Body image catch-up

SlimBride2Be

Hi people, sorry in advance if this is irritating to some of you and I can see why it would be, but I'm feeling like I want to discuss it with someone.

I've gone from a size 16 (US 12) to a 10 (US 6). I went to the shops today and I wanted to buy a pair of summer shorts. I tried them on in a 10 and they fitted like a glove - but looking at myself in them I felt exactly as big as I used to be and I would never have worn them out in public. I left short-less and feeling a bit down.

I look at clothes that fit in shops and they look so much tinier than me. But they fit. NOTHING in my brain has caught up with me. On TV today was a size 18 woman - bigger than I have ever been, and I felt she looked slimmer than me.

Has anyone else experienced this and how did they handle it? I now feel like I want to drop another 2 sizes to feel good but I can hardly imagine being that slim - this is exactly the size I always wanted to be and getting here doesn't seem enough.

Help!

KnitOrMiss

Yes, while I am still quite a bit larger than you (I'm around a size 20 US, give or take), but I started in the 5X range (which is 28-32W I think), and there are sometimes I go to pick things up, and put it on and it swims (I was convinced the other day I needed a 4X in something). Or I bought a 2X in something and felt like someone shoved me in a sausage casing. Then I see pictures of the old me and think, man, have I made any progress? Or I see pictures of me now, and it makes me so miserable to see how little difference there is.... This in general is called body dysmorphic disorder. It is what makes anorexics see someone 5 times larger than themselves, even when they are practically skeletal, but it happens at all sizes in different ways.

What I would suggest is rather than focusing on what you still want to lose, focus on what you like about yourself. A friend had her counselor give her an assignment to work on her self image. It had to do with looking into a mirror each day and finding a feature she liked about herself (she couldn't even do that at first, so we started with smile and eyes - I had to help convince her at first)... Each day (and for the first weeks, it was 1 feature per week, then increased later one), she had to spend 5 minutes looking into the mirror and doing self speak to accept and love the feature and find everything that was great about that feature. Her eyes was the color, the shape, the sparkle, how they didn't need make up, how she loved the way her brows brought them out, etc.

I think she said it took her 3 months to get comfortable even looking in the mirror (she'd been in a horrible marriage).... But while I took a different angle, this is how I learned to love and accept my "fat girl curves" even while still wanting to improve them. I had a better self image at 319 pounds, size 5X everything, and in my 30's than I did at 19 years old, 140 pounds, size Medium everything... And that's why even though I don't LOVE what I see in the mirror even now, and I get a skewed sense of myself and my progress sometimes, I still like myself and can accept that I would be okay with myself, even wearing shorts at this weight, even if I knew it would never change or get better.

I think coming up with or researching a program on improving your acceptance of your current image would be very helpful to you, because otherwise, I have a feeling that even losing another 2 sizes, you won't feel comfortable in your own skin...

HUGS to you....beautiful at any size/shape...

deksgrl

Is it your actual size that you aren't happy with, or is it just that you have flabby areas so you still don't feel happy? If you have a relatively high body fat % then that might make you feel that way. I was at 174 pounds several years ago, wearing US size 12. I dropped down to 142 pounds, wore US size 8. I still wasn't happy at 142 because I still had a lot of squishy fat. Then I gained weight again, but started lifting weights, and was happier with myself at a higher weight because I wasn't as squishy.

SlimBride2Be

Thank you all so much! I'm going to start the mirror exercise tomorrow morning.

My BF is 27% so I want to work on that - around 25 would be good I think. It is going down slowly though.

I don't know what it is I don't like. I think I have a negative voice in my head (my mother's?) telling me I look bad. It doesn't happen all the time but enough to upset me. Also the fact that not many of my colleagues (newish job and I'm not close to them yet so not surprised) have said anything and my OH doesn't talk about weight so it sometimes makes me think I'm imagining I've lost the weight.

I know I'm not imagining it though - the inches and scale tell the story and enough trusted people have noticed.

Our brains are bad for us sometimes!

KnitOrMiss

SlimBride2Be wrote: »

Thank you all so much! I'm going to start the mirror exercise tomorrow morning.

My BF is 27% so I want to work on that - around 25 would be good I think. It is going down slowly though.

I don't know what it is I don't like. I think I have a negative voice in my head (my mother's?) telling me I look bad. It doesn't happen all the time but enough to upset me. Also the fact that not many of my colleagues (newish job and I'm not close to them yet so not surprised) have said anything and my OH doesn't talk about weight so it sometimes makes me think I'm imagining I've lost the weight.

I know I'm not imagining it though - the inches and scale tell the story and enough trusted people have noticed.

Our brains are bad for us sometimes!

Okay, this is going to be a tough love kind of question, but is a 2% change in body fat really going to make any difference at all? That's like saying 10 pounds. I can look at a handful of women, all the same weigh all different body compositions...and gain some perspective. What I think would be neat would be if they showed us women at the same height with the same body fat percentages (within a 5% difference) with different body compositions.

Yes, 2% at your height and weight will be more significant than at mine, but really, 2%? In the grand scheme of the world? Are you prepared to dislike yourself for the rest of your life because whatever "IT" is that your inner voices says is wrong with you will always change. You thought this weight would be good...it's what you wanted. But now, it's not enough. What will be enough?

That voice in your head has got to go. When you hear it, stop. Listen to it. Figure out where it's coming from. Have a theoretical discussion with it. Figure out it's objections. Journal. This doesn't make you crazy, this gives you control over that inner voice, that inner demon, that inner negative chick, however you want to see it...

If you are more focused on body recomp, then you need to stop eating at a deficit and kick up the weights and such. Your body won't recomp well at all at a deficit unless that is part of a carefully schedule structured program....

wabmester

I'm a guy, so not much help. Sounds to me like you want external validation. (Which I'd be happy to give you if you post more swimsuit pictures. )

Not to get all gushy, but love yourself. This might not be great advice, but it's worked for me: be confident, whether you feel it or not. People will notice, and it'll feedback to you as an ego boost, and then you'll be genuinely confident.

CoconuttyMummy

SlimBride2Be wrote: »

Hi people, sorry in advance if this is irritating to some of you and I can see why it would be, but I'm feeling like I want to discuss it with someone.

I've gone from a size 16 (US 12) to a 10 (US 6). I went to the shops today and I wanted to buy a pair of summer shorts. I tried them on in a 10 and they fitted like a glove - but looking at myself in them I felt exactly as big as I used to be and I would never have worn them out in public. I left short-less and feeling a bit down.

I look at clothes that fit in shops and they look so much tinier than me. But they fit. NOTHING in my brain has caught up with me. On TV today was a size 18 woman - bigger than I have ever been, and I felt she looked slimmer than me.

Has anyone else experienced this and how did they handle it? I now feel like I want to drop another 2 sizes to feel good but I can hardly imagine being that slim - this is exactly the size I always wanted to be and getting here doesn't seem enough.

Help!

Theres not much I can say to help @SlimBride2Be , because I feel exactly the same way myself - I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I figure when I reach the weight and body composition that I truly look best at I will likely recognise that and be satisfied, but until I look in the mirror and genuinely like what I see I intend to keep striving for better. If that means I have to work at it from now until eternity then that's cool with me. I think it's such an amazing feeling to meet your mini goals that its natural to keep raising the bar as you realise you have the capability of achieving more. I think it's a good sign that we continue to strive to improve ourselves.

sweetteadrinker2

Darn brains playing tricks on us. I hate in the mirror and not seeing what my loved ones see. It'll come in time I suppose.

robston

SlimBride2Be I totally feel ur pain.. I did the same when I lost almost 100 lbs in 2003 on LC.. I got down to a size 8 from a 24 n I was still never happy w how I thought I looked. I was working out n doing strength trying so I was looking pretty toned too.. What I have found w the ongoing quest to lose weight, that as I lose, it's like a weird reverse of weight gain in that I see myself at different stages as losing I cringe even as losing.. It's hard to explain but it's like seeing ur self as u gain n u r disgusted w how u look, but ur losing..anyway..I've actually gotten to the point that I'm not looking to be perfect , don't need to look like anything out of a mag or a movie.. N it's helped me a lot in appreciating the losses n know that even when I hit my magic# or size, I will be happier w myself than I am now.. And that's what matters to me!! I wish u luck in ache curving ur happy place no matter where that may be!!

auntstephie321

I feel the same way. I also understand the feeling of not being able to talk about it without fear of people being annoyed by it.

I lost my weight quickly once going low carb. It hasn't allowed my brain the time to adjust yet. People tell me I'm skinny now, I know I'm smaller and some days I look in the mirror and feel great, other times (like today) I literally think I look as big as I did before.

But who can you say that too. Without them thinking, 'yeah listen to this skinny b**** talk about how fat she is'.

It feels so confusing for people to look at me as if I'm on the other side now. I'm not a bigger girl struggling with her weight anymore (at least upon appearances) so who am I?

There is a lot of emotional tie in to this and I feel getting that straightened out will take a lot longer than the weight loss did.

If you're like me at all you may find waiting a week or so to try shopping again. Sometimes it's just a funk and nothing looks right at that moment.

jaimekbee1219

I actually just had this conversation yesterday while shopping with a friend who is also losing weight (we both have PCOS). My friend has lost 50+ pounds over the last few months and commented how she feels like she needs force herself to stop buying clothes in her old sizes. She looks amazing, and she has the before and after photos to prove it... but she still doesn't feel smaller than she was.

I think part of the problem is that it can be hard to see the changes sometimes. I have the same beginning and current sizes as you and I really don't feel all that different. I know my clothes fit different and in some cases better (glad I didn't throw out those old shorts!), but I don't *feel* smaller. Yesterday I bought a pair of shorts that were slightly too small and two shirts that were WAY too big... I think it just takes time to get used to it...

I don't know if any of this helps, but you're not alone!

Edited because I accidentally posted before I was even sure I wanted to post at all ...

professionalHobbyist

I completely get this

I have a 33 waist now

But I don't see that. I am still not seeing myself as I am

I am going to set my profile pic to a waist pic that is G rated.

But I have had my trainer say to just relax and accept the fact

You are not fat

You may have heard it all your life from
Yourself and others

But you are not fat

I looked at this pic of my waist and laughed

So I still think I'm fat?

What is wrong with me!?!?

SlimBride2Be

Thank you for all the love everyone. It feels so amazing to not be alone!

I feel sad that I put on a pair of well-fitting 27 inch waist shorts yesterday and didn't feel AMAZING in them. But inches don't lie and I need to reflect on that and give myself time to take it in.

I think I have had a voice in my head for 20 years (thanks mum!) saying 'you're fat, you're fat, you can't wear that, you're fat' and it's just taking time to go away. 3 month vs 20 years... no wonder it's a long process!

The problem is that it's louder than all the other voices in my life. Like when my friend said 'you look thin enough, don't get thinner or you'll be gaunt' I hear 'I like you being my fat friend; don't stop being fat'. And when the sales assistant asked my size to get me something, I perceived her looking at me like I was lying, even though when she got me the clothes they fitted perfectly. Everyone in my world is lying, in my head!

Foamroller

When you're doing «Negative Automatic Self Talk», (only lacks the Y for NASTY) try catch yourself doing it and stop. Examine the validity of those feelings. Are there other alternative explanations that could possibly be true ?

As you mentioned, whose «voice» is talking to you? Maybe it's someone you grew up with or had a big influenced on you ?

Self-observing: Try imagine a camera on your shoulders. See yourself from outside or how someone else might see you now. Analyze what is happening when you talk yourself down. Why are you doing this? Is there any patterns ?

Keep asking yourself questions. Good luck

professionalHobbyist

Foamroller wrote: »

When you're doing «Negative Automatic Self Talk», (only lacks the Y for NASTY) try catch yourself doing it and stop. Examine the validity of those feelings. Are there other alternative explanations that could possibly be true ?

As you mentioned, whose «voice» is talking to you? Maybe it's someone you grew up with or had a big influenced on you ?

Self-observing: Try imagine a camera on your shoulders. See yourself from outside or how someone else might see you now. Analyze what is happening when you talk yourself down. Why are you doing this? Is there any patterns ?

Keep asking yourself questions. Good luck

You are very wise.

Great advice

Thank you for sharing

deksgrl

Definitely work on positive self talk and self esteem. Because those issues are going to block your happiness. You see it everywhere, most women are so fixed on the number on the scale, they think that if and when they finally get to that number, they will finally be happy. But they get there and they are not happy because there is something else within themselves causing the unhappiness.

nurserobin37087

If you cannot get out of the mindset of thinking badly about yourself then I would get counseling. yes it is expensive and time consuming but having someone in your corner helping you to be a better you is always a good hing. Try try try to think better of yourself. love yourself no matter if you are big or small. Love the person that you are!
I have gone from 355lbs to 183lbs and my brain is still catching up with the weight loss and yes I have this issue too but I know that it is my head playing tricks on me and I am working on knocking that voice out. Good luck!

socalprincess1

SlimBride2Be wrote: »

The problem is that it's louder than all the other voices in my life. Like when my friend said 'you look thin enough, don't get thinner or you'll be gaunt' I hear 'I like you being my fat friend; don't stop being fat'.

No but, for what it's worth, there ARE those people who say those things and that is somewhat what they actually mean! Whether it's a reflection on the work they would like to do (but aren't doing) themselves, jealousy, etc... I've gotten that kinda stuff A LOT from people over the past several years that I've made body changes.

Example - I started at a much higher weight in the high 100's, 155 now, but in the past two years been in the mid-to-low 140s and even as low as 137, and got there the healthy way. I'm 5'3". That is a small frame. And it is not unreasonable or unhealthy for me to end up at 120 or possibly even a little lower than that! Now I'm not saying that is definitively my goal - I'd imagine it's at least 130, but I'll definitely shoot for 125 and if that comes easily I may try to go lower. But when people hear or have heard that I'd like to lose 30-35 lbs, they lose their *kitten*. "You can't lose that much, you don't have that much to lose!" "You'll be gaunt and waaaay too skinny if you lose that much." Blah Blah Blah. People. 120 and 5'3" is well within healthy range. Gauntness is temporary while the body shuffles fat and gets comfortable at a lower weight. Point is, we all have different bodies, and weight settles on us all differently. Quite honestly no one else's opinions matter - it's about being happy ourselves!

Now I can totally relate to what you're experiencing...good old girl goggles! I think this also happens somewhat because other people sometimes have different standards with what is acceptable, and we are obviously always our own worst critics! But honestly, as long as you aren't being unhealthy about it, I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to improve, but do it all the while loving yourself - you owe it to your own happiness. I know for me personally, I will probably technically never be 100% happy with my body, I'm not sure any girls are. But I will certainly be able to be more accepting of my flaws when I'm at a generally smaller size and better level of tightness of toning!

minties82

I think I have the opposite problem, I feel like I look fantastic but (almost) everyone else thinks I need to lose a hell of a lot more, which I do to be 'ideal'. I'm way bigger than you and still very big in general, but I've never been so small as an adult. I am 32 and about the size I was at 17-18 years old.

My family keep saying "when you've lost all the weight, you'll look great/feel amazing/be so fit" etc. Hang on...I have lost 80lbs...um? Do I not look any better yet? Gee thanks. I feel pretty awesome in myself though and so confident now. I lift weights, jog and all that fun stuff. I can climb trees and walk up mountains and love it. I feel pretty fit compared to the old me.

That didn't happen all of a sudden though and is a recent feeling. I expect I will have stages of feeling ugly, huge and like I haven't lost any weight yet again in the future.

I'm having a 2 week weightloss break and people think I have given up and failed, I feel like saying fark off to them, I look fabulous.

wabmester

minties82 wrote: »

I think I have the opposite problem....

I think you all look fabulous.

I have an even weirder opposite problem. Even when I was fat, I never considered myself fat. Now that I'm less fat, I think I look pretty buff. I'll be strutting around like a peacock if I ever actually get buff.

kimberwolf71

How do you react when you see pictures of yourself? I was usually the opposite; when I would look in the mirror, I see the 20-something me (whoops). When I saw myself in pictures, I was like "when did I get old and fat?" (bigger whoops). Now when looking in the mirror I try to be more honest (but kind and critical) with myself.

I find that more time spent naked in front of the mirror equate to a lesser desire to make bad food choices. You may find that it provides a stronger sense of accomplishment!!

m_puppy

I hear you and understand. I feel you look great but I also understand that your mother's words may make it difficult to hear that as a truth. It is common for people to feel what you are feeling.

Speaking in quotes is rarely anything less than annoying but the cold hard truth of "wherever you go, there you are" is one of the many pitfalls to being human. You can keep on losing weight. You can tone up. You can do whatever you want. But it won't matter because wherever you go, there you are. If you don't work through whatever it is you need to work through, it will follow you from size to size. So many of us think "if I could just have x then I wouldn't feel this way." Then we get whatever that is and oops, we still feel that way. You have to address the larger issue and for you that is a low self-esteem. That low self-esteem probably contributed to your weight gain in the first place. I was going to say "I would google ways to work on your self-esteem or set up a therapy appointment." But that isn't at all true. I have a very low self-esteem as well. I haven't googled any solutions. It was briefly mentioned in therapy but no solutions were discussed. If I could give myself advice, it would be that though. Do you suffer from anxiety at all?

professionalHobbyist

I'm ok, you're ok.

I'm there

There is some concept of self I don't see.

I have dated a few just stunningly gorgeous women. A few knew it well. The only thing we agreed on it seemed is that they were beautiful. A few had no notion of it really.

If I ever do get to look good, I don't want to act like those that know it.

nikoba

@minties82 I'm right there with you (though I have to say, you have made an awesome transformation already). I know 27lbs isn't tons of weight, especially when I started off at 237. But I'm down to 210 and there is not much of a difference in my appearance in my opinion. Nor has anyone really seemed to notice the either. I'm still really proud of myself for the success so far...and other than some TOM binging I've struggled with this week...I'm motivated to keep going. I just wish there was more of aesthetic difference to show for it.

baconslave

minties82 wrote: »

I'm having a 2 week weightloss break and people think I have given up and failed, I feel like saying fark off to them, I look fabulous.

I KNOW! What is up with that!

People in my life, who had ZERO participation in the act of me losing weight, feel like they need to be my diet police. If I need to take a break, why is it their business? I know what I'm doing. Nobody said anything to me when I was pigging out on carbage for 17 years straight, getting fatter and sicker every year. Suddenly, if I take a diet break, even if it's only for one evening, they have to comment on it and criticize. NOW. When I have everything under control, and I'm the healthiest I've ever been. They make a huge deal about the fact that I ate a dessert once. My word! Shush yourselves, people. Ain't nun yo bidness.

GaleHawkins

Being down around 50 pound (lost first 20 pounds CICO only) I still see myself as a fat boy. Going from BMI of 35 and clocking it at 27.3 yesterday on my Health-O-Meter scales yesterday I have decided while I have no BMI goal I have no desire to go below 25 or hang around with those who are below 25. That is a joke but I personally think most people are healthier and look that way too when at a BMI of around 25 +/-2 which also gives the lowest risk of death.