Sick of Myself

mommy2boysaz

So, one lunch with a dear friend who recently lost 30 pounds on WW, has had me second guessing everything I've learned about the benefits of a LCHF diet... It is my own fault. I have been trying to do this LC thing for the past couple of years, but honestly, I throw in the towel and eat the brownie, or the chips, or whatever, much too often, then get frustrated because "this LC diet isn't working". I am SO tired of myself!
Ever since my lunch with my friend (who looks terrific, BTW!), I've been battling in my brain with, "Well, I could do WW again... I did lose weight on it a few years ago. (Gained it all back plus, but still...) Then I could eat whatever I want. Like Ice cream. Or pizza with the family. Of course then I would have to eat lettuce and dry chicken breast the rest of the day to stay within my points, but still... This LC thing is so hard! Sure I can eat really delicious food, but it requires a lot of cooking and time and planning. And I have to make something different for my family because they don't eat this way. And I can't have an ice cream cone at the ball game if I want one. True, I do love that I'm never hungry on LC and my appetite is low, but still!"
This is a perpetual argument in my head! See why I'm so sick of myself!?
So, last night I got on the general board here on MFP for the first time... Within about 5 minutes I was infuriated with all the "as long as you have a calorie deficit, you will lose weight" advice being forced on people! Ugh. I KNOW that is not true. I'm a smart person. I have researched this stuff relentlessly. Watched every documentary. Read studies. Read books. I BELIEVE LC is the healthiest way to eat and the best method of weight loss. So, why can't I JUST DO IT?! Why can't I stop whining and making excuses and say no to the brownie and the chips and just eat some cheese and bacon and deal with it, without feeling like I am somehow missing out on part of the joys of life? I can. I just don't. I see wonderful success stories on this WOE everywhere I look (fb groups, here, etc.).
So, though you are probably sorry you took the time to read this self-directed rant, here is my question for those of you who have truly made this a way of life (which is the key that I am struggling to find), what was the turning point? What finally clicked in your brain that made you stop making excuses and finding reasons to eat "just one little brownie" and instead choose to stay LC? Is being thin worth the sacrifices? Do you feel like this way of life is a sacrifice?
Thank you!

SRJennings

Girl. You need to start being nicer to yourself. I doubt you would speak to a friend or loved one this way, so give yourself a break and be nice to you!

I had a lot of success with weight watchers in my 40s. Unfortunately I gained back the weight because I am insulin resistant. But, if you can attend weight watchers with your friend then it could be motivating and fun at the same time! I am willing to bet that any good leader of a meeting would help you find a lower carb plan and still stay within the weight watchers program.

But if you really feel that you will do better on low-carb high-fat then make a list of those items that you love. When you get a craving eat one of them, or two of them, until you're absolutely full. That way it won't feel like a sacrifice! Pretty soon you won't have as many cravings!

Hugs!

wabmester

It's a matter of habit formation. You need to make the "sacrifice" for at least a month, and then to your surprise, it won't seem like a sacrifice anymore. In fact, you may be slightly repulsed by the idea of a brownie. And as time goes on, not only carb cravings subside, but your hunger subsides as well, and food becomes a bit less interesting to you.

tonyalenore

I used to struggle with missing some of the treats sometimes too. Especially because I see my family and coworkers eating them.

What works for me is a planned high carb day. Right now I'm planning one when I get back from vacation in 18 days. I'll usually go up into the 150-200 carb range, but still make sure to keep my fat and protein at my usual levels. (I usually keep total carbs under 60.)

I do feel like crap for 2-3 days after while I readjust to LC. I try to only plan them once every month or couple months.

My husband (who does LC too) doesn't have high carb days though. For him the feeling like crap and the cravings afterward make him more likely to binge for days.

For me I can avoid the treats with knowing I can save it for my high carb day if I really want it. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything - if I know I'm going to a party or new restaurant I might plan that as a higher carb day.

Don't get discouraged! Try experimenting to find a way that works for you

Kitnthecat

What wabmester says is true. Please do yourself a favour and try this woe again. If you stick to it diligently, you will get your rewards in the form of having cravings disappear like magic. You will not have hunger or cravings that tempt you to cheat. Those foods don't have any power over me any more, and it can happen to you too !

Cheesy567

The best diet for you is the one that works for you and that you can stick with! I found what helped me the most was re-framing obesity from a personal failure (which it is not!) to a biological response to various environmental stimuli. Leaving the shame-factor behind is a life-changing outlook.

Have you seen the TED talk by Peter Atilla? Google TED Talk Obesity, it's one of the first that came up. Great talk, great perspective.

The book "The Smarter Science of Slim" by Jonathon Bailor is a great book too, looking at the biology of obesity, and trying to re-build a diet that is healthy while not relying on the USDA's food pyramid (which was formed as a political construct, not a scientifically-based construct). The diet he came up with is very similar to Dr Terri Wahl's diet, the Paleo diet, and the Primal diet. All low-to-moderate carb, all avoid grains.

The US government's dietary recommendations fail 95% of people to whom they're prescribed. What other medical advice has a 95% failure rate and is still prescribed? And what other medical disease places blame on the patient, rather than the disease? Are Cancer patients told to "toughen up and stick to the original plan" when they go into relapse? Of course not!!

95% of people on WW fail to lose weight or re-gain what is lost. It's not each of them individually failing. It's bad advice that they're given!

mommy2boysaz

Thank you all so much. This is helpful. I am not new to MFP, but have never utilized the community much before, but I will try to hang around here more. I would be happy to accept any friend requests from other low carbers!
@Cheesy567, I have not seen the TED talk, but I will go check it out. Thanks!

nill4me

wabmester wrote: »

It's a matter of habit formation.

This. Regardless of the lifestyle or WOE you choose, its this. You mention ..."True, I do love that I'm never hungry on LC and my appetite is low, but still!"...I guess my question would be surrounding the "still". Is there something particular that makes you want to reach for the brownie, or chips even if you are full? Just curious. I know for me, I was a stress eater, so to help combat that, I starting walking outside on breaks and lunchtime during the week at work. I would also have a tendency to "graze" at my desk. All "good food", nuts, low carb snacks, etc...but, when you eat them all day long, those calories added up quickly and I would not lose. My body was like ok, are you ever going to stop eating so I can actually digest some of this??...so, between employing the walking, and some intermittent fasting during the day (creating new habits to replace some of the old), I've been doing pretty well!

Cheesy567

mommy2boysaz wrote: »

Thank you all so much. This is helpful. I am not new to MFP, but have never utilized the community much before, but I will try to hang around here more. I would be happy to accept any friend requests from other low carbers!
@Cheesy567, I have not seen the TED talk, but I will go check it out. Thanks!

I might have his last name wrong but it's something similar, you'll find it!

Dragonwolf

Cheesy567 wrote: »

mommy2boysaz wrote: »

Thank you all so much. This is helpful. I am not new to MFP, but have never utilized the community much before, but I will try to hang around here more. I would be happy to accept any friend requests from other low carbers!
@Cheesy567, I have not seen the TED talk, but I will go check it out. Thanks!

I might have his last name wrong but it's something similar, you'll find it!

You do. It's Peter Attia.

professionalHobbyist

Good luck to you here!

And I hope you find the happy place for your body and your optimal nutrient mix in a calorie total

It took me a while but i know what works for me.

And yeah, there are some people that have great success on nutritio plans that don't work for me. And yay them!

It's all good.

I find a moderate to low carb diet of mainly vegetable based carbs works for me.

But I do a few days of hard cardio. HIIT is the magic bullet for me. It made me burn out that blood sugar and ramped up my metabolism. I was a skeptic but did as advised and mixed in short bursts of all out effort with longer times of medium effort

It quickly started to show up in my numbers of all kinds.

At first diet was almost everything

Now that diet and food selections are better, tweaking exercise options is becoming more effective!

GSD_Mama

Diets don't work, you have to think of it as a lifestyle that will benefit you for life. What benefit does cake bring or cookies or icecream? It taste good when you eat but the taste only last for a minute but your guilt and struggle will last a lifetime it you don't chase your ways.
Turn around your way of thinking about food, stop thinking about all processed crap from the box and embrace real food and not food products. Stop seeing your friend for a month and start eating well them show her how wrong she is in doubting you. Love yourself first, stop doubting and start doing. When you see a cupcake, turn around and do something else, go for a run, jog or any other physical activity, your body will thank you and so will you.
You can add me as a friend anytime

totaloblivia

You need to find the place in you where you really want it this time? What are the pay-offs for you of staying larger - although it seems mad sometimes we (semi-subconsciously) believe that fat can protect us from life in some way. It's only when you can overcome this thinking (if you are prey to it - some people are normal, can you believe that?!?!?) that you can overcome self-sabotaging behaviour (yes, I'm not American and I will spell behaviour however I like thanks MFP!). I have found the lower I keep my carbs the easier it is not to crave sweet things. If I do, I eat some fat and usually the craving goes away. I have lost 33lbs since January on this WOE - it's not as impressive as many and I still have another 33 to go, but it's been the easiest way of losing weight I have ever come across (I ate over my calories 6/7 this week and I still lost a lb) and it has helped heal things that were starting to go wrong with me because of my weight - and some other great side-effects like increased alertness and so on. If I can do this, you definitely can!

Dragonwolf

Let's tackle these one at a time, shall we?

mommy2boysaz wrote: »

I have been trying to do this LC thing for the past couple of years, but honestly, I throw in the towel and eat the brownie, or the chips, or whatever, much too often, then get frustrated because "this LC diet isn't working". I am SO tired of myself!

How long do you tend to stick with it? Remember -- simple sugars and starches (the brownies, chips, etc) are formulated such that it makes your body want more. The combination of sugar, salt, and fat is not really seen in nature in a single food item, so the body kind of freaks out when it encounters these things in one item. You need to break that habit/addiction, and one of the best ways to do so is to abstain from them for at least a month. If you're not sticking with it for at least a month, then you're short-changing yourself, the diet isn't short-changing you.

But the next question is, why are you throwing in the towel? Probably has to do with the negative self-talk, which we'll address shortly.

Ever since my lunch with my friend (who looks terrific, BTW!), I've been battling in my brain with, "Well, I could do WW again... I did lose weight on it a few years ago. (Gained it all back plus, but still...)

Stop right there. You gained it all back, plus some. Do you really want to do that again? Probably not. Stop thinking of your way of eating as a "diet" and start thinking of it as your diet (as in, what you eat).

Then I could eat whatever I want. Like Ice cream. Or pizza with the family. Of course then I would have to eat lettuce and dry chicken breast the rest of the day to stay within my points, but still...

Stop with the "but still." Now, yes, you could technically eat "whatever you want," but will you be able to eat a satisfying amount and not have to starve the rest of the day to "earn" it? Not likely, since you just said yourself, you'd have to eat "lettuce and dry chicken breast." Think about that for a second. Do you really want to eat that?

Or.

Would you rather eat juicy chicken with the skin, or a well-marbled cut of steak, or a couple of slices of a good cut of bacon?

Stop thinking about the stuff you "can't" have, and focus on the stuff you can, nay, get to have. Think about how much better your meals are all the time, compared to your friend's. You get to have awesome, flavorful food, while she's sitting there eating dry salad and skinless chicken breasts and tiny, unsatisfying, fractional servings of desserts.

This LC thing is so hard!

Only because you keep telling yourself that it's hard. This is the negative self-talk I'm talking about. Your negative self-talk is making it harder than it needs to be.

Sure I can eat really delicious food, but it requires a lot of cooking and time and planning.

I can eat really delicious food. Stop there for a minute. Do you really want to give that up?

If it's taking a lot of cooking and planning, then you're doing something wrong. This way of eating need not take any longer than any other way of eating. You don't need to make a six course meal every night. Cook a roast in the slow cooker with whatever vegetables you have around. Toss some asparagus on the grill with some burgers. Steam some broccoli and melt some cheese on top of it. Pinterest is your friend on this front.

Meat and non-starchy vegetables. It's a bit of a learning curve and takes a little bit to make that the default, but it can be done and it gets easier with time.

And I have to make something different for my family because they don't eat this way.

Why? You don't have to cook separate meals. Cook a main dish and a non-starchy side for everyone, then simply add an appropriate starchy side for the rest of the family. Or just omit the starchy side, because not every meal needs to include a starch, no matter what way of eating you follow. Get a rice cooker and/or a steamer and you can "set it and forget it" while you cook the rest of your stuff. Mix up a salad base that you can toss toppings on quickly and easily.

I suspect this is why you're finding yourself spending so much time cooking and planning.

And I can't have an ice cream cone at the ball game if I want one.

When I was eating a bit higher carb (still low carb), I would still get ice cream, though only once in a while. However, I made sure to get quality ice cream, usually from one of the local chains. Consider the ingredients. Cream and eggs should be at the top of the list. Go after a good artisan ice cream, or gelato or frozen custard. The cheap stuff has fillers and other crap in it that's simply not worth it.

True, I do love that I'm never hungry on LC and my appetite is low, but still!"

But still what? Your appetite is controlled. You don't fight with hunger or cravings. You don't have to constantly think about food and it's not the end of the world if you miss or delay a meal.

Whenever you feel yourself starting to say "...but still..." stop yourself. That's negative self-talk trying to creep in. You're better than that. Treat yourself better than that.

Why can't I stop whining and making excuses and say no to the brownie and the chips and just eat some cheese and bacon and deal with it, without feeling like I am somehow missing out on part of the joys of life? I can. I just don't.

You don't, because some part of you is arguably enjoying wallowing in failure. It's comfortable. It's easy. It's mindless. Gotta love the ego -- that little inner 5 year old.

Changing habits, though, takes work. It takes you out of your comfort zone. It takes some thought.

what was the turning point?

I could watch my health improve, and it improved within a couple of weeks. No more migraines. No more heartburn.
No more cravings. No more constantly thinking about food and trying to force myself to not go after just one more piece of pizza or cake or cookie or whatever.

What finally clicked in your brain that made you stop making excuses and finding reasons to eat "just one little brownie" and instead choose to stay LC?

After being away from it for even a couple of weeks, I realize just how much that sugar ruled me. I realized how strong that drive is to keep eating that crap. As a double-whammy, it generally gave me a headache within an hour or two, and if I kept going, I know I'd feel miserable in other ways later on.

And to be clear, I didn't completely stop eating them overnight. There were days where I decided to have something. I paid for it every time, and every time, I found it less and less worth it to have those things. They really aren't all that good to begin with. Even while eating them, I often found myself realizing that they weren't really that great, or that what I really liked about them were certain parts -- the peanut butter inside the M&Ms, the cream inside the Oreo or just the chocolate flavor itself. I could get those elsewhere, in things that tasted far better and didn't cause me issues.

The important part is to not give up when these things happen. Yep, it happened. Yep, I paid for it. Yep, I'm going right back on plan starting with my next meal. It happened, it's done, time to move on.

Is being thin worth the sacrifices? Do you feel like this way of life is a sacrifice?

Being thin? Not really, in my opinion. However, being healthy certainly is. Being healthy is worth just about any sacrifice, because if you don't give things up for the sake of your health, you're going to be giving your health to those things that are destroying it, and once you give it away, you can't get it back.

It does take a little time, but it's self-reinforcing when you eat whole foods and pay attention to how you feel after eating something that does you harm, and before long, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. In fact, it feels quite the opposite.

Don't only pay attention to the number on the scale. That doesn't matter nearly as much as the rest of your health. On a healthy diet, the weight will come off when the body's health improves, and when the body's health improves, it will naturally stay at a better weight so long as your diet remains supportive of your body's health.

FIT_Goat

I think my turning point was thinking of it like cigarettes. Will one cigarette give you cancer or disease? Not likely. Will one brownie make you fat? Also not likely. But, each cigarette is another in a pattern of smoking that will lead to disease. And, each brownie, cookie, sweet treat, etc. will be another in a pattern of eating that leads to disease. I believe that sugar and carbs are harmful to me (maybe not for everyone but definitely for me). Some people can eat carbs and sugar without any negative effects. There are also people smoke their whole lives and never get cancer, heart disease, or emphysema.

Anyway, each opportunity to "cheat" was the same, to me, as an opportunity to smoke a cigarette. Quitting both of these is hard. You need a mental defense against cheating. I think of carbs as a mild poison. I might be able to "get away" with a little bit without obvious side effects, but that doesn't mean I should. After several months, it starts clicking. Now I can see sweets and they don't register as "food" in my mind. I like really cool looking treats and stuff, but I don't want to eat them any more than I want to lick art when I am at a museum.

It takes time. It takes a long time and a lot of determination. But, it can be done.

deksgrl

I have not been on this long term, and in fact a short while ago was one of those people who would say what your friend says. The thing that makes me think I can do this long term is I felt awful before I started LCHF. For the last couple of years I felt steadily worse. Now when I think about eating whatever, I think about how crappy I felt and I don't want to feel that way again.

Sunny_Bunny_

I have started to relate the struggle to fight cravings or the struggle to make myself workout or even the struggle to do the extra cooking and shopping I need to do now to the struggle other people in my life have to do with their own issues.
I think to myself "If my type 1 diabetic daughter can test and inject multiple times a day and have to constantly think about everything she eats, then I can control my own food. I can do that!"
And "If my niece can kick her drug addiction and keep a positive attitude for 3+ years now, then I can do the work it takes to be healthier too!"
And "If my dad can go through chemo and radiation to fight cancer, then I can handle my little battle with weight!"
Since I've really taken a look at the struggle others around me go through, I've realized that food and weight issues are so insignificant compared to them. So as much as I do this for myself, I also do it for them.
I would look at that desire for that brownie as an opportunity to resist and be proud of myself and also be shaking my head at myself for having such a hard time saying no in the first place. I wouldn't allow even a small cheat to satisfy the craving. My niece doesn't control her addiction that way, so why would I...

LemonMarmalade

I went through something similar after my first success with lc... I thiught i could be "normal". It took me realizing through several failed atttempts at other diets and gaining more weight rather than losing! Finally i went back to the only liveable way of eating for me...very low carb.

I had to realize this is my normal. I can't be like my kids, husband and co-worker who can eat anything and not gain weight. Since i first lost weigt 20 years ago I always felt abnormal...like "why can't I just have a cookie or piece of pizza"? The truth is...I can't tell you why...I just can't. My body doesn't react well to it...and my brain constantly wants more and more until i lose control.

Finally I am confident in how i eat and how i feel. I hope you can feel the same way without all of the crazy yo yo that I did through my 20s and 30s. Best of luck to you. i can't wait to hear your success story. However you get there.

CoffeeNBooze

Ok here's the thing, I am a big believer in everyone not having a one size fits all approach. The reason I can do LCHF is because it makes me feel FULL and SATISFIED, which is what matters the most to me for eating and for life. Are there times I will stray? Absolutely. This is the world I live in and if I want something bad enough like a brownie, I will have it. It's not a strict religion. But if I want to keep feeling and looking great, I have to eat LCHF and say no to those things way more often than not. The people on the main forums have a point... calories DO matter. They are not wrong. But many of them don't understand the part nutrition plays, and it's a very important part. I did CICO for the last damn time, it worked and made me lose weight, but I felt absolutely awful and hungry.

You are finding it hard to stick to. Ask yourself why... why is it so hard to stick to? Is it not satisfying? Do you feel pressure from others and succumb because you are worried about what they think? You need to find what is sustainable for YOU. Be honest with yourself. I know people who could never and do not want to ever do LCHF. And that's fine... they don't need to. They have found something that works for them, whether it be simply CICO, vegetarian, whatever. There are many roads to get to the same place.

ETA: I agree with the others who say you should try LCHF for at least a month to see if it is really what you want. Get some cookbooks, look up some recipes to try, have fun with it and try not to see it as "hard"... the mindset you have will take you a long way.
I hope you can find the answers you need to get where you want to be:) Take it one day at a time.

mommy2boysaz

I am humbled and grateful that I stumbled upon this group. Every response has been helpful and something I needed to hear. THANK YOU ALL!
@Dragonwolf, your post made me tear up. In a good way! It was spot on. I do have some internal work to do that has nothing to do with food. This entire thread has given me lots to think about.... as I make my LCHF grocery list out for tomorrow's shopping trip!

Thank you again! Quite possibly I might be able to succeed this time with the support of such a wise and wonderful group of people.

auntstephie321

You've gotten some awesome advice on here already.

I just wanted to add, what helps me is not thinking about foods I can't have. Even when my SO asks me, " what can you eat there" if we're going out to it. I respond "i can eat whatever I want". Then it's a matter of choice, I choose to eat things that make me not feel sick afterwards. I know of I go to an Italian restaurant and have pasta and all the bread I can eat I will be in pain late trying to digest it. If I have goat cheese and bacon topped chicken and one small piece of bread with lots of butter, I'll feel fine.

Decide where you want to be carb wise, you don't have to go as low as possible, find a comfortable limit where you feel in control of your choices and not controlled by the foods you've told yourself you can't have