WLS Taboo on this site

kimgravitt3

I'm new to this site. I've started my journey with WLS surgery. This is the only group I've joined. I'm working on my 4 months of journaling of my diet and exercise. 2 months are done. I've finished all my testing and have my psych appointment Friday. My question is this - why is there so much negativity towards people having surgery as a tool to help one lose weight? I've seen some nasty comments made, so that is one reason I've not talked to anyone. I have 200 lbs to lose and have always been big. It took me a long time to make this decision. My bariatric dietician recommended this app and it is wonderful. I've lost 7 lbs so far.

tat2cookie

Cause people on here are single minded asshats. Things I've learned to never bring up are wls, clean eating, paleo, sugar or gluten free. People will go postal!!! They believe that macros and CICO are the only correct ways to lose weight. I take what they have to say with a grain of salt.

kimgravitt3

Thanks for the input. I assumed the same thing. Some of the people seem like they are trolling for an argument, jumping from forum to forum. I seen some crazy answers on how to best lose weight lol.

Wonderwomanvik

Just know you have found a great group to be a part of! The people in this group are awesome and supportive!

loveshoe

People are often critical of what they don't understand. They believe all overweight people are created equal and what works for them should work for all of us, which isn't true. Their lack of knowledge and understanding makes them critical. Just ignore those people. You'll find great people on this site that will offer support and encouragement without trying to sway you away from what works for you mentally and physically. Congrats on the 7 lb loss.

krissymae88

I've noticed the same thing in the forums. When I first started seriously considering wls I was worried that admitting I need the extra help meant I was a failure...and reading some of those negative posts on this site definitely supported that thought. And I found that a lot of those posts are about people's friends or family members who had surgery and hated it and now they're heavier than when they started and blah blah blah. But once I found this group and started reading discussions by people who are living a new lifestyle and know how to use their surgery as a tool I felt so much better about the decision to go for it.
Congrats on having the majority of your appointments done and being halfway through your preop diet! I'm having my first appointment next week and I'm excited to get some details on my timeline. Feel free to friend me if you'd like to

911Chrisy

I agree with what has been said above. The words lazy, junk food eater, over indulgent, stupid, lacking self control, are things I have heard over the years from people who are rude or seemingly just want to help, by teaching me the correct foods to eat, portion control and exercise.
I think the only advantage of being overweight and obese is having that rare glimpse into a person's true nature.
If a person can judge based on size alone, then they have truly missed the bigger picture.

kimgravitt3

Amen sister!

Trayjay33

911Chrisy wrote: »

I agree with what has been said above. The words lazy, junk food eater, over indulgent, stupid, lacking self control, are things I have heard over the years from people who are rude or seemingly just want to help, by teaching me the correct foods to eat, portion control and exercise.
I think the only advantage of being overweight and obese is having that rare glimpse into a person's true nature.
If a person can judge based on size alone, then they have truly missed the bigger picture.

I agree, the same people who look down on those who are overweight may in the future find themselves trying to lose a substantial amount of weight as well and not have the answers.

ThinGwen

I think that there is a trollish element in many boards. And some people only feel better when they are attacking others. It's ugly, but it is their problem, not mine. In person, I've gotten a few less then positive responses, but mostly people have been insanely supportive.

cmchandler74

It's just like anything else out there in cyberland - many people think that if it isn't right for them, then it can't possibly be right for anyone else, either. And they're gonna make sure that everyone knows that they're judgmental about it. (Personally, I couldn't give two whiffs about the opinions of people who think it's fun to post whether or not they'd kiss the person who posts above or below them, which is 90 percent of what I see posted on the front page on the sidebar whenever I log in.)

The nastiest (thankfully) I've experienced to my face so far is I've had a few people tell me, "Surgery is just not for me." And I respect that. But the reality is that I've dropped 70+ lbs and am the healthiest I have probably ever been while I sit back and watch them bang their heads repeatedly against the wall trying to lose weight because they've become insulin-resistant. I don't say anything because they have to choose what's right for them. But I know this much - HEALTHY is what's right for me and I've found it through WLS, so I KNOW I've made the right choice.

blairmundy

I think there is a lot of jealousy in it. Either they feel like they have to work hard to stay thinner than you and therefore you are negating their work when you are also thin or they don't have to work to stay thin but you are somehow leveling the playing field that they previously had a genetic advantage in. You can't let them get to you - it's 100% a function of their own baggage in their own brain and it's a shame they have to deal with those feelings as well. Stay positive, focus on yourself, and hang with people who support you. Be kind to the haters (since they are doing a fair amount of hating themselves) but don't let them in your head.

sinderstorm

I think quite a bit of it is there are so many sources of BAD information out there (majority of my 600lb life episodes anyone?) and so many incorrect sources on the internet. Had I not had 2 other family members go through it and be very successful, I don't know if I'd be here, post-op, today. Thy helped pave the way for my journey, and showed me that it does work, if you're willing to make the changes and put the work into it.

The negativity is why I only lurk on the main boards, and save my posting for WLS groups. I also have kept my journey private- only my family and a couple of very close friends know what I've done, and they are all supportive. Pre surgery, I only told those who I knew would be supportive, and have slowly added people to that list as I've lost weight and gained confidence. It isn't a secret that I've done WLS, but it is private. And not everyone needs to be privy to your private information until/if you're ready to share with them.

kimgravitt3

I totally agree with you blairmundy and sinderstorm. Even though I am very blunt and outspoken, I don't like conflict. I've also had a couple of friends and family members that have had the surgery and did really well. Unfortunately, I've seen the downside when someone has the surgery and doesn't do well. I think what finally convinced me was the rapid weight gain I had after a total thyroidectomy. I was already obese, then gained 55 lbs before the doctor got my TSH levels corrected with medication. It took eight months to get it within normal range. I knew at my age (I'm 56) that I was going to start having serious health problems if I didn't get the weight off.

heathergshea

We are all stronger mentally and physically having been brave enough to make the wls decision. The community of people we are now part of understand and support the ups and the downs. I think most of us not only look and feel better but are just stronger yet more sensitive people overall. No one likes a triple threat! Hahahha. Ignorance is everywhere but so is open minded people like the folks here. I focus on those people .

Holly_penguin

I agree with all these statements. I think a large part of it also that fat-shaming is so prevalent and acceptable to so many people. WLS might be "the easy way out" as some say, but for me it was the ONLY way out. I personally have told only a very select close group that I have had WLS. I decided this because I'd spent my entire life being judged for being fat, I wasn't going to spend the rest of it being judged for being thin. Do people assume I had WLS, yes. But when they ask I say, "eat less move more" which isn't a lie in my mind because I do eat less and exercise more due to my surgery. I also fully believe that fat-shaming and fat-discrimination is a serious road-block for people who are considering WLS but keep stalling with follow through. I waited until I was 40 because I kept thinking, "how hard can this be? I can do this? I'm not lazy like everyone says I am. I have the discipline to do this! I'll show everyone I'm not a fat slob". Once I stopped feeling like a failure for not being able to lose "the regular way" I swiftly moved forward with WLS. Now I tell my friends I wish I had done this in my 30's...or my 20's! I feel like a wasted those decades feeling less than worthy of general civilizations acceptance. If I felt as good about myself now in my 20's I imagine I would have had the confidence to have made many different decisions in relationship and my career.

In short, I only tell people on this forum I had WLS. The rest of the boards don't need to know.

kimgravitt3

Holly thanks to you for the wonderful input. Also thanks to Heather and everyone else who have sent a message. It means a lot to have other people sharing their journey with me. Even though I'm just getting started, each perspective helps me in the decisions I make going forward.

RENAEJAE

The negative connotation that comes with WLS is to blame for my delaying this for over 5 years. I lost and gained the same 80lbs twice in that time. I'm done being mad about it but it is also the reason that I have kept my WLS private. Life's too short to deal with na-sayers! Good for you on your successful start. Nothing but positive around here! Welcome!! Add me as a friend if you'd like.

cmchandler74

Holly_penguin wrote: »

I decided this because I'd spent my entire life being judged for being fat, I wasn't going to spend the rest of it being judged for being thin.

YES to this. Bravo.

kimgravitt3

Renae I completely understand your opinion. I've faced the same words from people who have been friends for years.

Holly_penguin

cmchandler74 wrote: »

Holly_penguin wrote: »

I decided this because I'd spent my entire life being judged for being fat, I wasn't going to spend the rest of it being judged for being thin.

YES to this. Bravo.

Thank you.

joysie1970

Welcome to the positive community of WLS, glad you found us

kimgravitt3

I'm glad I found you also!!! Everyone on this site as been great.

shawnab41

I had WLS in 2001 and now I'm battling to get the regain back under control.

kimgravitt3

Shawn I wish you the very best. I know it will always been a struggle for me to stay on track. I know you can do this!

akindofmagick

I stay off the main boards. I belong to this group and another just for VSGers. On Facebook I belong to two more groups: one for VSG and one for General WLS discussions. All 4 groups are great; very supportive. I've also been on the VSG forum at obesityhealth.com since 2009; a few people can get ugly there, but it's easy to block them. Congratulations on taking this step towards a healthier you!!!

greenbaymichk

Can I add an "Amen" to everything that has been said! WLS is a tool that most of us have chosen as the last resort after exercise and diet haven't been successful. Even after WLS, it takes a lot of work, discipline and determination to get the weight off. The surgery alone will only take us so far - we have to change our head.

lisanume

Hey! I am new too.... I had the sleeve gastrectomy June 19, 2015. I have had a lot of people tell me I CHEATED in my weight loss goals!!!
Well, I also had a lot of other health issues. My stomach was a mess, my sleep apnea was out of control, I was borderline diabetic. I was 210 at on my surgery date and I am now 168

authorwriter

I was watching a documentary, I think it was British, about people who simply do not get fat. The purpose of the documentary was to see if they could make them get fat, the idea that some people are genetically programmed to be naturally fat or thin. I'm probably explaining this badly. Plenty of testing and measuring early on, then the group was released to eat enormous calorie goals and day and were told 'do not exercise.'

So you watch the documentary and these people are pigging out to the point they are nauseated. After a month they are remeasured and they've gained some weight, but nothing like I'd have gained on a similar diet. I think this went on for a few months. But the MOMENT these people were released from all the eating, they started losing again. In a month or two they were back to their normal lean weight without any real effort on their parts.

So we are not all created equal in this regard. Some of us are natural storers. Then maybe life circumstances make it worse and as we age, our metabolisms just head off a cliff. There is no getting around it. For some of us, hunger does not keep us alive, it is killing us. Now why other people even care whether or not I chose this route, so I wouldn't die and I could enjoy the rest of my life...who knows? Would they go ballistic if I were a Type I diabetic and needed insulin to live? How about if I had a tumor that needed to be removed? I don't waste my time for even one minute thinking about those people.

Yeah, I could lock myself in a room with a set number of calories a day and be hungry all the time and eventually, I'll lose weight.Like months and months and maybe years down the road. Meanwhile, I'll be suffering and unhappy and stressed. Guess what, my metabolism is so slow that even with the sleeve my weight loss is MINISCULE, but at least I'm not walking around hungry all the time. My food choices are better because I'm not craving horrible food anymore. The hunger monster is tamed. I've still got plenty to lose. PLENTY. I'm down 75 pounds and I have another 100 or more to go. But I'm way happier, can move around and am no longer ashamed to just be taking up space.

So ignore those people. They have NO IDEA.

denicejo

I think it's a lack of education on wls. I've had someone tell me I took the easy way out. It was an older family member, so I couldn't tell her off. Mind you this person has been overweight her whole life and has voiced that it is too dangerous to have surgery. So she speaks from ignorance and fear, like most. After she made that comment I explained that this is by NO means easy. I have elected to change my eating habits for life. This isn't a diet where I can take the day off and splurg. I can't just decide to not have my sleeve becuase it's the weekend or because I'm on vacation. I told her I have to measure, weigh, and read lables just like anyone one else who does it the old fashioned way. Of course she could tell by my tone that she shouldn't have said that and has been a little kinder since. I've dieted my whole life adn have had great success, but the weight ALWAYS found me. Usually the more I lost the more I'd gain back. We all know this is a tool, some are very good at using the tools some not so much. I've seen people who just thought this was not worth the effort and haven't done so well. I suspect because they went into this with that same mentality, that the weight would fall off and they wouldn't have to work. People are gonna hate not mater what. Just surrond yourself with supportive people and ignore the rest.

krissymae88

I am still months out from surgery and I know my family is already supportive and I expect my friends to be too. It makes me so mad and sad to hear stories of people who get hate for making this decision. I think most people who get to the point where they decide to have surgery likely have some kind of unhealthy emotional attachment to food or perhaps a food addiction, I know I do. Committing to giving up overeating and bingeing for the rest of my life is definitely not the easy way out. I'm giving up my emotional crutch and the substance that I have relied on my whole life to be by my side in good times and hard times. Its too bad that people who don't understand it or are too afraid to make this kind of commitment for themselves are so quick to judge.