When are people going to learn?

_jayciemarie_

I'm so pissed off. My cousin who has had this perfect upbringing constantly is on facebook putting down people that have negative thoughts. Today's post was:

"If you have more bad days than good days maybe your the common factor!
negative thoughts = bad days positive thoughts = good days"

To an extent I do agree. but just like with weightloss--people aren't all linear. People have anxiety/ocd/depression/bipolar/etc and unfortunately (even with treatment of drugs/therapy) it isn't something that can be cured. Do you think a person WANTS to live unhappy? Or constantly think negative thoughts? I mean, that is saying that a person would rather be poor than be rich.

Just because one person has perfect genes and calories in/out works, doesn't mean that someone else's body works that way. To judge someone based on your own circumstances in life (to me) is negative.

Thanks for letting me vent.

AngInCanada

Oh in the perfect world. Lol. The world where there's no money problems. No marital troubles. No bullies. No mental health problems. We would never have to work. we would just sit outside in our backyard pool with a pool boy serving us cheese and keto mojitos. Lol. The idea behind your cousins little quote sounds perfect if life were perfect but just because some days suck for me doesn't mean I don't ever think positive.

mlinton_mesapark

Your cousin also said "your", when "you're" was what he/she meant.

I hear you! People post silly things on FB, post first, think later. If you think this person would be open to it, you might tactfully PM them to tell them that a message like that was probably well-intended, but might be hurtful to someone who is struggling with depression, loss, etc.

If they're not open to it, well, I know people like that, too, even in my own family. I think it's their way of coping, insensitive as it is.

LemonMarmalade

While I agree with your cousin to an extent....there are several factors at play. Not just attitude. You are correct that there are so many illnesses that can create havoc in someones life. It would make me angry that someone would come to me telling me their last therapist told them everything was their fault. Now some people...that was true! However, the majority had mental illness that nobody bothered to diagnose or they happened to be in a relationship with a person who was undiagnosed with an illness that was creating havoc in their lives.

I do agree with you...we should never judge others based on our own blessings or negative experiences.

But... I will say...there ARE some people who choose to be unhappy. Seriously. Most tend to have a personality disorder and that is their "normal". They hate it but they cravee it and the atrention it brings. No judgy facebook post will help someone in that position.

LemonMarmalade

Crave...and attention. My fingers alway hit the wrong keys on this phone.

AreteAndWhimsy

From a purely psychological standpoint, thoughts=days, with no modifier. ;p

Magical thinking is a bit silly to me, and I'm a diehard optimist! There's a difference between staying flexible and open and optimistic, and being stubbornly positive no matter what.

I also think that it's possible such statements are actually helpful to your cousin and so she's passing them along not as a judgement but because she truly thinks it will help someone. Just because she has "a perfect life" doesn't mean she can't have a hard time mentally. We all have our own demons we struggle with.

KnitOrMiss

It's always easier to blame the victim of life for their own problems. It's easier that seeing that so many factors play a part, because that is far more difficult to treat and solve.

I do find the inflicting positive crap on myself works sometimes, but other times it only makes me angry and defiant. Tell me I caused everything in my life is going to make me disregard the opinions of that person.

I want tools to help, not judgment. And I agree that this may have been well-intentioned, but we know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men....

JPW1990

Post this one right after she posts one of hers. See if she takes the hint:

DianaElena76

mlinton_mesapark wrote: »

Your cousin also said "your", when "you're" was what he/she meant.

My thoughts exactly.

professionalHobbyist

newmeadow wrote: »

_jayciemarie_ wrote: »

"If you have more bad days than good days maybe your the common factor!
negative thoughts = bad days positive thoughts = good days"

That's pure New Age a/k/a magical thinking.

(Not a philosophy or quasi religion that I adhere to.)

Years ago I had many creative vizualzatons of Jenny McCarthy

None came to pass.

If the workf only worked that way!

DianaElena76

newmeadow wrote: »

I'm not a Buddhist but I studied it for a lot of years and hung with the crowd.

I'm glad I did.

One of the best snippets of advice I got was from a Buddhist teacher I knew personally, who privately told me "When you're feeling physical pain or any type of emotional suffering - Go right into it. Go right to its center and stay there."

I still practice this and it's hard to put into words why it works. But it does.

Funny, I have not studied Buddhism much and didn't really make the connection, but this is something I have learned helps me too. After my first few major depressive episodes (did they change the name of that one too with DSM-V?), I learned that if I stopped fighting it and allowed myself to FEEL those horrible feelings, I could then move on much more quickly. I'm sure it doesn't work that way for everyone, but for ME in MY life and MY circumstances, that has been a huge help.. not to fear the emotions themselves. I'm happy to see that it actually comes from somewhere.

DianaElena76

Also, in response to the original post, this is why I take everything I see on Facebook with a grain of salt, try to maintain a good ratio of positive to negative posts (even if my life doesn't mirror that), and occasionally hide people's posts from my timeline. I have an uncle who posts only pretty intense political posts that I do not agree with or like seeing--selected that little dropdown that says I don't want to see posts from him in my News Feed anymore. It's so liberating to not be bombarded by that crap anymore, but I don't have to unfriend him. He's still my uncle and I still love him--I just don't like his posts.

farmers_daughter

Agreed. Lost a very good friend over this very exact same thing. Frustrating, but keep on keepin on darlin!

deksgrl

I think a lot of times what people post are more about them than everyone else. So I don't take offense or think they are talking about me.

_jayciemarie_

I usually go with "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" when it comes to replies to Facebook posts. Between what she said and an argument I had with someone about weightloss--it just frustrated me. Nobody and No body are the same.

professionalHobbyist

I hear so often in recovery groups these two things

The only way out is through

You have to mourn the loss of your water years and process the grief

Much like feeling the pain to grow thru it.

But oh yes I love some good witty humor.

One favorite saying of mine was

I'm not much to think about, but I'm all I think about.

I'm not even on FaceBook....

Ha!

AreteAndWhimsy

newmeadow wrote: »

Mami1976D wrote: »

I'm happy to see that it actually comes from somewhere.

I'm happy to see how Western psychology is on board with it. And that it helped you personally. Cheers!

Yeah, the extremely effective Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is based off of that principle. So good!

Sugarbeat

Perfection is an illusion. Its been my experience that the more perfect something looks the uglier it is behind the mask. Your cousin may be the exception to that, I don't know. My FB peeps that like to "preach" are usually the most judgmental, as well.

Twibbly

AreteAndWhimsy wrote: »

Yeah, the extremely effective Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is based off of that principle. So good!

I was reading The Happiness Trap, but I got distracted. I suppose I should find and finish it...

professionalHobbyist

Sugarbeat wrote: »

Perfection is an illusion. Its been my experience that the more perfect something looks the uglier it is behind the mask. Your cousin may be the exception to that, I don't know. My FB peeps that like to "preach" are usually the most judgmental, as well.

I seek progress rather than perfection.

Perfection is a cruel taskmaster

Sajyana

If it reallly annoys you, stop following her (you can stay friends) or change the following options to only important posts. I have a few friends that ONLY post those positive thoughts overlaying a really pretty picture, then another friend will like it and share it and I see it all over again. Rinse. Repeat. Unfollow works a charm.