How to forgive yourself?

sed1217

I have been married for about four years. In those four years, I've tried everything but actual fire to get rid of my wedding pictures! At my wedding, I was 5'8" and in the 270s (lbs). I see myself in that giant white dress and I can't stop crying. I don't even recognize myself. Brides are supposed to be pretty and happy and I don't look either of those things. I am ashamed that my friends and family saw me that way and that my husband chose to marry a wife who couldn't get her eating under control.

I've lost about 50 pounds since then and I'm working on losing more. I still emotionally eat, but I'm getting help for it. But I cannot forgive myself for that wedding. I can't stand to look at the pictures. How do you forgive yourself for all of the chaos and pain that emotional/binge eating has caused you?

Jad31te

Embrace yourself as you are now and let go!! That is your past and your future is what matters most. The very fact that you got up everyday and made effort to do something about it shows your true character! 50 pounds is an amazing loss!!

On a side note.. have you ever thought of renewing your vows at the end of your weight loss journey? Giving you New pictures and Memories? I think it would be exciting and a fantastic reward to yourself for all your efforts

tlmeyn

That was your wedding, that was then and this is now. I am huge in my wedding pics too, but I am happy, and I look back and say wow, I am 60 pounds lighter than I was on that day! There are so many other things, terrible things being overweight have brought me, but my marriage isn't one of them. And think! Your husband loves you big or small. He loves YOU! You don't have to worry about whether he married you just because you are hot (although I am sure he thinks you are hot big or small too) but you know what I mean.

Don't look at it as a failure, think of it as a part of your very adventurous life. We all handle things how we can handle them at any given moment. I hate that society makes us feel like we are failure for being weak, or vulnerable, or .... human. You can forgive yourself for being human. You can look at all the thin girls and think they have it together, but you don't know if they are bi-polar, alcoholic, cutting themselves, bulimic, or what.
Thin doesn't mean you have control, it just means you are thin.

Love yourself now, every day for what and who you are now and what YOUR journey is. Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself what you have learned about yourself since then.

And then as Jad31te said, do it again!

sed1217

Thanks so much for the feedback! I would like to have a vow renewal in the future - we'll see if life has that in store for us. New pictures is a big motivation. Our original pictures were bad regardless of my size. And it's a really good point that struggling with issues in life doesn't make us a bad person...just a person. Weight is just such a visible manifestation of struggle sometimes. But, you are both right - I have to focus on loving myself as I am!

msfoxy_25

It's hard I can't say I forgive myself for the past, i'm still working on forgiving myself in the moment. It doesn't feel right, like why should I forgive myself for doing something so wrong. Wont that just make it "ok"?

Jad31te

msfoxy_25~ It does not make it ok, but what did you learn? will you do it again? if not why keep punishing your self for it? Use past mistakes as stepping stones to build your future. Use it to create character, be stronger. Everyone makes mistakes, what is not "ok" is to dwell in the past. It steals your present and future.