Why can't I just say "Thank you" when someone says I'm slim
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I don't care what you guys say. When I reach normal weight I'm going to love every second of every compliment I get. And I hope I get some or I'll be pissed.
lol. The part of me that is my inner diva does appreciate the compliments. She preens and struts. The rest of me is the practical side, and tells her to not get cocky, that she isn't 100% there yet, and that we can't get too comfy. My practical side is such a buzz-kill.0 -
You guys are so funny!! (that's a compliment) My eyes are watering from laughing..>> "trust me, my thighs still look like scrambled eggs" or "Its no use being slimmer if I still wobble like jello", "Sorry I used to be so big"
I too, have to consciously refrain from self deprecation in response to a compliment and just enjoy the moment with a thank you. Although, I still oddly force out a return compliment,
Friend: "You look great today"; Me: "Oh, Thank you! I like your... (as I scan up and down).. err... ahh...shoes"
(Then I walk away, thinking to myself.. stupid, stupid, stupid.)
I haven't yet received the have you lost weight compliment yet. (almost 20lbs down). I did get, "you look nice today". and "I like that outfit." I'm not quite at the noticeable stage yet. Except for my BF, who complimented me this morning with "Wow, your calves are looking great." What?? My frigg'n calves?? Seriously dude, FU, you are living dangerously....
I think saying you look thin, skinny, your so tiny, or singling out a body part is an uncomfortable compliment and feels somewhat judgey. I much prefer to send and receive "Boy, you look great" and drop it.0 -
slimzandra wrote: »
I too, have to consciously refrain from self deprecation in response to a compliment and just enjoy the moment with a thank you. Although, I still oddly force out a return compliment,
Friend: "You look great today"; Me: "Oh, Thank you! I like your... (as I scan up and down).. err... ahh...shoes"
(Then I walk away, thinking to myself.. stupid, stupid, stupid.)
My friend and I refer to this as "I carried a watermelon?!" because of Dirty Dancing. The moment you walk away and think "idiot, idiot, idiot! Why did I say that?!" Imagine how much more mindful we'll be in September once we get through our month of meditation hahaha!slimzandra wrote: »I haven't yet received the have you lost weight compliment yet. (almost 20lbs down). I did get, "you look nice today". and "I like that outfit." I'm not quite at the noticeable stage yet. Except for my BF, who complimented me this morning with "Wow, your calves are looking great." What?? My frigg'n calves?? Seriously dude, FU, you are living dangerously....
That made me laugh! My boyfriend has started putting his hands around my waist. I feel like that's the nicest, non-verbal compliment I have received.0 -
slimzandra wrote: »"Wow, your calves are looking great." What?? My frigg'n calves?? Seriously dude, FU, you are living dangerously....
That reminds me of when my BF and I were having a conversation and I said I felt like I was losing weight, he said "yeah I noticed your neck looked thinner"
I was like, yeah friggin awesome, lol he meant well0 -
baconslave wrote: »I don't care what you guys say. When I reach normal weight I'm going to love every second of every compliment I get. And I hope I get some or I'll be pissed.
lol. The part of me that is my inner diva does appreciate the compliments. She preens and struts. The rest of me is the practical side, and tells her to not get cocky, that she isn't 100% there yet, and that we can't get too comfy. My practical side is such a buzz-kill.
@baconslave, I tend to brush off compliments, knowing that I have not reached my goal yet. Isn't it funny how hard we are on ourselves, so unwilling to see the positives, and tending to highlight the negatives ? Yes, I agree in that I am still defensive and insecure. I am hoping to be able to appreciate the compliments one day.I am starting to get really irritated by compliments. If people go on and on about how different I look, I want to scream at them to shut the @$&!up which is terrible.
I feel uncomfortable being complimented on losing weight that should never have been gained to start with. It just feels wrong. It's like thanking an abusive partner for not smacking you in the face today.
@minties, this is weird too isn't it ? This kind of comment males me feel that I must have looked way worse than what I thought before I lost some weight. And of course, I also take it to mean that I was somehow an inferior person as well.
But I am also uncomfortable with the compliments because I think I built up layers of fat to protect myself. It kind of feels like I am getting more exposed as I am shedding the layers. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me as I lose more weight, in terms of being comfortable in a new, smaller skin. It's almost as if I crave the compliment but can't handle it emotionally yet. I want to be able to enjoy it, like @newmeadow says.
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yes, just say thank you. How wonderful that you have worked so hard and a stranger would consider you slim. Grea job!!0
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Kitnthecat wrote: »
But I am also uncomfortable with the compliments because I think I built up layers of fat to protect myself. It kind of feels like I am getting more exposed as I am shedding the layers.
Very common0 -
I've had a few compliments. I guess it's just me as I've said to those who have complimented (mostly co-workers) thank you for noticing the hard work I am doing. Feels great!! I'm still quite large, so I don't get compliments outside of work (those that see me daily); but they are trying to be nice and notice the hard work and I take the compliment as such.0
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I too struggle with accepting compliments and I read recently that when the compliment is contrary to how you view yourself, the compliment may actually make you feel worse rather than better. There may also be a tendency by the recipient to interpret the compliment as condescending rather than complimentary - as well as to feel anxiety about not being able to live up to the compliment.
All that to say, both the complimenter and the complimentee are often bringing a lot of baggage to the table and it certainly isn't as simple a situation as it seems on the surface!0 -
Funny, I read this thread earlier this morning, then had a complimentary experience of my own.
I went to the gym over lunch for my regular Thursday step class. I've been doing this class for about 2 or 3 years now and have advanced from one riser (a 6 inch step) to three (a 10 inch step). I'm also doing all of the advanced moves and have recently started holding a 3lb weight in each hand throughout the class--why not throw in a little shoulder and arm work while upping my heartrate, eh?
Anyway, long story short, one of the other ladies was just gushing all over the place after class today about how impressive all this is. Meanwhile, all I can think is that I'm one of the heaviest people in this class (I'm 5'4 and weigh about 158lbs). And it's taken me forever to get to this point. And I'm still fat.
I just smiled, laughed a bit, and kept on stretching. We're friends, we work together, we take almost every class at the gym together, yet I still can't take a compliment from her. Even knowing how obvious my progress has been. Sigh...0 -
Yeah, I have an inner diva too and she thinks I am a bad *kitten* in training.
Still, I just try to say thank you. I have a good bit to go, but when I receive a compliment--even an awkward "you have lost weight" compliment--I just try to take it in the spirit it was given and appreciate the fact that they took the time to say something nice.
The bad *kitten* in me thinks "heck yeah, I am looking goooood". Ha!0 -
I hope I get to the point I can graciously accept a compliment. After 65 pounds lost, I still feel like I look the same. I'm trying to change my own view of myself and am heading to get a fresh new haircut today. Hopefully, it will be flattering so I can start to see myself as I actualy look - not like I still weigh 288.
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I hope I get to the point I can graciously accept a compliment. After 65 pounds lost, I still feel like I look the same. I'm trying to change my own view of myself and am heading to get a fresh new haircut today. Hopefully, it will be flattering so I can start to see myself as I actualy look - not like I still weigh 288.
Feeling you.
Sometimes I see the new me. And sometimes, I just look at the parts (like thighs or belly) and I just see the obese-me. I feel like I still look so huge. So I try to just remember to zoom out and look at the big picture. I bought a bunch of size 10 clothes the other day. So it feels more real. My thighs still look like tree-trunks...fat tree-trunks, to me. Don't get me started on my "abs". But me in stretch jeans and a fitted tee looks pretty nice. I keep getting compliments.
Sometimes I have nightmares that I've gained all the weight back. Getting used to the new us is a journey all its own.
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I think it is not unusual to have some of these feels when losing noticeable pounds. It's like you have to find a new way to see yourself in a different space. I think our identity is partly bound in our perception of our physical selves, and when we lose weight, the cognitive dissonance is real and has to be worked through. My husband said to me one night while we were laying in bed talking "I can tell you are losing weight because your arms are smaller". It was a weird feeling and caught me off guard.
But I could definitely hear more compliments like this before I get tired of it
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Sometimes I think I look better than I actually look. Then I see a picture or my reflection and I start getting down. When I actually see myself, all I can see is all of the weight I need to lose. I am a size 8 now but I still wear large in almost everything. That's kind of hard for me. When I knew I was large, a large didn't bother me. Now that I feel smaller, a large feels like a label of who I am. A reminder sitting there that says "hey, don't go feeling good about yourself, you're still large." Don't even get me started on the BMI crap. Or going to the doctor and being told I am overweight and should work on that. I guess all of this to say my self-esteem does better when I just follow the WOE and exercise, don't weigh, don't measure, don't try on new clothes, don't look at pictures of myself. Feeling pretty defeated over the last couple of months.0
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I think we are used to looking where to lose weight, what to fix, where we need work....
We stay that way
I get straight up lectures from women I know
Tell me I am obsessive about losing some fat here or there and that I look fine.
It is a thing that takes time.
We have to be kind to ourselves as we get used to a new reality.
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So many in my family are overweight. They all tell me how good I'm looking then freak out when I tell them I have 15 more to go. I have learned to just say "Thank you!" though. It actually feels good when you get used to it.0
