my body image epiphany (kinda long, with pics)
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annalisbeth74
Posts: 328 Member
So... I've been on LCHF since April and lost 33ish pounds. (for reference, I'm 5'8", started at 224.6 and am currently about 191). I've been overweight since puberty, and like probably everyone on here, I've tried everything over the years. (I won't list them here, because my list and yours will probably be the same crazy stuff). I've also struggled for almost that long with body image issues, which has worsened in the past few years as I got to my highest weight ever. Still, though, I never thought I looked that bad. I knew I was overweight, probably in the obese category, but I still thought I looked pretty good most of the time.
My image issues came in mainly where the number on the scale was concerned. I work in a clinic and weigh my patients once a week, and seeing women who were so much larger than me who weighed the same or even less than me always depressed me. I always wondered, am I in that much denial about how fat I look?
My decision to go low carb wasn't because of some huge epiphany; my best friend suggested it, so I did it to go along with her, and ended up liking it. But still, I've struggled with coming to terms with the numbers on the scale. I lost about 30 lbs. before my size 16 fat clothes got to be too loose to wear anymore. It depressed me that I had to lose that much to go down one single size - again, comparing myself to others who have lost less and look skinnier than me. If it took me that much to get to a 14, how much am I going to have to lose to get to a size 10? It's extremely daunting to think about, and depresses me every time I get on the scale and think about how far I have left to go.
Then yesterday I went shopping to buy some clothes to tide me over until I get to goal. I was absolutely flabbergasted to discover that I fit into a size 12. Now, this was at the Goodwill store, so the pants were second hand, and they were kinda stretchy so I convinced myself that there was no way I was actually a size 12. These pants had to be a 12.5 or 13, no way am I actually a 12. I remember being a size 12 in high school, and I weighed about 173 then, a good 18 lbs less than I weigh now, so there's no way I am actually a size 12.
I lay in bed last night wishing there was some way to test my size then versus now and convince myself once and for all that I'm not really a 12, that I must be mistaken. Some old school uniforms, an old pair of jeans or something, but unfortunately I don't have any of those things left. Then I remembered this costume dress I wore when I was 16 for a church talent show. I climbed out of bed and dug it out of the back of my closet, putting it on over my pajamas (because I wasn't going to indulge the insanity that far by taking my pajamas off first), and - holy cow, the darn thing fit. It's a little tight, but the dress fits. This dress that I wore when I was 16 and weighed 173 fits me now at age 42 and 191 lbs.
I realized then and there that I have to stop comparing myself to everyone else, and I have to stop stressing myself out over the numbers. If I compare the old me to the current me and find that the two do not compare, how much more insane is it to compare myself to another person? So from this day forward, I am not worrying about this journey anymore. I'm not worrying about what number the scale will say when I get to my "goal." All I can do is take it one day at a time and do the best that I can do for myself, for who I am now and for the body that I have now.
Sorry for the long post and thank you for listening.
Here's my pics of me in the dress at 16 versus today, for a laugh.
My image issues came in mainly where the number on the scale was concerned. I work in a clinic and weigh my patients once a week, and seeing women who were so much larger than me who weighed the same or even less than me always depressed me. I always wondered, am I in that much denial about how fat I look?
My decision to go low carb wasn't because of some huge epiphany; my best friend suggested it, so I did it to go along with her, and ended up liking it. But still, I've struggled with coming to terms with the numbers on the scale. I lost about 30 lbs. before my size 16 fat clothes got to be too loose to wear anymore. It depressed me that I had to lose that much to go down one single size - again, comparing myself to others who have lost less and look skinnier than me. If it took me that much to get to a 14, how much am I going to have to lose to get to a size 10? It's extremely daunting to think about, and depresses me every time I get on the scale and think about how far I have left to go.
Then yesterday I went shopping to buy some clothes to tide me over until I get to goal. I was absolutely flabbergasted to discover that I fit into a size 12. Now, this was at the Goodwill store, so the pants were second hand, and they were kinda stretchy so I convinced myself that there was no way I was actually a size 12. These pants had to be a 12.5 or 13, no way am I actually a 12. I remember being a size 12 in high school, and I weighed about 173 then, a good 18 lbs less than I weigh now, so there's no way I am actually a size 12.
I lay in bed last night wishing there was some way to test my size then versus now and convince myself once and for all that I'm not really a 12, that I must be mistaken. Some old school uniforms, an old pair of jeans or something, but unfortunately I don't have any of those things left. Then I remembered this costume dress I wore when I was 16 for a church talent show. I climbed out of bed and dug it out of the back of my closet, putting it on over my pajamas (because I wasn't going to indulge the insanity that far by taking my pajamas off first), and - holy cow, the darn thing fit. It's a little tight, but the dress fits. This dress that I wore when I was 16 and weighed 173 fits me now at age 42 and 191 lbs.
I realized then and there that I have to stop comparing myself to everyone else, and I have to stop stressing myself out over the numbers. If I compare the old me to the current me and find that the two do not compare, how much more insane is it to compare myself to another person? So from this day forward, I am not worrying about this journey anymore. I'm not worrying about what number the scale will say when I get to my "goal." All I can do is take it one day at a time and do the best that I can do for myself, for who I am now and for the body that I have now.
Sorry for the long post and thank you for listening.
Here's my pics of me in the dress at 16 versus today, for a laugh.
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Replies
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This is so awesome! You're doing a great job at being a better you!0
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It's been a very long time since I did high school math. Lets see if I can get it right.
Area = pi times radius sq. So lets assume fat can equal area. radius sq can be clothing size.
pi is constant.
So to decrease the clothes size you need to lose fat,
as the size gets smaller you need to lose less fat to lose the same size amount.
That's why as you get closer to goal you see more drastic changes.0 -
Oh wow! We're the same age, and I am longing to fit into my high school clothes that well. I bet if you had some of the old 80's clothes, you would do them justice - shoulder pads and all.
You look really good. Now you are just working towards looking completely awesome.
Thanks for sharing that story - it made me smile.0 -
I realized then and there that I have to stop comparing myself to everyone else, and I have to stop stressing myself out over the numbers. If I compare the old me to the current me and find that the two do not compare, how much more insane is it to compare myself to another person? So from this day forward, I am not worrying about this journey anymore. I'm not worrying about what number the scale will say when I get to my "goal." All I can do is take it one day at a time and do the best that I can do for myself, for who I am now and for the body that I have now.
Yes!
Congrats on fitting into that old dress!0 -
You're totally right! Comparing to anyone else is not just waste of time it's only leading to bad loops. Either you're «worse» than them, then you feel bad. Or you're «better» than them which may lead to hubris. It's a zerosum game.
Scale weight as the only metric for progress is poor. They lie cause of water fluctuations. I have same experience as you: same weight, but lost several sizes depending on clothing item.
Which is kinda what you want, really. Since muscles are denser than fat, dropping sizes while maintaining scale weight could indicate you've upped muscle mass or something else happened, I don't know.
Re old dress. Great NSV! Getting into old clothes are the sweetest, cause it brings on memories and reflections of the journey. It's very motivating too. Congrats on the job so far 0 -
KenSmith108 wrote: »It's been a very long time since I did high school math. Lets see if I can get it right.
Area = pi times radius sq. So lets assume fat can equal area. radius sq can be clothing size.
pi is constant.
So to decrease the clothes size you need to lose fat,
as the size gets smaller you need to lose less fat to lose the same size amount.
That's why as you get closer to goal you see more drastic changes.
But does more pi still equal more fat? 0 -
Keep it up, you are doing great!!0
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you look great and congratulations on your loss and your NSV! I know it's obvious but everyone's different there is really no point comparing yourself to others. I used to, for example, see someone with great legs and wish I had ones like them, but for some reason I found myself thinking about all the unseen illnesses and problems. You never know what's going on in someone's body, so I have taught myself to be grateful for my fat, but with no known health problems, body.0
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You ARE awesome and you LOOK awesome!!!!0
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Congratulations!! I bet you feel lighter in mind now after that epiphany.0
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Great way of viewing yourself.
I have been into this for nearly a year but think it will be about three years for my weight/health to be about as good as it gets at my age.0 -
That is such a great epiphany for you!! High five...0
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Awesome! You look great and congratulations!!0
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Thanks for sharing! What a great moment for you and very inspirational for the rest of us! Keep up the great work!0
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I always enjoy how a person finds new ways to see the good in themselves
I struggle at that at times
Always thinking I need to lose 15 more lbs.
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What a great post, thanks for sharing your story! You look beautiful in that green dress!0
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I know how you feel. I am 5'10" and I was 250lb at my heaviest. I have always ridden horses and fit into "normal" clothes and when looking at other overweight people who really don't look good in clothes (yes, being super judgy) I always figured I wasn't like them. I'm tall, and solidly built, with plenty of muscle. But 250lbs is 250lbs, who was I kidding. I'm 220lbs now and fit into an Australian size 16 which is pretty good. I actually can't see myself at goal (around 170lbs for me) I think I'll be too thin.0
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Good for you! It is hard to reconcile the scale with how clothing fits and how you feel, but I am glad that you were able to find a way to do that. You look great!0
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You look wonderful!
But just wanted to add that body composition can change, so it isn't just comparing yourself to others. Example: Several years ago I weighed 175 and wore size 12 jeans (tight, bordering on needing 14s). I lost weight, down to 142 and wore size 8 jeans. Then I gained weight again, up to 160, but also was building muscle and lowering body fat% and stayed in the size 8 jeans.
So just going by weight doesn't necessarily tell the whole story.0 -
You look wonderful!
But just wanted to add that body composition can change, so it isn't just comparing yourself to others. Example: Several years ago I weighed 175 and wore size 12 jeans (tight, bordering on needing 14s). I lost weight, down to 142 and wore size 8 jeans. Then I gained weight again, up to 160, but also was building muscle and lowering body fat% and stayed in the size 8 jeans.
So just going by weight doesn't necessarily tell the whole story.
So true!
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