So disgusted with myself!
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loribethrice
Posts: 620 Member
On 4/1 I weighed 131lbs. (I am 5'9.) I weighed myself tonight before I got into the shower and I now weigh 151lbs. I went an entire 7 days without bingeing and now I cannot stop. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'll go a few days and then all of a sudden I just HAVE to have 10,000 calories in one sitting. I am getting so depressed and I hate myself so much right now. Work and money have me so stressed out that it's like I have no choice but to eat whatever foods I feel like. I wish I could vomit, but since my body hasn't been able to do that in almost a decade it just all stays in me and makes me gain. I am at a loss and I am at the end of my rope with this. I wanted to call my PCP and make an appointment to see if she could help me, but I'm too ashamed now to go there because they will weigh me before my appointment.
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When you phone to make the appointment ask if they can skip weighing you before the appointment because it is triggering, and causes you distress. Make the appointment with your PCP, you are self aware enough to know that you are bingeing and that you need help. Take the step and get the help.0
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Get the help. It's great you HAVE someone to help. don't waste the opportunity. And don't beat yourself up so much. Vomiting is NOT the answer. Will lead to all kinds of other health problems. Remind yourself that you CAN have whatever you want to eat. Don't make your diet about deprivation. Ask your body what will nourish it most and try to listen. Eat that FIRST, then if you still need the comfort food, take ONE helping and leave the rest in the kitchen. Don't eat int he kitchen, don't eat it standing up. Sit down and eat it as slowly as you can. If you want more, get up and get ONE more helping and repeat. Don't put the whole thing in front of you. And drink a lot of tea. And get that HELP!
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carlaunderconstruction wrote: »When you phone to make the appointment ask if they can skip weighing you before the appointment because it is triggering, and causes you distress. Make the appointment with your PCP, you are self aware enough to know that you are bingeing and that you need help. Take the step and get the help.
I wonder if they'd do that. I know the one time I asked at my old doctor they just told me to turn around and not look. But, I don't want them knowing that I've gained weight because when I was there in April I only weighed 135lbs.0 -
Get the help. It's great you HAVE someone to help. don't waste the opportunity. And don't beat yourself up so much. Vomiting is NOT the answer. Will lead to all kinds of other health problems. Remind yourself that you CAN have whatever you want to eat. Don't make your diet about deprivation. Ask your body what will nourish it most and try to listen. Eat that FIRST, then if you still need the comfort food, take ONE helping and leave the rest in the kitchen. Don't eat int he kitchen, don't eat it standing up. Sit down and eat it as slowly as you can. If you want more, get up and get ONE more helping and repeat. Don't put the whole thing in front of you. And drink a lot of tea. And get that HELP!
I just eat everything prepackaged so I know how many calories it is. That's what I've done for the past 2 years. I have ARFID (used to be known as SED), so I have a very small repertoire of foods that I can eat. I usually eat 1565 calories a day when I'm not bingeing, but when I do binge I eat like 10,000ish.
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Hey, there. Be as nice to yourself as possible. Write down a list of 10 things that you can do to make yourself feel better, other than eating. Try to do those things when you're triggered to binge. (e.g., walk, call a friend, take a bath) The self-hate and shaming talk about yourself is a common trigger for binging. Distraction, distraction, distraction, and calming activities.
Seeing a medical professional is a good idea, but not all physicians know much about Binge eating disorder. The most common advice that an M.D. will give for binge eating is to diet. But dieting contributes to binging, it doesn't cure it. Perhaps you can find a therapist who is trained in eating disorders? Overeaters anonymous? Emily Project?0 -
See the PCP. I hate to sound trite, but today's a new day. Focus on what you can do today. Maybe the doctor's office can keep your weight from you (They need to weigh you, because what if your problem isn't simple over-eating -- probably is -- but they need to make a record.). But why not just try to accept your weight today? You'll be there to start working on why you keep bingeing.0
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@loribethrice:
Can you stand with your back turned, towards the scale? Yes, they will see that you've gained weight, but that's NOT the issue.
I understand beating yourself up, because I do it all the time... but YOU can stop it. Look at positive quotes, listen to music, talk to friends, keep coming on here and reading the support. Track your foods, DRINK WATER, go for a walk. Little things.
YOU CAN DO THIS. You're worth it.0 -
Please get help. You are too young to have to go through this. I struggle with binges and the guilt after one. You can stop. You can do this. If you ever need an ear, a shoulder or anything, please IM me. I'm a great listener! Sometimes, once you hash out the stuff on your mind, you will feel better. Love and peace to you. 0
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I totally get it. I'm 5'9" and 6 months ago I weighed 136, I just weighed 148. I workout hard but can't stop eatting lately. So bummed I did that but I'll get a grip and you will too. I agree with the others - if you are depressed or an expurger get help from Dr. Good luck and I'm happy to support. Btw your PCP won't notice the weight gain. Mine all think I'm slim, it's not significant compared to others so don't let that stop you.0
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It's so easy to be disgusted with yourself when you know you had been doing well for so long, however, I have recently "forced" myself to go ahead remeasure, reweigh even though I knew it would be in the wrong direction. Hiding under the blankets won't make our bad decisions go away and sometimes that is just the accountability we need. You can do this!0
