Aloha! I'm back on MFP to re-lose the weight! *HELP*
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hellokittymaui
Posts: 226 Member
Aloha all! My name is Luana and I live on the island of Maui.
I am back on MFP after 2 years. Back in 2012, I weighed 165. I started watching my diet and doing cardio. I joined MFP in 2013. I lost 30 lbs. Felt GREAT! I could finally buy single-digit jeans!!! Ok, so I didn't have boobs anymore, but wearing a size small dress was GREAT!!!
It's now 2015 and I weigh 165 again. (I'm only 5'4".)
So much has happened since I lost the weight the first time - a year of lung collapses which ended with lung surgery and the diagnoses that I have a congenital form of emphysema. And then my dad having a massive stroke and me becoming a caregiver...which has been THE most exhausting and stressful thing I have ever done. He requires care 24/7. It's like having a newborn all over again, but only this time, the newborn is 6' tall and weighs 275 lbs, is paralyzed on the left side (including vision and hearing), is incontinent, neuropathic pruritus (never ending nerve itching on the left side of his body) and has insomnia and Sundowner Syndrome. (That means my mom and I don't get to sleep a full night's sleep!)
The weight gain snuck up on me. I gained 10 lbs while dealing with my lung issue. And gained 20 lbs since my dad had his stroke and our lives turned upside down.
I went thru a MAJOR depression and have started meds for it (just being 100% honest!). I feel better, but still struggle.
Gaining back the weight has been devastating. I saw some pix/video of me at this weight and I am just so angry and heartbroken and sad that this is what I have become again. I literally, had to get rid of nearly ALL my clothes and buy all new clothes because I had 1 pair of stretch jeans and 1 dress that fit. I had gleefully gotten rid of all of my bigger clothes when I lost the weight.
My husband and I attended a party this past weekend and I was so embarrassed. My clothes didn't really fit and I saw the looks on the faces of the people we knew that we hadn't seen in a while. It was the "Geez...she gained a lot of weight" look.
I am pre-menopausal and have THOSE hormonal issues. I also was diagnosed with a really high cortisol level (due to stress and not sleeping normally). So...weight loss has been almost impossible.
I have developed Night Eating Syndrome. I have this almost unexplainable craving to eat at night, especially carbs. I can down 3 bowls of cereal and 6 Rice Krispies treats in one sitting and STILL feel like I want to eat MORE. It's horrible and I feel soooo out of control. I wish my antidepressant would help with this craving!
My husband is being so sweet and understanding and loving; telling me I look great and all. But I just can't help but HATE my body.
So...here I am. Back on MFP. I really, really need to get my act together and start losing the weight again.
Step One - Get the diet under control!
*Thanks for listening and letting me vent. Sometimes it's easier to "let it all hang out" with total strangers, you know?
I am back on MFP after 2 years. Back in 2012, I weighed 165. I started watching my diet and doing cardio. I joined MFP in 2013. I lost 30 lbs. Felt GREAT! I could finally buy single-digit jeans!!! Ok, so I didn't have boobs anymore, but wearing a size small dress was GREAT!!!
It's now 2015 and I weigh 165 again. (I'm only 5'4".)
So much has happened since I lost the weight the first time - a year of lung collapses which ended with lung surgery and the diagnoses that I have a congenital form of emphysema. And then my dad having a massive stroke and me becoming a caregiver...which has been THE most exhausting and stressful thing I have ever done. He requires care 24/7. It's like having a newborn all over again, but only this time, the newborn is 6' tall and weighs 275 lbs, is paralyzed on the left side (including vision and hearing), is incontinent, neuropathic pruritus (never ending nerve itching on the left side of his body) and has insomnia and Sundowner Syndrome. (That means my mom and I don't get to sleep a full night's sleep!)
The weight gain snuck up on me. I gained 10 lbs while dealing with my lung issue. And gained 20 lbs since my dad had his stroke and our lives turned upside down.
I went thru a MAJOR depression and have started meds for it (just being 100% honest!). I feel better, but still struggle.
Gaining back the weight has been devastating. I saw some pix/video of me at this weight and I am just so angry and heartbroken and sad that this is what I have become again. I literally, had to get rid of nearly ALL my clothes and buy all new clothes because I had 1 pair of stretch jeans and 1 dress that fit. I had gleefully gotten rid of all of my bigger clothes when I lost the weight.
My husband and I attended a party this past weekend and I was so embarrassed. My clothes didn't really fit and I saw the looks on the faces of the people we knew that we hadn't seen in a while. It was the "Geez...she gained a lot of weight" look.
I am pre-menopausal and have THOSE hormonal issues. I also was diagnosed with a really high cortisol level (due to stress and not sleeping normally). So...weight loss has been almost impossible.
I have developed Night Eating Syndrome. I have this almost unexplainable craving to eat at night, especially carbs. I can down 3 bowls of cereal and 6 Rice Krispies treats in one sitting and STILL feel like I want to eat MORE. It's horrible and I feel soooo out of control. I wish my antidepressant would help with this craving!
My husband is being so sweet and understanding and loving; telling me I look great and all. But I just can't help but HATE my body.
So...here I am. Back on MFP. I really, really need to get my act together and start losing the weight again.
Step One - Get the diet under control!
*Thanks for listening and letting me vent. Sometimes it's easier to "let it all hang out" with total strangers, you know?
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