Eating to "Stay in Control"

MrsPryority

I found that I eat when I feel out of control. If things don't go the way I want them to or my day is constantly changing. It's like food is how I get the feeling back of being in control. Does anyone else feel this way? Obviously I need to let go of my need to control! Can anyone relate and offer tips on how to deal???

jlann55

that's a point I never thought of, I tend to eat as a way of hiding from things that upset me. I don't really have any tips except if I eat regularly I don't turn to food as quickly, also a piece of hard candy or a mint seems to help me sometimes. Letting go of what we cannot change is something I am trying to learn.

MrsPryority

I agree. Its hard to let go sometimes if I think that it will cause more stress later on. I tend to overthink things and stay in my head a lot.

TonyTrink

I absolutely eat as a means of maintaining the illusion that I'm in control. I'm fairly certain that comes from my relationship with food as a child. The one place in our house where people weren't nasty, mean, or belittling, was in the kitchen. That became my "safe" place. When my mother was in mood where she wasn't too happy with herself, those were the nights we got fried, fatty, starchy, comfort food for dinner. It was also the nights she was the nicest and wasn't her normal verbally abusive self. I learned to equate those foods with being accepted and things going smoothly.

So, now as an adult, when things go wonky in my day, or someone says something slightly mean or hurtful, or I'm treated unfairly, or verbally abused by someone, instead of dealing with those issues, like an adult, I run to the kitchen and cook and eat, and eat and cook, and what do I cook and eat? Fried, fatty, starchy, comfort food.

I'm trying to learn how to deal with things and confront them when they occur, instead of stuffing them and dealing with them at home in my kitchen, but it can be hard to change a life time of ingrained behaviors and responses, but I'm trucking along with working it out.

fruitydelicious

I used to eat to feel numb, so I could completely deny my emotions. Those were the late night binges. Then there was the eat because I'm happy, or splurge because I was eating out (not just for special occasions, anytime). I have a very hard time being around large quantities of food now. Makes me edgy and nervous because I know I don't want to eat in abandon anymore. Grocery stores are hard too. Thankful my hubby has been super supportive and goes shopping with me. So I would call my former way of eating as the " illusion of control". I can't control what has happened or will happen to me but I can eat this donut or 3 and I just won't care anymore because the sugar rush will cause me to crash hard and fall asleep! I have replaced binging with prayer. God and I have been talking a lot!!!! I still backslide, but never give up. I am in a much better place mentally then I was 5 months ago.

ObtainingBalance

I can relate.

When things don't go as planned for me or I feel overwhelmed, I go to emotional eating. I realize it doesn't solve a problem but it helps me escape it for a short amount of time. I think it's something triggered by anxiety.
Maybe you can find another activity that gives you a sense of control?
Some people organize or clean house. You can try DIY projects, go for a walk, etc.
I like going and taking a shower when I feel the impulse. I feel refreshed and I'm no longer in a situation where I can access food. You have to practice techniques and find out what works for you. Hang in there.

fruitydelicious

A shower - I never thought of that!! Thanks!!!

MrsPryority

Cleaning is a good idea. TBH so would a shower. Sometimes I don't get enough me time and I think that leads to the feeling of losing control. I get so burned out taking care of others that I forget to refuel myself.

FoodLoveGirl

MrsPryority wrote: »

I found that I eat when I feel out of control. If things don't go the way I want them to or my day is constantly changing. It's like food is how I get the feeling back of being in control. Does anyone else feel this way? Obviously I need to let go of my need to control! Can anyone relate and offer tips on how to deal???

Yes! God Yes! I totally have felt this. I saw this television show where this former overeater explained it perfectly, she was staring at a box of chocolates and she was like, "I can't solve this problem but I can do this. I can eat this box of chocolates. I can get this done". IT was like, her uneasiness with not being able to solve her current problem left a void and a need to feel accomplished so in some twisted way she was able to "accomplish" something by eating an entire box of chocolates -even though she was acknowledging that it was bad she still felt the need to do it - because at least then she was doing something.

I can totally relate to that. I recently blogged about having a successful moment of not doing this and just sitting with my emotions about not being able to control everything and realizing and accepting that things weren't going my way. (www.foodlovemefoodhateme.com - see post - Don't Eat Your Worries) I hope this helps!

FoodLoveGirl

TonyTrink wrote: »

I absolutely eat as a means of maintaining the illusion that I'm in control. I'm fairly certain that comes from my relationship with food as a child. The one place in our house where people weren't nasty, mean, or belittling, was in the kitchen. That became my "safe" place. When my mother was in mood where she wasn't too happy with herself, those were the nights we got fried, fatty, starchy, comfort food for dinner. It was also the nights she was the nicest and wasn't her normal verbally abusive self. I learned to equate those foods with being accepted and things going smoothly.

So, now as an adult, when things go wonky in my day, or someone says something slightly mean or hurtful, or I'm treated unfairly, or verbally abused by someone, instead of dealing with those issues, like an adult, I run to the kitchen and cook and eat, and eat and cook, and what do I cook and eat? Fried, fatty, starchy, comfort food.

I'm trying to learn how to deal with things and confront them when they occur, instead of stuffing them and dealing with them at home in my kitchen, but it can be hard to change a life time of ingrained behaviors and responses, but I'm trucking along with working it out.

TonyTrink - you've already done have the battle my friend. I just recently started figuring out all the childhood stuff - I'm 34, took me this long to even scratch the surface. Good job to you!