Family not supporting my journey!

Pretty2me2

Family has anyone ever had to deal with family sabotage including not just being very supportive. The majority of my family is overweight and living with high blood pressure, diabetes and osteoporosis due to being overweight. I am always the joke about how and what I've chosen to eat. I bring my own dinners to family gathering. This is starting to become a very emotional issue for me. I don't criticize or preach the what you should be eating lectures...tried this before. I'll be 50 January 2016 and I plan to live my remaining life fit and fabulous. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

ScrAgnX

Pretty2me2 wrote: »

Family has anyone ever had to deal with family sabotage including not just being very supportive... I am always the joke about how and what I've chosen to eat. I bring my own dinners to family gathering. This is starting to become a very emotional issue for me...

Please note that I make some assumptions for some of my answer below, please don't feel that I'm being crass I'm just trying to cover bases.

The only family I have nearby is my wife, who is also eating healthier and exercising with me. However, I do have co-workers that feel like they should tempt me one or two times a week with doughnuts, free lunches, etc.; they make comments (that I tend to view as hostile sometimes, but that's me projecting my emotions onto their friendly jests) and I respond with something like "I've worked/am working too hard to let a doughnut get in the way."

In general people who are fit understand why we are trying to lose weight, but they don't know the extent of the reasons or the difficulty involved; people who are unfit (unless they are also trying to lose) don't want to think about what they should be doing, want us to fail so they aren't lonely, and/or don't see a problem with being overweight/obese.

I plan what I eat, before I eat, almost every day; on the occasions when we go to visit family, or on vacation I'm a little easier on trying to estimate calories in my head (or just a quick check on the phone) and just being careful on portion sizes. This prevents me from feeling like an outsider by eating only what I bring with me, and it works because it's so infrequent. Obviously, if you eat with your family often you'll have to take this with grain of salt.

Try not to stress too much, and realize that they (probably) aren't being challenging on purpose. If you feel this won't correct itself, you might ask the worse offenders to help you succeed so they feel more invested. If you don't feel that things will ever get better, maybe back off on the quantity of time that you spend with them so they don't take you for granted?

ColinsMommaOC

It's a mix bag in my family. I wouldn't say they aren't supportive necessarily, just that they cast their judgement and tell me how to do things differently. For example I went to breakfast/brunch yesterday with family, ended up eating about 900 cals, which I determined I was fine with because I knew my dinner was only going to be about 500-600 at most and I didn't plan on lunch. When I told this person how much I ate for breakfast (they asked as I was logging it) they went off on me about how I was failing my diet. How I should only ever eat half of what I order no matter what or I am not doing it right. I cannot afford to constantly pay for meals that I waste half of, so this system does not work for me.
There are also those in my family that constantly offer food and drinks when they know I should not take them. They do this to try and get me to slip up. I see this as jealousy and mostly just ignore them. Eventually I think they will get tired of this.

To answer your question more specifically, I think the best way for you to approach it is to keep on your path. If they are not supportive of you, then they are likely jealous, or they like their lifestyle and are thinking that if you start to lose and get healthy you will start to nag them into doing the same. Maybe a combination of both. I don't think you will be able to adequately explain to them that you are doing this for yourself and you don't want to try to talk them into doing it with you if they dont want to, because as you said- in the past you have tried. The best thing to do to get the support you need, is go out and find a new support group. Maybe some friends or co-workers, a fitness group, the MFP community or maybe there are some more distant relatives that you might not see as often but are supportive. Either way, if you find yourself in need of external support, it does not sound like you will get it from the family you are currently seeing, so expand your network.

TL:DR Answer: You can't make them behave differently. You need to accept that this is how they will be, and only concern yourself with how you act. Surround yourself with people that do support you to counteract the lack of support you get elsewhere.

violet456

We have all been there. It isn't nice. Mine is, my MIL (Which we all live in the same house), when I do my weekly weigh in and I'm down she makes a snyde comment along the lines, well, that scale isn't accurate, or this is just once, or something. My wife is mostly supportive, but now she is a stay at home mom, she is baking a LOT more, home made bread, brownies etc. Which also brings back to MIL who, when ever I skip desserts, rolls her eyes or makes a comment. However she is now trying to make healthier things like zucchini cake, or pumpkin muffins and using whole wheat instead. Alas, not being supporting.

As far as the MIL she has been celebrating and chastising herself for the same two pounds gained lost and gained lost for three years. At this point now that I am making a large effort she is jealous because she can't (or won't) for her own reasons.

I'm with everyone here. Where you lack support at home find support else where. This is a great place to vent when needed. It is great that you are bringing your own meals to family functions, if you get comments about that try and take them with a grain of salt as you are doing this for you not them. Keep your own pride going and keep trying.

Shrinking_Erin

I would say just carry on. I think you must be your biggest supporter. My family isn't near me as I now live in Europe with my husband.. And he is very supportive.. But even he has days when he's bringing cake and chips into the house. Just have to keep going and if they can't come around... You may have to be very direct and tell them how you feel .. Or see them less.

HLaR79

Today i seriously considered sharing with my husband that i am just 0.6 lbs away from my barrier because he seems to panic when i loose weight and he goes for junk or tries to micromanage me!! Its tough and we all have to find our way!!

HowlinAl

In this sense, the fight we are all battling with our weight is like battling alcoholism or drug addiction. If your family and friends can't support you or, even worse, try to sabotage you then these people aren't good for you. They need to understand that.

jltheis7

The best advice I have ever gotten was 1) I don't have to share my story with everyone which cut down on a lot of comments that were hurtful and 2) when offered something I didn't want or was avoiding, to say I would have it later which was less challenging to the person offering/tempting me with the unwanted food. Even if they insist on sending it home with me, I still have the choice to eat it or not. For many in my family, food is how they show love and when refused, it is a rejection of their caring. I found these let them try to care for me in the way they know how while still protecting my choices.