What's your Story?
FatSwatter
Posts: 175 Member
I thought I'd share my story to see if anyone can relate and maybe see if anyone has any strategies for what helped them. I can honestly say that food, particularly candy has been a huge weakness for me over the years. Food in general has been used more times than I can count when I'm depressed, feeling anxious, or just bored. I don't know why I do this to myself!
Sometimes, I notice myself reaching for that big bag of skittles before I do it and sabotage my own thinking by saying "it's not going to hurt you, you're just getting a handful, lighten up!" Anyone else relate to these internal mind games? I'm sure we all are our own vice at times and you know what I've learned, I sure am stubborn! Fighting battles with myself isn't easy let me tell you. I come up with all kinds of excuses, some rather good ones, for why I "deserve" this or that including candy. "Oh, you had to deal with x, y, and z today and you DESERVE this ice cream" I bet someone is nodding their head to this right now, you know what I'm talking about!
I realized this started years ago as a child. When my parents divorced and I lived with my mom, visiting my dad was a huge treat, literally! Yes, he would go out of his way to get me some Dr. Pepper and the biggest bag of skittles he could afford. I remember when those HUGE bags came out, the ones that had the ziplock at the top. BIG mistake! My dad started buying those and I kid you not, I would eat the entire bag in one sitting while watching TV for hours. I didn't realize how horrible these habits were until later. I equated food with sitting around doing nothing.
As life continued, I slowly started gaining weight which affected my self-esteem. In high school, I remember judging myself with other girls based on how many boys wanted to date them. Well, no one wanted to date me so what did that mean? I couldn't help but think I was ugly. But then, we had a prom where a guy asked me out. I thought to myself, "wow, someone actually thinks I'm pretty?!" Come to find out, that wasn't what was on his mind at all. He wanted something else which I don't need to go into detail here but let's just say I was really hurt after that. I let this man, err....boy decide how I should think about myself! After stuffing myself with whatever candy I could muster, I attempted suicide with some pills. My roommate came in just in time and well...I wouldn't be here if she didn't.
Fast forward a decade and my life hit another road block. My brother who was my best friend in the whole world passed away unexpectedly. To this day, no one knows why. The autopsy showed nothing out of the ordinary, his apartment was untouched, it was really eerie. I miss him terribly! This devastated my entire family. I felt like he was the only one who truly "got me" and now my only person I could vent to and share my deepest secrets to was gone. I felt like my life was falling apart and what did I do? Like a fool I decided once again to resort to bad habits and dig my hands into candy.
Over the years, candy has just gotten bigger and bigger than it was back in the 90s. My goodness, I can't believe the size the packages of candy come in now!!! What's worse is people like me who genuinely use candy in emotional situations get tempted to grab those bulk sizes but have it just for ourselves! I hate how many stores now shove candy in your face as soon as you walk in the store (I've found Wal-Mart is the worst!) and down the checkout aisle. Boy, I'm being completely honest here when I say it is a real struggle for me to not get candy as a last minute impulse buy when waiting in line. That's where they get you and they want you to buy it! It's rather sickening to me in retrospect but you know something, no one is forcing me to buy candy. No one but ME! I'm my own worse enemy! Sometimes I just have to tell myself "No!" but you know how hard that is?
110 pounds later, I remember staring at the mirror and realizing I couldn't see my hips. My thighs were rubbing together and my top was well....much to be desired. I felt miserable again but this time at myself for all the decisions I made to get my body where it was. Last April I decided enough is enough! I'm tired of this old me and want to have a new me! No more pudginess, no more excuses, no more reaching into the candy jar without practicing portion control! Once I had that epiphany, I started to change my outlook. I decided to walk to the grocery store to pick up supplies I needed for that day instead of buying food once a week. My fridge went from having rotten food to being practically bare. I've tried desperately hard not to buy candy although if you check out my diary, you know I haven't succeeded 100%. HOWEVER, I will say this, I recently starting buying only the fun-size packages and monitor the portions. This has drastically helped me not binge, but eventually I just want to give up candy altogether.
Since April, I have lost almost 40 pounds. This was not easy by any means and trust me, it required a completely different outlook on food! I firmly believe mindset is the key to losing weight because we can get in our own way of our success. While I'm not perfect by any means, I have learned that we each have our battle to fight whether it's candy or something else. Whatever it is, how will you handle it? What's your story?
P.S. Sorry for the length - if you actually got this far, thank you for reading!
Sometimes, I notice myself reaching for that big bag of skittles before I do it and sabotage my own thinking by saying "it's not going to hurt you, you're just getting a handful, lighten up!" Anyone else relate to these internal mind games? I'm sure we all are our own vice at times and you know what I've learned, I sure am stubborn! Fighting battles with myself isn't easy let me tell you. I come up with all kinds of excuses, some rather good ones, for why I "deserve" this or that including candy. "Oh, you had to deal with x, y, and z today and you DESERVE this ice cream" I bet someone is nodding their head to this right now, you know what I'm talking about!
I realized this started years ago as a child. When my parents divorced and I lived with my mom, visiting my dad was a huge treat, literally! Yes, he would go out of his way to get me some Dr. Pepper and the biggest bag of skittles he could afford. I remember when those HUGE bags came out, the ones that had the ziplock at the top. BIG mistake! My dad started buying those and I kid you not, I would eat the entire bag in one sitting while watching TV for hours. I didn't realize how horrible these habits were until later. I equated food with sitting around doing nothing.
As life continued, I slowly started gaining weight which affected my self-esteem. In high school, I remember judging myself with other girls based on how many boys wanted to date them. Well, no one wanted to date me so what did that mean? I couldn't help but think I was ugly. But then, we had a prom where a guy asked me out. I thought to myself, "wow, someone actually thinks I'm pretty?!" Come to find out, that wasn't what was on his mind at all. He wanted something else which I don't need to go into detail here but let's just say I was really hurt after that. I let this man, err....boy decide how I should think about myself! After stuffing myself with whatever candy I could muster, I attempted suicide with some pills. My roommate came in just in time and well...I wouldn't be here if she didn't.
Fast forward a decade and my life hit another road block. My brother who was my best friend in the whole world passed away unexpectedly. To this day, no one knows why. The autopsy showed nothing out of the ordinary, his apartment was untouched, it was really eerie. I miss him terribly! This devastated my entire family. I felt like he was the only one who truly "got me" and now my only person I could vent to and share my deepest secrets to was gone. I felt like my life was falling apart and what did I do? Like a fool I decided once again to resort to bad habits and dig my hands into candy.
Over the years, candy has just gotten bigger and bigger than it was back in the 90s. My goodness, I can't believe the size the packages of candy come in now!!! What's worse is people like me who genuinely use candy in emotional situations get tempted to grab those bulk sizes but have it just for ourselves! I hate how many stores now shove candy in your face as soon as you walk in the store (I've found Wal-Mart is the worst!) and down the checkout aisle. Boy, I'm being completely honest here when I say it is a real struggle for me to not get candy as a last minute impulse buy when waiting in line. That's where they get you and they want you to buy it! It's rather sickening to me in retrospect but you know something, no one is forcing me to buy candy. No one but ME! I'm my own worse enemy! Sometimes I just have to tell myself "No!" but you know how hard that is?
110 pounds later, I remember staring at the mirror and realizing I couldn't see my hips. My thighs were rubbing together and my top was well....much to be desired. I felt miserable again but this time at myself for all the decisions I made to get my body where it was. Last April I decided enough is enough! I'm tired of this old me and want to have a new me! No more pudginess, no more excuses, no more reaching into the candy jar without practicing portion control! Once I had that epiphany, I started to change my outlook. I decided to walk to the grocery store to pick up supplies I needed for that day instead of buying food once a week. My fridge went from having rotten food to being practically bare. I've tried desperately hard not to buy candy although if you check out my diary, you know I haven't succeeded 100%. HOWEVER, I will say this, I recently starting buying only the fun-size packages and monitor the portions. This has drastically helped me not binge, but eventually I just want to give up candy altogether.
Since April, I have lost almost 40 pounds. This was not easy by any means and trust me, it required a completely different outlook on food! I firmly believe mindset is the key to losing weight because we can get in our own way of our success. While I'm not perfect by any means, I have learned that we each have our battle to fight whether it's candy or something else. Whatever it is, how will you handle it? What's your story?
P.S. Sorry for the length - if you actually got this far, thank you for reading!
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I was trying to figure out when candy became my stress reliever. I would have to say we really never had it as kids and it wasn't any big issue until I met my husband. he is like a candy pusher in fact he has his own cupboard full of junk. In his family it was a thing to get it was a sign of I love you. So he is the treat guy. He still is and it is very hard to get through to him not to bring it in the house. Granted nobody is forcing me to eat it it's just that slippery slope. Once I start it takes me a while to step away from it. But we have a deal I don't force my diet on him and he has his own junk cupboard for anything his heart desires. though i also only will touch whoppers as they have the least amount of calories of the candy in the cupboard. I could just stay out of the cupboard and I do for a long time til something pushes me over the edge then it takes me a couple weeks to get back to normal. Just slow and steady it's how I take everything.0
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@2020pinktogo I can relate to your comment about not pushing your husband to eat healthy just because you are. This is something I've had to realize too, thankfully my boyfriend is understanding not to mention a good hider. If he does have foods he knows I'm trying hard not to eat, he hides them well and usually doesn't eat them when I'm around because he knows the temptation that persists. He's such a great guy. It's definitely a slippery slope for me too, just need to be sure I keep myself in check mentally when I'm faced with candy around me. Thinking about how far I've been and how many calories are in the candy sometimes helps but it really depends on my mental state. As long as I'm in a good place psychologically I should be able to resist but sometimes it's hard when I'm at work which can be really stressful. That's where my biggest temptation is, I work at a university and candy for college students is nearly a daily occurrence. All we can do is try though, right? Thanks for your response by the way. I wish you the best on your journey.
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Treats like ice cream and cookies were a reward for almost everything, an experience to share with a loved one, and a thing to be cherished. Cookies and milk held a special place in our hearts...and it's been that way since my mom was little. When her brother, my uncle, was hospitalized for the better part of the year at nine years old, the family members who took care of my mother gave her whatever she wanted. She wants more cookies? Okay. She'd like ice cream? Let's go get it--her poor brother is in the hospital and her parents are hardly home. She was on her first formal diet at twelve years old, and I came around a bit less than a decade later...not much time to identify healthy habits, let alone apply them to parenthood.
I totally identify with psyching yourself out--"I deserve a treat" "It's been a rough day" "I haven't had ice cream in a week." I've done that for years now...and man...if there's something in the house like a baked good or candy, it is literally ALL I THINK ABOUT until it's gone. I can't take my mind off of it. It's like I'm addicted.
That's part of what I'm hoping to break this season. No more constant food thought. There are other, more important things to ponder!0 -
I was just posting in the initial thread. Then came to here! I have detailed lots above so will copy over in a minute. To be honest if it's not in the house I used to be pretty good, but as my boys have got older there has been more and more reasons to have sweets and crisps etc in the house and if it's here I binge on it. Also another bad habit that has only started since the summer is on my short journey to work I buy a sharing bag of haribo and stuff myself with it before I get to work - my internal dialogue around this will be "I need a pick me up/I'm stressed/I deserve something for me/I'm tired" basically anything that I can to justify what I know is a really bad choice.0
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As crazy as it sounds if my protein intake is where it should be my cravings are a lot less anyone else notice this?0
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I really struggle to get my protein level to where I want it, will focus some more on it and see if it helps!2020pinktogo wrote: »As crazy as it sounds if my protein intake is where it should be my cravings are a lot less anyone else notice this?
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SenditToSarah wrote: »Treats like ice cream and cookies were a reward for almost everything, an experience to share with a loved one, and a thing to be cherished. Cookies and milk held a special place in our hearts...and it's been that way since my mom was little. When her brother, my uncle, was hospitalized for the better part of the year at nine years old, the family members who took care of my mother gave her whatever she wanted. She wants more cookies? Okay. She'd like ice cream? Let's go get it--her poor brother is in the hospital and her parents are hardly home. She was on her first formal diet at twelve years old, and I came around a bit less than a decade later...not much time to identify healthy habits, let alone apply them to parenthood.
I totally identify with psyching yourself out--"I deserve a treat" "It's been a rough day" "I haven't had ice cream in a week." I've done that for years now...and man...if there's something in the house like a baked good or candy, it is literally ALL I THINK ABOUT until it's gone. I can't take my mind off of it. It's like I'm addicted.
That's part of what I'm hoping to break this season. No more constant food thought. There are other, more important things to ponder!
@SenditToSarah - Very good points! Yes, this is exactly my experience growing up as a child! Another thing was you didn't get dessert until you ate everything on your plate. In retrospect, I wonder if this is part of why I try and finish my plate even when I'm past the point of full. Of course, the portions for food at restaurants these days have gotten bigger and bigger. Now that I'm losing weight, I've noticed there are several plates I can barely eat half of before I am too full to eat more. I'm slowly learning that it's ok to have leftovers, but it's a work in progress.
@vsoffen - I know what you mean about the more likely it is to binge the more you have the items in your house. For this reason, I try hard not to have them at all. I'm definitely not perfect though. Now when I do buy them, I make sure to tell my boyfriend to hide them in a good spot! He knows my weakness and so far has hid them pretty well. But occasionally (i.e. when Aunt Flo comes to visit), I crave candy even worse! It's hard to mitigate that urge so I usually give in but only allow myself a certain portion that will be within my calorie goal instead of have the bag next to me where I reach in constantly. I wonder how many calories we mindlessly eat?!
@2020pinktogo - That's not crazy at all! Another MFP friend of mine challenged me to eat protein at every meal even snacks to help with the candy craving. When I am good about this, I end up eating better. I do believe there is something about having enough protein in the body. I know it helps curb one's hunger and control appetite, but I didn't realize there was a psychological element of decreased bad food cravings as well. There must be though because I can honestly say I do tend to stay away from candy (or other negative foods) when I am full on protein. Protein is one nutrient that if I had to be over on, I'd rather be over on that. Thanks for pointing that out!
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As crazy as it sounds I have 2 large plates that are my husbands all the other plates are small in my house. I have triangles and circles and squares but they can't go over 6 inches. My mom thought I was crazy til she too started to weigh her food and was like time to get rid of all these big dishes. LOL0
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