose, don't make sense. But. God gonna see through this journey.

PAV8888

Guys remember that MFP (and the groups) have both their good and bad moments.

At the end of the day MFP is a tool. You have to use the tool to your benefit, and I think that it is a great tool to help you make choices that are more right for you.

Like, when I logged a couple of slices of bread and some strawberry jam and some peanut butter and looked at the calorie total and considered how satisfied or hungry I was after eating that.

And then looked at 350g of 0% fat high protein plain greek yogurt, and 250g of cut up fresh apples, and a couple of 100g yoplait splenda sweetened fruit yogurt for flavouring and looked at the calorie total and how hungry I was after eating that.

Yup, I still do eat some peanut butter and jam from time to time; but, I sure as heck eat greek yogurt more often

You also have to temper expectations: not every day will be rainbows and puppies.

However, one sub-optimal choice or meal doesn't mean that the next choice or meal has to be sub-optimal too! Nip it in the bud and make the next choice the right one as opposed to saying "*kitten* it" and continuing to blow it.

kmleaf

This is something that I have been trying lately - when I have cravings (usually in the evenings) but it's not hunger, I stop and ask myself what emotions I am feeling at the time. Often the answer is nothing more than tired or bored. Before, I would have just eaten without even questioning the reason.

flitterfoot

Hi all I too am an emotional eater with the added problem that all family and friend events are centred around food. Parties, meals out, meals in, drinks and nibbles with the girls etc.

I'm lucky that most of the people around me are supportive and try to make healthier meals for when I'm around, provide veg sticks for snacks etc.

This week is going to be very hard for me, we've had family surprise us by coming to stay for a week with no warning. Normally it wouldn't be a problem but my nieces are really picky eaters so I know it's going to be pizza, burgers etc all week with crisps, chocolate and sweets all over the house. Even if I make healthier food for myself I'm still going to want to eat all the junk food that we now don't usually keep in the house.

Part of me says just try to be good and if (when) I eat the junk log everything and when I put weight on try and remember it's an oddity not the norm, which is what I tell everyone to do. Part of me wants to tell them to go away I'm not strong enough to have all this food around me, but if I do that then will I ever be strong enough?

I suspect I'll end up eating a lot of junk this week and try to make up sone of the calories in exercise by taking the kids swimming and out to the park/beach. But I think it's going to be a bad week food wise, even though I'm going to love having the family up since we only tend to see my brother once or twice a year.

kmleaf

I wish that I had some awesome words of wisdom for you, but I don't. Maybe you can tell yourself that you will allow yourself to have ONE bite only of each of those foods that you see the rest eating. A saying that I have heard many times before that I often tell myself is, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

I wish you the best getting through the week of unexpected guests. It will be tough but I think you have the right attitude. Stay active, log your food and then put the week behind you. We all have to learn how to navigate these times in our lives without it totally destroying our goals. Be mindful of what your "self-talk" is saying in the back of your head and don't let that negative talk take over.

Let us know how it all went and if you picked up any insights or tricks that worked for you.
Good luck to you, enjoy your family and stay positive!

flitterfoot

Well day one is over and I actually managed (just) to stay under goal. We had pizza out and I ordered a salad and had a couple of pieces of the daughters pizza which was a thin and crispy veg delight with half cheese (I owe her a "proper" pizza next time she goes out). We didn't get out for exercise today so I made the calories up by "jogging" on the trusty wii fit. Tomorrow is going to be ribs and wings but at least the gym will be open tomorrow and I'll have time to go while they are visiting other family members.

I actually managed to resist the crisps and chocolate once we got home which surprised me. I thought I'd have a lot of problems with them sitting there calling my name, but we were so busy catching up I didn't feel the need to nibble.

kmleaf

Congrats! You did an excellent job. Stay focused on visiting with family instead of the food like you did today. You really made some wonderful choices and it sounds like you have a good plan in place to help you cope.

Carol_

PocketAces760 wrote: »

Wow thank you for sharing that and yes I feel the same way I love to eat when I'm sad and depressed. But lately what I've been doing is drinking lots of water instead of eating at the same time. I'm also trying to quit smoking cigarettes. So it's very hard for me to stop so when I think about smoking one I try to start and work out to take my mine off smoking plus I know I'm helping out my body. Great topic

Re: Smoking. When I quit in 2009, I think it was..it was the hardest thing I have ever done. That is when I really gained a lot of weight. It will be very hard to quit both over eating and smoking at the same time. I took a prescription pill called 'Chantix' to quit and also used Nicotine lozenges.. And well...obviously..I used 'food' as a substitute. Good luck. It CAN be done.

Carol_

I overeat ( I mean over ATE<:: past tense) at every emotional event in my life. Sad, happy, sleepy..whatever! But..trying hard to break the cycle and it's hard to do. As I say.."food offers an awful lot of comfort..when you are sad or lonely or whatever."

flitterfoot

Day two is over now and I wasn't as successful as day one of the invasion was. Word of warning - considering how little meat is on chicken wings and pork ribs they are VERY high in calories and since my sister in law cooked dinner salad wasn't included. Still, even though I didn't stay under my goal I think I managed to stay under maintenance at least so I'm not to upset.

I've discovered that alcohol isn't as nice as the calories saved by not drinking it, so maybe that's how I managed to stay under my maintenance calorie limit. Another bonus is that I didn't realise how silly my family get once they've had a few (lots) drinks. I had much more entertainment watching them than I would of had if I'd joined them.

I might have done better if I'd managed to get more time in at the gym, unfortunately I got left with my youngest niece as she wasn't feeling well so only got 30 mins in.

Fingers crossed today will be better, I'm down at dad's all day while he has his yearly gas check so no temptation to nibble on the kids sweets and we have a clubbercise class booked for tonight which I refuse to cancel. They didn't let me know they were coming so I don't see why I should have to change everything I had planned for this week.

kmleaf

Thanks for posting again - I have been wondering how it's been going with the unexpected guests. Don't be too hard on yourself because I think you are doing amazing!!

I have often been the sober one in a group (although not always) and I know exactly what you mean. It doesn't take much booze before people get pretty stupid funny.

I had dinner at the neighbor's over the weekend and they served ribs. I had three skinny little ribs and was shocked at how many calories they were. I mean, I knew they wouldn't be good and that's why I only had three when I wanted to eat the whole platter. Luckily, they had salad and plenty of fresh veggies and fruit that I could eat but I still went over.

Keep up the good work and I can't wait for your next chapter. By the way, I also agree that you should not change your whole schedule when you get surprise guests.

flitterfoot

Yesterday didn't go too bad. It was weigh in day and I lost 2lb so I'm pretty happy, I might have lost more if the family hadn't arrived but I'm happy that I didn't gain.

We had Chinese takeaway for dinner so I could order my normal meal and not worry about it, I knew the clubbercise would cover the excess calories.

Today should be Ok I'm cooking dinner at home and even though it's going to be suitable for my nieces I can do salad or veg for me depending on what we are having.

Hope everyone else is doing Ok and hanging in there.

kmleaf

Two pounds is fabulous, especially under these circumstances. My son came over for our weekly dinner date but I always cook and he is doing weight loss maintenance so it's always a healthy meal. In fact, he is the one that motivated me and encouraged me to use this program because he had so much success with it.

I love the new vitality I have even though I am still what would be called morbidly obese. Ugh! What an ugly term - I hated to even type it - but it's true. I feel better because I am fueling my body better. I used to eat horribly - full of junk and empty calories. I would wake up feeling icky in my tummy and sluggish. I remind myself often of what that used to feel like and how much better it is already - and that it will continue to improve as I drop more of the baggage I carry around.

Stay with the plan folks and remember to enjoy the journey.

Carol_

I can relate to the watching others get drunk! I worked as a bartender for many years when I was younger. And speaking of feelings! I have no clue why I have felt so irritable today. Might be I am feeling 'closed in'. I need to get out, and go somewhere nice. I'd like to just 'run away' for a whole day! @kmleaf ::> It really is amazing how much better we feel when we eat right, sleep right & exercise. @flitterfoot::> Congrats on the 2 pounds! @PAV8888 'rainbows & puppies? lol' @ 2009jewellz, Hey there! Does anybody know where PocketAces went? I have sent him 2 messages, but no answer. I think he could use some encouragement. Sadly, he has not logged in for a few days. Everybody 'take care'! Love, carol

2009jewellz

Carol_ wrote: »

I overeat ( I mean over ATE<:: past tense) at every emotional event in my life. Sad, happy, sleepy..whatever! But..trying hard to break the cycle and it's hard to do. As I say.."food offers an awful lot of comfort..when you are sad or lonely or whatever."

Hey Carol! Jewellz from 90 Days. A lot of times our bodies are saying" hey I am thirsty , we mistake it for food. Next time grab some nice cold H20: )

flitterfoot

I can totally relate kmleaf I too am still morbidly obese despite the amount of weight I've lost. Like you I also feel better for the weight I have lost so far.

It's odd how your tastes change and how you react to eating certain food as well. I used to love kebab and chips from the chip shop. We were at a friends a few weeks ago and since we'd done a LOT of exercise that day hubby and I worked out I had enough calories to order a donner kebab. I loved it until about 4 hours after I ate it when my stomach started complaining, never going to touch it again lol. My stomach doesn't seem to be able to handle too much grease now which isn't a bad thing I guess.

I also agree with being thirsty getting confused for being hungry. Iced watery is one of my best friends now for those who don't like water try it with fresh fruit in, hubby doesn't like water but he loves it if you add strawberry and kiwi to it and let it sit over night in the fridge.

For who are interested Thursday was full of ups and downs. The bad side was that after getting 6 girls ready to go swimming and transporting them all to the pool (about 6 miles away) it turns out the pool had a members only session on. I forgot the timetable changes in the school holidays. I could have gotten an extra 2 children in on my mine and our daughter's membership but not another 5. Daughters two friends and my eldest niece were Ok with it but the youngest 2 were stroppy for the rest of the day. So I t the youngest 2 with me and let the rest go out for the day. That meant I didn't get any gym time in at all.

The good part was that I cooked dinner (Oriental pork with rice) and made myself a portion filled with veg. Everyone loved my homemade rice and I was told they would have thought it shop bought if they hadn't seen me make it from scratch. I got in 30 mins on the wii fit and ended up under calories which made me even happier, since I ended up eating a load of sweets yesterday. Body unfortunately still loves sugar even if it doesn't love grease lol.

Hope everyone is well and I hope PocketAces is Ok and just hasn't joined us through connection issues or something silly.

kmleaf

I sure hope PocketAces comes back. My heart went out to him when I read his posts and that's the reason I started this discussion. I wanted to do what I could to help support him so when he started this group I joined right away. I typically only read what others have to say but stay silent myself. Maybe it will turn out that he is the one that supported me instead. Come back Aces!

Flitterfoot, I had a similar intestinal experience about a month ago after eating a slice of quiche. First of all, I had scoped out the restaurant menu ahead of time and made a healthy selection at home. Then the waitress mentioned the quiche was the "special of the day" and I flipped at the last minute. My brain didn't even stop to think about the ingredients and that it might not be a good choice. Well, let me tell you that I paid for that decision for the rest of the day. The only good thing was that I wasn't hungry either since I felt so lousy so I still stayed under my calorie allowance for the day. I guess I also learned a pretty good lesson.

Carol, thanks for the support and I bet you have a lot of crazy stories from your bartender days.

I had a pleasant revelation last night. I have never been very keen on veggies and have always considered them a necessary evil. Well, last night I tossed a variety of veggies in olive oil, seasoned them and put them in a pan for oven roasting. As I put the pan in the oven I thought about how good they looked and how wonderful they were going to taste. Small thing for most people but huge mind shift for me....and they WERE delicious.

Enjoy the journey!

Carol_

@kmleaf. I am glad you decided not to 'keep silent'. lol You write well!

Carol_

@flitterfoot. How is the rest of your week going? I KNOW I'd be in trouble if there were people in my house eating things I could not eat. Eventually as I always do when I diet, I get used to seeing others eat more and it doesn't bother me. but right now, I am not at that place.

Carol_

2009jewellz wrote: »

Carol_ wrote: »

I overeat ( I mean over ATE<:: past tense) at every emotional event in my life. Sad, happy, sleepy..whatever! But..trying hard to break the cycle and it's hard to do. As I say.."food offers an awful lot of comfort..when you are sad or lonely or whatever."

Hey Carol! Jewellz from 90 Days. A lot of times our bodies are saying" hey I am thirsty , we mistake it for food. Next time grab some nice cold H20: )

Hey jewellz. I am never without something to drink. lol Usually you will see me with a diet cola, a water bottle and coffee..all at the same time.

Carol_

Hope everyone is going to have a good Saturday. I woke up way too early. It is only 6:00 A.M. I'm cold. I'm tired and I am hungry. I am going to walk my dog, eat breakfast (Cheerios & almond milk) and go back to bed..before the sun comes up. I am NOT a morning person.

flitterfoot

Hey all Friday was a pretty good day. Hubby and I do zumba on a Friday (he's really a star he knows I won't go on my own because of how self conscious I am so he comes to zumba and clubbercise classes where he's the only man, just cause I want to go), so I knew I would have a few extra calories to play with.

I made Bolognaise sauce with loads of veggies and pureed it before adding it to the cooked mince. The kids loved it and didn't even realise there was veg in it. Considering how much my sister in law complains that they are fussy eaters I haven't hah to many problems with them. I had a couple of frozen pizzas in reserve but they weren't needed.

Kmleaf glad you are starting to like veg now rather than just putting up with them. You are right something can seem small to someone else but be a big thing for you. When hubby and I met many years ago the only veg he ate was potatoes and tinned processed peas. Veg will never be his favourite food but he likes honey roast root veg and root veg mash, he also doesn't mind mushroom onion and peppers in most food now but he's still a carnivore at heart.

Carol I'm not a morning person either so I'd have gone back to bed as well. The week hasn't been as bad as I was expecting. Resisting the sweets and crisps has been hard and I haven't always managed, but between taking the girls out, gym and wii fit I've mostly kept under goal or at least kept under maintenance calories.

Today is going to be hard it's my rest day so no extra calories and not even sure what we are having food wise today. Daughter has a sleep over at a friends tonight and she's taking my eldest niece, which is causing the middle one to have a tantrum cause she wants to go as well but she is 4 years younger than they are. I'm thinking of having a 'party' for the youngest two tonight and having a few friends over who have younger children, but that will mean being way over on calories by the end of the night.

kmleaf

I just got home from dinner out with the girls. I had never been to this establishment before and I knew it was more bar than restaurant so I was a little nervous. I had a great time and was able to make an acceptable food choice. I went with a chipotle black been veggie burger and side salad. I indulged with blue cheese dressing, but used it sparingly. Diet coke -no beer - although that didn't bother me at all. I guess I partied so hard when I was younger that it's out of my system now. I was also the driver so that worked out perfectly for the other two.

The people watching was great. I live in Minnesota and this place was lakefront in a very popular area for both tourists and locals. We sat outside and it's set up so that you sit at a plank bar top, at the edge of the narrow patio, so you are facing the people walking by on the sidewalk on their way to the lake and docks. The only down side was that a couple of doors up was the ice cream shop so I watched about 50 ice cream cones walk by. I think people were carrying them but I was pretty focused on the cones. Actually, they looked good but not really that tempting.

It was a good night. There is nothing that fills my soul better than spending some time with my best friends.

Tomorrow is my weekly weight in day.

Oh yeah, a nice "enjoy the journey" moment was when I realized that I needed to move my car seat forward a bit.

Peace out.

flitterfoot

Sounds like you had a great night out kmleaf. I love people watching, it's even better when you can make silly stories about why they are wearing what they are, or where they might be going.

For me the invasion is over and for the first time every I was actually glad to see them go. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, I've always believed that family is the most important thing in the world. I don't even know why this visit has been such a trial, the kids haven't really been any worse behaved than normal, the youngest is old enough to do things this visit (she was still not quite toddling last time) and my sister in law really wasn't any bitchier than normal.

I just seemed to have less patience this time, maybe it's because this time I wasn't just going to be in the house anyway, I now have gym, swimming and walks out with a walking buddy, or maybe it was because I had to change the menu to things my sister in law and the kids would eat, which we never had to do because we used to eat the same sort of things. Hubby says is because I'm finally seeing her in the cold light of day, instead of being tipsy for most of the time she's here, but I suspect he's being nasty cause he never liked her or thought she was good enough for my baby brother lol.

Well the last two days I've ended up over calories. We had the party for the little ones on Saturday, and ended up going to a carvary for Sunday lunch and had dessert. So it's back on track now, I doubt I'll have lost any weight this week but if I haven't put on I'll be happy and I guess it will only happen a couple of times a year so the damage shouldn't be unmanageable.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and hope the week coming is enjoyable.

kmleaf

Do you think part of the reason that you found their stay to be more difficult was due to the topic of this discussion? Emotional eating. You knew you couldn't (or shouldn't) use food to cope with the stress? I mean, even if I really love the guests, it's still stressful.

Anyway, it's over and you can get your life back to normal. At least until life throws a new stresser at you. But each time you make it through those times without using comfort food, then it must become easier and more "normal".

Each time I have had good progress with weight loss, the catalyst for my falling off the wagon has been a stressful time in my life. I think you did great and you should celebrate your success - just don't celebrate with cake.

flitterfoot

I never thought of that as being the problem but now that you've mentioned it and I've thought about it I suspect you are right kmleaf. Whenever they have come up before we have always had lots to eat and drink and I've grazed on food most of the day.

This time I've been watching what I've been eating and haven't been grazing so maybe before I was emotionally eating and not being willing to this time had made it much more stressful.

As you said this time I made it through without falling off the wagon although I may have slipped a little so it should get easier.

My walking buddy is back from holiday and we had an 8 kilometer walk today which was great, especially as we can rant to each other about all the stuff going on in our lives. I was pretty happy with the distance, when we started I could barely make 1 kilometer and now we put slopes into our walks rather than them being flat.

I need to find some way to reward myself without food being involved. I hate shopping, probably because of how big I am, but that seems to be what everyone suggests. I used to use books but hubby's called a halt to that since we now have more bookcases than cupboards. I'm allowed e books but they don't feel like a reward cause I can't actually hold them.

Any suggestions on rewards will be gratefully examined, even if I don't use them someone else might.

kmleaf

I really like how you mix up your workouts. I haven't added any exercise to my life yet but I am certainly more active than I was a few weeks ago when I started MFP. I must admit that I have been dragging my feet (literally, I guess) about that part. I've never found anything that I enjoy doing but I need to start something soon.

I like jewelry so that's my main way of rewarding myself. Nothing too pricey, but earrings fit no matter the dress size.

How about a spa day or just a manicure or facial?
New hair style or highlights?
Buy yourself some fresh flowers?
I even think a new set of nice sheets is a treat....or new towels.
New perfume.
New glasses or sunglasses. I am due for an eye exam so I think I will do that for a milestone goal when I get there.

I'll post more ideas if I think of new ones.

Keep up the good work!

flitterfoot

I like the jewellery idea, at the moment it seems that my treats are going out for a meal which is a little self defeating.

I have to mix my workouts up or I would get bored so quick. This week is a little mixed up cause I'm going to try something new. Starting next week I'm looking at aqua fit and resistance for a Monday, walking on a Tuesday, Wednesday is clubbercise. Thursday gym for resistant and some cycling on the exercise bike (or whichever cardio I fancy on the day), Friday is zumba. Saturday is swimming and Sunday is rest day. I may not get to all of them as planned bit that's when the trusty wii fit comes into play.

It's odd to think that about 3 month ago I only moved from the couch to do the day to day living things. Exercise was a swear words in our house lol.

As much as I'd started losing weight in January I was convinced I would kill myself if I actually did some exercise. Is only been since about March that I got moving and that started off with a once a week walk and some wii fit since I'd finally hit the point where I wasn't too heavy for the board.

I've only been going to the gym for the last month and I have to admit is been a positive experience. I was sure everyone would be laughing at me, or saying I shouldn't be there -the gym is for people who can still breath after jogging for 5 mins. Everyone who's actually taken any notice has been really supportive and the girls in the classes are fantastic, some even giving me their phone numbers in case hubby can't make it one week and I'm too nervous to go on my own.

My weight loss had slowed down since I started exercising but I've been told I'm probably building muscle as well as losing fat. It doesn't help that I eat back most of the extra calories I gain. I do log everything I eat even though sometimes I just have to have that piece of chocolate or that bit of dessert. I must be making progress though, it used to be that bar of chocolate or the whole dessert lol.

As for something you enjoy doing take a risk. I never would have thought I'd like clubbercise or zumba but I was determined to get my money's worth of gym membership which meant 2 classes a week. And there was no way on this earth I was going to do meta fit or body combat.

kmleaf

My son came over for his weekly dinner at my place. It's taken a long time for me to get used to his new body even though I watched him shrink each week. He went from over 400 lbs to 160 lbs by diet and exercise. His personality has transformed also. Before he only wanted to stay at home and do online gaming and now he is always on the go. He bought a season pass for all the state parks and has been going on weekend hikes. I love seeing him embrace life like never before and he is so much happier.

He is having surgery in two weeks to remove his excess skin and he is very excited about that but also very anxious. He has never experienced a hospital or medical procedures before - beyond vaccinations and check-ups. He knows that I will be there to help him through his recovery.

It's kind of funny but about two months ago when he started setting up for this surgery he said that he didn't need me at all. He had a friend lined up to take him to the hospital and he would get someone else to bring him home. I think he felt like getting help from me at his age made him immature and I understand that. Last night his tune had changed. I guess the ride to the hospital fell through and his younger brother decided it was too much bother to go and stay with him his first night home from the hospital. I want to jump all over his brother but I promised him that I wouldn't and I have to respect that - they are grown men after all. Anyway, mom will be there for whatever he needs and he seemed relieved.

Everything else in my life is just same old. I ordered some new clothes in the next size down. Some fit now and some will take 5 to 10 lbs before I am comfortable in them. I don't like anything snug across my tummy and I can look forward to wearing them in a few weeks.

That's my life - kind of boring but I like it that way.