Coping With Feelings
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Boring is best
isn't it the Chinese who have the curse 'may you live in interesting times'?
Glad your son is doing so well, and is so true that no matter how old you get your parents will always be there for you. I'm in my forties and I still call dad if something goes wrong and I need advice lol.
Loose skin is something that worries me, I'm going to be losing nearly 200 lb by the time I'm finished and I'm not sure if I'd rather look like a rhino with all the loose skin or be overweight.
I think it's very brave of you to order clothes that you know will need a little more weight loss to be comfortable, I still buy mine at my original size and have to take them back for a smaller size. I still don't feel like I've lost that much weight even thought I'm coming close to 50 lb. I think it's because I still have so much to lose. I try to make small goals so I don't get frightened by how long the journey is going to be but sometimes it's daunting and I feel overwhelmed.
Thankfully I have a lot of support, despite having said I'm going to lose weight lots of times before, none of the people around say anything negative about my trying again. I'm hoping I can stick with it this time, 6 month is the longest I've every kept it up for so I'm hopeful I've finally gotten into a healthy mindset.
I was a little disappointed this week, when I weighed in I hadn't lost any weight. Hubby just said considering the week we had he was pretty impressed that I hadn't put on weight, so I should be happy and consider that maintaining is a good thing, cause at least I haven't put on. I'm trying to be philosophical about it but I'm a little frightened that this might be it and I can't lose any more. I know it's stupid and even if I've hit a wall there will be a door in it that I'll be able to get through, as long as I'm patient. Problem is that patience isn't my strongest point.
Hope everything goes well with your son's surgery. He can be your inspiration and a visual reminded of what you can achieve.0 -
Yes, yes, yes, be patient! I have had some pretty major weight losses in my past (I just haven't been able to keep it off). I know from experience that if you just stick with your program you will get past this and then what will follow will be a week of a bigger than normal loss. I can't promise it will be next week but have patience and I promise it will work. I don't often say this, but, listen to your husband. Ha ha, seriously, he is correct and giving you very good advice. He also sounds like an awesome supporter - even going to exercise class with you - that's a trooper and you are really doing great.
Be patient with yourself. Learn to really love yourself (I'm working hard on this) and not just the parts you like. Be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend or a small child. You wouldn't say hurtful or discouraging things to them so only say kind and supportive things to yourself. I know it sounds corny, but if we can do that then I think we can make a life changing difference with our brains and our brains are very powerful.
There is something that is different for me with this weight loss trip. I almost feel like I've been taken over by an alien or something. In the past, I have always been very impatient and anxious to lose the pounds. I was overly focused on whatever program I was following. This time I am much calmer and really don't care how long it takes me. I have the rest of my life because this is the way I am going to eat forever more and I am perfectly fine with that. Before, I was thinking about the end goal and what I would look like and what clothes I could wear. While those things still sound nice, I'm not obsessing about getting there quick so that I can begin my life. I have been losing my life while pining for that new life that I want. I'm not on a diet. I am enjoying the healthy fresh food (including those formerly evil veggies) and a new way to live this one and only life. I know what "diet high" feels like and I don't have that. Will this last? Who the hell knows, but I'm not going to spend any time worrying about that.
The real test will be when I hit a high stress time in my life. That's always been my downfall.
A year will pass regardless of how we spend our days but we have a choice about how we live that year. Let's live it being good to ourselves and see how we feel at the end.
Enjoy the journey.
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I hope that didn't sound preachy and I don't certainly don't know all the answers. Heck, I don't even know all the questions. I HAVE had a few more years of learning though.
I did think of something else that goes with the "be good to yourself" advice. Maybe you already do this, but I have been taking extra time getting ready in the morning. I make sure that I fix my hair and apply full make-up and wear jewelry. It's kind of a "fake it 'til you make it" plan and I have to say that I do feel much better about myself because of it. Plus, I look better - win, win.0 -
Just to reassure you that didn't sound at all preachy. It actually made sense and I guess I need to learn not to focus on the destination and enjoy the journey. You are right this isn't a diet, it's now a lifestyle and I need to realise that the weight loss is not going to happen overnight. It was reassuring to be told by someone impartial that I'm going to have weeks where I don't lose weight though.
I like your idea of talking extra time to get ready of a morning. I tend to get up, get the youngest off to school, then do all the household chores before getting dressed. Then it ends up being a quick shower and drag some clothes on to get out of the door for coffee or walking or whatever is planned for the day, I never think about makeup or jewellery unless I'm going out for the night. I might start changing my routine and take time to pamper myself a little in the morning, the breakfast dishes can wait until lunch time I guess.0 -
I remember how hard it was to find time for yourself when your children are younger. I also remember how it sometimes felt like everyone was always needing/demanding your attention. It's not easy. I think that makes it even more important that we feel good about ourselves. That will affect our overall mood and that will affect how we interact with family and friends.
Anyhoo, I'm glad you didn't think I was preaching and I'm glad it helped give you some perspective about this journey when you seemed a little discouraged. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself (and I mean really stop and think and feel) about what it felt like when you were at your starting weight. Before I started this I was literally waiting to die...at age 59. That's hard to admit, even to myself, but it's the truth. Living just felt hopeless. In just two months I have a much different outlook on life.
I work with a woman that says she got inspired to lose weight because of my weight loss. While I am happy for her, I am also concerned about her. She hasn't said this openly, but I think she is competing with me. If what she tells me is true, she is basically starving herself to lose as quickly as she can. I don't want her to think I'm trying to tell her what to and if she views me as competition, she might think I'm trying to slow her progress. I have approached the topic by telling her how much I like her (I really do) and that I really want her to do this in a healthier way. Of course I have told her what a great tool MFP is for me and that she should check it out. She is pretty stubborn about doing it her way so I think I will just have to let her do her thing for now and help her pick up the pieces when she crashes. If you have any advice for me I would welcome it.0 -
Sorry it took so long to get back we had a pretty hectic weekend and I've just had the time to check for posts.
You are right sometimes it feels like I don't have much time to myself, although I have more now that I'm insisting on gym time for me.
Sorry to hear about your friend at work, it's always a problem when someone starts competing with you over something that isn't a competition, and especially if they are putting themselves in danger over it.
Have you thought about possibly getting her help to plan healthy meals and then you both making and reviewing them, you could use your previous dislike of vegetables as an excuse for asking for 'help'. She might feel in more of a partnership than competition with you if she realises that is not all plain sailing for you. If you also tell her how many times you lost and regained weight she might not see you as such a threat, which I think is the underlying reason people turn weight lose into a competition.
You might be able turn the situation on her and invent a person who is starving themselves to lose weight and how worried you are about them (feel free to use me). That way the situation can be discussed without it being about her or making her think you are trying to sabotage her. Hopefully, by you talking about all the bad things that go with starving yourself, in relation to someone else, she will realise what she is doing isn't the right way to go.
Unfortunately sometimes the only thing you can do is to be there to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. At least, if nothing works, she has a friend who is willing to do that.
Good luck with the situation, and please keep us informed if any of it works.0 -
Thanks for all the good advice. I'm going to give this a little time. She came in on Monday and said that she ate more over the weekend. Her son is giving her some feedback about how little she has been consuming. She also told me that she downloaded the MFP app for her phone so I think she is moving in the right direction.
I purposely don't talk about my weight loss journey at work. If someone asks me a question, then I will answer them but otherwise those conversations are best left for family and the closest of friends. I will talk with her if I feel that she needs intervention and you did give me some really good strategies.
I had a really good loss last week - down 4.6. I know that will probably be followed by a couple of slower weeks but I'm fine with that also. Like I said before, this is forever and I don't care how long it takes. I did have to pull a few more things out of my closet. I dug out my old jeans and they fit just fine now.
Happy days.0 -
Hey guys thank you so much for being supportive of the group. You guys rock sorry I haven't been on just got really stressed out0
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Aces, your back!! It's so good to see you back again. We were concerned about you. I also wanted an opportunity to thank you. You are the reason that I started to communicate and it's been very helpful for me so, THANK YOU!
I'm sorry you have had a stressful time lately but don't disappear because that's what we are hear for - to be supportive when you need it most. I know from my own history that stress will send me to the fridge faster than anything else and it's also when I turn inward and tend to shut people out. That pattern has given me more than a few extra pounds so I need to change that. Is that what happens with you also?
Is there anything you want to talk about?
Did I already tell you how awesome it is that you came back? Ha ha, I'm kind of giddy seeing your post.0 -
Hey kmleaf I'm glad she's being sensible and congratulations on being able to get into your old jeans that's awesome.
I finally plucked up the courage to go to the doctors for a general checkup, I've been feeling dizzy after exercising. She booked me in for a full fasting blood check on Friday morning to check my vitamin and calcium levels along with diabetes and cholesterol, she did say my blood pressure is great and so is my heart rate. I've been so worried that my blood pressure would be off the scale cause of my weight. She also said that if I end up with a lot of excess skin I should be able to get surgery. It's a bit of a relief but now in worried about the results of the blood tests lol I'm never happy
Glad you are back pocketaces we missed you. Don't stress over the weight loss it will only make it harder. Any change is better than none, even if all you do is start changing what you eat rather than the amount.
On a slightly different note I've discovered this week I'm spending less on shopping. I'm saving about £50 a fortnight on our food since we stopped buying processed food and started buying fruit, veg and "proper" meat. Also noticed my meat intake had gone down and we eat mostly chicken instead of beef which probably helps save money.0 -
I have found the same thing - spending less on groceries - and time spent at the store also. I don't have to up and down all the aisles. I just hit the fruits, veggies and meat which are always located at the edges and all the processed stuff is in the middle.
I am sending you all my best wishes for the outcome of your blood work. Congrats on the good blood pressure. I have heard that losing just 10% of our body weight has an impact on blood pressure and better health. I'm sure it will all be fine but of course we want them to figure out what is causing the dizzy spells so I won't say that I hope they don't find anything - I will just hope for something small and easy to remedy.0 -
Aces, your back!! It's so good to see you back again. We were concerned about you. I also wanted an opportunity to thank you. You are the reason that I started to communicate and it's been very helpful for me so, THANK YOU!
I'm sorry you have had a stressful time lately but don't disappear because that's what we are hear for - to be supportive when you need it most. I know from my own history that stress will send me to the fridge faster than anything else and it's also when I turn inward and tend to shut people out. That pattern has given me more than a few extra pounds so I need to change that. Is that what happens with you also?
Is there anything you want to talk about?
Did I already tell you how awesome it is that you came back? Ha ha, I'm kind of giddy seeing your post.
Yep that's exactly what happens to me too and yes I wanted to try and brain storm on some new topics feel free to creat a topic when ever you think of one0 -
Yeah, it can be done. My son quit smoking while he did his weight loss. I on the other hand, have not been that brave - at least not yet. It makes sense if your focus is going to be "getting healthy".0
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Thanks for the support kmleaf, I'm hoping it's just a vitamin deficiency and a supplement will take care of it, but diabetes runs in the family so I'm a little worried about that.
Pocketaces I think you are very brave to try to quit smoking at the same time as losing weight, I hope you do it and remember we are here for you, even if it's just to rant about how hard it is.
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flitterfoot wrote: »Thanks for the support kmleaf, I'm hoping it's just a vitamin deficiency and a supplement will take care of it, but diabetes runs in the family so I'm a little worried about that.
Pocketaces I think you are very brave to try to quit smoking at the same time as losing weight, I hope you do it and remember we are here for you, even if it's just to rant about how hard it is.
Thanks0 -
Well I finally got my blood tests back and my doctor says I'm healthier than a lot of her patients who are at an ideal body weight.
I do have a pretty big iron deficiency, which she says is probably why I get dizzy and why I'm so tired. But she also says it's probably the change in my diet that's caused it. She's given me a 2 month course of iron tablets and booked me in for another blood test in 3 weeks to keep an eye on it.
I didn't realise until, she have me the good news, how much I'd been dreading the results. I think I'd convinced myself that because of my weight and diet I'd have all sorts wrong with me, and I'd end up like a walking pharmacy trying to fix things I'd messed up.
On the bad side I now need to work into my calorie allowance 3 glasses of fresh orange juice. When she gave me my prescription it was that or tablets to avoid constipation that the iron tablets are going to cause.0 -
flitterfoot, that's great news! As much as I hate taking pills of any sort, I think I would opt for some stool softener pills rather than spend the calories on orange juice. But that's me - I just hate drinking calories. Nothing wrong with orange juice or your choice. The good news is that your overall health is good.
I watched a young guy of average build buy his breakfast at a gas station the other day. He bought two donuts and a slice of pizza. It just made me very sad and it was also a reminder that just because someone might not be overweight does not mean that they are healthy.
My son had his surgery last week to remove his extra skin. He had his upper body and abdomen restructured. 7.5 hours of surgery but all went well. He is back in his home and in recovery mode with a little help from his friends and family.0 -
I'd normally agree with the not drinking calories but the last time I took pills from the doctor to soften stools I was really ill. I've agreed to having 100 ml of orange juice with the tablet 3 times a day and also having 3 proper oranges.
The whole oranges won't be as effective as the orange juice but they will be much more enjoyable.
I know a lot of people who think pizza is the perfect breakfast meal, it's a bit horrifying to know I used to be one of them. Now my favourite breakfast is an omelette which had less calories in it than the cereal I used to eat.
Glad your son's surgery went well 7.5 hours is a long time. I bet he's glad to have family and friends around to help with the recovery. I hope he's not in to much pain after the surgery.0
