Weight Loss Compliments
fatchimom
Posts: 256 Member
I know I've posted about this before but, it makes me very uncomfortable when I get compliments on my weight loss. Yesterday at the doctor I was lying on the table and the PA was listening to my belly and she just kept saying how skinny I am. In the past when I was "dieting" and I would lose weight, those sort of compliments would somehow do a number on my brain and I would fall off the wagon. Although LCHF is a WOE and not a "diet" and I don't ever intend to gain the weight back, there's always that weird feeling because of what has happened in the past. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Needed to vent a bit.
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It's funny how different we all are! I haven't had anyone notice my weight loss, or at least no one has mentioned it and I'm a little bit bummed about it.
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danidanibobani wrote: »It's funny how different we all are! I haven't had anyone notice my weight loss, or at least no one has mentioned it and I'm a little bit bummed about it.
Me too!
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Compliments usually feel better than insults
I would rather get a face to face kind comment than be talked about behind my back as the fat guy0 -
Oh man, I WAS you!! Each and every time I'd lose weight, I'd fall off hard when people began to notice. This time, I was bummed that nobody noticed until I was 100# down. Now I just smile, thank them and move on. It's nice to be acknowledged, but feeling healthier and knowing this is my new norm/reality is a much better mental place to be. And I no longer need someone else's approval to know I'm okay!0
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I know how you feel @fatchimom. I've lost significant weight in the past and had a very hard time accepting the compliments, since I was unable to achieve a level of comfort within myself to accept my new body image. It was very weird because I wanted the compliments, but didn't know how to accept them, felt uncomfortable, wanted the attention, but wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I even felt uncomfortable shopping for clothes in the regular section instead of the fat lady section. I had no idea how to shop and I had no idea how to deal emotionally with attention from people, especially men. I then faced a lot of emotional turmoil in my life, and without the tools to deal with the crisis, I promptly gained all the weight back and more.
I'm not doing that this time ! I am losing this weight much more slowly so I think I've had more time to adjust ( in my head, adjust to my new body image ). And I really feel committed to myself this time. I don't ever want to go back to the way I ate or felt before. I embrace this WOE as natural, and I think the high fat content keeps my emotions more stable. I feel happier about myself. I am enjoying shopping for new clothes this time around. And maybe I'm finally ready to get some attention from others, where I wasn't ready before.
For me, I don't think it's a matter of some magical reaction that will somehow sabotage my efforts to keep this weight off just because someone gave me a compliment. It's more about what is going on inside my head and how I feel about myself, and how strong my commitment is to myself.
Yet even though I feel stronger now, I still have a tendency to brush off the compliments by immediately telling people that I am not finished my mission yet, I still want to lose about 40 more pounds. I need to learn how to say " thank you " gracefully, soak up the compliment and leave it at that. I get so wrapped up in my journey, my mission, that I forget to enjoy how far I have come and enjoy where I am right now.
Something to work on....0 -
I have been in your shoes, so many times! The fat becomes insulation from attention we really don't know how to handle sometimes! I was lucky to find a psychiatrist that helped me tremendously with just one sentence, "You are giving that person power over your health." THAT has stuck with me, plus, I learned how to love myself! I learned that I deserve the love, for myself too, that I give to others. You are deserving of every compliment you get. Try to change your thinking to positive things about yourself, instead of the negative junk we tend to think about ourselves!
I'm in the same boat with @Kitnthecat, Janice! I have begun to actually chuckle at the stares (I've enjoyed looking before, it's human!). It's wonderful to have the power over my health in my control! I believe I've made it through that and will keep the power!
Hang in there!
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Gosh I love you guys!!!!! I just feel guilty about looking good and being thin-like I shouldn't be proud of what I've accomplished. All in my head. Gotta keep working on it!0
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Try to be conscious of what you say to yourself about your self (ie. "Gosh I'm so stupid", or "I can't do anything right!"), and change the verbiage to positives (ie. "Shoot I made a mistake but I learned from it and will know better next time." "I'm smart enough to....." ). Our brain believes what we think and changing that thinking helped me. We have over 300 negative thoughts about ourselves every day! Changing those can help you get to the path of self love. (I will send you my bill, lol!) No really, try to be conscious of what you say about yourself. It's not an easy thing, but can be done, because I did it! Hugs hun!0
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Oh, and you are loved too!!!0
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I had/have a lot of difficulty with this as well. I was always really thin when younger and was actually picked on because of it, all throughout high school I was called 'olive oil' like from the Popeye cartoon. Then in my really twenties or if no where I gained a bunch of weight ended up at nearly 200 lbs (don't know for sure because I stopped weighing). No one really commented about it when I was heavy, but then again it if no where the weight started melting off. As I got smaller people would ask what I was doing and I had no clue at the time. This cycle repeated 2 to 3 more times before I found out this year I have IR, thanks to my amazing endo. Each time I'd gain, no one would say anything, then I'd lose and everyone would say how great I looked. When I got compliments it only reminded me that I was heavy before and since I didn't know why it seemed to pile on out of no where I felt awful. Like thanks for drawing more attention to the fact I was over weight. At first when I lost this time I kept wanting to remind people that I was fat before even people I didn't know that commented on me being thin. I need them to know I was heavier so they knew I have struggled too. It felt like they assumed I'm just thin and it took away all I've been through and the work I've done to be where I am now. I've gotten more comfortable with it by now but I still don't think someone should say to you "you're so skinny" or "you're lucky your thin" or my favorite from my sister in law "so miss nutritionist (I've been taking nutrition classes) when is it too much weight lost too fast, you've lost your butt"
Why can't they just say "wow you look amazing" or hey, ya know stop focusing on people's weight
(sorry hope I didn't sound to bitter towards the end, I guess it still bothers me more than I thought)0 -
I've been fortunate that the comments I've received are generally about how I have improved my health. Comments like I look more energetic or I'm glowing. Only my mom calls me skinny and comments on my weight loss directly; I'll give her leeway since she did give me life so I'll accept bluntness from her. LOL
Many people have been relectant to comment on my losses because they are aware that doing so would acknowledge that I was over weight. I'm fine with it. I want to own this weight loss so I need to own the fact that I was getting fat.
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This thread does help me to realize I will never compliment someone's weight loss. I definitely don't want to offend anyone, and just because I like the attention, doesn't mean other people do.0
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I've been fortunate that the comments I've received are generally about how I have improved my health. Comments like I look more energetic or I'm glowing. Only my mom calls me skinny and comments on my weight loss directly; I'll give her leeway since she did give me life so I'll accept bluntness from her. LOL
Many people have been relectant to comment on my losses because they are aware that doing so would acknowledge that I was over weight. I'm fine with it. I want to own this weight loss so I need to own the fact that I was getting fat.
Bwahaha moms! Gotta love em. Mines the same way. She sent me this a while back
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LOL0
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Many people don't develop the self esteem to handle some attention that weight loss brings. I know I used fat so I didn't have to deal with that. But now that I have its all so different, and wonderful! Because I deserve it! 0
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@fatchimom It's actually a relief to hear you say what you did. This has always been my problem in the past - if I would lose enough weight that it was noticeable and people would comment, it would just send me on a binge and make me want to "show them": show them what I don't know. But I think it would stem from the feeling (irrational I know) that it meant that they hadn't valued me when I was fatter and that they thought as little of me as I did when carrying extra weight. Thanks to you and the others that commented similarly: you make me feel less alone in the world when I find out other folk have the same kinds of reaction.
Generally I don't congratulate folk for losing weight, but might say something like they were looking great, but am wary of it because of the way it would make me feel worse instead of better if they said it to me. But everyone is different, so I try to assume that other folk can take a compliment in the spirit it is said.
Now that I've lost 40 lbs (still need to lose 30lbs more) and people are noticing, I am trying to correct for my crazy self-sabotage by playing it down and saying eg that I'm still obese (just 3lbs away from overweight though!!!!), still more to go etc, but trying to say thank you as well for the compliment.
I agree with @Karlottap that fat is often a defence against the world for different reasons. I honestly think mine came on because I couldn't cope well with so many things in my 20s. I hope I can cope well enough (as opposed to "well"! LOL) with the world now that I'm middle aged and have a bit more confidence about everyday things that I don't need the fat as well.
Thanks everybody for your honesty on these boards and the nurture and care for other folk across the world on mfp. It does really help. Have a great week.0 -
totaloblivia wrote: »But I think it would stem from the feeling (irrational I know) that it meant that they hadn't valued me when I was fatter and that they thought as little of me as I did when carrying extra weight.
Generally I don't congratulate folk for losing weight, but might say something like they were looking great, but am wary of it because of the way it would make me feel worse instead of better if they said it to me. But everyone is different, so I try to assume that other folk can take a compliment in the spirit it is said.
I agree with @Karlottap that fat is often a defence against the world for different reasons.
Whoa! Exactly.
In the past I would alos (somehow) self sabotage once I started noticing a big drop. And when people would compliment me, I never felt encouraged, I felt as though they were saying "it's about time! NOW you're FINALLY acceptable!"
I didn't hear compliments, I heard that every time I would gain weight, I wasn't acceptable or a worthy human being. I mean, really... that's kinda what they ARE saying. I don't compliment people on weight loss without a little feeling out process or background. If I know them as a friend and know their journey then I know where it is appropriate and what would support them. But if I don't know that... I don't say anything.
I was always fragile because I didn't really know how or why I lost weight in the past and I always thought it was like a crap shoot as to whether it would come back on. Well... I actually always knew the answer to that. BUT this time is different. I know exactly how and why I've lost 45lbs and will easily continue to loose the pounds and you know what?? THis time around nobody has said ANYTHING. Weird huh? Except the Beast who has been beside me the whole way and HIS compliments are genuine and have nothing to do with me being a good or worthy human being but everything to do with me acheiving a life long goal and being happy!
Aren't we all marvelous!
I'm so proud to be part of this group of people who are not only shrinking physically but growing by leaps and bounds as human beings! Correlation? I think not.
Be well everyone! You're all brave, beautiful people.
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For me, I don't like when people comment on it because I've yo yo'd with my weight for so long. I'd lose the weight, get the compliments from so many people and then within a year I'd be the original wight plus some. I'd lose the weight, get the compliments from the SAME people, then gain it back. I guess just part of me doesn't want to tell people that I'm on yet another diet (I know, even thought it's a lifestyle change...it's still a major change from what the majority of people eat). It's funny.0
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totaloblivia wrote: »But I think it would stem from the feeling (irrational I know) that it meant that they hadn't valued me when I was fatter and that they thought as little of me as I did when carrying extra weight.
Generally I don't congratulate folk for losing weight, but might say something like they were looking great, but am wary of it because of the way it would make me feel worse instead of better if they said it to me. But everyone is different, so I try to assume that other folk can take a compliment in the spirit it is said.
I agree with @Karlottap that fat is often a defence against the world for different reasons.
Whoa! Exactly.
In the past I would alos (somehow) self sabotage once I started noticing a big drop. And when people would compliment me, I never felt encouraged, I felt as though they were saying "it's about time! NOW you're FINALLY acceptable!"
I didn't hear compliments, I heard that every time I would gain weight, I wasn't acceptable or a worthy human being. I mean, really... that's kinda what they ARE saying. I don't compliment people on weight loss without a little feeling out process or background. If I know them as a friend and know their journey then I know where it is appropriate and what would support them. But if I don't know that... I don't say anything.
I was always fragile because I didn't really know how or why I lost weight in the past and I always thought it was like a crap shoot as to whether it would come back on. Well... I actually always knew the answer to that. BUT this time is different. I know exactly how and why I've lost 45lbs and will easily continue to loose the pounds and you know what?? THis time around nobody has said ANYTHING. Weird huh? Except the Beast who has been beside me the whole way and HIS compliments are genuine and have nothing to do with me being a good or worthy human being but everything to do with me acheiving a life long goal and being happy!
Aren't we all marvelous!
I'm so proud to be part of this group of people who are not only shrinking physically but growing by leaps and bounds as human beings! Correlation? I think not.
Be well everyone! You're all brave, beautiful people.
Lol!0
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